If You Really Loved Me
by gooseles
Summary: After high school, Peyton Sawyer sets to embark on a promising future. Love unrequited for the one she can’t forget keeps drawing her back to a pain filled past. And love unrequited from the one who desires her stands to make for a danger filled present.
1. Moving On

The music blared as Peyton Sawyer pulled her car into the parking lot. She'd heard it miles away and it made her smile. So many times she had pulled into that same spot in that same lot. For a year and a half TRIC had been a huge part of life and in a matter of days it would all be ending. For one so skeptical who liked to contemplate everything, she could relax in the driver's seat and reminisce with a smile. So much had happened. So much in 18 years. So much in the last two years. More than some twice her age could imagine. But anything was possible in a town called Tree Hill.

She had grown up the only daughter of Larry and Anna Sawyer, her mother deceased when Peyton was nine years old as the result of injuries from a tragic automobile accident. Torn between a dark, lonely world where music and art were her only escape and the outside's perception of a pretty cheerleader, Peyton had grown up to be a strikingly beautiful girl, playing all the roles as she kept up her grades, ran with the popular crowd and dated the school's most wanted jock, Nathan Scott. Keeping her sane in the world of teenage riddled angst was the love and loyalty of her zany, wild and equally beautiful best friend, Brooke Davis. Together they lived in their bubble where all was safe. But junior year at Tree Hill High that bubble was punctured by a mysterious and broody blonde haired boy from the other side of the tracks and soon nothing would ever be the same again.

His name was Lucas Scott, a troublesome youth with a familiar last name. The rumors had run rampant for years, small town stranger than fiction gossip that proved to be true when it was revealed that Lucas was the illegitimate son of Tree Hill's most successful car dealer, one Dan Scott, father of Nathan. But the name wasn't the only thing the boy had inherited. With it followed an impeccable basketball pedigree, one only seen on the court by the river for the first 16 years. But at the urging of Lucas and Nathan's uncle, Keith, Dan's brother, Lucas' undeniable talent had been discovered. Despite protest, suddenly there was another star Raven on the team.

Nathan hated him, that was for sure. Or maybe it was jealousy, a new threat. But whatever the rationale, he was out for blood when it came to the peer that was his flesh and blood. What was supposed to be harmless teasing and "boys will be boys" hazing had turned into a much deeper vendetta with Peyton the surprising pawn in the middle. Who wouldn't want Nathan Scott? He was the token handsome, popular jock the guys envied and all the girls wanted. And Peyton had him. But she desperately wanted more. His dastardly behavior was nothing more than a mere excuse to finally execute the breakaway she had desperately been yearning for but it turned out to be more…a lot more.

They say some people are just drawn together. Some people share an unexplainable chemistry that draws them together. It runs deeper than physicality or kismet or even love. Peyton never believed in such connections until she unexpectedly developed one with the most unexpected person. It was the way he looked at her. It was so brooding it was almost annoying until she realized she walked around with that same permanent mystery filled scowl etched on her face. But she couldn't shake him…or the way he made her feel. Maybe it was the way he insisted upon talking to her when she made it more than clear she didn't want to be bothered. Maybe it was the genuine interest he took in her art. Maybe it was the way he listened or the good guy in him always so eager to help. But it was a force stronger than life itself. When things were long over with Nathan, Lucas made his intentions known, intentions Peyton rebuffed until it was too late.

Change is a funny thing and it happened quickly. Nathan was using his tutor Haley James, good friend of Lucas, just to piss off his brother. How did they manage to fall in love? And Brooke had been on the prowl to get in Lucas' drawers ever since his Raven status was officially confirmed. Life was moving on all around Peyton but she couldn't let her guard down. Never mind she was secretly crazy about the guy. Never mind she had managed to get herself drugged at a stupid frat party and Lucas Scott of all people had been the one to rescue her. Never mind the fact they had made out at one of the Scott's parties. She was Peyton Sawyer, independent and self sufficient. She didn't need anyone…or so she thought.

He had told her he wanted a real relationship with her. She had scoffed and left him alone. But when she realized, when she finally listened to her heart it had been too late. She drove to his house in a giddy frenzy and Peyton Sawyer usually did not get giddy. But it was a glorious night, one where she would confess all and she and Lucas would live happily ever after. But it wasn't to be. In her excitement, she hadn't noticed the too familiar Volkswagen Bug parked around the corner. Instead she knocked on the door and surprised Lucas as well as herself by blurting out the truth she had been so stubbornly concealing. He was supposed to grin and swoop her up in his arms. Instead her half dressed best friend slinked around the corner. Too little, too late. The snoozing Peyton had lost out…big time.

When feelings are real, they do not go away and it's often hard to conceal them. For Peyton it became a way of life. After all she had moved on to Jake Jagielski and his darling little daughter, Jenny. And Lucas and Brooke were a couple. But an overnight stay looking for Peyton's father and then an accident that nearly took Lucas' life revealed a hidden mutual passion that wouldn't die. But in the process they hurt the one they loved most. For the first time in forever, Peyton didn't have Brooke. She didn't have Lucas either.

Change. Only in Tree Hill…

Nathan and Lucas became friends, Nathan divorced his parents and married Haley James all before the end of junior year. Lucas moved away for a day, returned and he, Peyton and Brooke slowly began to rebuild the shattered fragile pieces of friendship. Jake and Peyton grew closer before he and Jenny had to leave…just like everyone else she had ever loved had left her. Then there was the biggest shock of all. The mother who had shaped her life was dead but the mother who gave her life was very much alive. Introduce Elizabeth "Ellie" Hart. The apple cart was turned upside down once more as Peyton rejected, then accepted her birth mother only to have cancer rear its ugly head and take her away, too. Months later there was a hostage situation at school that claimed the lives of two after a bullet seared through the blonde's tender flesh. Lucas had been there to rescue her and when she feared death was just around the corner, she fulfilled her last mortal wish, placing a kiss on the lips of her true beloved.

They say the truth shall set you free but all it did was cost Peyton her relationship with Brooke again…this time permanently. And at the end of senior year as she walked across that stage there was no Anna or Ellie or Jake or Jenny or Brooke. There was her father and her friends…friends that included Lucas. Tree Hill harbored so many memories for her, good, bad and ugly. But a summer internship with Epic Records in Los Angeles was about to change everything. Afterwards, she would attend the University of North Carolina and only the promise of greatness would lie ahead.

And with the future Peyton could finally leave her past behind…

"Hey you, I was wondering when you were gonna get here!"

Peyton smiled as Haley James Scott rushed her with a hug. Two years before no one would ever imagined they would have become the close friends they were. Haley was a wonderful human being, warm, personable and genuine. She would make an excellent mother to the baby inside her due to make his or her arrival four months later.

"You know me, dude, I have to make an entrance. Better late than never, right?"

"I'm just glad you're here."

She grabbed her and they walked over to a nearby table on a night that had waited on for 18 years.

"Looks like the whole gang is here."

The club was packed. Nathan, Mouth, Gigi, Erica, Tim, Teresa, Skills, Bevin, Fergie, Junk, Rachel…the usual crowd. In fact, it seemed like the whole school was in attendance, at least their graduating senior class.

"Of course. It's weird. We've all been together so long. This is quite possibly the last night we'll ever all be together like this. It's sad and weird and exciting and frightening all at the same time."

"What better way than to say good bye than a kick ass party?"

Haley sighed.

"You mean to everyone, right?"

Peyton didn't even have to follow Haley's gaze. She already knew what her friend meant.

"Almost everyone."

"Peyton!"

"What?" she looked over at Brooke, life of the party who was doing a fine job of ignoring her.

"You guys have been best friends forever. Don't you think it's time to end all the bickering?"

"Haley, I'm not the one who's bickering."

"She's just hurt", Haley gently rubbed her stomach.

"No, she's being a stubborn, unreasonable brat. Brooke didn't even want Lucas and I'm just a convenient excuse to justify how she feels. You know more than anybody that I love that girl to death. I have apologized a million times and I do mean it. But if Brooke wants to continue to be mad, then that's her prerogative. Haley, I'm tired of begging her. Yeah, it sucks to lose a lifetime of friendship but maybe it's better that way. We're not kids anymore. It's time to move on."

Haley fought back tears as her naturally soft voice quivered with raw emotion.

"I, I know but it's hard and it's just so sad and…"

"Dude, why are you crying?" Peyton smiled.

"Because I'm pregnant and I can", Haley wailed, wiping at her eyes. "Sorry. I cry over everything these days, especially commercials. It drives Nathan crazy."

"It's okay."

"I'm gonna miss you though, Peyton. California is gonna be so exciting and I'm so proud of you. I know you're gonna knock them dead but I'll miss you just the same."

"I'll miss you, too. But we'll chat on the phone and the e-mail and I'll be back just in time for little Naley Jr. to be born."

Haley giggled as she did with any mention of her pregnancy and baby. Peyton smiled as well but the expression quickly froze as she gasped for breath as her eyes gazed at the club entrance. Haley turned as well.

"He's here", she said simply.

Peyton cleared her throat.

"He is."

"So…"

"So what?"

"So how do you feel about that?"

Peyton shrugged and looked away, forcing a quick and unconvincing smile.

"I feel fine, Haley. I mean, how am I supposed to feel? It's the big party celebrating our end of high school years at basically the only place in Tree Hill for a bunch of 17 and 18 year olds to party. Of course Lucas would be here and I'm cool with that."

"Okay", Haley smiled.

"Okay, what?"

"Nothing, just okay."

"Oh don't get like that."

"Get like what? And by the way, I'm only getting like that because you're getting like that."

Peyton frowned.

"You've been watching Gilmore Girls too much. Come again."

"You know what I mean, Peyton. You talk all fast and get all nonchalant whenever the subject of a certain you know who is brought up."

"Who?" Peyton asked casually.

"Lucas", Haley grinned as she spoke loudly. "My Buddy and favorite brother in law. Lucas Eugene Scott."

"Quiet!" Peyton frantically tried to hush her. "I don't think they heard you over in China."

"Blushing, are we?" Haley teased.

"No. Why would I do that?"

"Because you still like him."

"So? I like everybody."

Haley rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Not that. I mean, you like him like him, like love him."

"I do not."

"You do, too."

"Do not."

"Do, too."

"No way."

"Way."

"You're out of your pregnant mind."

"And you, Peyton Sawyer are a terrible liar."

Peyton sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Am I that bad?"

"Oh yeah."

"That obvious?"

"Totally. You got it bad, girlie."

"Okay, okay. I'll give it you. But this is our little secret."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why does it have to be a secret?"

"Because I'm leaving soon and I don't want anyone to know."

Haley raised an eyebrow.

"Most especially the one that should know."

"You take one Psych class and you think you know everything, huh?" Peyton quipped.

"Laugh all you want but class or no class, it doesn't take a genius to know that you are in love with my best friend."

"Haley…"

"You've loved him almost two years, Peyton. That's a long time to keep such strong feelings all bottled up inside. You have to tell him."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Truth? Because I'm a chicken shit", she sighed. "Look, Lucas is a very important part of my life. Our friendship means everything to me but things are different now. So much has happened, Haley. Telling him now would only complicate things."

"How do you know?"

"Because he doesn't feel the same way."

"Peyton…"

"Look, I will always love Lucas. We'll always be connected, we'll always be in each other's lives…as friends."

"Are you okay with that?"

Peyton took a deep breath.

"I'm great with that."

Haley opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted.

"Drinks for the two finest ladies in the house. Water with lemon for the missus and Coke for the hot blonde."

Peyton grinned.

"Aren't you a sweetie?"

"Oh you thought you were the hot blonde? I was talking about myself", he joked.

"Derek!"

"Okay, okay. Just kidding. This is for you on your big night. I know it isn't much but see me later and I've got the good stuff. All night Coronas, babe."

"You're the best, D."

"And don't forget it. Don't forget me or this place when you're living it up this summer in Hollywood."

Peyton gave her friend a hug. She had only known Derek Helm a short six months when the 22 year old had been hired to bartend at TRIC. They had become fast friends, though and she considered him like an older brother.

"I'll try my best to remember all the little people", she tossed her head back.

"Little people?" a fourth voice interjected. "She's not even on the plane yet and she's already got a big head."

"Lucas!" Peyton smiled, hugging him as Haley's grin increased and Derek's faded.

"Hey. What's up, Peyt? Hales, Derek."

"Hey, Buddy", Haley winked.

"What's up?" Derek mumbled.

"I was hoping I'd see you here", Peyton continued.

Lucas looked right in her eyes.

"Yeah? Me, too."

"I, um, I had something to tell you."

Haley waited with bated breath while Derek folded his arms.

"What's up?" Lucas asked.

She opened her mouth but the words just wouldn't come.

"Uh, I just wanted to say…it's been fun and thanks for everything and for being an awesome friend and um, I…I'm just gonna miss you."

Lucas reached in for a hug.

"I'll be holding down the fort this summer and hell, this fall at Tree Hill U but UNC isn't too far away. We'll still hang out."

"Promises, promises", she smiled.

"Well, I'm gonna go mingle. We'll dance later?"

"Bet your ass we will", she said as they hugged again and then he was off.

"Peyton, Peyton, Peyton", Haley shook her head.

"Don't start…"

"You're gonna end up missing your man…again. Tell her, Derek. The early bird catches the worm, right?"

Derek shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I guess so", he mumbled. "Anyway, I've got to get back to work. I'll see you around."

"And before you lecture me the rest of the night, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Be back in five minutes, I promise. Then you get to let me have it all night."

Haley grinned.

"Thank you. The baby and I can't wait."

Peyton rolled her eyes, smiling as Nathan came over and kissed his wife while patting her expanding bump. She stood in the restroom at TRIC thinking about all the crazy memories. Despite it all, only a smile came to her face. For the first time in a long time, she finally recognized the reflection staring back at her through the mirror.


	2. Confessions

It was an unusually warm and balmy North Carolina night. Most were inside enjoying the air conditioner but Peyton opted to go with the open window. There was a nice, gentle breeze blowing through the tree's rustling leaves as the crickets chirped and the hints of the moon shone through the cracks of the blinds. There was nothing like those summer nights. Peyton closed her eyes and tried to remember every one in her lifetime. Not so long ago she was on the beach underneath the star speckled black sky as the waves crashed in. Sand filling between her bare toes she would run and giggle uncontrollably like a little school girl. But she wasn't alone. Just a few feet away, being equally silly was her best friend, chasing her around. It was almost a ritual of sorts for their friendship but time had changed everything. Peyton's eyes opened and there was no sand or water. And there was no Brooke. Instead, she found herself all alone in her room.

Sighing, she looked over at her computer and the web cam that stared back at her before reaching over to shut it off. For years, the modern piece of technology had come to be her savior. How ironic that the very private girl chose to share her life and deal with her pain in such a public fashion. Verbal blogs that ranged from the darkest and most serious of subject matter to the lighter issues of cheerleading and the newest Fall Out Boy CD had all been on display for the Internet world to listen to, think about and comment on. Punk and Disorderly was her site and it described her perfectly. Her father had been weary at first, warning her about old those "computer creeps" but Peyton had rolled her eyes and simply shrugged it off as her beloved father being overprotective. She'd be fine, besides without that chance to make a connection, she would go insane.

She had friends, of course. Didn't all cheerleaders? Peyton Sawyer was one of the most popular girls in school. Then of course there had been the safety of her little crew that for a while included Lucas, Brooke, Nathan, Haley, Skills, Mouth, Bevin and of course, Jake. But sometimes even with all that love and support of friendship, she still felt lonely. Why was it easier to pour it all out to a bunch of web strangers?

Flopping down on her bed, Peyton stared up at all the pictures on the wall above her bed. Some were shots snapped from various digital cameras and some were sketched from her very imagination. She paid particularly close attention to one of her, Lucas and Brooke, taken junior year before his car accident, back when he and Brooke were an item the first time around…back before everything changed. There were pictures of her with her parents in happier days of childhood. There was one of the whole gang standing outside Rachel's parents' cabin. Those were the days. Those days were long over.

The traffic light…who drew photos of traffic lights? But for Peyton, there was so much more meaning. It represented the red light her mother had run in an effort to pick her up from school on time and her subsequent death. It was the yellow light that meant to take caution before proceeding, something Peyton could definitely relate to. Then there was the green light, which meant everything was all clear. She was free to go…or was she? The yellow had cost her a relationship with Lucas and the green had cost her her heart when she gave it to Jake and had it broken. And she didn't want to get started on Ellie. People were always leaving her. Did they really come back? Did it ever really happen? Before she could answer herself, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"How is the most beautiful girl in the world?"

She couldn't help but smile. He'd always thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. But didn't every father think that about his daughter?

"Hey, Dad, what's up?"

"Nothing much. I caught a break and figured I'd see what you were up to."

She sighed and she ran her fingers through her blonde locks.

"Not a lot. I packed some more today and that took forever and basically I'm just trying to get everything in order here before I leave for L.A."

"About that…"

Peyton already knew where he was going.

"Dad, don't start…"

"Just let me say what I have to say."

"I already know what you're going to say and you don't have to. It's okay."

"No, it's not. I feel like a bad father."

"I'm a big girl."

"You're still my little girl."

And she always would be.

"Going to New Zealand was a big deal for you and a huge contract for your company. I would never expect you to give up something like that, besides you love being out on the water. When I needed you last year, you were really there for me. You took a bunch of local gigs and worked a few days out of the week at the office just to be closer to me. I appreciate that but I don't want you to feel bad about being gone now. I won't be here the rest of the summer anyway."

"But I left right after your graduation and I won't even be there to see you off at the airport."

"I'll be fine."

"Just promise you'll call me as soon as you get there."

Peyton thought for a minute.

"Actually…"

"Uh oh, this sounds bad…"

"It's really not", she smiled. "But I did want to talk to you about that. Dad, you know I love you and I miss you like crazy and of course once I get to California and everything is settled, I'd love to talk to you every day but if you don't mind, I wasn't gonna call as soon as I get there."

"And why is that?" he asked in his "stern father" voice.

"Because I'm very excited and super nervous and hella psyched to do this on my own. Don't think it's gonna be weeks before you hear from me but I just need time to figure things out on my own and I swear after that, I will call you."

Larry sighed.

"You damned kids today, I tell you. Okay, Peyton. The dad in me doesn't like that at all but I trust your judgment and I respect your wishes. Just don't take too long figuring stuff out. I want to hear from you as soon as possible."

"Promise."

"And who's dropping you off at the airport?"

"I'm just gonna cab it. It's an early flight anyway."

"Peyton…"

"Dad, I'm fine, really. Don't worry. Besides, any time before when we went on trips, Brooke and I always saw each other off at the airport…" her voice trailed off sadly.

"I really wish you two would bury the hatchet."

"I don't know. Maybe one day."

"Maybe. When you were four years old you two fell out over a toy. When you were eleven, it was over some drama at summer camp. Both times you swore never to speak to each other again but somehow you always ended up working it out. Maybe it'll go that way this time."

"Maybe", Peyton repeated.

But she wasn't holding her breath.

"Still I worry about you. If Nathan and Haley can't take you I'm sure Lucas…"

"Dad, I don't need someone to get up unnecessarily at the butt crack of dawn just to drop me and my bags off at the curb at the airport. It'll be okay, I promise."

"Okay, okay. No more arguing although it never did any good with you anyway. If you don't want Lucas to take you to the airport, then don't ask."

"Fine, I won't."

"And that way you won't have to tell him that you're in love with him."

"Dad!" she rolled her eyes in sheer exasperation.

"Oops. Did I say that?"

"Yes, you did, unfortunately. I can't believe you. Anyway, I am so not in love with Lucas Scott and if you and Haley don't leave me alone, I swear I'm gonna scream."

"Alright. I won't say another word."

"Thank you."

"But let me just say this…"

She smiled in spite of herself. Parents just didn't know how to quit.

"What?"

"I love you and your happiness means everything to me. You know that, Peyton. You have been through so much and I am very proud of you. You've always stayed true to yourself, just don't stop now. Follow your heart, that's all I ask."

She bit her lip and nodded, a small lump forming in her throat as she fought back a tear, wishing her father was in hugging distance.

"I love you, too, Dad."

"Love you, baby girl."

He hung up and she took a deep breath. Ever since Lucas and her father had met two years before, they had been instant buddies, despite the fact Lucas had tried to "rake" him half to death but that was another story in itself. Larry could appreciate a good guy and he knew his only daughter was crazy about the blonde basketball player. Perhaps with the right timing and other circumstances the situation could have been different and Peyton had long ago accepted that. She could barely admit her true feelings to herself, much less to Lucas. Shaking her head and shaking off what Haley and her father had said to her, her eyes fell upon the compact digital recorder she had brought to use for note taking in class. The tiny machine seemed to have a mind of its own, almost calling out her and begging her to record her inner most thoughts. Doing so over the web cam for the world and Lucas to see and hear was a definite no no but it always felt better to talk things out and get them off her chest. Without further hesitation, she leaned over and reached for it before turning it on and speaking into the mic.

"_This is me, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer mere days before my departure to Hollywood where I will begin the dream internship that is supposed to change my life forever. I sound real enthused, huh? Don't get me wrong…I really am. I mean, I could use the change but, uh, based on the advice of a good friend and a very good parent, it seems like I have to take a few steps back into the past before I can move forward with the future. This message is for you, Lucas Eugene Scott but I guess I'm recording it more for me at this point because I'm a huge chicken shit and who knows if you'll ever get to hear it. But there are some things on my mind and in my heart and I have to say them to you. It's now or never, right?_

_I've been thinking a lot lately…about you and about us. It's so funny for 16 years we lived in the same town and barely looked at one another, now after two years of getting to know the real you, I can't imagine you not being in my life. We've been through so much together. I keep thinking about the time you helped tow my car in and the time you were willing to cover for Nathan when he wrecked it. God, you guys hated each other then but I guess we've all changed so much._

_I liked you then. Hell, I admit it. I even thought you were cute. A little scrawny but nevertheless, cute. Okay, you were hot but don't let it go to your head or anything. But it was more than looks. You liked me too but it was stronger than a physical attraction. We had more. I still can't figure out what it was or where it comes from but some people just have it like that. I remember on the anniversary of Mom's death I was having a real hard time dealing with it, hence the running every red light in town. You barely knew me and I was a raging, angst filled, messed up bunch of 17 year old hormones on a path to self destruction and you jumped in my car. Not a smart move but still a sweet one. That was the first time you saved me, Luke, and you've been doing it ever since._

_I don't know what it is…like how we hang out and we have fun and it's cool. We can do things together or we can just sit there in perfect silence. I like that. And we connect so much through music and it was your belief in my art that made me believe in it again. Not an easy feat but still a special one. Maybe I'm rambling but what I really want to touch on is that you are such an awesome friend and an all around amazing human being. I can truly say that I am a better person because of knowing you. It may sound cheesy or corny but it's the truth. And I'd like to think even a little part of you feels something like that about me._

_I blush when I say this but I can't stop thinking about your kisses. The funny thing is, I never really got to enjoy them, if that makes sense. Think about it. Remember Dan's party and Brooke's little stunt? Then we made out like crazy later. I think back to that night and I get so mad, mad at myself. I tried to be so hard and in control like it was just a sex thing to me when deep down it was so much more. You told me what you wanted from me and it was the scariest thing I'd ever heard. But it was scary because I wanted it too. You took care of me after that stupid frat party and then when I went to your room that night to tell you the truth and I saw Brooke and you…and you and Brooke. I wanted to die. It hurt and it was all my fault. I backed off because I wanted you both to be happy but it killed me, Lucas. All night imagining your touch and your kisses and knowing that it wasn't me in your bed, it literally killed me. The only that hurt worse was your accident. I'd already lost you once and losing you for good was too much to handle._

_I guess you're not easy to get over but I tried. But we became such good friends and that was probably the best for us. I have loved having you in my life as a friend. You make me laugh. You're silly and crazy and I love all our times together when we can be goofy and like at one in the morning we're singing The Doors while playing air guitars and sneaking beer. You're loyal and honest and I appreciate that. You are kind and intelligent and probably the most sincere person I've ever met. Dealing with my mom's death, thinking my dad had died that time, when Felix wrote 'dyke' on my locker or when I was just plain out having a classic Peyton Sawyer PMS day, you were always there for me no matter what. It means a lot. You saved my life when you ran back in that school after I was shot. You stayed with me, you calmed me, you tried to help control the bleeding…and when it came down to it, to carry me out for help, you risked your own life to save mine. I'd say that's pretty incredible and selfless. Words can't express it but I have to say them anyway in case I never did because I could never say it enough…thank you._

_Okay, now that I have taken you down two years of memory lane, I guess I can get to my point. What is my point? Yes, I do have one but it's hard. I have something to say to you, something I feel every day that has taken two years to express and I still can't find the words…"_

Her hands were shaking as she turned the recorder off and wiped the sweat from her brow, her heart pounding. She tried to get a grip but it was too complicated…everything was complicated when it came to Lucas Scott. Just when she thought she might be sick from the abundance of nerves, she stared down at that picture again. Once there were three. But time had changed them all. And then there were two as she carefully ripped Brooke from the equation. But even with Brooke gone, her heart was still afraid. Afraid of his rejection, afraid of his love. That's why she didn't have the guts to tell him the truth. It was better that way. In a few days she would be gone and Epic Records and sunny Los Angeles would make her forget all about Tree Hill and especially Lucas Scott. She ripped the picture again. And then there was one.


	3. Two Years

Deep in thought, Peyton made the last round, picking up empty beer bottles and discarding them into the proper glass containers. It was almost four in the morning and TRIC was finally empty after a night of dancing, drinking and partying. From the very beginning at the club's birth, she had been there, involved with the planning, helping Karen and Deb. She had even been hired to take charge of Teen Night's special event planning and overall talent booking. From the start, she had done a phenomenal job. The Wreckers, Chris Keller, Jimmy Eat World, Fall Out Boy, Lupe Fiasco, Jack's Mannequin and Nada Surf just to name of the few talented and popular acts she had convinced to make a stop in Tree Hill. But aside from the glamour, when the club needed her behind the scenes, waitresssing non alcoholic beverages, she was there, as things had been running anything but smoothly as Karen Roe was still fired and principal owner, Deb Scott, was in her second rehab stint. Sighing, she wiped down the corner and thanked God they had someone hired to clean the bathroom. It was the last thing she wanted to tackle as she put away the sodas. As she turned she was met with a spray of water, direct from the sink hose, that made her scream out loud.

"Gotcha!" he laughed.

She pretended to be mad but how could she be? Anyway, everyone knew Peyton Sawyer was always up for a decent prank every now and then.

"Gosh, Derek, are you 22 or 2?"

He responded by squirting her again.

"You're such an easy target, Sawyer. You don't even move from the line of fire."

"Stop or you're gonna mess up my hair!" she squealed.

"_You're gonna mess up my hair_", he mocked, teasing her.

"Derek!"

"Oh have some fun. Is that all you've got?"

She put her hands on her hips and looked around before grabbing the most formidable weapon in sight…lemon wedges. She grabbed a handful and began chasing him around, giggling as she squirted the sour juice on his head.

"Wanna call truce?" she asked.

He put up his hands in defeat.

"Okay, okay. You got me. You win. Besides, my eyes are starting to burn", he laughed.

She handed him a wet wipe for his eyes, feeling slightly guilty. But it was all in fun. Derek was fun and that had been the greatest thing about working with him, she thought as she watched him remove his TRIC tee shirt to wipe his eyes. Tanned muscles oozed from his white wife beater. He may have initially looked skinny in person but underneath, the guy had a killer body.

"Oh shut up. Any excuse to lose the shirt, huh?"

He smirked.

"You know you love it. That's what you'll miss most about Tree Hill. Where are you gonna find abs like this in L.A.?"

"Uh, all over", she smiled. "But I will miss you, Derek."

He came close as they took seats on stools behind the bar.

"Really?" he asked with a hint of seriousness.

Peyton shrugged.

"Of course. I'm gonna miss everybody."

"But why me? I mean, what will you miss most about me?"

"I don't know. You make me laugh and you're silly as hell. I mean, who else is gonna chase me around at like three in the morning with a water hose?"

She smiled and he laughed. God, he loved her smile.

"What else?"

"You're fun and I really like being around you."

"You do?"

"Sure", she nodded. "Derek, you're a very special and important person in my life. I feel like I can tell you anything…"

He swallowed hard. Those words, magic words, he had waited to hear ever since he had met her. So it was true. She felt the exact same way about him. He had known it all along but timing was everything and he'd still had to wait for the perfect moment. Now, after almost a year and a half of longing, he finally had his chance to make the move he had been plotting in his head forever.

"Peyton, I, I'm glad you said that. I'm glad you feel that way. There's something I have to tell you…" he began in a husky voice.

"You're always there for me. Our friendship means to the world to me. You know, with both my moms gone and my dad away a lot and now no Brooke, it's nice to have a friend, a true friend, who is so considerate and loyal. You're like the big brother I never had."

His heart sank. Considerate and loyal? What the hell was she talking about, a puppy? And friend? The way she touched his arm and looked at him…like he was just a friend. And then she had said those two words, two dreaded words no guy wanted to hear from the girl of his dreams. She had said he was a like a "big brother" to her.

"I am?" he cleared his throat.

Peyton smiled warmly.

"Sure you are. And I love you to death for it. Dude, I am seriously gonna miss you."

"Oh", he said flatly.

"Now what were you saying?"

"Huh?"

"You said you had something you wanted to say to me. What was it?"

Derek tried to get his thoughts and words together.

"Oh that. Yeah. Um, it was nothing. I…I just wanted to wish you good luck out in California and say that I'm gonna miss you, too."

"Thank you", she said, hugging him. "That is so sweet."

"You nervous?"

"More like scared out of mind but in a good way. I'm really looking forward to going."

"That's cool but you're gonna do fine."

"Thanks. I hope so."

"You will. So, are you all packed up?" he asked, nervously.

"Yeah. Finally. I'm such a girl. You should see how many bags I have, it's ridiculous. Brooke would be proud, though."

"You two still didn't kiss and make up, huh?"

"Don't think that's gonna happen. Maybe one day. Not today or tomorrow but one day."

"Sorry."

"Me, too but shit happens. I mean, what can you do?"

"Yeah."

"My dad called me. He's so cute, you should have heard him. He's out of town so he's bummed that he won't get to see me off at the airport. Then I could tell he was kind of disappointed when I told him I wasn't gonna call him right away when I got to Los Angeles. I hate worrying him and he was so concerned that I'm catching a taxi to the airport."

"Why? I mean, I could drop you off, Peyton. It's no big deal."

"Oh I appreciate the offer but it's cool. I'll be fine. Plus, if you knew how early I was leaving, you wouldn't be volunteering, trust me."

"I don't mind. I don't care about the time."

"I'll be fine. It, um, it used to be tradition, you know, between Brooke and me…gosh, I don't know how many times we have seen each other off at that airport."

"It would be too weird to have someone else take you?"

"Kind of. I was gonna ask Lucas…"

Derek felt his heart drop for the second time that night. Lucas! Why did it always come back to Lucas?

"Lucas?" he tried to conceal his disdain. "Why him?"

"I don't know."

"Look, Peyton…"

"Derek, can I be honest with you?"

He looked right at her.

"Yeah. Sure. What's up?"

"We're friends, right? I can trust you?"

"Of course."

"Good. I knew I could count on you. See, I did something and no one else knows but I feel like if I don't talk about it, I might explode. You're the only one I can talk to. I can't share this with Haley or Dad and God forbid, Brooke. But I have to tell someone."

"Shoot."

She let out a deep breath.

"I have feelings for Lucas."

Derek's eyes narrowed.

"What kind of feelings?"

"You know", she blushed. "The real kind. The good kind. He's the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning and the last thing at night before I go to bed and geez, like every waking moment in between. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes me blush. I just, I want him. I want to be with him. Derek, I am crazy in love with that boy and I have been for two years."

He chewed the inside of his lips as his fingers tapped loudly against the bar.

"Oh. Well, um two years, that…that's a long time, Peyton."

"Tell me about it. It's been crazy. The timing was just never right, I guess. At first he wanted me but I was with Nathan. Then I wasn't with Nathan but I was at a point then when I was anything but relationship material. By the time I realized my feelings for him, it was too late because he was with Brooke. Then we sort of made out while they were still together and the shit hit the fan. He and Brooke broke up, got back together, for a while I was with Jake and during all this time, every dramatic thing that could have happened in Tree Hill did. But through it all, my feelings stayed. I love him. I love him so much. It's so strange and scary to actually admit all that now but it's the truth."

"I see", Derek looked around. "You, um, you haven't, uh, told him any of this, have you?"

"No. No way. I haven't really told anyone but you."

"Do you plan on it? Telling, Lucas, I mean."

"That, I don't know, which brings me to tell you the thing I did."

"What thing?"

Peyton sighed.

"Well, the other night I was alone and contemplating life and you know how that is. Anyway, I made a recording."

"What kind of recording?"

"Not on my web cam like usual. I actually used my digital recorder I had for school. And I spent nearly a half hour recording all my inner most thoughts and personal feelings."

"Sort of like an unopened letter to the world, huh?" he half joked.

"More like an unopened letter to Lucas."

"What?"

"I told him everything, Derek."

The male blonde looked uneasy.

"Did you give it to him?"

"No. Not yet."

"Not yet? So that means you are going to give it to him?"

"I don't know. That was the plan. I'm just terrified of it. Once I do and he hears that, then it changes everything. There is no going back. And that's why I wanted to talk to you. I need your advice. You have an unbiased opinion. What should I do, Derek?"

He shuffled in his seat.

"Um, I don't know, Peyton…"

"Please help me."

"Have you, uh, thought about this at all?"

"Of course I have. I've thought that maybe he might not feel the same way and I'd be crushed and humiliated and our friendship would be so awkward after that. Then I thought, hey, maybe, just maybe, he might have feelings for me, too and that makes me so happy that it scares me half to death. Then I get all paranoid that something bad would happen and we'd break up and he'd leave just like everybody else. In case you haven't noticed it, I'm a complete basket case."

"No, you're not, Peyton. Um, all that is stuff to think about."

"So what do you think?"

"About what?"

Peyton rolled her eyes and hit him.

"About everything I just said. What should I do? Should I tell him everything? Do I give him the recorder?"

"I don't know."

"What would you do?"

Derek thought for a minute.

"I don't know, Peyton. It's a very tricky, touchy subject. Two years. Two whole years. Months and months of loving someone. Watching their every move, wishing you were with them. Having your heart physically ache when they were with someone else. Being friends with them and looking in their eyes just wishing they could read your mind and know how much you love them. It's hard. It's a big step, a huge gamble to put your heart on the line like that. You could really get hurt. I mean, it could work out for the best and you might end up with that person but if it doesn't work out, then what do you do from there? So you have to make a choice. Do you continue to watch and love them from afar or do you actually have the guts to go for it?"

"Wow. It's like you read my mind. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you'd gone through something like this yourself."

"Can I be honest with you, Peyton?"

"Please."

"I like Lucas. He's a nice guy."

"Yeah…"

"I really feel it's possible for two people to have a strong soul connection but a relationship? Sometimes, it's just not in the cards, not meant to be no matter how much one person may want it."

"What are you saying?"

"Look, I care about you and I don't want to hurt your feelings but based on everything that has happened and everything you told me, it just doesn't sound like it would really work for you and Lucas. It actually seems like you two are better off just as friends."

"Friends?" she gulped.

"Yeah, but that's just my opinion. I mean, I've seen Lucas around. Like I said, he's a nice guy and all but he's still a guy. And he's young. He's been tied down with Brooke off and on for the past two years and now he's gonna have more responsibility at home when his mom has another kid in a few months. What I'm saying is, when does he have time to just chill out, have fun and be a normal 18 year old guy? Lucas isn't looking for commitment, that's the last thing he needs. And I'm afraid you would get hurt in the process. You two have an awesome friendship and I don't want to see that ruined. Do you, Peyton?"

"No, I…"

"Ultimately, it's your decision but you want to know what I thought, so I told you. I hope you're not mad."

"At you? Derek, never. Thank you. I appreciate you listening and being honest with me."

"Did it help with your decision? What are you going to do?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. Tomorrow is my last night in town and I had planned on seeing him to say good bye. I have no idea what's gonna happen or what I might say or do. I guess I'll just have to wing it, see how I feel tomorrow night and how everything is going."

Derek nodded.

"Well, good luck."

"Thanks. But in the meantime, I guess this here is our swan song."

"What?"

"It's the last night we'll ever work together or even hang out for a while. I might not get to see you again before I leave and if I don't, I just wanted to say good bye. It has been so fun working together and hanging out. You are awesome and sweet and crazy as hell and I had a lot of fun. You've been a great friend to me, Derek, when I really, really needed one. I will miss you and I can't wait to see you in a few months."

She stood and walked over and gave him a big hug. His body shivered when her arms wrapped around his neck and his own hands quivered as he returned her embrace. God, her body felt so warm. God, she was beautiful. She had to be the most beautiful girl in the world. He would have given anything to have her be his. Two years was a long time to wait for anyone, he thought as he inhaled the delicious scent of her blonde hair.

"I'm gonna miss you, too, Peyton."


	4. Second Chances

Peyton nervously walked up the steps to the side of the house. She had been there dozens, if not hundreds of times before but she couldn't recall a visit when her heart had pounded that fast. Well, she could but that had been a very long time ago and it hadn't turned out well. It was a night two years before when she'd had an epiphany and drove over to Lucas Scott's house in the middle of the night to tell him how she felt. And everyone knew how that one turned out. Since that fateful night, she had returned many times just as a friend but on the eve of her departure, things were different.

She stood frozen. Over and over again she had rehearsed it in her head. She had thought of a million different ways to tell him what she had to say. And in case the words didn't come out, she had digital backup. The recorder was tucked safely away in the right pocket of the leather jacket Ellie had given her. But she had also prepared herself for any and every reaction he might have, good or bad. Regardless, it was a moment she had been waiting for a very long time.

Not that she didn't have doubts. Anyone in her shoes would be nervous but her conversation with Derek had alerted the realist, if not the pessimist, in her. Maybe he was right. He was a good friend, a neutral party, and he cared about her. Peyton knew she could trust his advice, besides, he made a lot of good points. The bottom line was, she had to see Lucas before she left for California to say good bye. That was a definite. Anything else was simply a mere possibility. Taking a deep breath, she decided to see how things were going before she made any hasty decisions, she thought before attempting to knock on the door. She raised her hand and assumed the position but only banged against air as the door opened.

"Hey", he smiled.

She sucked in a nervous breath.

"Hey."

"I thought I heard somebody out here."

"Yeah, um, I leave tomorrow and I promised I'd come through to say good bye so here I am."

He smiled warmly and held the door open for her.

"Come on in."

She stepped into his room and smiled, surprised at the unusual mess.

"We have a hurricane I don't know about?" she teasingly raised one eyebrow.

"Sorry. It usually isn't this bad. Blame it on laundry day."

"I hear that", she said, taking a seat on his bed.

"So…"

"So…"

"This is it, huh? You leave tomorrow?"

"Bright and early", she nodded.

"You need a ride?"

"Nah, it's cool."

"L.A. And Epic Records at that. That's amazing, Peyton. You're gonna have such a good time."

"I hope so."

"Well, I know so."

"I'm excited but…"

"But?"

She shrugged.

"It's gonna be way different. Los Angeles is no Tree Hill. I mean, I've been to big cities and stuff before but never on my own. It was always with my parents or with school or friends…Brooke. Now this is me."

"Exactly. It's all you, Peyton. It's a wonderful opportunity."

"Oh it's a hell of an opportunity. I know that and believe me, I'm grateful. It's just a little scary. I am excited as hell but it's scary at the same time."

"What are you scared of?"

"Everything", she answered truthfully. "Failing. Doing well. Being completely on my own. Growing up."

Lucas smiled.

"It's perfectly natural to be afraid of a new situation but I swear you don't give yourself enough credit sometimes. Yeah, you're young and this is all overwhelming and you have to try it on your own but that just makes it all the more exciting. Do you know how many people work their entire lives just trying to get the break you're getting? And you totally deserve it. You just turned 18 and look at all the great things you did for TRIC. You put all those shows together, Peyton. You put together that whole charity CD for breast cancer research in Ellie's memory. That, that's incredible. If anything, you should be feeling pride right now, not self doubt."

She felt incredibly warm inside. He always knew exactly what to say and just when to say it.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Hell, I'm a little jealous."

"Why?"

He shrugged.

"Because I'll miss you."

"You will?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy and excited for you but last summer was really awesome. It didn't seem that way at first but in the end, it really turned out to be. I was feeling really down, really alone at first. My mom had gone off to New Zealand after Andy. Brooke and I were in limbo and she was in California. Haley was still on tour and Nathan was headed to High Flyers in Florida, on top of being pissed off at me. Then there was Dan's fire and seeing Deb set it. It was a crazy time but you were really there for me."

Peyton remembered. It was a crazy time for her as well.

"That was right after I found out Ellie was my birth mom. God, it was like the whole world, both our worlds had been turned upside down."

"We really stuck together. I think that's when our friendship was the strongest. I mean, can you even count on both hands how many times we went out to the beach, just sitting and talking until the wee hours of the morning?"

Peyton closed her eyes. She could almost hear the waves crashing and feel the sand between her toes.

"I remember", she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"We'd have these serious talks about our families and our friends and just life in general and how we were all gonna end up. Some of the things I said were so deep and so personal, I don't think I've ever shared stuff like that with any other person. That meant a lot to me to have someone just to vent to. And when things got too heavy, we could just chill and listen to music and go to movies and try to enjoy what was left of the summer."

"We made the best of it."

"We did and it wasn't so bad. It was just you and me, Peyton. I…I don't know what I would have done without you."

She swallowed hard. There was just something about the words and the way he spoke them. The way he looked at her. His eyes were so sincere and brooding, she felt like he could look right into her soul. At that moment, right at that moment, she knew exactly how she felt and what she had to do about it. She had to tell him, be honest with him. Lucas wasn't a mind reader, how else would he know? It was time to come clean about everything.

"Lucas!" she blurted out a little louder than she meant to, considering he was only a few feet away.

"What's up?"

She struggled to find a voice.

"That was a great summer in spite of itself. Everything with Ellie, including, most especially after she died…well, you were really there for me. You've always been such a good friend."

"Thanks."

"I…I guess what I really want to say is, sorry."

Lucas frowned.

"Sorry? Peyton, sorry for what?"

"You've always been a friend and like it or not, whether I wanted it or not, whether I deserved it or not, you've always rescued me."

"Peyton…"

"I'm being serious. That time when my car broke down, when Nathan and I were breaking up, on the anniversary of my mom's death. The frat party, the school shooting…need I go on?" she managed a small smile.

"That's what friends do."

"Real friends anyway. You've done a lot for me but sometimes, well, sometimes I can't help but think I haven't done a very good job returning the favor."

"What do you mean?"

"You really loved Brooke. She made you happy. After that first break up, it took a lot for you to get her back."

He looked a little uneasy. The Brooke break up was still a sore subject of sorts.

"Yeah…"

"You said she was the love of your life. Well, I messed that up for you…both times. I'm sorry. I never said that to you before but you've given me so much and I took something very important away from you."

"You didn't take anything away from me, Peyt", he sighed. "I lost Brooke and it had nothing to do with you. The first time, I wasn't being true to my feelings. The second time around, she wasn't true to hers. You can love someone, I mean, truly be in love with them and sometimes no matter how hard you try or how bad you want it, it just isn't meant to be. That was the case with Brooke and me. It wasn't you and I don't want you to feel bad about that."

Peyton looked away.

"I know. I…"

"Peyton, where is all this coming from?"

She shoved her hands in her jacket pockets.

"Nothing. It's just how I feel. I wanted to be honest. It…it's something I never told you before. I, um…"

It was on the tip of her tongue but before she could get her words out, his phone rang.

"Peyt, hold that thought one second", he reached over to answer it.

"Sure."

She caught her breath realizing what she had almost done. But that was her very reason for coming and she couldn't afford to chicken out. Not yet, although a million thoughts raced through her mind. She watched him as he casually chatted on the phone. He had a great smile, she had always loved that smile. In fact, she loved everything about him and she couldn't wait to tell him so, just blurt it out so not only he would know, but it would be a huge relief in itself just to get it off her chest. She would tell him everything and he would know and they would both feel better. Besides, there was still a chance that maybe, just maybe, he might feel the same way about her. Biting her lip, counting every second until his brief phone call ended, she played with the recorder in her pocket. Finally he said his goodbyes and put the cordless back in its receiver.

"Sorry about that", he apologized. "It was Skills."

"No worries."

"He said to tell you bye and good luck and everything and he'll see you when you get back. Oh and bring him a souvenir."

Peyton nodded and chuckled.

"Sorry I missed him. Tell him thanks and uh, I'll get him something good."

He looked at her but his smile turned to a more serious look.

"Hey, Peyton?"

"What's up?"

Lucas sighed, rubbing his head.

"About earlier, you know, all that stuff you said about Brooke…"

Her breath caught in her throat.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say it's sweet that you care."

"No problem", she smiled.

"Just know it wasn't your fault, not any of it. Please know that."

"Okay…"

"It's me is has to deal with."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged.

"I did love Brooke, don't get me wrong. I mean, we all have that dream of finding someone special and loving them and being loved back, right?"

He didn't know just how right he was.

"Sure", she cleared her throat.

"But I think I made the mistake of being in such a rush."

"Rush?"

"Yeah. I'm only 18. Sure, I want to be monogamous and I believe in forever love but I think I wanted too much too soon. So you don't find your soul mate when you're still in high school…big deal. I finally understand that. It doesn't happen for everyone."

"What, what about Nathan and Haley?" she croaked.

Lucas smiled.

"It's a beautiful thing but they're the exception. And even still, it wasn't all that easy for them. They had their share of problems. Anyway, it made me think. I'm not ready to settle down and commit. I don't need a girlfriend now. I don't want one. I see what you're doing with your life taking all these amazing steps towards college and a future. That's great, Peyton. It's what we all should be concentrating on. So that's what I'm gonna do. I want to have fun and be a kid while I still can. That relationship stuff can wait."

Peyton gulped hard.

"Oh."

"Anyway, sorry for my little rant and for cutting you off when the phone rang. Were you saying something?"

She looked right at him. So Derek had been right all along. Thank God she found that out before she opened her big mouth and made a fool out of herself.

"Huh? Oh, it was nothing. I was just coming to say good bye. You are and have been a terrific person, Lucas Scott. I will miss you and think about you a lot this summer and I can't wait to see you when I get back."

She stood and he approached her, pulling her into a long embrace.

"I'm proud of you, Peyt. Knock 'em dead out there…I know you will."

She closed her eyes and reveled in being in that strong but sweet embrace perhaps one last time.

"Thanks. Luke, I have a very early flight to catch in the morning. I'm gonna get going."

"Okay. Be safe and make sure you give me a ring soon or at least shoot me an e-mail."

Finally they broke apart and she gave his bedroom one last look over. Then he saw her out and she sat in her car, cranking up the engine as the cool night air blew against her clammy face. So she had blown it, her last chance. But it had been for the best. At least she still had her dignity and she still had her friend. Having Lucas in her life was the most important thing, even if they weren't romantic. She would have to deal with it, she thought as she pulled away. Sometimes people just didn't get that second chance.

Inside, Lucas smiled, staring at the picture of him and Peyton taken on graduation day. She was a good girl and he really would miss her. He was glad she had stopped by to see him. It was tough to see her go but he was tired and fatigue really wouldn't give him much time to dwell. So he kicked off his shoes and fell onto the messy heap of covers on his bed. He didn't even feel it when his sock covered foot accidentally kicked something further into the mess on the floor and further under the bed. And a few miles away, Peyton continued her short drive home, sighing at the night but not realizing her jacket pockets were now empty.


	5. The Wait Is Over

Peyton pulled up to the curb of her house. It looked so big, so dark and lonely. In a minute, she would go in and spend that last night there before everything as she knew it would change. In mere hours an airplane would whisk her away from Tree Hill and life as she knew it. It had been her last night and her last chance to tell Lucas. But he had made his feelings clear, therefore she had continued to conceal hers. It was all for the best anyway, she thought, digging out her cell phone and making a quick call.

"We miss you already!"

Peyton laughed as she rolled her eyes.

"Haley, I was at your apartment just a few hours ago. Besides, I haven't even gone anywhere yet."

"Oh. Well, we miss you anyway. You know I like to get a head start on things."

"Haley, you're a nut."

"Are you home yet?"

"Just pulled up."

"Everything okay? You sound weird."

"I, um, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

Peyton swallowed hard.

"I just came back from Lucas'."

"Shut up! What happened?"

"Nothing. We talked and said good bye. Basically I made the rounds to see everyone tonight."

"But Lucas isn't just everyone. And it is your last night. Oh, Peyton, please tell me that you told him."

"I was going to."

"And?"

"I wanted to."

"And?"

"I tried to…"

"The baby and I don't like the sound of this."

"I chickened out."

"Oh, Peyton…"

"It's for the best."

"How can you say that? You are very much in love with someone who also has strong feelings for you that very well could be romantic, but you'll never know that unless you tell him."

"Well, I didn't and I couldn't and I have a very good reason."

"Oh I'm dying to hear this one."

"He doesn't feel the same way."

"Did Sylvia Browne give you a psychic reading or something? How do you know, Peyton?"

"He told me…in so many words."

"So many words?"

"We were talking about life and love and all that stuff…"

"Yeah…"

"And he has decided being tied down in high school and always being in and wanting to be in a relationship was too much. He's going to focus on college and the future but for now, at least the summer, I have a feeling he's going to be living it up, partying and playing the field."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Peyton shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean, it's okay. I want him to be happy and besides, we'll always be friends."

"I'm sorry", Haley began to tear up.

"Oh there you go again", Peyton laughed. "Honestly, how many times can a pregnant woman cry? Dude, you're gonna run out of tear ducts."

"I feel bad. I thought it would work. I, Peyton, I just want you to be happy."

"Me too but I am happy, Haley. Seriously, don't worry about me. Everything is going to be fine. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life and that's all I'm concentrating on right now. Sure I'll stay in touch and maybe things will be different when I get back. If so, great and if they aren't, then that's still great. I'll deal with it just like I always do. But regardless and I promise you, Haley, no matter what, I'm going to be fine. We're all going to be just fine."

"I hope so."

"Well, I just wanted to call you. I'm gonna go inside and finish getting ready for tomorrow. I'll call you within the week."

"Okay, girlie. Take care. I love you."

"Love you, too", Peyton smiled as she hung up.

And she found herself all alone again. The night definitely could have gone better. She could have been in Lucas' bed. The thought alone made her blush and giggle like a school girl as she reached over and dropped her cell back in her bag. It toppled over onto the floor of the passenger seat. Cursing, she leaned over to pick it up and gasped when she set up. She saw what appeared to be a flash of white and there was a loud banging on her window that made her scream. It was like something out of a horror movie as her heart pounded but she quickly relaxed and even managed a small smile.

"Peyton!"

"Derek, is that you?"

"Hey", he said.

He looked a little uneasy.

"You scared the shit out of me!"

"Didn't mean to."

"Where did you come from? I mean, I don't even see your car", she looked around.

Derek nervously shuffled his weight around from foot to foot.

"I walked."

Peyton frowned.

"Why would you walk?"

"Why are you asking me so many questions, Peyton?"

"Okay…sorry."

"I, I needed to see you."

"What's up?"

"You leave tomorrow."

She smiled.

"I'm really excited. I can't wait."

"I, I'm not gonna see you again…" he looked away.

"Derek, what are you talking about? It's just a few months. It's just a summer. I'll be back before you know it."

He shook his head.

"No, you won't. You're gonna like it out there, then you'll never come back. You'll forget all about me."

Where was all this coming from all of a sudden? Why was he acting that way? Peyton had never seen Derek like that. It was totally weird and so out of character.

"Derek, are you okay? I mean, is everything alright?"

"I'm fine", he said coolly.

"Well, you're being weird, even weirder than usual", she half joked, furrowing her brow.

"Did you say good bye to everyone tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah", she shrugged. "I made the rounds, you know, the usual."

"What about Lucas? Did you say good bye to him?"

Peyton let out a sigh.

"Um, yeah. I went by. We hung out for a little while and we talked."

"What did you talk about?"

"I don't know. Just stuff. Why?"

"Peyton…"

His voice seemed irritated.

"Are you sure you're okay, Derek?" she asked again.

"I'm fine, Peyton. Why do you ask?"

Suddenly an uneasy feeling enveloped over her.

"I, I don't know. You don't look so hot."

His skin glistened with sweat as his eyeballs looked like they might pop from their sockets at any given moment. Underneath his eyes, loomed large bags, puffy and almost purple in color.

"That isn't a very nice thing to say, Peyton. In fact, it's rather rude. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Dude, I didn't mean it like that. I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or anything. I mean, I was just asking if you are like sick or something?"

"No."

"Are you drunk? High?"

There was a nervous smile on her face but the situation had become anything other than funny.

"No, Peyton."

She chewed the inside of her lip.

"Okay. Well, um, it's getting really late and I have to be up really early. Besides, I still have a lot of stuff to do. I guess I better get inside…"

She reached for her bag and draped the strap of her shoulder as she opened the car door with her left hand. In a sudden movement, Derek lunged forward and closed it quickly, startling Peyton as she was still inside.

"Peyton…"

"What are you doing?" she asked.

She tried to open the door again but it was a futile effort as his body weight pressed against it.

"Just listen to me", he began in a low voice.

"No. I don't want to listen to you. You're starting to freak me out here."

"But Peyton…"

"Derek, come on. Let me out of the car."

"I, I need to talk to you…"

"We've been talking."

"No, not like that. I mean, really talk. We have to talk, Peyton. I need you to come with me."

"Go with you where? Derek, you are scaring me and I am not going anywhere with you."

"It's me, Peyton. It's Derek. You never have to be afraid."

Standing before her was a complete stranger. His strange demeanor had turned into some sort of monster.

"Stop it."

"Peyton!"

She reached over to lock her door and grab her cell phone. Her fingers trembled as she scrolled through her address book. Derek peered in. If she was so upset, so frightened, and had to call someone, why wouldn't she at least call 911? But she wasn't dialing 911. It looked like she was trying to reach Lucas. Enraged, Derek ran to the other side of the car, furiously yanking open the passenger door before she could lock that one as well.

"Drop the phone", he demanded before she could press the send button.

The look in his eyes let her know he was dangerously serious. She whimpered as she complied with his instructions.

"Derek, what is wrong with you? Why are you doing this to me?" she pleaded.

"Just, just shut up, okay? Don't say another word and you better not scream. I mean it, Peyton."

His eyes darted about as he was contemplating his next move.

"Look, whatever it is, whatever is wrong, I, I can help you. Just calm down…"

"Were you calling Lucas?" he blurted.

"What? I…"

He reached in his pocket and pulled out an object Peyton couldn't identify until he pulled the switchblade. It happened too fast and the first few seconds were unreal as it finally registered to Peyton that the cold metal resting on her throat was indeed a knife.

"Be still, be quiet, listen to me, and you don't get hurt."

Peyton opened her mouth but no words came. Instead only tears spilled down her cheeks. She couldn't move, she couldn't speak. It wasn't happening, not to her. Not Derek. He was supposed to be her friend.

"Please…"

"Peyton, I'm not fucking around with you."

That one was obvious. It was late at night but as she looked around, there were still some lights on in the neighbors' houses. If only she could get one person's attention, just get someone to look out the window or come to the door. She only had one shot but was it worth it?

"_Help me! Somebody help me! Please!"_

She screamed louder than she ever had in her life. She kept yelling and yelling and it scared the hell out of Derek. All that frantic noise in the middle of the night in a quiet, usually peaceful family oriented neighborhood like that? Someone was bound to come sooner rather than later. Doing the only thing he knew how, the dreaded "plan B" of his otherwise disorganized preparation, he reached in his other pocket and pulled it out. He put it to her face and while she put up a brave and gallant fight inside the car, within seconds she began to slow and eventually, she stopped moving and crumpled in his arms. It was over.

Derek closed his eyes. Dammitt! Why had he done that? Why had she made him do that? All he wanted was to talk to her, be close to her. And she couldn't even do that. She'd even had the nerve to be afraid of him when there was nothing to fear. He didn't want to hurt her. He loved her. But she didn't love him back. No, she loved Lucas. Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. Lucas freaking Scott, that's all he had heard about since he had met Peyton. But all he needed was time alone with her to make her see how much he loved her. Once she realized that, she would come to her senses and love him, too. And then it would be alright. They belonged together. Only then, with Lucas out of the picture, could the two live happily ever after.

Closing his eyes, he removed it from her face. It was okay. It was just a dirty, oily old rag that had been doused with just enough ether to make her pass out. It didn't hurt her and soon she would wake up nestled safely in his arms. Derek looked down at her. God, she was so beautiful in his arms, even in sleep. His long wait was finally over. Touching her soft face, he leaned down and gave her warm lips a soft peck. Everything was going to be alright, he thought as he gently eased her out of the car. With the long time object of his affection in his arms, Derek slipped unnoticed into the darkness of the night. He carefully positioned her body in the trunk of his old beater Chevy Caprice before going back to the scene of his crime of passion. He took her purse and her keys and made sure nothing looked out of the ordinary. Then he walked back around to his car and started it, driving off into the night to his secret destination. Heart thumping, he used his bare hand to wipe his face and he caught a lingering whiff of her shampoo. The scent made him groan, adding to his already growing arousal. It had stated off rocky but it was a good plan and the end result would be perfect. He loved her and finally, after two years, finally she would love him, too.


	6. You're Lost, Little Girl

Lucas turned the radio up as the station played a song by The Doors. Normally it wasn't a song he would have played and Nathan and Skills and the guys had given him plenty of flack for it but it was one of Peyton's favorites. It was, _You're Lost, Little Girl _from their 1967 Strange Days album. It wasn't one of their bigger known hits but Lucas knew the words by heart courtesy of so many times of lying on Peyton's bed listening to Ellie's old records. He was so into his groove that he didn't even his phone ring, catching the unfamiliar number one ring away from sudden voice mail.

"Hello?"

"Lucas?"

"Speaking. Who is this?"

"I go away for a few days and you already forget about me. It's Larry."

Lucas smiled. Over the years he had become friendly with the father of one of his best friends.

"What's up? How is New Zealand treating you?"

"Working my ass off but I can't complain. It's a sweet gig and it sure is beautiful down here. How about Tree Hill? What am I missing?"

Lucas looked around and couldn't help but smile.

"Nothing much, man. Same old, same old."

"So I take it you are enjoying those last lazy, hazy days of summer before college in the fall."

"You know it. Summer is always great but this one is gonna be different for sure. No Keith and now my mom has a baby on the way and so do Nathan and Hales. No Brooke and uh, no Peyton."

Larry sighed.

"Yeah, life can change on you in an instant. Speaking of my baby girl, though, did you get a chance to see her before she left?"

"Yeah. She dropped by. It was nice but uh, she left something behind at my house."

"What's that?"

"It was a paper with all her flight itinerary on it. I tried to call her cell later on when I found it but it went straight to voicemail. She didn't call back or anything so she probably had it memorized and made another copy."

"I was hoping she'd let you take her to the airport."

"I tried, Larry but you know Peyton. Her mind was already made up and we both know what that means."

The older man couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yeah. Peyton was born stubborn. I talked to her a few nights ago but she has decided to rough this little adventure on her own or at least until she gets settled in L.A. so she asked me not to call her and said it would be a few days before she got in touch with me."

Lucas frowned.

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I don't like it one bit but you kids are growing up and I'm trying to respect Peyton's wishes. I'm still her dad, though and she has me worried sick."

"Peyt is a strong girl and she's gonna be fine."

"I know but I'll feel a lot better once I know that she left okay and everything is fine."

Lucas thought as he came to a stop sign at the corner of a familiar street.

"Hey, Larry, I'm just two blocks over. I could ride by the house if you want. Don't know how much good it would do but I wouldn't mind."

"Would you, son?"

"No problem", Lucas stated as he put on his left signal.

"Just make sure everything is okay and the house is locked up. Peyt can be forgetful as all hell sometimes. Listen, there's a spare key underneath that birdhouse in the backyard. Would you mind taking a look around inside?"

"Sure thing. I'll give it a quick look over and call you right back. Is this number good?"

"Yeah, it's an international cell phone. And thanks, Lucas. I really appreciate this. You're a good kid."

A few seconds later, Lucas pulled up in front of the Sawyer home, parking his car right behind Peyton's. All was quiet in the peaceful neighborhood as a few trees rustled, giving a welcoming breeze to the already scorching hot North Carolina morning. Getting out, he walked around the passenger side of her vehicle. He kneeled down and looked at the grass. A small muddy path had been indented as if something had been dragged across it. Lucas chuckled to himself and shook his head. Poor Peyton. She probably had tons of bags packed to the brim. He could just imagine her dragging them all over the front yard. Why hadn't she just called him and asked for help and a lift to the airport.

Standing up, something else caught his eye. He peered closer in the window and saw what appeared to be her keys lying on the floor as if they hadn't been pulled securely from the ignition and had simply dropped. He shook his head again. Peyton must have been in quite the rush and if she had realized what she had done, he could only imagine the four letter words that had spewed from her mouth. He checked her doors, which were locked. Going back to his car, he retrieved the ever faithful wire clothes hanger. It was a trick to opening most cars, and one Keith had taught him as a young boy. A few grunt filled and sweat soaked minutes later, he had the driver's door open.

Lucas waved at the elderly neighbor as he went around back to retrieve the house key. It was where Larry had said it would be and he opened the front door. It was almost weird. Peyton hardly ever locked the door and Lucas couldn't remember a recent time visiting where he had to use a key or knock. But all was well and quiet. He walked through each room downstairs to make sure everything was safe and secure. Then he headed upstairs.

The bedrooms were quiet and orderly and he opened the door to check Peyton's. It creaked as it always did as he walked over to her bed. He smiled. It was so…Peyton. The art, the décor, the pictures, just the whole atmosphere. Complicated and smart yet brooding and interesting. Adjectives that described his pretty blonde friend to a tee. He could even smell her still, that light but delicious smelling perfume that seemed to linger ever time she left a room. It was almost like she was going to walk in at any second.

Lucas reminisced. They had always shared a special relationship. The chemistry had always been there but the timing and circumstances had never been quite right. But she was a wonderful girl and one of his best friends. He couldn't help but think what would have been had he not been so lonely and horny that night two years before that he had called Brooke over. Truthfully, he had just wanted sex and a little companionship. Brooke was an amazing girl and in another time perhaps he would have had true feelings for her but at that time, his heart belonged to another, her best friend. Peyton had his mind reeling. He wanted her so bad, he could feel it. But she didn't want him. So he had called Brooke and she had come over. Then so had Peyton. And it had been a drama and heartbreak filled love triangle ever since.

He snapped back to reality. The past was the past. So much had happened since then. They had all changed so much. But through it all, he would forever have a soft spot in his heart for Peyton. That night she had come to his room to say good bye, he had been tempted to tell her so. He had no idea exactly what he would say or even how he felt. He just wanted to say something before she left, tell her how special she was and that maybe the future would hold something more for them. But it wasn't meant to be. The stars somehow just weren't on their side, he thought as he pulled the door together. Everything looked good to go upstairs but he had failed to walk just a few feet to the other side of the bed. If he had, he would have seen her packed luggage still sitting neatly on the floor. Sighing, he closed the door and locked up the house. Taking a seat on the front steps, he made a call back to Larry.

"What's up, Luke? Everything alright?"

"Everything looks good to go. Looks like our girl made it to California safe and sound."

Larry breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"That's good to know. Hopefully she will call soon."

"Hopefully."

"So my house is still in one piece? The stove wasn't left on or anything unusual?" he half joked.

"Everything looked fine except one thing…"

"What's that?"

"Peyton's car."

"What about it?"

"For starters, she left it on the curb. I kind of thought with her being gone so long she would park it in the driveway."

"She probably forgot…or got rushed. Damn, I have her spare here with me so there's no way you can move it. I guess it will just have to wait until I get back to town."

"Actually, that's the other thing I had to tell you."

"What?"

"Peyton must have been in one heck of a rush. Apparently she locked her keys in the car. I found them on her floor."

"Great", Larry sighed. "Poor kid."

"Don't worry. I got them out. Do you want me to move her car?"

"If you don't mind. And another thing…could you keep looking in on the house until I get back?"

"Sure."

"Thanks, son. I appreciate it. Now I have to go. Call me if you need me or if anything goes wrong…or if you hear from Peyton."

"Will do, Larry", Lucas hung up.

He walked over and sat in her car, cranking the engine. Oddly her stereo was turned down and when he adjusted the volume, there was that Doors song playing again. How ironic, he thought as he put the car in reverse but then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He hadn't smelled it before but what in the hell was that god awful smell? It was like ammonia, but worse…stronger. It almost choked him as he had to roll down the window just to move her car a few feet.

Getting out, he gave the house one last look see. Everything looked alright, he just hoped Peyton was. The summer had just begun and she had just left but he missed her already. In fact, he couldn't wait for her to get back. Who knows, when she did, maybe everything would be different?


	7. Angel Of Mercy

Peyton stirred and groaned. Her eyes moved but they did not open. Instead, she began to drift once again…

"_Lucas, I made a mistake. When you said you wanted to be with me, I got, I got scared but the truth is, I want all the same things that you want…and I want them with you."_

"_Peyton…"_

"_I love you. I love you, Lucas. I was afraid of that before but not now. Because I know what I want and the only thing that scares me now, is not being able to love you."_

_His blue eyes welled with tears. It had been such a long night. Nathan had passed out on the court and scared everyone half to death. And through all the normal pressures and stressors, Lucas had still been dealing with his underlying issues with Peyton. He had waited for her to show up at the game that night but she hadn't. Not seeing her killed him, took him to a dark place. But Brooke had been there, flirting up a storm as usual. And there was nothing in him to stop her…at first. So she had followed him home and when they were sure Keith was sleeping, she had changed into one of his sweatshirts. He knew what was to happen next. Brooke Davis wanted him bad. And just when it was getting hot and heavy he stopped it. Lucas could not go through with that. She was a pretty girl and he liked her but casual sex, friends with benefits, if you will, just wouldn't cut it. Not when his heart belonged to another._

_With Brooke gone, he had felt pretty low. And she had been quite upset. He had expected the worst with the late night knocking on the door but his wildest dreams couldn't have prepared him for the best. There she was, stumbling over her words but they were words he had waited for months to hear. All he could do was hold her. There was no need to rush what would ultimately be inevitable. And all she could do was cry. Peyton Sawyer had never felt safer…_

"Lucas…" she whimpered.

But there was no answer. There was simply darkness. Darkness and silence.

…

_Peyton frantically dashed into the motel. It was just as they had left it but it had to be there. For 24 hours her emotions had been in an uproar. She thought her father was dead and the long drive to discover the truth had been one of clarity. With her for comfort was her boyfriend, Lucas Scott. He was always with her in times of need._

"_It has to be in here", she pulled down the bed, gasping when she finally saw the bracelet her father had given her._

"_Got it?" Lucas asked as she started to cry. "Hey, it's okay. Everything's okay now."_

_She closed her eyes. Everything was okay. It was okay because her father was alive, because she had found her bracelet…and because Lucas was her boyfriend and no matter what, he'd always be by her side. _

_Their eyes met and they embraced. He was so close, she could feel the heat from his body. Looking up, she captured his lips with hers. He kissed back, loving the very taste of her. She closed her eyes when his strong hands expertly removed her jacket before taking off his own. She sat on the bed and Lucas took off her top shirt. Gently he eased her down, taking his time as he kissed every exposed inch of her flat stomach. He moved up to her neck, taking off both their clothes until they were completely undressed. After months of yearning, wanting and waiting, the sexual tension was too much and in one quick thrust, they became one, just the way it was meant to be…_

Peyton gasped. It was so hot, so hard to breathe. Her head turned slowly from side to side but her eyes would not open no matter how hard she tried. Every muscle of her body seemed to ache. It felt like she had been dreaming forever, a series of dreams she just couldn't wake up from.

She could see Brooke. Since the time they were little girls, they had been quite the pair. With pigtails swinging, they rode their bikes down the lane and when they were a little older, they'd sneak off to the mall for make up and CDs. They baked cakes in the Easy Bake Oven, were sack race partners at camp, made up cheerleading routines, and bought their first box of tampons together. It was a friendship that could endure anything.

"Brooke", she called out.

If she could just open her eyes, just reach out, she could see that brunette hair and that dimpled smile. "Come on, P. Sawyer, let's get out of here", she'd say. And then everything would be alright…

She could see Haley and Nathan. They were so happy, so in love. And in their arms was a beautiful baby, with light hair and a button nose like its mother and crystal blue eyes like his father. They were a family, a real unit determined to break free from the chaotic and often heartbreaking Scott family cycle. Peyton called out for her friends, yearned to touch them but it was like they were too far away, enclosed in a bubble of bliss where she simply couldn't break through.

"Nathan! Haley!" she tried to scream but her voice was just too hoarse.

She could see her father. Larry Sawyer had no biological ties but from the moment he had held her, just minutes old, she had been his little girl. He loved her with all his heart. He had listened to her dreams, shared with her their hopes and comforted her fears. Through it all, she just wanted to find herself, make him proud. He had always been there to take care of her, why couldn't he help her once more.

"Daddy! Daddy, it's me! Please come for me! Please come get me! I'm scared! Don't leave me out here all alone."

But he didn't come. Not this time…

She could see her mother. There was Anna. She wore a white dress that made her look like an angel as she walked through a beautiful garden of many colors. Light radiated off her face as her blonde hair blew in the breeze. She stopped and smiled, waving right at Peyton.

"Mom! Mom, come back!"

But the more she called, the farther Anna went until she completely disappeared. Then came another figure, more blonde hair whisping in the wind.

"Ellie", Peyton grinned. "You…you came back for me."

Ellie just smiled.

"I love you, sweetie. I told you we would see each other again."

Peyton tried to run to her but it was too late. Why was everyone leaving? Why couldn't she get to them. Her frustration built until she heard him call her name. If she could just open her eyes, she knew he would really be there.

"Lucas!"

"Peyton!"

"Lucas!"

"Peyton!"

She smiled through tears. She knew he would come for her.

"You…you're my angel. You always save me."

He reached his hand out for her but she couldn't grab it. And then, he too was gone. Peyton was all alone as the images from her mirage slowly began to fade one by one. And then it was there. She felt the presence before she saw it and it made her blood run cold. It was the Dark Angel, an alter ego of sorts, the other side of Peyton.

"Well, well, well", the Angel of Death smirked, in her black winged costume. "Look who we have here. It's you."

"You", Peyton repeated.

"Look at you. Absolutely pathetic but I guess I should have known."

"What do you want? You always haunt me in my dreams."

The angel looked right at her.

"Are you sure this is a dream?"

"What are you doing here? Why are you here? Leave me alone."

"Don't you miss me? Don't you miss the daily talks from that little voice inside your head."

"Go away!"

"You don't mean that, Peyton. After all, you need me."

"What is going on? What's happening to me?"

The Angel paced around.

"People always leave. Isn't that what you're always bitching about?"

"You said before that I drive them away."

"Not this time."

Peyton shook her head.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you back? Last time, it was because of Ellie."

"I'm back because you need me…because you need to be stronger now than you've ever been."

"Why? What are you talking about?"

"Promise me."

"No! I won't promise you anything!"

"When you promise me, Peyton, remember, you promise yourself. Now you have to be strong. That's the only way to get through this."

"Get through what?"

"Promise, Peyton! Promise! Promise! Promise! Promise! Promise!"

The Angel was getting irate.

"Fine!" Peyton yelled. "I promise! Damn, are you happy now? Alright? I promise to be strong! What about you?"

The Angel only smiled as she began to fade away.

"Of course I do. But I'm only as strong as you'll let me be. You can wake up now…"

And just like that, Peyton's eyes popped open. She blinked at the dimness that was only lightened with candles. There had to be hundreds of them. She tried to sit but she couldn't and that's when she realized her feet were tightly bound but the rope around her bruised and battered wrists was loose enough to pull free. Peyton did so, wincing at the pain she felt all over.

She tried to remember. Where was she? How had she gotten there? Why did she hurt? Why was she so groggy? In the corner was a dusty, old broken mirror. Summoning her strength, Peyton dragged herself over to it. She looked like hell, clammy and pale with large bags underneath her eyes. And her face. What was that red mark near her mouth? And it hurt so bad. It looked like a chemical burn.

Peyton tried to shake it off. She had to be dreaming or at least hallucinating again. Sometimes her mind played tricks on her, like when that damned dark angel from her Halloween costume appeared. And then she desperately tried to remember the last thing that had happened. She was in front of her house in her car and she had not been alone. Who was there? Her father? Lucas? No! No, it had been Derek. Derek had been with her. Peyton smiled. All she had to do was find Derek and he would make it better.

"Derek! Derek!" she called out louder and louder.

It was to no avail. The room was dark and small and she used her hands to feel around. It had to be a mistake. What was going on? Where was she? And she smiled again. On a lone wooden chair, was Derek's white wife beater. It was okay. She was safe.

And then she saw it. Her groggy eyes widened as she rubbed them. Looking in the mirror had been frightening but nothing had prepared her for the other side of the wall. There was a sick shrine, illuminated creepily by the candles. Dozens of hundreds of pictures of Peyton taken over the last two years of her life. She gasped for breath, falling down at her ankles still bound by the tight rope and that's when it hit her. It was no dream. It was no hallucination. The scene before her was horrifically real.


	8. Unhappily Ever After

Peyton sat huddled in the corner. With her knees to her chest, she whimpered softly to herself. It was like a bad movie. It couldn't be real. She was supposed to be living it up in Los Angeles having the summer of her life. Instead she was in a dark infested hole with no air, all alone and frightened with only her twisted imagination and an even more twisted wall of hundreds of photos of her. Peyton felt sick. She felt violated even. Although she had been too scared to get a good look of all the pictures plastered on the wall like a sick collage, she had caught glimpse of a few. They were of her cheerleading at Raven's games. Her in her front yard. Hanging out at TRIC. Doing something as normal as walking downtown. And oblivious to her at the time, someone had been stalking and capturing her every move. Just the thought sent more tears streaming down her cheeks.

She wiped at her eyes but her hands were so dirty, it began to sting. And she was hungry, too. And her head hurt, even though it was dark. Peyton had never been afraid of the dark before but the candles were starting to creep her out. All she wanted was to wake up from that nightmare. Peyton Sawyer wanted to go home. She put her head down and squeezed her eyes real tight and then she heard it. At first it was like heavy footsteps headed her way and just when she thought it was her overactive imagination again, she heard a door creak open. Peyton's heart pounded furiously inside her chest as she bit her lip so hard that it bled. She scooted further back but there was nowhere to go. Whoever it was, was in the room with her, standing right in front of her. But Peyton couldn't bare to look. She had never been that terrified before in her life, not even when she had been shot at the school. But then again, Lucas had been there to save, her comfort her. But where was he now? Why couldn't anyone, someone come and help her? A hand touched her shoulder and she let out a blood curdling scream.

"_No!"_

She shook so hard she felt like she might pas out, then she heard it.

"Peyton?"

A voice. A sweet, calm, familiar voice. The frightened blonde looked up and she had never been so relieved.

"Derek!"

He kneeled down towards her, his fingertips stroking her tear stained cheeks.

"Peyton…"

"I am so glad to see you", she cried.

"I knew you would be", he smiled. "I'm so happy to see you, too."

"My ankles", she winced. "Please. It's too tight. Can you help me?"

He finished untying her and when he did, Peyton collapsed in his arms, burying her face in his chest.

"Shhh. It's okay. You're alright now. Derek is here and I won't let anything happen to you."

"Derek, what happened? Where are we?"

"Just calm down…"

"I think we've been kidnapped", she continued in a bumbling panic. "I can't remember what happened! We were at my car and my house and I don't remember anything else! And I woke up here and I was tied up and face hurts and I don't see my purse or my keys!"

"Peyton…"

"We can't just stay here! They'll find us!"

Derek wrinkled his nose.

"Who are they?"

"They! Them! I don't know! Whoever took us! Whoever did this and brought us here!"

"Peyton, relax."

"No! Derek, we have to leave now! We have to make a run for it!"

He looked around.

"We can't", he answered quietly.

Peyton backed away.

"But…but I don't understand. Do you, do you know why we're here?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"Yes, Peyton. Yes, I do. I know everything."

"Who? Please tell me! Who would do this?"

"I brought you here", he said, looking right at her.

Peyton's eyes searched around at the dismal surroundings. Why? It didn't make sense.

"Why?" she mouthed.

"Because it was the only way."

"Only way for what?"

"For us to be together. Don't you see?"

Peyton put her hands up.

"See what? No! This is not happening! Derek, what are you talking about?"

"I love you, Peyton. I always have. From the very first time I ever laid eyes on you. God, you were so beautiful. I remember it like it was yesterday."

"At…at TRIC. I remember. You came in for an interview with Deb."

Derek shook his head and smiled.

"No. It was before that. I was screwing around on the computer one night and I came across your sight. Punk 'N' Disorderly. I don't know what made me click on it. But I did and there you were on your web cam, sitting in your room drawing. I can't explain it, it's like I was hypnotized or something. I could just watch you for hours. That's what I used to do, just sit around and admire your beauty."

"Derek…"

"Then I heard you. You did your first podcast and I swear it was the voice of an angel. You, you were wearing these little black sleep shorts and a white tank top and your hair was long and curly then and you had it pulled up…"

Peyton could barely remember the details of that night herself, much less what she was wearing. It had been over two years.

"Oh my God…"

"You talked about loneliness. Your heart was aching that night and I knew then, Peyton, that we were just meant to be somehow. You were in such a dark place and you were looking for a soul mate, just someone to love and understand you. Well, I do. It's like you were channeling me."

"Derek…"

"I used to follow you. I found out where you lived and what time you'd leave for school and cheer practice and stuff. I'd sit out and watch you. I've been doing the amateur photography thing for years but none of my stuff was ever good enough until I started taking pictures of you."

"You, you did that out there?" Peyton's voice shook along with the finger she was pointing. "Those are all your pictures of me?"

Derek smiled proudly.

"Yeah. Aren't they great? I mean, I took them but I can't take all the credit. It's your natural beauty that makes them so perfect."

"Those are hundreds of pictures Derek you took of me over two years and I never knew you were there."

"I know. It's beautiful."

"No! Stop saying that! It's not beautiful. It's creepy and it's sick."

"It's a form of art, Peyton. Don't you get it? It's just another way we connect. We're both artists."

"You were stalking me", she mouthed. "TRIC…"

"I just wanted to be close to you. When Karen and Deb put an ad out for a new bartender, it was the perfect opportunity to be close to you."

She shook her head.

"You were my friend…"

"Friend", he repeated in a cool voice. "I hate that word."

"I trusted you."

"You still can."

"Derek…"

"All those good times. Remember that? We had so much fun working together. We'd spend hours listening to music. We even went to the movies a couple of times."

"All that time you were stalking me."

"I was loving you. I was being close to you. I was getting to know you."

"Why? Why did you do all that?"

"I just wanted us to be together. Lucas broke your heart. Jake broke your heart. Your dad was never around. You and Brooke were so distanced. Haley and Nathan had each other. Your mom was already dead, then Ellie died, too. You had no one. People always leave…remember that?"

"Please stop."

"Not me. I'll never leave you, Peyton. You just didn't realize it. I tried to be that stand up guy for you but you were just too blind to see real love when it was right in front of your face. So I had to do something about it. I had to make you see. I couldn't just let you run off to California."

"What did you do?" she whispered.

"I watched you that night, the night before you were supposed to leave", he stated calmly. "I followed you from Nathan and Haley's apartment over to Lucas' house. Then you left and I parked around the back. I walked up to your car as soon as you pulled up."

Peyton's heart pounded faster and harder than it ever had. It was all starting to come back. How weird he was acting, the steely look in his eye. She suddenly remembered how scared he had made her when he had closed the door on her. She could remember him run around to the passenger side of her car and jump in before she could lock that door as well.

"You, you took me…"

"I didn't want to. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I asked you to come with me but you wouldn't. You had some lame excuse that you had to get ready for your flight, like that was supposed to be more important than me, than us. So I had to take you, Peyton. I didn't want to do it that way but you were being so goddamned stubborn. So I just used a little something to calm you down and make you a little sleepy."

"Derek, you drugged me", she cried, touching her tender nose and cheek. "My face…"

"Relax. It's not even a bad chemical burn. You just had a reaction to the ether. It's just a little red. I promise it will clear up in a few days.

"Oh my God, oh my God…"

"Peyton", he tried to hold her.

"No! Leave me alone! Get away from me!"

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do! You're crazy! You've been stalking me for two years and you kidnapped me and drugged me and brought me to this hellhole!"

"It's just temporary, just until I can figure out a few more things. I won't leave you here. You're way too good for this place. We'll get a nice apartment, a new house even."

"No! I don't want to live with you! I want to leave! Let me go!"

She turned to try to run but there was nowhere to run to. Peyton found herself in a circle, running from corner to corner, with nothing but Derek and his sick shrine in between.

"No, no", he grabbed her. "You don't want to leave. I know you're scared right now but you just have to trust me. I will never let anything happen to you, okay? We'll be safe here."

Peyton began to sob hysterically. She dropped to her knees in fear and denial, utterly disgusted when he held her in his arms. But she couldn't fight back. For the moment, it wasn't in her. All she could do was cry and cry and cry.

"Please…" she moaned

Derek held her tighter as he kissed her with a smile, shivering with orgasmic delight as he tasted the blood on her lips.

"You don't want to leave. It's me. I love you, Peyton. I'm doing this for us. One day soon, you'll see. It's meant to be. You love me, too, you just don't know it yet but this is the beginning of our fairytale. You're the princess and I'm your white knight and we're going to live happily ever after."


	9. Where Are You Now?

Lucas struggled to keep his breath at an even pace with his feet as his brother just looked over and laughed.

"What?" he asked.

Nathan shook his head.

"Dude, you're pathetic. Pathetic and out of shape. Look at your ass. Could you run any slower? My wife can run faster than you and she's about to have a baby", he declared proudly.

Lucas playfully rolled his eyes.

"I run fast when I'm actually awake. I mean, who works out at the ass crack of dawn anyway? And speaking of my sister in law and little nephew to be, how are they?"

Nathan smiled widely as he always did when the subject of his growing family came up.

"It's great. I mean, at first when Hales told me she was pregnant, I got so scared. I mean, I freaked out. Kids change everything and I thought I, I thought we weren't ready. But I was wrong and man, I have never been so glad about being wrong my whole life. We have every pregnancy and baby book ever printed and Haley makes me watch all those gross births on the Discovery Health Channel and I have Lamaze on Mondays and Mother/Baby Yoga on Wednesdays but it's cool. It's nice, Luke. I'm excited, dude. I never thought I'd say this but I can't wait to get up in the middle of the night and change shitty diapers."

Lucas couldn't help but grin. The transformation in his little brother was nothing short of amazing. He was so proud of the man Nathan Scott had become. But Nathan couldn't take all the credit. The biggest part of his positive life change, had to do with his wife and Luke's best friend, Haley. The two and their undying, unconditional love could and would endure everything. Lucas was truly happy for them. It was a beautiful thing but at times he couldn't help but be a little envious. To love someone that deeply and be loved back…what could possibly be better? It was a feeling Lucas had craved all his life, always trying to equal the love his mother had given him and the love his father had not. For a while he thought he had found it in Brooke Davis but it wasn't meant to be and Lucas was left unsure if love itself would ever be in the cards for him.

"I'm proud of you, dude."

"I'm proud of me, too", Nathan sighed as Lucas' cell phone rang and the two men stopped jogging.

"It's summer", Lucas groaned. "Don't people sleep in anymore?"

Nathan grinned.

"See? Even if I hadn't woken your lazy ass up for a run this morning, the phone would have."

Lucas punched at him before glancing down at the Caller ID.

"What's up, Larry?"

"Hey, Luke", came the familiar voice on the other end of the line. "Sorry to call so early. Did I wake you?"

Lucas looked over at his brother and smiled.

"Nah. Nate took care of that one earlier. What's up?"

"Nothing much. It's been a few days and I was just calling to see if you heard from our girl yet."

"No. Sorry, I haven't. Peyton hasn't called me."

Larry sighed deeply.

"Dammitt. Me either. Honestly, son, I'm starting to get a little worried."

"I'm sure she's fine. You know Peyton. She's off being independent, doing her own things. She'll call soon."

"I hope so. Not hearing her voice kills me", the father said.

Lucas swallowed hard.

"Me, too", he replied softly.

"Anyway, is the house still in one piece?"

"Looking good. I didn't go yesterday but I'm out on a run with Nathan right now. We're not far from your street. I'll go check things out and bring the mail inside and stuff."

"You're a good man, Luke and I appreciate it."

"No sweat."

"Just give me a call if you hear from her."

"Will do."

"And if you hear from her before I do, tell her to call me."

"Yes, sir."

"And tell her when I see her, I'm gonna kill her…after I hug her to death."

Lucas chuckled.

"Got you."

"I'll talk to you later and thanks again."

Lucas smiled as he hung up.

"What was that all about?" Nathan asked.

"That was Peyton's dad. He asked me to look in on their house while Peyton is in L.A. and he's out to sea."

"That's cool. You heard from her?"

"Not yet. I was hoping Hales had."

Nathan shook his head.

"Nah, she would have mentioned it but I'm surprised you haven't."

Lucas shrugged.

"She was really nervous about going out there and she wanted to do it on her own so she said it would be a while before she called us and stuff."

Nathan chuckled.

"Yeah, that sounds like Peyton alright. But I still figured she would have called you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I think she likes you."

"I like her, too. She's one of my best friends."

Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Man, don't make me punch you. You know what I'm talking about. I think Peyton likes you, like really likes you."

Lucas made a face.

"We're friends, dude."

"Luke…"

"What? Peyton's great but that ship passed us by a long time ago. Besides, I like being friends."

"Luke, you're weak. What straight guy wants to be just friends with a pretty girl? What are you guys gonna go do, shop for drapes or some stupid shit like that?"

"Males and females can be friends without sex involved, thank you very much and by the way, I'll leave the drapes shopping to you and Hales. She's got you whipped, boy", Lucas teased.

"I'm telling you, she likes you. I feel it."

"Then why hasn't she said something?"

"How the hell do I know? Chicks are weird. I think I married the last normal one and all those pregnancy hormones has been making that one iffy the last few months. But bottom line, you guys are always together and you're always there to save her."

"Save her? Lay off the Lifetime, little brother. I'm not always saving Peyton."

They came to a stop in front of the Sawyer home and Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"Need I say more?"

"So I'm a good friend doing a good neighborly deed? Besides, Larry asked me to do this and not Peyton, so shut your trap and help me look around."

"Whatever", Nathan just smirked as they walked the grounds.

"Looks safe and secure to me", Lucas announced as they headed towards the front.

"Look up there", Nathan pointed.

"What's up?"

"See that curtain blowing? Looks like someone left the window open."

Lucas strained his eyes. Nathan was right and he had never noticed that before.

"That's Peyton's room. Good looking out, bro. I hadn't seen it. Come on. I'm just gonna do a real quick walk through the house and we'll close it when we go upstairs."

Nathan followed his brother inside as they walked though the house. All was well and quiet, just as father and daughter had left it before vacating the premises. Lucas carefully placed the mounting piles of mail on the kitchen countertop beside the others before grabbing the keys and cranking their respective vehicles so the batteries would not die. He returned to the house and the two brothers walked upstairs. Lucas opened the door to Peyton's room and smiled. It still smelled like her although she hadn't been there in days.

"Peyton and her art", Nathan chuckled and shook his head as he looked around. "Damn, I haven't been up here in a while."

"I'm sure your wife would be happy to hear that", Lucas joked as he walked around.

The room was quiet and still. Everything looked in place just as it had the last time he had checked on it.

"Good to go or are we gonna stand here all day with that goofy ass grin on your face? Come on, Luke, I'm ready to hit the River Court and play some ball."

"Whatever and I do not have a goofy grin on my face."

"You're such a little girl", Nathan said before walking over to the window.

His foot kicked against something and he nearly tripped.

"Ha! That's what you get, Clumsy!"

Nathan cursed and rubbed at the sore knee he had just banged.

"I'm not clumsy. If Peyton didn't have all this shit everywhere."

Lucas walked over.

"Now who's a little girl? Did you hurt your knee? Want me to kiss it and make it all better?"

"I have something you can kiss."

Lucas' smile faded.

"What the…"

"I was just joking, dude. Now let's get going", Nathan closed and locked the window.

"Nate…"

"What?"

Lucas walked over to what his brother had tripped over. It was luggage. It was Peyton's luggage.

"These are her bags", he whispered.

Nathan shrugged.

"Newsflash, we're in her room."

Lucas shook his head.

"Look at them. They're all packed and ready to go. Look at the tags. They're Delta. That's the same airline Peyt was flying to California on, I saw the itinerary."

"It's just her name and address. Maybe they're from another, old trip."

"Yeah but that's still her luggage. She travels with it all the time. I've seen it on the overnight trips we had going to games and stuff."

Nathan looked around.

"Maybe she took another bag."

"I don't know…"

"Or maybe she was in a rush to get her cab and she forgot it."

"Maybe…"

"You okay?"

Lucas nodded.

"Yeah. It's just, I don't know, it's a little weird. No one saw Peyton get on her plane, she left keys in her car parked by the curb and not in the driveway, nobody has heard from her, not even her dad and now all her bags are still sitting in her room."

"What are you saying, Lucas?"

"I, I don't know what I'm saying. I mean, doesn't this seem a little bit suspicious to you?"

"I don't know about suspicious. Weird, maybe. But I'm sure there's a good explanation. Peyton was probably in a huge rush. I'm sure she's fine and she's gonna call her dad or you or Haley any day now."

"I, I don't know, Nate. I have this strange feeling."

"You're just worried and it's making you paranoid. What do you think happened, she got kidnapped or something? Lucas, Peyton is fine."

Lucas pulled out his phone and dialed. It went immediately to her voicemail.

"Hey, it's Peyton. I can't come to the phone right now but you know what to do."

He sighed, goose bumps on his flesh when he heard her voice.

"Peyt, what's up? It's me. I know you're probably having the time of your life right now and I hope all is well but could you give us a call soon? Your dad is really worried and we all miss you. I'm sure you're fine but we still want to hear from you. Larry has me looking in on the house. By the way, you left your keys in the car and your bedroom window was open and your bags are still here. Must have been one hell of a hurry. But everything here is good and everybody is fine but we're worried about you. So give us a call. Later."

Lucas exhaled as he hung up.

"You okay?" Nathan asked.

"I guess."

"You want to call somebody?"

He looked around, still unable to shake that nagging, sinking feeling.

"No. No, it's cool. You're right. I'll, um, just wait for Peyton to call."

Nathan nodded as Lucas followed him out and they locked up. Walking away, he turned and gave the house one last look before glancing down again at his phone.

"_Where are you, Peyt?" he whispered to himself. "Where are you?"_


	10. Say My Name

Peyton whimpered as she stirred. Shivering in the corner, she had fallen asleep again. It came in restless, radical spurts, always ending when her eyes popped open and once again she was faced with the terror of her new reality. She closed her eyes and a stream of tears fell. Peyton winced at the pain. She had been crying so much that her tear ducts literally ached every time water came from her eyes. But there was nothing else to do except cry. Cry and pray for someone, anyone to rescue her before it was too late.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him pacing. His bare feet trudged across the dirty floor, a determined look in his scary eyes. Why hadn't she seen it before? Had the warning signs been there all along? Derek was her friend, a good friend, and she had seen him as such. But beneath all the charm and jokes and good advice, had a monster been lurking there the whole time? The erratic young man before her was a person she didn't recognize. Maybe he wasn't evil but just sick. If he was and there was still a tiny strand of good left in his soul, maybe she would be able to reach him, plead with him to do the right thing before it went too far.

"Derek…" she almost whispered.

Her voice seemed to pull him out of his trance.

"Peyton!" he happily rushed over to her. "You're awake!"

He stroked her forehead and she cringed.

"Hey."

"Wait right here", he said before disappearing.

She bit her lip. Where the hell was she going to go, she thought? But he was back in less than a minute, hands full.

"What, what are you doing?" she asked. "What's all this?"

He gave her a rumpled bag and drink in a styrofoam cup.

"Here. Eat up. I bought this for you. I figured you'd be hungry. It's really good. It's a cheeseburger and fries and some of that egg salad you like on the side. I hope tea is okay to drink?"

Peyton nodded as she cried again. She was hungry and thirsty, although she hadn't realized it until that very moment when nourishment had been placed in front of her. Her hands trembled as she opened it up and began to devour the cold food and warm drink. But she cried because she knew where it had come from. It was takeout from Karen's Café.

"Thank you", she managed to say.

Derek smiled widely.

"You're welcome, baby. I knew you would like it. I know you, Peyton. I know all your favorites."

She nodded and continued to eat in silence. In truth, she was fearful of him. His touches repulsed her. Every time she heard him speak to her as if she were his lover there of her own free will, she wanted to scream and run away. But Peyton knew she couldn't do that. Derek had convinced himself that he was in love with her. Her only chance for survival, escape was to feed into that, approach his softer, saner side and perhaps what was left of his sanity.

"Derek, you…you're a nice guy."

"I'm the guy for you. I'll take care of you, Peyton."

She nodded.

"I know you want to. I, I know you don't want to hurt me."

"Hurt you? Hurt you? No! No, Peyton, sweetie, I would never do that. I love you, too much. I won't hurt you."

She tried to remain calm and search for the right words.

"This isn't right. None of this is right. You, you can't just keep me here. It's dirty and we don't have food and it's dark…"

"I know. This location sucks and it's only temporary until I can figure out our next move but I promise it won't be long, okay? Peyton, I know you're too good for this place. You deserve so much better and I swear I am going to give that to you soon. Just be patient, okay?"

"Derek, I want to go home", she pleaded in a little girl's voice.

"You only think you do."

"No. I know I want to."

He sucked in a sharp breath.

"Why? Why, Peyton? Why do you want to go home?"

Another tear fell.

"I'm safe there. My dad will be there. I…I don't have to be afraid."

"You don't have to be afraid now", he responded in an increasingly agitated tone. "I already told you. You are safe here, Peyton. You're with me."

"I want my daddy", she started to sob.

"Why?" Derek threw his hands in the air. "He was never there before! The guy is a fucking douche bag! He doesn't give a shit about you! If he did, he wouldn't leave you alone so much. Social Services should have stepped in a long time ago!"

"He's a good dad."

"Whatever", Derek rolled his eyes. "Just, just stop crying!"

"I'm sorry. I…I can't. I, I, I can't help it."

"Well, help it because it gets on my nerves! Jesus, Peyton, I can't think with you making all that noise!"

"Let me call him. Please. Just for a second. I just want to hear his voice. I know he is so worried about me."

"Not now, maybe later, if you're good. It's too soon. You keep crying and that'll only make it worse. Besides, you might tell him something bad."

"Bad? No, I won't. I won't say anything bad, Derek. I promise."

"I don't believe you, Peyton. You might tell him I kidnapped you or something. You might tell him you want to go home."

She couldn't believe her ears.

"Derek, you say you brought me here because you love me."

"I do. I love you so much. And you love me, too, you just don't realize it yet, Peyton."

"You want us to be together."

"Don't you see? It's fate. We're supposed to be together."

"Not like this. Look around, Derek. Look where we are and what you had to do to get us here. That's not right."

"I said I'm sorry but…"

"You're better than this. You don't have to do this. You know this is wrong. Let me go. Please let me go."

"No!"

"I won't tell anyone."

"Yes, you will. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Peyton ran her fingers through her hair.

"Derek, I can't be here! Please! I am dirty and I'm scared! You are scaring me! I don't want to be here, not with you, not like this! I want to go home, I want you to let me go! If you care about me, if you really do like you say you do, you wouldn't do this to me! What, you think this is gonna make me fall in love with you? You think I like this? Well, it won't and I don't!"

"You're a fool, Peyton. My sweet, naïve, precious little fool."

His voice softened as he approached her. She closed her eyes in fear and disgust as he kissed her face.

"Don't…"

"I did you a favor. They don't give a shit about you, none of them! Your dad was never there! Both your moms croaked. And Brooke? Um, I'm sorry to tell you but your so called best friend hates your guts. Do you think Nathan and Haley actually have time for you? They're married and all into each other. They're gonna have a kid in a few months and then they're gonna be all about that. Do you think you fit in there, that you actually have a place? Because you don't."

"There are people who do love me and I love them back and they don't have to kidnap me to make me love them", she replied defiantly.

Derek let out a sarcastic chuckle.

"Oh, I get it. You must be talking about the crown prince, the Wonderboy himself. I was waiting for him to come up."

"What?"

"Good old Lucas. You wish he was here, don't you?"

"Stop it, Derek", she looked away.

"It's okay. You can tell the truth. You want him, don't you? Nobody saves the day like Lucas Scott, the hero!"

"What is your fascination with Lucas?"

"What is your fascination with him? You're the one that's in love with him!"

Peyton didn't know what to do or say. She was unsure of her next angle. Obviously reason wasn't working. And as horrified as she was, that fear was manifesting itself into anger and pure rebellion. All her life it felt like Peyton Sawyer had been the victim and she was getting damned tired of it.

"That's right."

"What?"

"I said, that's right. You heard me, Derek. You're right. I do love Lucas. I am in love with him and I do wish he was here."

"Don't say that!"

"Why not? And let me tell you, if he was here and it was just the two of us, I wouldn't be afraid. I would be happy. And if we were here and you were here, I'd be really happy watching him kick your ass!"

"Yeah right. Like that would ever happen."

"Oh it wouldn't? Lucas is an athlete. Have you seen his body, how in shape he is? He's a man, a real man. In fact, he is my prince. He's always saving me. For years I have seen him be brave and stand up for people and what's right. And he actually has the sack to pick on people his own size, unlike you. What the hell are you? Oh yeah. Derek is the big man. Oooo, you can overpower a girl and lock her up in a shit hole and try to make her fall for you! Good deal!"

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

"I hate you, Derek! I swear to God I do and every second you keep me here, that just makes it worse!"

Derek was beginning to lose it. He walked over to Peyton and grabbed her.

"You don't know what you're doing. I forgive you. You don't know what you're saying."

"I know exactly what I'm doing and saying."

"No! No! You love me! It's gonna be okay. Just calm down, Peyton."

"No!"

"I really didn't want to have to do this but you're being a very bad girl and I see you won't rest until you force the issue. Now do I have to go get something to make you calm? Do I have to make you sleep for a few days?"

Peyton's heart pounded! Drugs, she knew he was talking about drugs. The burn on her face was still healing from the first time. Now he was threatening to force something else on her and this time Peyton wasn't having it.

"Fuck you!" she sneered.

She put up a gallant effort of punches, pushes and kicks but it didn't take long for the stronger Derek to easily subdue her.

"Now that's not very nice. If you don't want to take anything, just calm down and say so. No need to get violent about it."

"Go to hell!" she spat on him.

Derek smiled as he used his finger to remove the glob of spit. He closed his eyes as he put it in his mouth and savored the taste.

"I love it when you're feisty. It turns me on. Say my name, baby."

"You're an asshole!"

"Say it! Go ahead and get me all hard. I want to hear you. Whisper in my ear like you love me and say it. Say it over and over again. Come on. Derek, Derek, Derek, Derek…"

Peyton looked right at him, right into his twisted, disturbed eyes. She mustered all her strength and courage for a smile. Then she leaned in to his ear and gently nuzzled it. He moaned out loud and she knew it was turning him on. Then she went for it.

"Lucas", she said in a whisper at first before getting louder. "Lucas! Lucas! Lucas! Lucas!"

Fire flashed in Derek's eyes. How could she?

"You whore!" he screamed, raising an open hand and letting it land hard against the side of Peyton's head.

She screamed but it was of no use. He hit her again over and over with an open hand, then closed fists. He pounded on her face, head, arms and back until she fell. He continued hitting her so hard, her ears rang. He beat her in a frenzy until he finally calmed, standing over her sobbing and shaking battered body. He did love her and he almost felt sorry for her until he remembered what she had done to provoke his rage. Damn Lucas and damn her for even daring to mention him. Derek gave her one final kick to the midsection.

"Please", she begged, feeling her own blood drip everywhere.

He took a deep breath. Peyton would have to learn one way or the other and the sooner the better. She was going to have to learn to forget all about Lucas Scott and he knew the exact way to make that happen.


	11. Save The Cheerleader, Save The World

_The room was dark, so dark you could barely see your own hand in front of your face. It resembled one of those dungeon things like in the video games. Lucas struggled. He struggled with the sights and the sounds and the smells as he desperately tried to feel his way around. And then he heard her._

"_Help me!"_

_His senses heightened._

"_Peyton!"_

"_Lucas!"_

"_Peyton, where are you? What's going on?"_

_He was frantic and her voice sounded tired and pitiful._

"_Lucas, please!"_

_He couldn't see but she seemed to be fading away._

"_Peyton!" he screamed out again._

"_Lucas, help me! Please!"_

"_Peyton, where are you? I can't see you! I can't find you! Tell me where you are!"_

"_You have to find me, Luke. Please. You have to come get me. I need you. If you really loved me, you would save me."_

_The fine hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention as goose bumps pimpled his entire body. He screamed for her again but there was only silence when he called her name. And then she let out one horrifying, lone, desperate, pain filled scream. Lucas knew someway, somehow he had to get to her. But he had no sense of direction. Then the room began to spin, slowly at first, then with more speed. It went around and around as he called out for her. And then it was over…_

"Peyton!" he yelled as he sat up.

Lucas looked around. His eyes darted as he was out of breath. Outside the window, birds merrily chirped and the sun shone bright. He was in his room, safe in bed. Although the temperature had been set to comfortable, Lucas and the bed beneath him were soaked in sweat. He struggled to get a hold of himself as there was a knock on the door.

"You okay in here?" his mother peeked in. "I thought I heard you yelling."

Lucas leaned back in bed.

"Yeah. Um, sorry about that."

"Bad dream?"

"Yeah, it was a crazy nightmare."

Karen looked at the still distressed look on her son's normally calm face and instantly her motherly instincts took over. Rubbing her hand over the swell of and the deceased Keith's soon to arrive child, she waddled over to the bedside of her eldest before taking a seat next to him.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look really upset. We could talk about it, if you want."

Lucas took a deep breath. He did have something weighing heavily on his mind and he'd had no one to share it with. Keith was long gone and in his uncle's absence, his father, Dan, had been trying but Lucas still did not feel close enough to him for such a private heart to heart. And Brooke, who was still mad at him was out of the question along with Nathan, who had dismissed his older brother as paranoid and over anxious. Not wanting to alarm Haley, who had already suffered minor complications in her pregnancy, Lucas found himself all alone. His friends had teased him often. They playfully referred to him as the hero of the bunch. Lucas Scott was always taking time away from basketball and academic studies to save the world. Maybe Nathan had been right, which was why he hadn't said anything to Larry but after the dream, everything just felt different.

"Mom, I think Peyton is in trouble", he blurted out.

Karen's eyes widened.

"What kind of trouble? Is she okay? Have you heard from her?"

"No and that's the problem. No one has heard from her, not me or Hales or even her father. It's been days, Mom, almost a week. Somebody should have heard something by now. I keep calling her cell and it goes straight to voicemail. It's weird."

"Is Larry out to sea still? What did he have to say about all this?"

"He's worried. He asked me to look in on the house. Peyton was supposed to park her car in the driveway that night but I found it on the curb with the keys locked in it. And then her luggage was upstairs, the bags she had packed to take to L.A. I don't know, but something isn't right. I feel it."

"You know, Peyton has been through a lot lately. California was an excellent opportunity but maybe it was too much. Maybe she got scared and bailed. Maybe she's off on her own trying to figure things out."

Lucas shook his head.

"I thought about that at first but it doesn't add up. Peyton has changed a lot. She's really grown like we all have. She was so excited about this trip, I know she wouldn't just ditch it. And I don't want to overreact but I feel like if everything were okay, she would have called one of us by now."

"Is that what the dream was about?"

He nodded.

"It was dark and scary and she was calling out for me for help and I couldn't find her, Mom. She needed me and I couldn't save her. I know it was just a stupid dream but I don't feel better. Actually, I feel worse. If I'm being paranoid, fine. But what if I'm not? What if something bad happened to her? I don't know, Mom. Honestly, I don't know what to do."

"She's your friend and obviously you're very concerned. If it's bothering you that much, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to look into things. There is probably someone you can call to see if she arrived safe. That's the main thing, her being in Los Angeles. And if you find out she made it, then take it from there."

Lucas let out a heavy sigh.

"You're right, Mom. Thanks."

"Moms are always right", she said with a smile. "Not to sound superstitious but there are times I've had eerie feelings about things. Like when I was coming back from Italy. On the plane at around the same time you and Keith must have had the accident, I got a weird feeling. I couldn't explain it but I knew something was wrong."

"And it turns out you were right. That was pretty bad."

"But there have been times I was wrong. But I always go with my gut and right or wrong, that's the most important thing."

She gave his hand a sympathetic pat before standing and walking off. Lucas' eyes glanced around the room until they fell on a photograph snapped months before. It was at the Sparkle Classic. The night before had been hell. It had been mere weeks after Peyton's birth mother Ellie had succumbed to breast cancer. The brave blonde had toughed it out anyway and gone on the trip. She had ended up getting plastered with Rachel and had somehow ended up in bed with Lucas, an innocent situation but not much so in the eyes of his then girlfriend, Brooke. The competition, the seniors' last had been a must win, the chance for the Tree Hill High School cheerleading Ravens to take home a first prize trophy. But an agitated Rachel, a hungover Peyton and a few missed steps and finally a fall had doused all hopes of the dream. But the girls had made the best of it. The prize was gone but not the fun. So living it up in the last days of high school together, the very last time they would perform that routine, they had decided to just go with it. The MC Hammer, the Worm, the Cabbage Patch, the Robot and every other lame and silly dance ever created. And for a moment, shortly before the school shooting that changed everything and before the graduation ceremony that dumped them into the real world of adulthood, they, the players and cheerleaders had had one last night of fun. There in the picture was a smiling Peyton, as happy as Lucas had ever seen her. God, he loved that smile. And he missed it. Where was she? Did she really need help? Did she need him? Sitting up, Lucas reached for the phone. He owed her enough to try and find out.

"Thank you for calling Delta Airlines", chirped a cheerful voice on the other end of the phone line. "This is Margie, may I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Lucas Scott. I'm calling from Tree Hill, North Carolina. I was wondering if you could give me some information about the New Brunswick County National Airport."

"I can certainly try, sir. What is it that you need to know?"

Lucas reached over and pulled out the crumpled itinerary for Peyton's flight.

"It's about my friend, Peyton Sawyer. Six days ago she was scheduled to fly from that airport, stopping for a layover in Phoenix and ending up at LAX. The flight was 3567 and it was supposed to take off at 6:05 in the morning. I just need to know if she got on that flight."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Scott but for security and privacy purposes, regulation states that we cannot comment or give out information on passenger manifests. You'll have to talk to your friend."

He let out a deep breath.

"That's the problem, ma'am. Nobody has seen or talked to Peyton in a week. We're really worried."

"I am sorry to hear that."

"Look, I know you have your rules and everything but this is really important. I mean, what if it were a matter of life and death? I mean, a young girl's safety is at stake here. Couldn't you tell me something then?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I cannot. Listen, I'm sorry your friend is missing but if you think something may have happened to her, maybe you should call the police. Once a missing person's report is filed and the officers begin to investigate, they have the authority to subpoena from us the information you're looking for."

Lucas looked around, still disappointed.

"Okay. Um, thanks for your help, Margie."

"Thank you, sir. I apologize that I wasn't of more assistance to you. Have a nice day and good luck finding your friend."

With that he hung up. The operator did have a point and a good suggestion but what if it was too much? What if he was overstepping his boundaries? What if Peyton was alive and well and having some serious fun in the sun? How crazy would it be for him to just jump the gun and involve police? He leaned back in bed and at that moment swore to just leave it alone. But Lucas couldn't escape that sinking, nagging feeling looming deep in the pit of his stomach. There was one more thing to do, one more avenue to pursue that would let him know if Peyton had indeed arrived safely to her western destination. If she was there, at least he knew she was probably alright and there would be nothing to do but sit back and wait for her to contact them. But if she wasn't there…Lucas shuddered. It was his worst nightmare come true and one he wasn't prepared to deal with.

Hopping up, he made his way over to his computer. He tried to jog his memory as he hurriedly typed in several keywords to be searched. Finally finding the site he was looking for, he grabbed the phone. It would take several tries and several numbers before he finally reached someone who could help him. He just prayed for good news.

"Epic Records, this is Tony Netto."

"Hey, Tony, my name is Lucas Scott and actually, I'm looking for one of my friends. I think she's interning with you this summer."

"What's the name?"

"Peyton Sawyer."

"Sawyer…Sawyer…Sawyer, oh yeah. The girl from North Carolina?"

"That's her", he said with a hint of short lived relief.

"I was hoping you could tell me where your friend is. Peyton Sawyer never showed up. No call, no show, no nothing. It's a shame. You know how lucky she was? People would kill for that opportunity, it comes once in a lifetime and…"

But Lucas didn't need to hear another word. He had heard enough and none of it was good. The feeling inside only intensified as his heart pounded. Paranoia or not, something had to be done. He looked over again at her beautiful face smiling back at him in the picture and he felt a lump form in his throat. He had to find Peyton, he had to make sure she was safe.


	12. The Silence Of The Lamb

"_Hey, Peyton."_

_Peyton lay absolutely quit and still. She didn't want to talk, especially not to her of all people._

"_Go away", she stated._

"_You're not gonna talk to me?"_

_Peyton turned her head._

"_Why are you here?"_

_She was always there, she always seemed to be there during the worst of times. But that was the dark shadow she had cast. After all, she was Peyton's alter ego. She was the dreaded Angel of Death._

"_I'm here to help you", she said simply, kneeling down in her black costume._

_Peyton didn't know whether to laugh or throw up._

"_Help me? You're here to help me? I don't need you. I mean, why now? Where were you when I needed you, when I needed help? Huh? Where were you when…when…"_

_She couldn't even get the words out. It was all too painful and horrible to even try to relive._

"_Where I always am…right with you."_

"_Yeah right…"_

"_You have to be strong, Peyton. You can't give up now."_

"_Leave me alone."_

"_If you give up now, if you give in, we'll never get out of here."_

"_We? Look around, bitch. How are 'we' supposed to get out of here?"_

_The Angel looked right at her._

"_It's simple. You just have to believe."_

_Peyton rolled her eyes, too angry, too hurt, too scared to even dare start crying again._

"_Believe in what?"_

"_Believe that he'll save you", she said as she faded away._

_He? It could only be Lucas and Peyton wanted to scream. If anybody could save her, he would but where was he? Where was Lucas?_

…

Peyton's eyes opened slowly. She had to open them slow considering how bad they hurt. The pain could have been from the excessive crying, though more likely from the cruel battering of her captor's unrelenting fists. When she finally saw, there was nothing to see. No Lucas. No Angel. Once again, it had all been a dream, a mere figment of her imagination. There was nothing but the grime and the darkness only broken by the creepy candlelight. There were the four walls that seemed to keep closing in on her. And there was Derek.

Rolling over, she let out a little moan. Her entire body ached in ways she never thought possible. Her head pounded. Her face was sore. It was nearly impossible to turn her neck. Her arms felt like lead and her legs were like jelly. But there was another pain as well, one that made her numb from the outside in. Peyton couldn't bear to think about it. She had gone out of her body the entire time, pretending she was someone else, anywhere else. And when he was done, it was as if he had taken a little piece of her soul with him.

She was supposed to be in California. She was supposed to be fetching coffee and sending faxes. Sitting in on meeting and learning the ropes from the best in the industry. Her days were supposed to be spent working hard and her nights partying even harder. It was supposed to be the opportunity of a lifetime, the time of her young life. Instead it was an unspeakable, never ending nightmare, a dark and dreary tunnel with no sign of light or hope at the end. Despite the horror and the fear, she had tried to remain optimistic and had managed to do so the first few days but as each hour passed her hope, her faith and her spirit began to diminish slowly but surely.

"Peyton, hey, you're awake."

She didn't move. There he was again. That sickening smile. Fucking weirdo, she thought, cringing as he approached her. He actually looked happy to see her like they were a couple or something. Perhaps that was the twisted scenario inside his dangerous mind.

"You've been sleeping a lot lately. I was staring to get worried about you."

Really, asshole, she wanted to scream? Maybe her long hours of slumber had something to do with the concussion he had given her when he beat the holy hell out of her.

"I missed you. Did you miss me?"

Hell no! She wished he would die!

"I had to go out for a while…"

_Never come back. I'd rather die than be here another second with you._

"Are you hungry? Look, baby, I brought you some food."

_Choke on it!_

"It's really good, roasted turkey."

_Fuck off!_

Derek threw up his hands in sheer frustration.

"Peyton, why are you doing this? Huh? Why are you acting like this? You're being a spoiled brat again. Look, you have to eat."

_Why? To stay alive? For what? To be held captive? To be tortured?_

"Well, I'm gonna leave it right here for you and maybe later on when you're in a better mood, you'll feel better and eat it."

_Whatever…_

He gently stroked her hair.

"You look so beautiful…"

_Yeah? Must be that no shower look you dig so much._

He stroked her face and she flinched. Tears sprang to his eyes. The ugliness of purple, black and blue marks hindered her otherwise flawless and magnificent beauty.

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

_No shit, Sherlock. How would you feel being someone's punching bag?_

"I'll help you, I can put some ice on it."

_Don't bother, just go away! Go far, far away!_

"Come on, baby. Sit up for me. Sit up for Derek."

Peyton didn't respond. Her eyes were blank, barely blinking and her whole body was limp like a rag doll as he reached over and physically pulled her to a sitting position slumped against the wall.

"Look at you. You're my little lamb", he cooed.

_And you're a sick fuck!_

"Whoo! Peyton, girl, I love you and everything but uh, you smell a little ripe. Somebody needs a bath."

_I wish I could vomit on you right now._

"But I still love you."

_And I still hate you._

"Stay right here, baby. I'll be right back."

_Where else am I going? From one corner to the next?_

She sat there absolutely lifeless as he fumbled about out of sight. Peyton heard an awful noise as if he were dragging something heavy. But she was too tired, too out of it to even care. Minutes later, he returned with what looked like a dirty, rusted old bathtub.

"It's not as nice as I imagined our first bath to be but it'll do for now."

It was filled with water.

_I wish one of us would drown._

She closed her eyes when she heard him unzip his pants. He removed his wife beater tee shirt and jeans along with his socks, underwear and shoes. He stood before her naked and Peyton wanted to absolutely die.

"Come on. Get in with me."

No! Hell no! Never of her own free will. He'd have to drag her…literally. She wouldn't kick and scream, though. He might actually get some perverted pleasure out of that

"Someone's really being difficult today", he shook his head. "I swear, Peyton. I hate it when you're like this, when you're not nice. You need a bath and that's final and I'm gonna take one with you. I guess you need help getting in."

That was the last thing she needed but it didn't stop him. Her soul cried out, her flesh crawled when he touched her. No! How dare he? His hands, his hands all over her body. He raped her over and over again with his eyes and it made her sick. He was sick. Why God? Why her?

"You are so fucking beautiful", he said in a low, throaty voice, his eyes brimming with lust. "I can't believe you're all mine."

Most girls would take pride in a taut body and feel good when the cute boys took notice. But not Peyton. At that moment she longed to be fat or better yet, horribly disfigured, anything to make her look as unattractive as she felt. Anything to make him stop looking at her like that.

_Don't! Please! No!_

He guided her in the tub and then joined in, using an old rag to wash her body and hair.

"It was crazy at Tric last night. A fight broke out even. Oh and I saw your old friend, Brooke, slutting around as usual…"

_Brooke…_

"I made some good tips, though. Pretty soon we'll have enough money saved to ditch this joint. What do you think about that, babe?"

_Nothing. I think, I feel absolutely nothing._

"I, um, I found you some more clothes. They're not new or anything but they'll do until we can get out here."

She said nothing at all. She never reacted as he talked to her or touched her. It was as if she had left her body and in a way she had. It was Peyton's only way of survival.

"There you go", he toweled her off. "Feel better now? You're nice and clean and looking and smelling all pretty."

He lifted her body with tenderness and care so opposite of the brutality he had shown just hours before.

"Peyton! Peyton, come on. Talk to me, baby."

_What could I possibly say to you right now? What do you say to someone you wish a horrible, instant death on?_

His face turned red and there were actual tears in his eyes.

"Why are you treating me like this? Huh? Peyton, how could you do this to me?"

_How could you do this to me?_

"If you really loved me…"

_No, if you really loved me…_

"You're still mad about that stupid fight we had, aren't you?"

_Fight? What fight? The one where you beat the living shit out of me and I cowered on the floor in pain? You mean, that "fight"?_

"You know I hate that, Peyton. I really didn't want it to come to that. You know I don't like doing that to you but you made me so goddamned angry…"

_It's my fault. Maybe it is. My fault you beat me, my fault you loved me._

"But I didn't mean it, okay? If you would just cooperate, I swear it won't ever happen again."

_Promise?_

"Peyton, just talk to me. Smile at me. Look at me and say something, anything! Please!"

He was desperate but so was she. No response.

"You fucking cunt, I know you're in there! Don't disrespect me! You better say something when I speak to you!"

Derek threw her hard against the wall, drawing back his mighty fist. She looked right at him. Her mouth said nothing but her eyes, so frightened seemed to say it all.

_Please. No more. Please. I…I can't. I just can't. I'm begging you, Derek. Please! Please…_

Biting his lip and gaining some element of self control, he pulled back.

"I'm gonna go out for a few minutes", he huffed. "You need anything?"

_You know what I need._

"I'll be back and when I do, Jesus, Peyton be in a better mood…and eat that damned food", he kicked the bag at her. "It cost money."

And with that, he was gone. Only then could Peyton release. She came back to her body. She moved of her own accord. Tears fell. She sobbed. Looking around, she prayed to see anyone, even that damned Angel. But there was no one. But in the darkness, in that bad place where her thoughts and fears were there only to drive her stir crazy, she heard it. Peyton could still hear that voice inside.

"_Be strong. Have faith. He'll come for you."_

Her lips trembled so hard, she collapsed on the floor. Only then could she let out all the emotion. He was gone but only for the moment and when he returned, the rest of the nightmare would as well. Where was he? Where was the other he? Where was the only man that could save her?


	13. Cold Case

Lucas sat in his car, still unsure as he stared across the street at the large brick building. He played with the keys in the ignition, silently debating whether or not to get out of that car and do what he had planned to do all along. But what if it was the wrong choice? That factor still gnawed at him. Then he asked himself what if it wasn't and that was all it took for him not to get out and run full speed to that front entrance. But before he did, he took out his cell and dialed a familiar number.

"Luke?" she answered anxiously before he could even get a word out.

"Hey, Hales, it's me. What's up?"

"Nothing. How are you? Where are you? Did you do it yet?"

"No", he sighed. "But I am here though. I was just calling to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I wanted to hear what you and Nathan had to say again."

"Nathan's not here right now but you already know how I feel. Lucas, you need to do this, you have to do this. It is the right thing. I mean, better safe than sorry. You have to…for Peyton."

He closed his eyes. He knew she was right.

"Yeah. I guess it won't hurt to talk to somebody. Maybe they can help and clear all this right up especially if it's just a big misunderstanding like I'm sure it is. I mean, Peyton is probably fine."

"Of course she is", Haley forced a tight smile, trying to convince herself as well as Lucas. "Just go in and talk to them and call us back as soon as you know something, okay?"

"Sure thing", he nodded, ending the call with the press of a button.

Sighing, Lucas gathered all the information he had compiled in an envelope as he opened the door and walked across the street. The station hummed with the buzz of officers and other people as he took a deep breath and approached the front desk of the Tree Hill Police Department.

"Can I help you, son?" a big bellied officer asked him.

"Yes sir. Um, my name is Lucas Scott and I need to speak to someone. It's pretty important. I, I think one of my friends is missing."

The officer immediately noticed the concern in the young man's blue eyes.

"Missing person, eh? Wait, right here."

The wait turned out to be well over an hour. Finally a no nonsense looking woman with pulled back brown hair and a gun strapped securely to her waist, approached him.

"Lucas Scott?"

"Yes, ma'am", he stood.

She looked him up and down.

"Come with me."

He followed her into the back into a crammed office in the corner. She closed the door and took a seat behind the desk.

"Uh, thank you for seeing me. I know you must be pretty busy but I need to find my friend."

"Detective Katie Shelton", she introduced herself with a firm handshake. "You say you have a friend that may or may not be missing. Tell me what's going on and we'll see what we can do."

She took out a notepad and pen as Lucas began to explain.

"Her name is Peyton, Peyton Sawyer and she's a really good friend of mine. We graduated a few weeks ago from Tree Hill High School. Peyton had an internship scheduled at a big record company in L.A. and she never made it out there. I've tried calling her phone and everything and it goes straight to voicemail. Now the mailbox is full. No one has seen or heard from her and I'm starting to get worried."

"How old is Miss Sawyer?"

"She's 18."

"Any family?"

"Both her mothers are dead and…"

"Both?" the detective questioned.

"She's adopted. Her mother was killed in a car accident nine years ago. Last year Peyton's birth mother, Ellie, came back into her life but she died of cancer a few months ago."

"And a father?"

"Larry Sawyer. He and Peyton are pretty close. He owns Sawyer Dredging and his boat has been out to sea since graduation."

"When was Miss Sawyer last seen?"

"Ten days ago, the night before she was due to fly out. I guess I was the last person to see her. She came over to say good bye", he let the detective read the flight information. "But Peyton never got on that plane. Her dad asked me to check on the house and stuff, which I've been doing. Peyton was supposed to leave her car in the driveway but I found it on the curb with the keys locked inside. Her bedroom window was left open and I found the luggage she had packed for her trip. It was right in her room beside the bed. It's like she never made it home that night."

"What was your relationship with Miss Sawyer?"

Lucas shrugged.

"We're friends."

"Any romantic or sexual involvement?"

"What?"

"I have to ask, Mr. Scott."

He took a deep breath.

"A long time ago there were feelings but we never really acted on it."

"And you were the last person to see her?"

"I guess. I mean, I've tried to talk to everyone we knew."

"Do you have any idea what may have happened to her?"

"No. No, I don't."

"Do you know where she is? Did you do something to her?"

Lucas frowned.

"Do something to her? Wait, lady, what the hell are you talking about? Are you suggesting…"

"I'm just trying to get the facts, see where we stand in this case if it even is a case at all."

"Look, there was nothing going on between Peyton and me. She is my friend, a good friend and I care a lot about her. No one has heard from her in a week and a half and none of this feels right. She is a person and she is missing and I don't know, I thought maybe the Missing Persons Bureau from the Police Department would be able to help me."

The detective ignored his sarcasm.

"Give me some background info. What's your friend like?"

"She's great", he shrugged. "Really quiet at first but once you get to know her, you can't get her to shut up. And she's really funny. And she's sweet. Peyton has a great heart. She's been through a lot so it's like she constantly has her guard up but sometimes that can be a good thing. It keeps her street smart."

"You say she has been through a lot. Obviously it's a terrible tragedy losing two mothers. What other things has Miss Sawyer had to deal with?"

"She has trust issues. I know she misses her father a lot."

"He's out to sea quite a bit?"

"Sometimes but he has cut back."

"What about friends?"

"Peyton has lots of friends. She's very popular. She was a cheerleader but I know a lot of time she feels lonely."

"Who is her closest friend?"

"It used to be Brooke Davis."

"Used to be?"

Lucas sighed.

"They, um, they sort of fell out…over me."

"I see", she raised an eyebrow. "And boyfriends? Besides you?"

He rolled his eyes.

"I told you I'm not her boyfriend. Peyton hasn't dated in a while. She used to go out with this guy, Jake Jagielski. They were pretty tight but he and his little girl had to move away to Savannah. Peyton visited them in Georgia but I guess they couldn't work it out. It's sad but she never really explained why."

"Anything else about her personality, her…"

"She has a website and a Podcast on it...Punk N Disorderly."

The detective made a brief note.

"Any other incidents or problems? Self mutilation? Eating disorders? Sexuality conflicts? Drugs…"

"In junior year, there was a problem, if you want to call it that. It turns out one of our friends was a lesbian. She came on to Peyton or whatever. Peyton's not gay but she's not homophobic either. She tried to help the girl and encourage her to come out. Anyway, a rumor got started that it was Peyton and someone wrote the word dyke on her locker at school. Peyt had a hard time with it then but that was a long time ago."

"And drugs?"

He bit his lip.

"I…"

"You have to be truthful, Mr. Scott."

"Peyton was depressed for a while. She kind of got lost like everybody does. This older sleazebag took advantage of her and she tried coke a few times. After that, she cleaned up her act and got herself together. She isn't on anything now and hasn't been in a while. And as far as incidents, um, she was involved in that school shooting. She was the victim Jimmy Edwards shot in the leg."

"I remember that. Okay…and this father, Larry Sawyer, why has he not reported his daughter as missing?"

"Larry is out to sea but he is very concerned. He didn't want to jump the gun because Peyton asked him not to call her. She wanted to do the whole L.A. thing on her own. So she said she'd call him when she was ready."

"It was an internship, you say?"

"Yes. Peyton is an artist and she booked a lot of bands for that club in town, Tric. So she scored an internship this summer."

"Was she excited?"

"Of course she was but she was really nervous, too. This meant a whole lot to Peyton. She really wanted to do well."

The detective nodded.

"Alright. Well, I think I have all I need for now. Thank you very much for your time coming in today."

"What happens now?" he asked.

"We'll review it and see what happens."

Lucas did not understand.

"See what happens? What do you mean? Don't Missing Persons cases get the most attention, the most priority? You're gonna do something, right? Are you gonna put it in the paper and the news? You have to put a bunch of cops on this right away."

"If this were a Missing Persons case where we felt the person missing was in danger, say being held against their will and or if their life was threatened or we suspected foul play, then yes."

"But what about Peyton?"

"Mr. Scott, can I be honest with you?"

"Please."

"I've been with this unit for 11 years. I've seen a lot of these cases. I appreciate you looking for your friend but right away it's pretty easy to weed out what needs our attention and what doesn't."

"And you're saying Peyton doesn't?"

"I can only look at the facts. I have an 18 year old legal adult who has been through a lot in her life. Depression, substance abuse, dealing with the death of two mothers, dealing with an absentee father, dealing with losing her best friend, having lots of angst in the relationship department and then as if that isn't bad enough, she takes some disgruntled kid's bullet and nearly bleeds to death. I see it all the time."

"See what?"

"I'll just tell you what I think. Miss Sawyer is a scared, overwhelmed, confused person right now and who the hell could blame her? She gets this new opportunity and it probably was just too much, drove her right over the edge. Telling her father not to call her, the not answering of the phone, leaving things in disarray…they're all classic signs."

"Of what?"

"Mr. Scott, give it time. People run away all the time. When your friend is ready to be found, she'll come back."

Lucas stood, blazing with anger.

"So that's it? That's all you have to say?"

"We will look into matters, however…"

"However, my ass! Excuse my language, Detective but that is bullshit! A girl is missing! No one has heard from her and even you have to admit, there are some pretty weird circumstances. And you won't even take the time to try to help? Why? Because you past experiences say this is a runaway. No disrespect intended, but right now I don't give a crap about your experiences. This is my experience and my gut tells me something is wrong. I know Peyton didn't run away."

"Calm down, Mr. Scott. Here. Fill this out. Give me a brief physical description of Miss Sawyer and what you last saw her wearing. I'll put it in the system and see what we come up with."

Lucas hurriedly scribbled down everything he knew.

"Thank you for your time, Detective", he muttered sarcastically.

"I'm sure she'll turn up, Mr. Scott. I have other cases on higher priority but I assure you in the meantime, I will look into this and do what I can."

Lucas just shook his head.

"Whatever. She might not be one of your priorities but she sure as hell is on the top of mine. If you won't find her, Detective Shelton, I will."

With that, envelope in hand, he stormed out of the police station in a frustrated fury, so angry he didn't even realize it when he barreled body first into another person.

"Lucas?"

He looked up.

"Larry? You're back? I, I thought you'd be out another few days."

Larry Sawyer rubbed the new stubble on his unshaven chin.

"I couldn't stay away, son, not a minute longer. I had to come back and check on my girl."

"What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same thing. I came down here to officially report Peyton missing."

Lucas rolled his eyes.

"Don't bother. I already did and they don't give a damn. Apparently Peyton fits the description of someone who ran away on their own."

"I don't buy that, Luke", Larry shook his head. "Something isn't right with my little girl. I can feel it."

"Unfortunately, I can too."

"Those incompetent bastards", Larry snarled, looking straight ahead. "We've already wasted enough time. If they won't listen on their own, I'll make them listen!"

"Don't", Lucas pleaded, physically restraining the distraught father. "I know what I believe and you know what you believe. We're the ones that care about Peyton most in the world. If the cops want to be jackholes, screw them."

Larry looked around, fighting back tears.

"So what do we do, Luke?"

"Simple", he nodded. "We find Peyton."


	14. The Silence Makes A Noise

The floor was hard and cold as her body trembled against it. The room was so uncomfortable…when it was hot, it was hard to breathe like being trapped in the midst of a sauna. When it was cold, it felt like a thousand sharp daggers being plunged into your body. But through it all, Peyton never complained. Her body may have physically reacted with sweat or shivers but most of the time she tried to block it all out, pretend she was someone else, anywhere else.

"Peyton, you're shaking."

She closed her eyes. Derek was back. She hadn't even noticed.

"Here", he said softly, draping a blanket over her body.

She continued to shiver involuntarily.

"Peyton! Peyton, what's wrong with you? What's happening?"

The shakes became more violent, adding to Derek's fear. Panic enveloped him when her eyes began to roll back in her head.

"Peyton! Peyton!"

He picked up her body, which felt limp and clammy. Her face was pale and she didn't look good. He held her in his arms, wrapping her in warm layers. Grabbing a nearby bottle of room temperature water, he used a straw to put droplets in her mouth, like a newborn. Finally, the trembling stopped.

"Are you okay?"

No answer.

"Peyton, we're not gonna keep doing this shit, you hear me? You have to talk to me!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

She was still and quiet, an eerie blankness in her eyes. He sat up her in a corner as he paced the room like a rabid animal.

"You know, I'm really trying here! I don't know what else to do! I give you food and water! I try to keep you warm when you're cold and cool when you're hot! I talk to you, I love you…I do everything, Peyton and it never seems to be enough! All you do is sit here and mope and cry! You don't want to eat or do anything! That's not good for you, you're making yourself sick! I, I know what you're doing. I'm on to you. You're trying to get sick enough on purpose so I'll take you to the hospital. It's not gonna work, Peyton so you may as well cooperate around here!"

She hugged her knees to her chest. God, she hated when he started ranting like that. It was scary. How could one person make such a drastic transformation? What happened to the gentle, lovable, always joking guy she used to love to hang out with? She'd watch in horror as his eyes turned so dark blue that they were almost black. His mannerisms became animal like as he'd go into an angry trance. It would scare her so badly, it made her physically hurt. She just wanted it to stop. All of it.

"Food…"

Her voice came out in a croaked whisper as she had not uttered a word in days. Derek did a double take, making sure she had indeed spoken.

"Peyton…"

"I, can you get me something to eat, please?"

She sounded like a frightened little girl. A smile came to his lips as he crawled over to her.

"Peyton", tears came to his eyes. "You…you talked. You spoke to me."

She fought back her own tears.

"Derek…"

He wrapped his arms around her even though she cowered in fear and disgust.

"See? It's okay, baby. I knew it. I knew you'd come around. Peyton, I knew you would come back to me."

There were grocery bags in a corner. As he warmed up a pot of Ramen noodles, Peyton's stomach growled loudly. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was. In her defiance, she had refused all food and water, only adding to her captor's fury and frustration. Derek had been right about one thing…Peyton was definitely making herself sick. She hadn't done it maliciously or even to go to the hospital as he had suggested. She had simply tried to shut everything off. Each day became more surreal but Peyton could never quite wake up from a nightmare that was frighteningly real.

"Thank you", she said quietly as she accepted the impromptu meal along with a bottle of lukewarm juice.

Derek just watched her every bite and every sip. It unnerved Peyton as his morbid fascination with her only seemed to increase as time went on. He idolized her like some unattainable celebrity but then it went deeper. It was as if she were a pet or a doll. He had kidnapped her without realizing the reality of the dire situation. It wasn't a game, it was real. But Derek didn't care. For two whole years he had watched her. He had loved her from afar. He had been the perfect guy, throwing out all the obvious signs but she had been oblivious. There was always someone else. First Jake Jagielski, then that meddling, do gooder, punk ass Lucas Scott. Jake had never had time for Peyton. He was too busy chasing after that bastard child of his while running from her psycho slut mother. And Lucas? That was another story and just the thought of his rival sent Derek into a rage.

"You look so beautiful right now", he swooned.

"Please don't…" she begged.

"Why not? I can't tell my girlfriend that she looks beautiful? See, that's really sad, Peyton. You are an incredible woman and all those other jack offs you dated, they probably never took the time to appreciate your beauty, much less tell you. It's a shame, really but I promise you, baby, those days are over. I'm gonna treat you like the queen you are."

She willed herself not to cry.

"Derek?"

His eyes instantly brightened. He knew she'd come around. Eventually she'd get over her tantrum and want to talk to him.

"Yes, baby? What is it? Talk to me."

She swallowed hard. The last thing in the world she wanted was to have a conversation with him. She didn't love him and she didn't like being there with him and she didn't want him to think any different. But it was hard. The fear and the loneliness cut like a knife. It was like being in prison. Worse, it was like being trapped in a tomb. Mentally it was taking its toll on her and she had no choice but to reach out to him. His sickness, his evilness had put her in that spot but like it or not, he was her only companion.

"What day is it?"

She struggled with the question but she had to know. The minutes had turned into hours and the hours into days and for all she knew, the days into weeks. All alone stuck in a tiny, cramped, dark basement that resembled a dungeon with no windows and one bolted door, Peyton had lost all sense of time and that troubled her very deeply.

"It's Friday."

"Friday?"

Tears sprang to her eyes.

"It's Friday afternoon, about one o'clock."

She nodded. The sun was surely shining. Tree Hill was always gorgeous in the summer but it suddenly hit her. She didn't even know if she was still in the same town. He could have taken her anywhere.

"Where…where are we?"

He opened his mouth to speak but suddenly stopped short. It could have been a trick.

"It, it doesn't matter, okay? We're safe."

"How long has it been, Derek? How, how long have you had me here?"

He looked away.

"Almost two weeks."

She desperately tried to remember. It had been a Sunday night when it all happened. Her flight was due to take off early Monday morning.

"I was supposed to be in California", she said, staring off into the darkness.

"Yeah, um, I know. You, you were pretty excited about that, huh?"

"I gave Karen the idea to start Tric so the teens in our town could have somewhere cool to hang out. Then she hired me to do all the promotions and stuff. Gosh, I remember the first time I had to hire a band. I was scared out of my mind. I felt like I was in over my head."

"I know. I remember you talking about it on your PodCast. You were so nervous, Peyton, so unsure of yourself. But I had faith in you the whole time. I knew you could do it and you did. In fact, you did it over and over again. I was so proud of you. I used to watch you backstage with all those famous people. And you were so good. You're a pro. I used to be so proud of the way you handled things."

Peyton shook her head.

"It was a big, old front. I was scared shitless."

"Well, no one ever saw that. And all those managers and agents and important record company people? Man, you never let them push you around."

"I, um, I learned that from Ellie."

"Ellie?"

"Yeah. We decided to do the Friends With Benefit CD and we had to get some artists to do it. Well, I knew I could probably get Fall Out Boy because they had been so cool about doing the Halloween show. And Haley had recorded her song and Chris Keller offered to lay down a track but I needed some more people. Ellie was living with me at the time and she found out that Nada Surf was doing a show in Charlotte. So we take a little road trip and I'm all excited. We get there and she works it and gets us in, it was so cool. So I'm waiting for her to talk to the manager and instead she kind of throws me to the wolves. I was so scared but uh, I did it and they were in and everyone else just sort of followed suit."

"That was a great CD."

"Yeah", she actually smiled for the first time in a long time. "It was great for so many reasons…the music and the cause and um, mostly, mostly because of Ellie. We put that whole CD together in like three weeks but it was great, the greatest three weeks of my life."

"Ellie would have been proud of you, Peyton."

Peyton shrugged.

"I'd like to think so."

"I, I'm sorry about L.A. Look, I know it meant a lot to you…"

"Tomorrow, Epic Records is holding their big annual launch party for the music coming out this fall. They're debuting some new artists. My first two weeks was gonna be interning, getting a feel for the business, probably being a gopher and stuff. But I didn't care. I was just stoked to have such an amazing opportunity."

"I'm sorry, Peyton…"

She shook her head.

"I was supposed to be there."

"It's okay."

"They probably hate me. They probably think I just bailed."

"No, they don't."

"Then what do they think, Derek?"

Her voice was mixed with anger and hurt.

"I, I don't know, okay? I'm sorry. Peyton, I don't know what they think. And I know how much this meant to you and yeah, my timing really sucks. I'm sorry it all had to go down like this but I swear to you, one day in the future, our future together, I am gonna make this up to you."

"Derek…"

"No. I mean it. You really wanted this and I guess it's kind of my fault you didn't get to go so I owe you. I'll make it up to you, Peyton, if it's the last thing I do. I promise, honey."

He looked so sincere. It would have been sweet had they been two consenting adults involved in a mutual relationship instead of a twisted, love struck kidnapper holding his scared victim hostage.

"You can't make this up to me."

Her eyes and words said it all as she looked him right in the eye.

"Tell me some more", Derek cleared his throat and tried to change the subject. "Um, tell me more about Ellie and about making the CD and all the bands and stuff. That's really interesting."

For a few minutes, the conversation had been good. Not good as in good but as in it had temporarily saved her sanity for the time being. She had to speak and someone had to listen, even if that someone was Derek.

"I can't…"

"Peyton, please don't do this. Don't shut me out. I want us to share everything. Talk to me."

"Derek, I can't."

"Why not? It was going so well just a few minutes ago. Why can't you admit it? You were having a good time."

"I'm sorry. I can't do that. It's too hard for me. Yeah, for a few minutes it's like it's okay and the old Derek is back but then I realize that's not the case. Look around. Look where we are. I don't want to be here, Derek and you know that. Talking about Ellie and the CD and pretending things are normal won't make them normal. Nothing about this is right."

He sighed.

"You feel that way now but it'll get better. You'll see."

"Derek…"

"I love you, Peyton. I'll do anything for you. What do you need, huh? What can I do to help you now, make this better?"

"Just for now, could you, I don't know…I, I'd like to be alone, please."

She needed away from him. No more talking, no more having him look at her, even if it was just for a few minutes.

"Okay, okay, Peyton. If that's what you want."

She nodded, her whole body tensing as she felt him place a wet good bye kiss on her forehead. There were footsteps and then he was gone. Finally Peyton was alone again and there was silence. She took a deep breath as she laid her head down. Sometimes the silence was more overpowering than any noise she had ever heard. It was driving her mad. She needed some type of human contact and unfortunately, there was only Derek. For a few minutes she would give in, only to be sickened later. So there were two choices…silence or Derek. Or she could always opt out for the voices in her head. Closing her tear filled eyes, she put her hands over her ears, in a desperate attempt to block it all out. Sometimes the silence did make a noise.


	15. The Third Amigo

It was nine o' clock on the dot. People were already starting to gather even though Tric didn't officially open its doors for another hour. But Lucas Scott nodded at the bouncer prepared to work the door as he let himself in. He wasn't interested in having a drink or a night of dancing. He had other things on his mind, something far more important.

"Derek?"

Derek froze where he stood. His head was turned but he didn't need eyes to see who was calling his name. It was the voice of his nemesis and he would know that voice anywhere.

"Hey, man", Derek answered casually as he brought in a couple of cases of Jack Daniels.

"Look, I've been trying to get a hold of you. I left a few messages on your voicemail and stuff…"

"Yeah, I've been busy. Sorry."

Lucas nodded.

"I really needed to talk to you, still do. Got a minute, dude?"

Derek looked around nervously.

"Actually, I don't. Sorry. You know how crazy it gets around here. I've got to set up."

Lucas shrugged as he walked around the bar.

"I can help you."

"I, I don't know…"

"It's cool", he said, already rolling up his sleeves and helping.

Derek bit his lip, his nervous curiosity getting the best of him.

"So…um, what, what's this all about? What's going on, Luke? Why do you need to talk to me so bad?"

"It's about Peyton."

Derek dropped the glass he was holding in his hands, causing it to crash to the floor and shatter.

"Peyton?"

"Yeah…man, let me help you clean that up."

"I've got it", Derek scrambled around to sweep up the mess, cutting his thumb in the process. "Now what's all this talk about Peyton? I mean, what's going on? Is everything okay?"

"Have you heard from her?"

"What?"

"Lately, I mean, have you talked to her?"

Derek was thrown off guard.

"Yeah", he managed to stammer.

Lucas' eyes widened. He swallowed hard and grabbed the counter for support. Was it the break he had been waiting for? Was everything okay? Had someone finally been able to make contact with Peyton?

"Really? When? How many times? What did she say?" the questions spilled out of his over excited mouth.

Derek began to shuffle.

"What do you mean?"

"Peyton. When did you talk to her? How is she?"

"Um, she's okay, I guess. I mean, why is that so important? Is that all you had to talk to me about?"

"Yeah. I mean, Derek, dude, you have no idea how happy I am that you said that, that you've even talked to her."

"Why? What's the big deal?"

"Because that means she's okay."

"Why wouldn't she be?"

"Peyt came to see me the night before she was supposed to go to L.A. She left my house in really good spirits but she never made it."

"What?" Derek's eyes grew larger.

"She never made it to California, never even got on the airplane as far as we can tell. Her bags are still packed in her house. Nobody else saw or talked to her after me but she left her bedroom window open and she left her car parked on the street instead of the driveway and the keys were still in it. I had to jimmy the lock so I could move it."

Derek's blood ran cold.

"You, you moved her car?"

"Yeah. Larry asked me too and I was looking in on the house while he was gone."

"Oh…"

"So where is she?"

"Huh?"

Lucas impatiently rolled his eyes.

"Peyton! You said you talked to her. How is she? Where is she? What happened with the whole Epic Records thing?"

"Oh…um, I misunderstood you, man."

"What?"

"I, I thought you meant before she left. I talked to Peyton that Sunday night but no, uh, I haven't heard from her or anything since then. I tried to call her phone and stuff but…"

"It goes straight to voicemail", Lucas sighed as his heart sunk.

"Yeah…straight to voicemail."

"Damn!" he punched his fist into the table.

"What's your deal?"

"Don't you get it? None of this adds up. Peyton is missing!"

Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Missing?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you think that's a little, I don't know, much, maybe? I mean, missing? Dude, that sounds kind of dramatic."

"What would you call it? She has the opportunity of a lifetime that she was very excited about it and she just doesn't show up? I mean, don't you find that odd at all?"

"Yeah but…"

"Her luggage at her house, the open window, the car on the curb with the keys left inside…"

Derek shrugged.

"Okay, weird circumstances but what does that all mean? What does it prove?"

"I don't know", Lucas shook his head sadly. "But it means something."

"You think something bad happened to her?"

Lucas closed his eyes. He didn't want to think that. He couldn't. Never mind that all signs pointed in that direction. That was the reality. It was just too much. But he had remained positive. Whatever it was, they would find her and she would be okay. Only late at night alone in bed did that awful, dreadful thought of the worst possible scenario, creep into his mind. But when he was up, he was constantly on the go, keeping positive and keeping busy as he planned their next move, hopefully the one that would lead to Peyton.

"I, I don't know. I mean, I hope not. But as each day passes with no sign of her, what are we supposed to think?"

"We?"

"Larry and me. He came home early, poor guy. I mean, that's his daughter and he's worried sick."

"Well, maybe there's a reasonable explanation for this. What if you two are just paranoid? I don't think it's that bad. Don't get mad but you're probably overreacting, jumping the gun."

"Yeah, that's what the police thought", Lucas muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes.

Something flashed through Derek's eyes. It was a combination of fear, surprise and overall rage.

"Police?" he asked a little too coolly, even though his knees were beginning to tremble. "You, you two called the police?"

"I went down there."

"When?"

"A few days ago."

"Why?"

"I needed some help, man. I'm desperate. I didn't know what else to do. Obviously something is wrong. If something happened to Peyton, then we need to find her, help her."

"I'm sure she's fine, Lucas."

"Well, I'm not so sure."

"You know how she gets. Maybe it was too much. Maybe she needed time away."

"That's what the detective said but I don't buy it. It doesn't add up, doesn't make any sense at all. I saw her that night, I know how she was. She was so happy and excited. It was like a new beginning. No way would she give all that up on her own."

"I talked to her a few times. She was really nervous. That with Ellie and the shooting and everything…who knows? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if she just got spooked. Who would blame her?"

Lucas bit his lip. It was a theory he had heard of so many times but no matter how much he wrestled with it in his brain, it was still a conjecture he was not willing to accept.

"I can't, Derek. I'm sorry. I just can't believe that. She would have called."

"Maybe she's embarrassed."

"Maybe…I don't know but I have to find out. And I won't stop until I get some answers."

"Are you, um…are, are you gonna go back to the cops, you and Larry?"

"Nah, not unless we have to. It'll be a last resort, considering how they acted last time. If they don't believe us, then they're not gonna put forth a real effort. As far as I'm concerned, they're just gonna be in the way."

"So what's next?"

"Larry and I put our heads together and we see what we come up with. We're trying to retrace every step Peyton made that night and the few days leading up to that. We're talking to anyone she may have come in contact with. No lead is too small. In the meantime, we're doing what we can. We're making some fliers to put around town. And Larry is gonna talk to the local media, you know, get people's attention by getting her face and story out there. We'll just take it from there."

Derek frowned.

"Don't you think that's a lot?"

"No, I don't. I don't think it's enough. But anything to help find her."

"Whatever."

"Whatever? You know, you seem curiously light hearted for someone whose friend is missing."

"Don't get me wrong, I do care. Peyton is a great girl, the best, and I care about her a lot. She's been through so much…"

"Exactly. So I'm trying to make sure she doesn't go through anymore."

Derek nodded and sighed.

"You're right. Look, I'm sorry, okay? This is coming kind of out of left field and I wasn't expecting it. You threw me for a loop, man. I am concerned, don't think for a second, I'm not. If you and especially her dad think something is up, then okay. Whatever I can do to help, count me in."

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Anything helps."

"Okay…"

"I mean, the last time you saw her or talked to her, she was okay, right?"

"She was fine."

Lucas hung his head and took a deep breath.

"Alright, dude. I'll be in touch, alright? We're gonna be organizing some benefits and things pretty soon if you want to help."

"Cool. Just give me a call. I'd be happy to help you and Larry. I could kind of be like the third amigo", he joked with a smile.

Lucas shifted uncomfortably.

"That's not very funny but okay. Whatever helps float your boat."

"I was just kidding, man. Sorry if it was inappropriate or whatever. I really do want to help."

"Okay. If you see or hear from her in anyway…"

"I'll let you know."

"Good. Oh and if you remember anything, I mean, anything at all, anything that sticks out from those last conversations, just…please. Let us know. Anything would be appreciated."

Derek gave him a nervous smile.

"Sure thing", he said finally as he watched Lucas leave the premises.

From the inside, he watched until the other blonde man had disappeared from sight around the corner. Only then, could he let his true feelings show. His jaw clenched and his face reddened. He squeezed so hard around the beer bottle in his hand that it the glass shattered, slicing his flesh. He watched as the blood poured but he felt no pain. Outside, a few blocks away, someone else was feeling pain but a different kind. Lucas Scott felt like a failure. His days and nights had been devoted to finding his friend but he felt he was no closer to doing so than the first day he had begun. He cursed to himself as his phone rang.

"Yeah…"

"Hey, Luke, it's me. Did you do it yet? Did you talk to him?"

Lucas sighed.

"Yeah, Larry."

"And?"

"I'm sorry. Nothing."

"Okay. Well, it was worth a shot, right? We just keep on trying."

"Yeah…"

"You okay, son?"

"I…yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure? You don't sound fine. What's going on? Did something happen when you talked to Derek?"

"He was just, I don't know…weird."

"You mean weirder than usual? He's a nice enough kid and Peyton really likes him but I always thought the boy was sort of, well, on the strange side."

"Yeah, I guess that is a good way to describe him. I don't know. At first he seemed kind of confused, then it was like he wasn't taking any of it seriously, like it was a joke or something."

"Has he heard from her?"

"No."

"You think he knows anything?"

Lucas looked around.

"No. Um, no, I don't think so", he answered finally. "But he agreed to help us out with whatever we're working on to find her. We can use all the bodies we can get so…"

"Absolutely."

"Well, I'm gonna take off, Larry…"

"Yeah. Go do that. You've done enough for the day and I can't thank you enough. Why don't you go out and have some fun with your friends?"

"I can't. I'm not in the mood. Just doesn't seem right not knowing what's going on with Peyton."

Larry sighed.

"I know the feeling. It's like I see her face everywhere", his voice trailed off. "I guess you can go get some rest."

Lucas looked away.

"I don't know about that. That's when I see her face the most…in my dreams."

Larry understood completely as the two men spoke a few minutes longer before exchanging good byes. He hung up and walked to his home away from home, the one place where he felt the most safe. Lucas walked to the River Court. Taking a seat on one of the benches that overlooked the small city, he let out a sigh. As always, his mind was on Peyton. Where was she? How was she? Was she afraid? The thoughts were almost too much to bear. And Derek? That was another story. Larry was right…ever since the kid had come into their lives earlier that year, he had been a strange one from day one but for the most part, he had seemed harmless. But Lucas had a feeling, not a bad one but more of a weird one. Something wasn't right about the way Derek had acted and it had unnerved him to say the least. But there was no time to dwell on that. At least Derek was willing to help and for that, Lucas was grateful. They needed all the help they could get. But he couldn't quite shake that feeling. Weird. Strange.


	16. Cabin Fever

"Dammitt", Peyton cursed as she knicked her finger.

There was a tiny trace of blood that she quickly wiped away before heading back to the task at hand. She barely felt it anyway, noticing the hard calluses forming on her hands. They looked rather gross and for a minute Peyton almost smiled just thinking about the distraught look that would have crossed Brooke's face had she seen the dreadfully unfeminine sight. "P. Sawyer, you needed a manicure like yesterday! Salon, now!" But as quickly as the thought came into her mind, it faded. Laughing and giggling, enjoying girl time and doing normal teenage things like getting manicures didn't exist anymore. And neither did Brooke. Peyton's world was different, far from anything considered norm.

Squinting in the dimness, she tried to move the candle closer over. It was hard to see. But there was enough light, barely, to let her continue her project, the only thing she had to pass away the long and lonely hours in captivity. Etching a little harder, she used the dulling tip of the belt buckle to carve another number. It was the only thing she had. In the corner of the room she had managed to draw a makeshift calendar in her primitive surroundings. Using the information Derek had given her about the timeline of her kidnapping and the current date, she had gone from there. It was the only thing that kept her sanity, her only connection with the outside world.

So into her work, she almost didn't hear the door open. She almost didn't hear him storming about and for a few seconds he was oblivious to her doings as well. Derek had other things on his mind, mainly that pesky, meddling Lucas Scott. The impromptu meeting and conversation that had followed between the two men had unnerved Derek. His plan was going so well. Sure there were bumps along the way but everything was on its way to working itself out. He was saving his money. He had a car and a cross country map and half a plan. It was all so close to coming true, the dream he had had in his heart for two years. He and Peyton were on the verge of a life of happiness together. All he needed was a little more time. Then along came Lucas, always trying to save the day and be the hero.

He was surprised but he had held it together…at first. Lucas wasn't nearly as smart as he thought he was. None of them were. In fact, Derek had one upped them all. He was the one who had Peyton and no one knew where she was. But then Lucas had launched into that malarkey about calling the police and going to the media. Derek had never wanted to punch out his rival more than at that moment. Cops definitely made him nervous but he had played it off. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Wasn't that the old saying? Brilliant! What better way than to keep them off their trail than pretending to be on their side? It was the perfect way to buy time and keep from getting caught.

And then there was Peyton. Should he even tell her what happened? Should he tell her that Lucas and her father had teamed up to look for her? What would she do? What would his love say? Deciding it would cause too much ruckus, Derek shook off the notion. He'd deal with that later. It was time to relax and enjoy his time with her but what the hell was she doing over in that damned corner?

"Peyton!"

His voice bellowed and she jumped a little. It was still taking some getting used to, that voice. It was a different sounding voice than the one of her friend. It was evil and loud and sarcastic. It put the fear of God in her.

"Derek…"

He eyed her carefully, taking slow, deliberate steps in her direction. His heart pounded as he balled up his fist. God, he hated doing that. He hated having to put a little disciplinary action on her but sometimes Peyton provoked it.

"What are you doing?"

He looked angry and anxious. What the hell else was new? Swallowing hard, Peyton inadvertently covered the carvings with her body. She hadn't done anything bad or wrong but it was hard to explain when he was approaching her like that.

"I…"

"What's going on?" he snarled.

"Derek!"

There was no time to explain as he grabbed her roughly by her shoulder. She let out a whimper as he carelessly tossed her about like a rag doll.

"What the fuck is this, Peyton?"

It was hard to see. He saw the belt. It look like she was trying to write something, carving something. There were lines drawn into neat little boxes. Inside each was a number and letters. He adjusted his eyes and realized that it was some sort of calendar.

"Don't!" she half screamed, half pleaded as he tried to kick it with the sole of his shoe.

"What are you doing?"

He was in her face. His eyes were dark again and he was clearly angry. From the corner of her eye she saw his clenched, pulsating fist and the last thing she wanted was to feel it pounding against her face.

"It's just a stupid calendar!" she yelled rather hysterically at the top of her lungs.

"What?"

"I, I made it. I was trying to remember the days when you told me. It…it's my only way to keep track of time."

His heart raced. What was she up to? Why was she so concerned with time?

"It's stupid. I want you to stop doing it."

He took away the belt, pushing her roughly into the wall.

"No!"

Derek bit his lip. He hated when she acted like that. Letting out a grunt, he drew his hand back as she cowered, tears filling her eyes.

"What the fuck did I say?" he asked in his most menacing, threatening voice.

She didn't want to get hit and she didn't want to argue. She just wanted to know what day it was. What was so bad about that? Why couldn't he just let her have that one thing?

"I'm sorry! God!" she cried. "I don't have anything here! I'm scared and I'm lonely! I don't know where I am! I feel like I'm going crazy, like it isn't even real! Please! God, Derek, I don't ask you for a lot but I am begging you. Why? Why can't I please just have this one thing?"

A tear fell down her face as he pulled back. He was still mad, then it happened. He felt it. Out of nowhere, she touched him. He felt her hand tugging gently at his wrist and it touched his heart.

"Fine", he finally relented. "Just, just be quiet with it, okay?"

She nodded, half grateful, half hating him. He gave her the belt back and she retreated to her corner, silently going back to her project, all the while fearful as her back was turned to him. For the moment there was nothing to fear as so wound up from the evening's events, Derek settled into a restless nap. It wouldn't last long and soon she could feel his eyes staring right through her.

"Derek?" she finally whispered, even as her body trembled.

"What?"

"What…what's gonna happen?"

The curiosity was eating her alive inside. It was a question she had to know the answer to, even though she feared the truth.

"What do you mean?"

She tried not to cry as her bottom lip quivered uncontrollably.

"What will happen with us? I mean, we, we can't stay here forever. What are you gonna do with me?"

He took a deep breath. Peyton was right about one thing…they couldn't stay there holed up forever.

"I've got a few more things to take care of. I've got to get some shit together like money and stuff and then we'll move. It shouldn't be too much longer."

The thought didn't bring comfort. It was absolutely horrific where they were but what if the next place was worse?

"Where are we moving?"

"I don't know yet. I mean, I can't tell you. But it'll be someplace nice. Maybe we'll get a small house or something if we can afford it, you know, something for us to fix up. And it'll have a yard and we, we could get a dog, if you want. And you'd have plenty of room to do your art. And I'll work and it'll be good, like a real family. More important, we'll be together, Peyton. That is the only thing that matters."

She closed her eyes. Was he insane? She didn't want to play housewife to him in a quaint little fixer upper and she hated dogs. Peyton wasn't interested in any of that. What she wanted was her life back, the one his insanity had cruelly snatched from her.

"Derek, um, sooner or later, people are gonna know…"

"Know what?" he calmly kept his cool.

Peyton knew she was skating on thin ice. A few feet away sat a ticking human time bomb ready to explode at any given moment.

"They…they'll know about me. People will figure out that I, I'm missing and they're gonna come looking for me."

He stared off into space. He wasn't stupid. Hadn't she realized that yet?

"I've got it all figured out, Peyton. We'll just have to go someplace where nobody can find us. That's what starting over is all about, right?"

Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! She wanted to scream!

"Derek, you can't. This doesn't make any sense."

"It makes perfect sense."

"I know, look, I know we make mistakes and sometimes it feels like it's so bad that we can't turn around. But it's not hopeless, Derek. You haven't gone too far. You, you, you've taken care of me…"

"What are you saying, Peyton?"

"I'm saying you can end this all right now", she blurted out.

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm not! I…"

"Don't fucking get hysterical!" his voice suddenly rose. "Jesus, Peyton! I'm not in the mood right now! Don't start! Do you understand?"

"Derek…"

He thought his obsession for her was true love. All she was doing was searching for the right words, anything to break through to him.

"Understand?"

His voice shook the room like an earthquake. Peyton did the only thing she could and that was retreat. A few minutes later, she had cried herself to sleep and only then could Derek breathe again. Why did she have to be so damned difficult? So stubborn? He guessed that was part of the reason he had fallen for her in the first place. The cramped space was getting to her, to both of them. Cabin fever, they called it. Just a little while longer and it would be okay, he thought as he crawled next to her. Just a little while longer.


	17. Candle In The Wind

Lucas looked around and sighed. There were people as far as he could see. Some faces were more familiar than others but he was grateful for every single person that had showed up. It meant they cared. It meant they were worried about Peyton. It also meant that they, too perhaps feared the worst. Shaking off that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he let out a deep breath. No time for negative energy and assuming the worst. He had to be strong for Larry and everyone…especially Peyton.

"There sure are a lot of people", Larry took note with a heavy heart as he joined Lucas. "I guess putting up those fliers and that piece on the Channel 3 news really helped."

The two men had wasted no time as they dove into a plan of action to find out what happened to Peyton. Lucas had made a flier with the word **"MISSING!" **printed in bold letters at the top. There were her stats…height, weight, hair and eye color and a description of the outfit she had been wearing the night she had last been seen. A few short but distinct paragraphs briefly detailed the mysterious circumstances of her disappearance and then there were two pictures of her as well. One was a photo taken just weeks earlier at her high school graduation and another taken at a concert…one displaying curly hair and the other straight. Lucas had printed hundreds of the fliers and posted them on the doors of local businesses as well as door to door and on car windshields.

Larry had set to action as well. He contacted the local news' 3 On Your Side program. They had jumped at the story and the distraught father had been in an interview that was shown on the six and 11 o'clock segments. It had also made the newspaper. Anything to get the word out and they hadn't stopped there. Along with Nathan, Haley, Karen, Mouth and Skills, Larry and Lucas had organized a candlelight vigil in a public service for Peyton. To their surprise and relief, it appeared as if almost the entire community had gathered that night in the park adjoining the River Court.

"Yeah", Lucas nodded. "There are a lot of good people in Tree Hill. It gives me hope."

Larry looked away sadly.

"Yeah…hope."

"Well, we better get started with the service. I guess you're up first with the welcome and the remarks and whatever. Then we'll do a prayer and Haley will sing and we can have a moment of silence."

Larry bit his lip.

"I can't, son…"

"Larry?"

The father fought back tears.

"It's too hard. I, I'm sorry but I don't think I can get up there and talk to all these people without breaking down."

Lucas watched him do his best to keep it together.

"Okay. Um, it's okay. Just go up there and stand beside me. I'll do all the talking."

He had nothing prepared but his feet led the way to the front of the crowd as Larry solemnly followed. A collective hush fell over the crowd.

"You're a good man, Luke", Larry whispered as the night began.

"Um, can, can everybody here me? My name is Lucas Scott. I live here in Tree Hill and we organized this event tonight to bring more awareness to help find our missing friend, Peyton Sawyer. First of all and on behalf of Larry Sawyer, Peyton's father right here, I just want to thank you all. Thanks for all your prayers and letters and phone calls and support. Thank you for coming tonight. We're here first and foremost for Peyton. She has been missing for almost three weeks now. She's out there somewhere and we are dedicated and devoted to bringing her home safe and sound. If you guys don't mind, we have more fliers set up with some information about upcoming events and search efforts and uh, thanks to Marvin McFadden, we now have a website you guys can visit if you want to help. We appreciate everybody's help and uh, Peyton…well, Peyton would really be just amazed and grateful to you all if she was here.

Some of you know her and some of you don't. I'm one of the lucky ones because she has been a great friend and just a huge part of my life for the last two years. I just can't say enough things about her. First and foremost, she's just a really good person. I'm not just saying that, either. And she's a great friend. An awesome listener and consoler. She's funny and fun to be with. She is intelligent and beautiful and kind.

For those of you that do know her, I know you really miss her right now. For those of you that don't, I know you can't wait for the opportunity to meet her. We, I miss her a lot. I miss her love and appreciation for art and music. I miss her talent. I miss hanging out with her all the time. I miss my friend. Peyton is out there somewhere waiting to be found, waiting to come home. And that's exactly what we're gonna do…we're gonna bring her home. Thank you all again for coming out. We have Father Jack Fisher here tonight as well and he's gonna say a few words and a prayer."

Lucas stepped from the platform to applause and a heartfelt nod from Larry. He had no idea just how powerful and emotional that moment was going to be. Needing a breather, he stepped away to collect himself.

"Those were beautiful words."

He recognized the soft voice and looked up in surprise. It was the last person he expected to see.

"Brooke…you made it."

She gave a half smile.

"Come on, Broody, I'm not that heartless", she answered quietly and sadly. "Yeah, Peyton and I may have had our differences lately but she's still my best friend and I still love her. Something's not right about this. I mean, I hate to say it but I have this awful feeling like something really bad might have happened to her. There's no way she just took off without letting anyone know. That really scares me. Anything you guys need…well, count me in. I'm here to help."

"Thanks", he nodded. "I really appreciate that…and Peyton would, too."

"Everything you said back there was true."

"I meant every word."

"You really care about her, huh?"

He chuckled in spite of the situation.

"I do. I really do. Funny, it took something like this to make me realize just how much."

"So where does it stand now?"

He sighed and shrugged.

"No real leads. It's like she vanished into thin air or something. But the more publicity we get, the better. The more help we have, the better but it's been hard. It's like a needle in a haystack."

"What about the police? Have they been any more help?"

"No and speak of the devil", Lucas sighed as he saw the Missing Persons detective approach them.

"Mr. Scott", she nodded pleasantly.

"Detective Shelton", he answered. "This is Brooke Davis, a friend of Peyton's and mine too."

"Miss Davis."

"Hello."

Lucas folded his arms.

"So what brings you by?"

"Surprised to see me?"

"Sort of. Just thought you'd be out finding real missing people, not hapless, PMSing teen runaways."

"I'm here tonight because I must say that you definitely have my attention. Your story is everywhere."

"We're doing what we can to find Peyton."

"I see."

"It's important to us. You might think it's stupid but…"

"I never said this was stupid and please forgive me if I made you feel that way. Based on what you presented me, at the time I did not have sufficient cause to launch a full investigation."

Lucas narrowed his eyes.

"And now?"

"I'm sorry. According to my boss, I still don't but um, off the record…I think you may be on to something."

"But if you can't help us, what can we do?"

"Exactly what you've been doing. Also, compile everything and keep it in time sequence order. Drop by my office at ten tomorrow and we'll discuss this further."

Lucas thought he might explode with relief. Finally!

"So you'll take the case?"

"Not exactly. But I will help with what I can. And when you do get that smoking gun, that one lead that cracks this thing wide open, I'll be here for you. Mr. Scott, I give you my word we'll have every cop in the county on the case."

"Fair enough."

"See you tomorrow", she nodded before walking away.

"Detective Shelton?"

"Yes, Mr. Scott?"

"Thanks", he looked right at her. "I really mean that. Thanks a lot."

He felt a renewed sense of hope as the detective walked off and disappeared into the crowd.

"Ready to get back out there?" Brooke asked.

He nodded as they slowly made their way back.

"I'm just glad so many people came."

"Looks like the old gang is here."

"Yeah", he sighed.

Everyone except Peyton, he thought as a pregnant and tearful Haley launched into a beautiful, a cappella version of Amazing Grace. It was both serene and surreal as the flickers from the light of hundreds of candle cast a glow over Tree Hill. Sobs, sniffles, and whispers could be heard. The mood was solemn as the group struggled to keep the faith.

In a crowd of hundreds, one lone figure did stand out. In his trademark white wife beater tee shirt and tanned muscles glistening, Derek Helm moved about the host of people. Hands in his pockets, he walked, looking around, nodding and mumbling greetings until he was finally approaching Lucas and Brooke.

"Hey, Brooke. Hey, Luke. What's happening?"

"Hey", Brooke said back.

"Glad you could make it", Lucas responded. "We're just doing whatever to keep looking for Peyt."

Derek looked around.

"A lot of people showed up. That's pretty cool, I guess."

"A lot of good hearts, a lot of concerned people."

"I guess but I'm sure it'll be alright. I'm sure Peyton will turn up sooner or later."

"Let's hope sooner", Lucas said.

"Yeah. Well, I just dropped by to see what all the fuss was about. This is a pretty good thing you've got going on. I'm sure Peyton would be happy."

"Yeah…"

Derek nodded again, shuffling his weight uneasily.

"Well, I guess I'll see you guys around."

"Yeah…see you."

Brooke seemed oblivious but the situation certainly had Lucas' attention. Derek did not leave at that moment and for the rest of the night, Lucas could not peel his eyes away. They were there supposedly looking _for _Peyton but Lucas could not help looking _at _Derek.

"You okay?" Karen asked, putting one arm protectively over her pregnant belly and the other protectively around her son.

"Yeah, it's just hard."

"I know", Nathan said as he, Haley and Larry joined them. "It's a good thing you did tonight, man."

Lucas sighed.

"Nothing is good enough until we find her."

"We will", Haley fought back tears.

"I brought you a candle, Luke", Larry handed it to him. "Everyone is supposed to have one for the moment of silence."

"Huh? Oh, oh yeah. Um…thanks."

"Lucas?" Karen asked with a worried look. "You sure you're okay, honey?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that Derek Helm was here a few minutes ago. I don't know. Did anybody notice anything weird?"

"What do you mean?" Haley asked.

"I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. I mean, the guy seems awfully lighthearted in a situation like this, don't you think? We're about to have a moment of silence at a candlelight vigil for our missing friend, someone he is supposedly very close to. Why is he the only one breezing around here like he doesn't have a care in the world?"

"I guess people just react to stuff in different ways", Brooke shrugged. "I mean, I didn't notice anything too off the wall. He's just being Derek. He's a strange guy in general, no weirder than usual."

The general consensus was agreement and that along with the moment of silence that was next, Lucas had no choice but to let it go. A hush fell over all gathered. Some wept. Some prayed. Lucas closed his eyes. We're gonna find you, he said, talking to himself but trying to channel Peyton wherever she was. Then he opened his eyes. He looked around at the sad faces…all except one. On the middle of the masses, sticking out like a sore thumb was Derek. And he didn't look sad at all. In fact, he looked oddly relaxed, as if it was just another party at the park. He even reached down deep in the pockets of his oversized jeans and pulled out what appeared to be a flask. He took a sip like no one was looking and not caring if they did. Then he noticed the steely stare coming his way. He met the glance with a stare of his own. He already knew who it was and it was hard to contain his smirk. Look at him. Look at all them. What a bunch of idiots, he wanted to laugh. But Lucas' eyes never moved, not even as the flame in Derek's candle went out.

"Must be the wind", he mouthed from yards away.

Yes, the non existent wind on Tree Hill's clearest night.

"Must be", Lucas mouthed back.

Maybe it was. Maybe he was paranoid, imagining things. Or maybe not. Everyone else seemed oblivious but Lucas had sworn that the "wind" had come from Derek's mouth when he blew out the candle on purpose as he had smirked at him the whole time.

"You sure you're okay, bro?" Nathan asked.

Lucas exhaled as he strained to see but there was nothing to see. Derek was gone. Disappeared without a trace.


	18. Who's Crying Now?

Derek leaned back against the wall as he lit the Newport cigarette. Inhaling the menthol, he began to blow smoke rings in the air. His previous mood had been filled with agitation although that was nothing new. Antsy seemed to be his middle name as he was always on guard, always paranoid, letting the slightest little thing set him off. But he had decided to relax. He was beginning to feel a little better about things as if he were already one step ahead of the pack.

"What are you looking at?" he asked, feeling Peyton's anxious glance.

"You aren't even looking my way. How'd you know I was looking at you?"

A smirk came to his lips.

"You think I have to see you with my eyes to really see you? Come on, Peyton. You know me better than that, baby. I always see you. I'm inside of you. I don't need my eyes to know what you're seeing, what you're feeling."

She shuddered involuntarily. He was so creepy most of the time. Just the comment made her want to vomit.

"Can…can I have one?" she asked with a shaky voice.

"Since when do you smoke?"

Peyton shrugged.

"I don't. Well, at least not anymore. I used to a few years ago. I don't know, I guess it was stupid. I did it to look cool or to get my mind off things or maybe a combination of both."

"You used to smoke after you'd leave your mom's grave…your first mom, Anna."

Peyton felt a cold chill all over her body.

"How…how'd you know that?"

He laughed.

"I know everything. Here", he offered her the pack. "Old habits die hard, huh?"

She was reluctant to accept anything from him but her hands, along with her nerves, were already trembling violently.

"I guess", she said, letting him light her cigarette as she took a drag.

It wasn't much but it helped. Anything helped. Anything to take her away from him, if only for a moment.

"You nervous?"

"What?"

"I asked if I make you nervous."

"I, I don't know. Sometimes, I guess."

Derek shook his head.

"You know, that sucks. It really hurts me to hear you say that, Peyton. I already told you not to be afraid of me. There is nothing to fear. It's me. It's Derek."

"Sometimes it's you…and sometimes it's not. It, it's like there are two Dereks and I'm never sure which one I'm gonna get."

He nodded. To some degree he recognized what she was saying.

"Sorry. Look, it won't always be this way, okay? I promise you things will get better."

"How?"

"Just trust me, they will."

"When?" she asked meekly.

He rolled his eyes in frustration.

"I'm working on it, okay? Damn, Peyton, why can't you just be patient? Can't you see I'm doing the best I can?"

He was getting angry. The last thing she wanted was for him to become angry.

"I'm sorry", she whispered.

"It's okay", his voice softened as he looked at her. "I didn't mean to yell, alright? It's just, this is hard for me, too, Peyton. Yeah, maybe this wasn't the best plan but I am doing the best I can for now. But I hate this, too. I love you so much and it kills me that I can't do better for you now."

She bit her lip, sucking down the nicotine as fast as she could in order to summon her courage for the next question.

"Can I…"

"What?" his eyes narrowed.

"Can I, I mean, would it be possible if you could please let me make one quick phone call."

Derek swallowed hard.

"Who would you call?"

She tried not to cry.

"My, my dad."

He snuffed the butt out.

"Not right now. That's not a good idea."

Peyton closed her eyes. It's not that she expected a different answer but it couldn't hurt to try but the more she thought about it, the more it did hurt.

"Okay. Okay, um…can, well, can I, can I at least go outside?"

"What?"

"I know this is hard for you, too, Derek but…but at least you get to go outside. You see trees and sun…you see people. I don't have that. I haven't had that for over a month. After a while it starts to get to you. It's driving me crazy. Please."

He thought for a minute.

"I, I don't know."

"Derek…"

"It's a trick."

"It's not a trick."

"How do I know you wouldn't try to run away?"

Her bottom lip quivered.

"Because I won't."

"How do I know?"

"I, I give you my word…please."

She looked so beautifully pitiful at that moment and it reminded him all over again why he had fallen in love with her in the first place.

"Alright, Peyton."

"Alright?" she questioned, eager with hope.

"I'll let you go outside."

She could not control the tears.

"Oh thank you. Thank you so much…"

"Hold on. I'm gonna walk you out. I'm gonna put my hands over your eyes and when I take them off, you can look at the trees and the sun for a few minutes but then that's it."

"Okay."

"And don't think you're gonna figure out where you are."

"I won't. I won't even try, I promise."

She nodded, just grateful for the smallest things. His hands anywhere near her body was nothing short of repulsive but she sucked it up and let him guide her. The heavy door opened and Peyton let out a little gasp as a sudden gush of what felt like summer breeze blew through her hair. She trembled when he removed his hands and commanded her to open her eyes. She did and it was unreal. The sun at first weakened her vision with its relentless afternoon glare but she quickly adjusted. It was nature, it was reality. It was her only connection with the outside world in weeks.

"Oh my God…"

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly.

Peyton shrugged, temporarily at a loss for words.

"There, there is this big tree by my mom's grave. Across the way is a pretty old garden. I used to sit there for hours and draw. It was so beautiful and I really appreciated that. It's funny how sometimes you don't appreciate the things around you. I…I get that now. And this is nice. The sun, the trees…I didn't realize how much I missed it all."

"You'll get to see it again."

"I'll never take it for granted."

Derek nodded, just looking at her.

"You're thinking about your dad, aren't you?"

"Yeah", she answered softly.

"You miss him?"

"With all my heart."

"You think he's worried about you?"

"Maybe", she sighed. "I don't know. Probably."

"What about your friends?"

"I guess. I mean, I sure miss them."

"What if you could go away right now? I mean, close your eyes and be anywhere in the world, where would you be?"

Peyton sucked in a breath. It was a hell of a question.

"I, I'd be at the River Court. I'd be with my friends. And my dad would be there and both my moms and Jake and Jenny and Brooke…"

"The River Court, huh?"

"…And Lucas."

Derek felt his whole body tighten.

"Lucas, huh? Why the River Court, Peyton?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. It's safe and it's happy."

"What about me?" he questioned. "Would you want me there?"

She closed her eyes, willing herself to lie.

"Sure…"

But he saw right through the façade.

"You're lying."

"Derek…"

"Don't patronize me."

"I'm not. I'm sorry. It's just that this is still so scary for me and I don't understand it. If it was another time and you were the old Derek, the guy I used to love being around, my friend…then yeah. Yeah, I guess I would want you around."

"What if you could choose? I mean, what if it was Lucas or me? Who would you want?"

"Please don't do this."

His whole expression had changed.

"Get back inside!" he commanded.

She did as she was told before he had to instill physical force. The door slammed behind her and she jumped.

"Why do you keep bringing him up? He doesn't have anything to do with this, Derek."

"Bullshit! He has everything to do with it and you and I will never be happy and you'll never give our life a chance together as long as you have Lucas Scott on the brain."

"Derek…"

"You know, Peyton, I really didn't want it to have to come down to this but you're sort of forcing the issue, pushing my buttons like usual. I mean, I thought you'd let it go but no! Lucas, Lucas, Lucas! It's getting kind of old. I was trying to be a nice guy about it all and just leave him be out of our lives but like I said earlier, old habits die hard. You and I never will be anything until that guy is completely out of the picture."

"Out of the picture? What are you talking about?"

"Do I have to hurt him?"

"Derek…"

"Jesus Christ, do I have to kill the asshole? I don't want to but you're starting to leave me no choice."

"No!" Peyton began to wail. "No, no, no, no, no, no! Please, Derek! Don't!"

"Don't what?"

"Don't do anything to Lucas. I'm begging you."

"Why? Because you love him?"

Her tears began to flow.

"No!"

"I told you not to lie to me."

"I…"

"You what?" he sneered. "You love him? Is that it? Is that what you're trying to say, Peyton?"

"Yes", she whimpered.

"And you think he loves you, too, huh? Is that what you're waiting for? Good old King Lucas to play the hero and swoop in and save the day."

"I…"

"Be honest, Peyton."

"No", she sobbed. "No, I'm not, okay?"

"Why? Why not?"

"Lucas doesn't love me!"

Derek smiled with glee.

"Why would you say a thing like that?"

"Because he doesn't, okay? You're so obsessed with Lucas and me but it was never gonna be! He doesn't feel that way about me! I was never Brooke! He never cared like that!"

"But it didn't stop you from loving him, even though he didn't love you back?"

"No."

"Kind of like the way you don't love me?"

"I, I'm sorry, Derek."

He nodded, growing angrier by the second.

"Go back to your corner and sit down!"

"Why?" she asked tearfully.

"Because I said so!"

"But Derek…I, I didn't do anything."

"Fucking go!"

He was on his temper tantrum laced soapbox again and as fearful as Peyton was, sometimes a girl just had enough.

"No!"

"What did you just say to me?"

"No! I said no!"

"Peyton, I am warning you…"

"And I don't care! No! Even if you hit me, fine! I don't give a shit! I'm still not going!"

Grabbing her arm roughly, he threw her against the wall. Just like always, she had asked for it, practically begged him to discipline her.

"Now I guess you're gonna sit there and pout and cry?"

She defiantly made a statement by wiping away her tears.

"I'm done crying for you. It's your turn to pout. 'I kidnap Peyton and she still doesn't love me. Wah!' Go fucking figure."

"Oh really?"

"Really?"

"We'll see about that."

He walked over to an opposite corner and quickly returned with something in his hand. She flinched as he threw it at her but it was nothing more than a balled up piece of paper.

"What is this?"

"Read it and weep, bitch."

She unfolded it and found herself staring at her own pictures printed neatly on a flier. Her eyes scanned it along with the words missing.

"Oh my God…"

"That's right. Seems Daddy put them up all over town. He's been on the news crying for you, too. Tried to go to the cops but guess what? They don't believe him."

"No…"

"And guess who else is on the case? Come on, Peyton. Who do you think is wearing the red cape? That's right. It's Lucas Scott. He's whining and crying like the little bitch that he is trying to save you."

"What? No…how, how do you know?"

Derek laughed.

"Because I was there. I was 'searching' for you, holding my little candle, chanting my little hymns and prayers next to Nathan and Haley and Karen and oh yeah, even Brooke had a heart to be there."

Peyton stared at the flier in disbelief, clutching it to her chest as she felt herself lose balance and sink to the ground. Her pain was their pain. They loved and missed her just as much as she loved and missed them. They were out looking for her…her father, her friends. Her Lucas. And there was nothing she could do. How would they ever rescue her? How when the enemy, the dirty culprit was infiltrating them?

"No!" she let out one last painful shriek.

Derek only smirked.

"It was your party and I could cry if I wanted to", he cruelly taunted. "Who's crying now, bitch?"


	19. Ghost Whisperer

Karen Roe hummed to herself as she went about the daily chores of upkeeping a house. There were always dishes to be done, laundry to be folded and something to be dusted. She didn't mind. She wasn't an exact neat freak but keeping a house in respectable order was part of what made it a home. That was important to her. For 18 years she had made a home and a life for herself and her son. Now there was another child on the way. She smiled a bittersweet smile as the little baby growing inside her kicked at her belly. Her love and the child's father, Keith, was dead. But he would live on in all of them. Those were the thoughts that sustained Karen in her deepest hours of need and uncontrollable sadness. Those thoughts along with her son, Lucas, the one person who had always been her rock.

She worried about him. That's just what mothers did. He had always been there for her. When he was just five or six and business was sparse in the café and Karen was exhausted after long hours of being on her feet, she'd smile and fight back tears of love and pride as little Lucas tried to help out by drying a dish or doing something as simple as putting away the ketchup bottles. Over the years as she raised him to be a confident, caring, thoughtful young man, he had become her protector, confidant and best friend. As usual, he was always there for her, especially in the wake of Keith's untimely death. Lucas had somehow managed to hold it together, even in his own grief.

Now he was going through something of his own. Karen had never quite seen her boy like that and it was scary. The mystery of Peyton Sawyer's disappearance had taken a toll on the whole town, especially those closest to her. All Lucas' passion, time and energy had been focused on finding out what happened to her. But it was taking a bigger toll on him.

"Knock, knock", she managed a smile, standing at his doorway.

He looked up and rubbed his eyes, motioning her to come in.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hey yourself. How are things going?"

"I'm fine", he shrugged. "How's the kid?"

They both smiled. Just the mention of the baby was enough to lighten any mood.

"Your little brother or sister is doing just fine."

"Mom, you sure you don't want to do the ultrasound to find out the sex?"

"What can I say? I like surprises."

He touched her stomach, grinning as tiny feet kicked from the inside.

"I like them, too."

"You look so tired, my boy", she gently rubbed his face. "How are you?"

"Good. Larry and I talked to a few more people yesterday and the website if getting a lot of hits. I also talked to Detective Shelton again and…"

"I asked how you were", she cut him off mid sentence.

"Mom…"

"What? You know I care about Peyton as much as the next person. Any progress is great news as far as I'm concerned but I was asking about you, not the case. How are you?"

He sighed heavily.

"I'm fine."

"You sure? You don't look fine."

"Well, I am."

"Honey, you look like crap."

"Thanks, Mom", Lucas chuckled. "I appreciate the confidence booster."

"That's not what I meant. But you're so pale. You have bags underneath your eyes."

"I'll be okay."

"It's because you're tired. You're not getting enough sleep."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

"Mom, I got like nine hours of sleep last night. I laid down before midnight."

Karen crossed her arms and gave him a knowing look.

"It wasn't a very peaceful sleep. How many times did you get up during the night? I must have heard you pacing for hours."

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

"Lucas, don't apologize to me. I'm just worried about you. I know how important this case is but you can't get so wrapped up that you stop taking care of yourself."

"I know. It's just there is so much going on."

"Any good news?"

He shook his head sadly.

"Not really."

"Have faith", she rubbed his arms. "We just have to believe it's all gonna be okay."

"Every single day that passes with no new leads and no sign of Peyton makes me lose my faith little by little."

"You are doing all you can and that's all you can do. I'm proud of you."

"I'm not proud of me."

"Why not?" Karen's eyes widened.

"Because as much as we do, none of it is good enough if we can't find her."

"Lucas…"

"Mom, this is so hard. It's killing me. I can't help it, I think about it all the time. It's all I think about. When I try to have a normal life and eat and sleep and God forbid actually relax or try to have a little fun, my mind just goes right back to Peyton. Is she hungry? Does she have somewhere to sleep at night? Is she safe? Is she scared? Is she…man, I can't even say it but sometimes…"

"What? Talk to me, sweetie."

"That's why I can't sleep at night. I close my eyes and that thought creeps into my mind. Is Peyton even alive? I can't handle that, Mom. You don't know what that feeling does to me. I can't let myself think like that. So I get up and I try to be positive and I focus my energy somewhere else."

"I am sorry this happened. Most of all I'm sorry for Peyton but I'm sorry for you, too. I hope we find her and I hope it's soon and that she's alive and well. But I won't lie to you. That might not be the case but whatever happens, you did your best, Lucas."

"That's not good enough."

"Yes, it is. You cared when no one else did. You're the one responsible for putting all the publicity and the search efforts together. And you're so helpful to Larry. No matter what, you have done your best. You give your all and who could ask for anything more? I am proud of you. Larry is proud of you. You should be very proud of yourself. I have raised an incredible young man. You have a beautiful heart. And whatever the end result may be, I know Peyton is going to know she had an amazing friend who loved her very much and did everything to find her."

He let out a tired sigh.

"Thanks, Mom."

"What's on the agenda today?"

"The volunteers are going to do another foot search so I want to help with that."

"Okay. At least promise me you'll eat something before you go."

"I will."

"Great. I'll make you a deal. You attempt to straighten up this pig sty of a room here and I'll head to the kitchen and work on the sandwiches."

Lucas managed a smile as his mother headed out.

"As long as it's Roast Beef, you're on", he winked.

"If that's what it takes to be able to see the floor in here again. When in the world did you get so messy?"

He shrugged as she closed the door behind her. He didn't feel like cleaning up but he had given his mother his word. Sifting through the massive piles, one by one he separated the items. Within 20 minutes, significant progress had been made and Lucas was quite satisfied with himself as he made his bed. The hamper was overflowing but there were still some socks under the bed. Bending down, he cleaned up the mess, taking notice when his hand brushed against something that wasn't clothing. Frowning, Lucas reached until the tips of his fingers grasped it and he pulled it out. To his surprise, it was a hand held digital audio recorder. It was in his room and under his bed but he hadn't remembered ever having one. Shrugging, he started at the beginning to listen. Nothing in the world could have prepared him for what he was about to hear.

He listened in shock. At first, it was just the sound of her voice. It was like hearing from a ghost. His throat went all dry as a lump formed in it. Suddenly it was hard to breathe and his knees felt weak. Sitting down, he listened intently. He could almost see her face as the words tumbled out. She talked about the present state of their friendship. She talked about the long and rocky road it had taken them to get there. The times they made out. Did he remember them? Hell yeah. But the physical part had never panned out into anything long term and meaningful like he had originally wanted. At first Nathan stood in their way, then Brooke. It was like time and circumstance would do anything to keep the two blonde star crossed lovers apart. She talked about all the times he had been there for her. Lucas closed his eyes and literally relived every memory as she explained it.

…_Okay, now that I have taken you down two years of memory lane, I guess I can get to my point. What is my point? Yes, I do have one but it's hard. I have something to say to you, something I feel every day that has taken two years to express and I still can't find the words. Gosh, you have no idea how hard this is for me to say. It took a real long time for me to even admit this to myself, so how do I tell you now? I suppose it's a lot easier talking into a recorder instead of your face so I may as well blurt it out._

_I, I love you, Lucas Scott? Okay? There it is. I love you. And I know you have that really confused look on your face right now and you're thinking that yeah, you love me too but I think we're talking about two different types of love here. I love you. I'm like in love with you. I said it. I am crazy, head over heels, googly eyed, doodling your name in all my text books, in love. And you know that's totally not me but it's the truth. You make me feel that way, Luke. I love all the things about you. I love the person you are. Your consideration and your thoughtfulness. I mean, who has a bigger heart than you? The way you stand up for what's right and the way you take care of me. It's really something else._

_It's hard enough to put your heart on your sleeve and be vulnerable enough to admit this to one of your best friends but it's more than that. I'm scared, Lucas. I mean, I am scared of everything. What if you don't love me back? Where will that leave us? We've had our awkward moments before. What will it do to our friendship? Then I get even more afraid if you do feel the same way. People always leave me, Luke. You know that. Or maybe it's that I'm always pushing them away. You know, I used to get so upset because I felt like everybody in my life had disappointed me. One day I woke up and out of the blue realized, that hey, maybe I'm the disappointment. It sucks. It's a tough reality but one I have to face._

_I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't want to lose you. That scares the holy hell out of me. It always has. It scares me to open up and let loose and just feel. I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I can be that person. I'm afraid to love and trust and be secure and just let my guard down. What if that isn't enough for you? What if it is too much?_

_A long time ago you told me you wanted me. Not just sex but a real, committed relationship. I looked at you like you were crazy and in classic dramatic P. Sawyer style, I stormed out. Pretty stupid, huh? When I came back to your house, the night that Brooke was already there, I came to tell you the truth. All those things you said you wanted? Well, I wanted them too and I wanted them with you. For the first time, I wasn't scared anymore. I was just too late._

_The question is, is time finally on my, on our side? What's it gonna be? This is me. This is Peyton. This is how I feel. I take that back what I said before about always being disappointed by people because you're the one person that has never disappointed me. You always do the right thing and I respect that. So I'm wanting, I'm asking for our second chance. I don't know if it's still there but this is my shot and I figure it's worth it. I know you're worth it. I want you, Lucas Scott, with your broody, blue eyes and your sweet smile. I hope you accept me, Peyton Sawyer with my pure heart, flaws and all._

_Well, I just dropped the bomb of all bombs and this is very unexpected and I have babbled entirely too much so hopefully you're listening to this while I'm on a plane or chilling at some industry party drinking Margaritas with P. Diddy and passing the salt to Justin Timberlake. I hope you listen to this and I hope you think about it and I hope we can talk about it. No matter what, you are still a great guy and no matter what happens, as long as the friendship still remains, as long as we are still in each other's lives someway, I'll be satisfied. Know what? This is a cliché and a half but I feel better already. It's good to get all these bottled up feelings off my chest._

_Well, I'm gonna go now. About time, right? Take care and just have a great summer. I know I will. And now it's on to party and just live the rest of our lives. So I guess I'll be talking to you soon and even though the very thought makes me so nervous I want to puke, I really can't wait. So, um, I guess I'll be talking to you, Lucas. Bye._

And just like that, it was over. Holding the recorder in his hand, Lucas listened to it over and over again. Each time he felt surprise…he felt happiness. Based on the timeline she had eluded to, he could only guess she had brought it over the last time he saw her, the night before she was to depart. Had she left it on purpose? Had she chickened out at the last minute and dropped it accidentally? That would certainly explain the location in which he had found it. But the hows and the whys and the wheres didn't matter. The only thing that did was the words he had heard straight from her mouth. But Lucas couldn't react. He couldn't think or talk or even feel. All he could do was sit there absolutely stunned.


	20. Hanging By A Moment

Peyton shuddered in the darkness. She wanted to take a deep breath but she was afraid. Afraid of the sound it might make, afraid it might be as loud as her heart pounding inside her chest. She couldn't afford to be heard, afford to make a mistake. It was a critical now or never point and her very life depended on her next few moves…

_Sometimes, you just have enough. One person can only tolerate, endure but so much before they reached their breaking point and Peyton Sawyer had certainly reached hers. Over a month in captivity. Living filthy like an animal in closed, cramped, darkened quarters. Barely eating, sometimes spending days at a time without human contact or conversation. And the only thing worse was when **he **was around. She hated him. Peyton hated him like she never imagined she could hate another. The cruel taunts and insults as he launched virtual mental warfare. The senseless beatings. The way his hands frequently took over her body as if it were his to pleasure, as if she actually enjoyed his touch. But mostly there was the fear, fear of the unknown. Every day she sat with bated breath never knowing where his plan was going and what would happen next. It was enough to drive a person mad and Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer had long passed the point of normal human sanity._

_She'd had enough. She couldn't take it one more week or day or hour or minute or second. She had to get out, she had to get away from him. She had to run for her life if there would ever be any chance of freedom. So she had thought it over and hastily set a plan into action._

"_Open the door, Peyton. It's behind the door. Open the door."_

_The voice came from no one except a whisper in her head but she still didn't know what it meant. He often left to go to work, or so he said. Derek would disappear for hours at a time, leaving her all alone. So many times she had done the obvious and tried to bolt from the front door. But she couldn't. It was impossible to budge, as if he locked it somehow from the outside. He made sure when he was gone, she had nothing. There was the small room and another small room that connected that housed a toilet and sink. When he was gone, the "bathroom" door was securely pressed against a wall that she could not see behind. And as she lay in bed, contemplating the moves that would set her free, one eye popped open. The voice, whoever it was from, suddenly began to make sense. Somehow, someway, she knew the answers were hidden behind that mysterious door._

_Her eyes nervously blinked. She felt like she was pinned beneath a piece of iron but it was worse. It was Derek. He had taken to sleeping next to her, insisting on cuddling and spooning, his muscular, tanned arm fastened securely around her frightened, trembling body. At that moment, she had had more than enough and she knew she had to leave. It was a risky move to say the least but one surely worth making. Taking a deep breath and silently mumbling a prayer, she turned slowly, gently easing from the embrace that controlled her even in sleep._

"_Where the hell do you think you're going?" he grumbled, eyes barely open._

"_To the bathroom."_

_Where else could she go, she thought as she waited for a reply. There was none. Instead he went right back to sleep and she eased away, tipping quietly to the only other room. Closing her eyes, she prayed to her mom, to Ellie, to God, even that annoying Angel of Death. She prayed to anyone who might be listening that the door would budge. Coughing loudly in the darkness, she went for it, terrified that it would not move at all or that if it did, a horrible creaking sound would awake and enrage Derek. But neither happened. As quiet as a church mouse, the door moved towards her with ease. Peyton wanted to break down crying with relief alone but before she could, something else got her attention. She couldn't believe it. She had never seen it before and she couldn't imagine what had made her even think about the bathroom door but whatever it was, she was beyond grateful. There near the top of the wall was a window._

_It wasn't a big window, more like a vent looking narrow opening covered by a slab of glass. One would look at it and assume a human being couldn't fit through it but Peyton took a quick mental measure with her eyes. It wasn't impossible. Hard as hell? Maybe but definitely not impossible. And it was worth a shot. But how the hell would she get up there? Without a stepping stool, it appeared unimaginable but she had some height on her. Standing on the tips of her toes, Peyton reached with all she had. With a good enough jump, she could probably make it. But it had to be one hell of a jump. Not a series to get her momentum right…it had to be absolutely perfect on the first take._

_Her eyes darted about and her stomach churned along with a pounding heart. There was no more time to contemplate. She'd already been gone long enough by Derek standards. He could get up and come after her in a matter of minutes. With everything to lose and the fear of the world inside her, Peyton channeled everything she had ever wanted, loved, feared, or hated. She went for it, taking a leap of faith straight forward. Her green eyes were clenched closed and for a moment it was like her heart stopped. She was half expecting to miss and land with a resounding thud. The suspicious noise would clue in Derek in a mirco second and he would be in her face with a million questions._

_Finally Peyton opened her eyes. She looked around and let out a little gasp. She hadn't missed. She was hanging by a moment, hanging by the tips of her fingers but she was there, just barely on a tiny strip of a ledge that gave not much room for error or anything else._

"_Okay. Okay, breathe, Sawyer. You've got this", she tried to give herself a pep talk._

_She was losing her grip fast but sheer determination alone kept her hanging. She pulled herself up and with one hand the glass was open. She could feel the cool night air already flowing in. It was the tiniest of spaces but it was all that stood between her and freedom. Going for it, Peyton pushed with all her might as her body began to fit through the opening. The space was tight, so fixed that the sides squeezed roughly against her body. Adrenaline wouldn't let her feel the pain as she kept going. Then it happened. _

_Peyton Sawyer wasn't exactly known for having hips but what little she did have were now stuck between a hard place and an even tighter place. Trying not to grunt, she pushed and pulled all to no avail. There was nowhere to go. Her body wasn't budging and she was on the verge of losing control. Then she heard it._

"_Peyton…"_

_His voice was still rough with sleep. He was probably turning over, missing her, noticing she was still gone. He'd maybe call one more time, then Derek would be up. Peyton couldn't risk that._

"_Come on", she begged herself._

_With one final thrust, she felt a rib cracking on her right side but that was okay. A few seconds later, Peyton was out. Pain and tears and fear and all, she was outside. She lay on green grass damp from a summer rain. Peyton was free._

"_Peyton! Peyton, what the hell is taking so long?"_

_Then she heard him up, his feet on the floor. Favoring her sore right side, she made a run for it. She was on the side of the basement of what looked like an old abandoned house. There was no full moon to light the way, she could only guide herself by instinct and what she had remembered that one day he had let her outside. But Peyton didn't care. In a full out sprint, she ran through the woods, sticks and rocks pricking at her bare feet. She ran until she couldn't run anymore stopping when she was fairly confident she had enough distance on Derek. It was dark anyway, how would he be able to find her. She had avoided running in a straight path but the physical pain was killing her. She needed a rest, a break. It would be okay, all she had to do was just be quiet…_

Peyton took that deep breath. She couldn't remember a time being that scared and considering the circumstances of her life in the weeks before, that was saying a lot. Clutching herself, she desperately looked around. There was nothing but woods. How far would she have to go? Was there even civilization in sight? Or was she simply running in circles deeper into the thicket? Whatever it was, she knew she couldn't stay where she was forever. Eventually she'd have to go, keep running and get farther away from him. She had no choice, the sooner the better.

Soft dirt and fallen leaves rustled loudly beneath her toes. She tried her best not to whimper in pain. Every few minutes she would stop and cling to a tree. The pauses were necessary although she would have been better off to keep moving. Still she couldn't help it. It hurt too bad and she was disoriented. Bending over to catch her breath, she heard a sound. It was coming from close by but Peyton knew she wasn't moving. But she wasn't alone.

"Peyton…"

Her mouth fell open. It was like one of those bad horror movies when no matter what the character did, no matter the head start, the monster always caught up. Squeezing her eyes shut, she contemplated running or staying still. Wherever he was, he was gaining on her.

The footsteps were coming closer. Peyton held her breath. Then it stopped or at least seemed to taper off in the other direction. She waited for a few minutes before tip toeing off. Then she picked up some speed. Running for her life, she took off only to run smack dab into something hard enough to send her flying on her butt. She shook off the wind being temporarily knocked out of her before she opened her eyes. On the ground were ten bare and tanned toes. Looking up she saw the jeans and finally the familiar white wife beater.

"Nooooooooooooo!"

She tried to get up and run anyway but was immediately cut down with a sharp blow to the jaw. Peyton screamed in pain, landing on her injured side.

"Fucking cunt!"

"Derek, please!"

But it was too late. He saw her holding her right side and he gave the rib a kick so hard it knocked her out for a few seconds.

"What the fuck is this shit? Huh?"

"No! Please!"

Her cries went unheard. Derek was beyond furious. Grabbing a handful of blonde hair, he began dragging her like a rag doll through the woods, screaming unmentionable obscenities the whole time. She made no sound as tears spilled. Somehow he had found her and before she knew it, they were back in the house where he slammed her against the wall.

"Stupid bitch!" he began to shake her so violently it felt like her brain had been scrambled.

"Derek…" she stumbled forward, dizzy as she spat up blood.

"I knew this shit would happen!" he began to pace, angrily ranting and raving. "Look at you! You ungrateful whore! I do everything for you! Look how you repay me!"

"Nooo…"

"Shut up! You think that crying game is gonna work now? Whatever, Peyton! I knew you would try to run! Big mistake and I mean that. You see, you have no idea where the hell we are and I know this place like the back of my hand! You think I wouldn't be able to find you? I will always find you! Understand? Know what? Peyton, I swear I didn't want it to come to this but you practically begged for it. I have been pretty lenient with you but now you really need to be punished!"

"No!" she begged.

"No need in pleading now. What? Are you sorry? Yeah, right. It's just an act. You're so fake, Peyton. Well, it's time to teach you a lesson. I'm gonna show you something that'll never make you run from me again."

She tried to brace herself for the physical impact but nothing could anticipate his blows. The punches came in rapid succession from every which direction. When she could catch her breath, he gave her kicks that literally took the breath from her body. And when she was down, screaming and crying, writhing in unspeakable pain, waiting for the vicious reprimand to end, she exhaled when at finally his fury seemingly ceased.

Peyton heard another noise as he moved about behind her. It hurt way too much to turn her head but from the corner of the eye that wasn't swollen shut, she could see him taking off his belt.

"No…no, please…"

Too late.

"You act like a bad girl and I'll treat you like one."

One by one, each cruel stroke of leather landed hard against the tender flesh of her back, breaking the skin causing bloody welts to form. He beat her until she began to lose consciousness, only stopping until she moved or cried before staring the horrific cycle all over again.

"Enough!" she finally begged, choking on her tears. "Please! Enough!"

It was all she could do to even talk and finally he stopped.

"Don't ever try that shit again", he warned with a sneer, giving her one last kick.

Then it was over. She had lost the gamble for freedom and with the loss came horrendous consequences. She had come so close but the end failure had been miserable. And she was left to fear what could only come next. The moment was fleeting as her eyes closed. Peyton tried to hang on, fearing that if she gave up for a second and closed her eyes completely, they might never open again. But it was too much. The fear and the pain. She was hanging on the best she could.


	21. Memory Lane

"Have a piece of pie."

"No thanks", Lucas mumbled, pushing the saucer away.

Haley sighed as she planted her hands on what she could still reach of her hips.

"I just waddled like 20 feet to get into the kitchen to cut you the very last piece of the delicious peach pie that I woke up at two a.m. to bake because I couldn't sleep with all those damned hot flashes, the same pie I put sour cream on, that totally grossed my husband out, by the way. My fingers are swollen, I haven't seen my feet in months, and your evil brother keeps calling me Jimmy Dean."

"Jimmy Dean?"

Haley frowned.

"My toes are also swollen pretty bad and Nathan says they look like little sausage links."

Lucas peered down and laughed a real laugh for the first time in days. He had been trapped in a mental and emotional rut and had retreated to the safety of the apartment shared by his best friend slash sister and law, and his brother. Somehow Haley always seemed to make everything better. He picked a time to visit when Nathan was out so the two old friends could be alone.

"They do sort of…"

"Oh shut up and eat the damned pie!" Haley swatted him with a throw pillow before handing him a fork.

"It's really good, Hales", he said, between mouthfuls.

"Of course it is, I baked it and you love my pie. It's your mom's recipe. Hey, you know what? I could put some sour cream on it. It's really good and…"

"No, thanks, Hales."

"Suit yourself", she sighed. "You don't know what you're missing out on."

"Haley", he said quietly, as he wiped his mouth.

"You okay, Buddy? You look really sad. Talk to me."

"It's Peyton."

She nodded. What else could it be? Time still turned and life still went on but there was a huge hole in the very heart of Tree Hill. Peyton Sawyer was still missing and her mysterious disappearance had taken a toll on everyone.

"What's the matter?"

"I, I found something. I haven't told anybody yet. Not Larry or Mom or even Nathan."

Haley's brown eyes widened.

"What do you mean you found something? Luke!"

"No, no. Not like that. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I meant I found a recording."

"Of what?"

He took a deep breath.

"Of Peyton. It looks like she made it just a few days before she went missing. I found her digital recorder lost underneath my bed. I think she left it there accidentally, probably from that last night when she came to my house."

"Oh my God. Did you listen to it? What did it say?"

What didn't it say? Lucas was still in a state of shock.

"It, uh…Jesus, Hales, you're never gonna believe this because I can hardly believe it myself."

"Lucas…"

"She basically said that she loves me, like she's in love with me and that she had felt that way for the past two years. She talked about everything we've been through and how safe she feels with me but that she was still afraid. I don't know. It was crazy. I've listened to it over a dozen times already and I still can't wrap my head around it."

Haley swallowed hard.

"Why not?"

"Because. I don't know. Because it's Peyton, I guess. Our relationship was always weird and complicated."

"Yeah, in the beginning. But that was then, Luke. So much has changed since then. It was a different time and we were different people. Keith was still with us and you were still on the River Court. You and I both hated Nathan because he was the world's biggest jerk."

Lucas let out a sigh.

"Seems like a lifetime ago."

"But the feelings were always there, right? I mean, it was always something, this connection with you and Peyton."

"I know. You know, she almost hit me with her car once."

The corners of Haley's lips turned upwards into a smile.

"On purpose?"

"Nah. She was messing with the CD player and I wasn't really paying attention either. I'm headed home from the River Court and next thing I know, I'm like a half inch away from the front of her car."

"Was she sorry?"

"Yeah right. More like annoyed. I guess she kind of hated me for some reason back then. I had to tow her car once and I did the lyrics to this NOFX song. They're like one of her favorite bands but even then it was hard to figure out how Peyton was feeling, where her head was. She left her portfolio in her car that day. She was supposed to send it to THUD magazine but she chickened out at the last minute so I sort of sent it in for her. She was so pissed at me but I couldn't help it. She was just too good for the world to not see her, you know? She wanted people to care about her art and I guess I cared."

"Peyton wanted people to care about her."

"I guess I did that, too."

"Of course you did. That's why you went after her when you thought she was driving drunk and that's why you tried to take the blame when it was really Nathan that was driving her car. And you cared when she was having a real hard time with the anniversary of her mom's death and she was running every red light in town."

"I couldn't help it."

"None of us could. Remember that night we played at Pinkerton?"

Lucas couldn't help but laugh.

"Who could forget? Whitey threw Nate and me off the bus, we got kidnapped, had to buy douches in our underwear…"

"Those were the days", Haley playfully rolled her eyes. "But it was more than that. That was the first night I really talked to Peyton. For the first time she wasn't some unattainable piece of popularity. She was a person, a real person, hell, even a nice person. I guess that's sort of how our friendship began. It was fun. We're like speeding down this country road in the middle of the night singing at the top of our lungs with Brooke passed out in the back and lo and behold, the Brothers Scott just standing there in the middle of the road."

"Talk about a silent and uncomfortable ride home."

"Yeah but something else happened in that car that night and it changed our lives forever, Luke. That was the night you and I both realized our true feelings. I wanted to be with Nathan and you wanted Peyton."

"I was so attracted to her and it was so much more than physical. A few weeks later that night at Dan's party…I thought we were going to have it. I wanted it so bad and I actually thought it was gonna happen. And Peyt totally crushed me, I mean I got shot down."

"If it makes you feel any better, Nathan wasn't exactly a prince that night either. But it worked out."

"For who, Hales? You and Nathan made up and got your date and your kiss and you fell in love and the rest is history."

"It wasn't over for Nathan and me and it wasn't over for you and Peyton, either. Far from it. Because your heart wouldn't let it be over. You didn't stop caring. When that guy drugged her at the Duke party, who took care of her? Who went and got Peyton and stayed with her until she was okay?"

"Me."

"I think that was her wake up call. I think that's when she finally knew."

"Why didn't she say anything?"

Haley shrugged.

"I don't know. Would it have made a difference?"

"Yes. We would have been together, I never would have slept with Brooke…"

"That night, the night Peyton told you how she felt and Brooke was already there. What happened?"

Lucas closed his eyes. It was like he could still feel the intensity of that moment.

"I liked Brooke then. Don't get me wrong, I really did. She's a great girl. She was funny and pretty and I could just be myself and have fun with her. I liked that. I needed that but my heart was with Peyton. That's who I wanted but Peyton didn't want me back, or at least that's how she made it seem. So I moved on. Looking back, it was a stupid move to go to her best friend but Brooke was interested and Peyton wasn't. At first I thought it'd be all fun, games and sex with Brooke. I was down for that. I mean, she had a reputation but it's like it was more to her than that. I saw that side and I really started to like it and as more time passed, the more feelings Brooke developed for me. My mom was out of the country, I was getting over on poor Keith so I invited Brooke over that night to hook up. I mean, why not?"

"So she came over after the game?"

Lucas nodded.

"Yeah. And then there is a knock at the door and it's Peyton and I'm shocked, then she spills everything about what she wants with me and I have all of ten seconds to take it in before Brooke comes back half naked. Man, you should have seen the look on their faces."

"How did it end?"

"Peyton made up something about returning a CD and she split."

"Why'd you let her leave?"

"I didn't want to. I probably shouldn't have. I was just so shocked and Brooke was already there and she really did care for me. I didn't know what to do and before I could do anything, Peyton bailed. That changed everything, Haley."

"Not the feelings."

"Not the feelings but how could we act on them then? It was too awkward anyway. Brooke and I were basically a couple and Peyton already knew I was having sex with her best friend."

"Did you regret it?"

"It's hard to say. Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. The more time I spent with Brooke the better it got."

"But you still couldn't shake Peyton."

"No. And it didn't get easier when I met her dad. I used to worry about Peyt always alone in that big house. I felt protective of her. I used to be kind of angry at Larry not really being there. Then I met the guy and he's great. He really loves his daughter. I spent a lot of time with them and it's like I fit right in. I felt like it should have been that way but at the same time, I didn't want Brooke to get hurt. I thought I could handle it. Then we found out Larry might have been dead…"

"That's the weekend your grandparents came to town."

"Yeah. One minute, Peyton, Brooke and me are fixing up an old car for him and the next, there is a possibility the guy is dead. It was such an intense, surreal moment. I really felt for Peyt. She was so scared. She had already lost her mom. So we had to go to where the body was and identify it."

"I know you couldn't let her go through that alone."

"I couldn't. And it wasn't about us having a chance to sneak off together. I swear it never was like that. We never intended to do that to Brooke and our minds were only on one thing and that was Larry but it was like I really identified with her at that moment. Her fear, her pain. My dad was alive but at the time he may as well not have been. It sucked not having a father and that's exactly what Peyton was faced with. And for over seven years, she'd only had one parent to depend on and then in an instant, her world was being torn apart and she was faced with losing that. Mom is all I have and I tried to put myself in that position of what it would feel like if I was going to lose her."

"God, this is so Shakespearean. I mean it, Luke. But that was your chance right there. Your chance to make it right, to be together. But you guys ruined it by hooking up instead of just being honest with yourselves and Brooke."

"Almost hooking up, thank you very much, and it was the thought of Brooke that kept us from going all the way and making an even bigger mistake."

"I was so pissed at you when I found out. Pissed off and disappointed."

"I know. And Peyton and I were gonna do the right thing. We were going to tell Brooke."

"Then the accident happened."

"Yeah."

"That was so scary. Brooke was really there for you. She never left your side for a minute."

"Mom told me."

"Everybody was worried and everybody cared but we just handled it in different ways. Me, I couldn't visit you while you were unconscious like that. I felt guilty and horrible for fighting with you before it all happened. And Peyton? Well, her mom had died in that same hospital after a car accident. I guess it was too much for her. I guess she couldn't bare losing you like that, too. So she handled it in other ways. Remember that number 3 tribute she drew in chalk on the River Court?"

Lucas smiled fondly at the memory.

"It was amazing. I really appreciated it. In fact, I had a whole new appreciation for life itself. I guess almost dying can do that to you. It made me realize more than ever that it was all about Peyton."

"Till you collapsed at her house and Brooke found out everything?"

"Haley James Scott, thrill assassin."

"What?" she smiled. "That's how it happened."

"True. But I couldn't be with Brooke anymore. I was lying to myself and it wasn't right or fair to anybody. Life is way too short and precious and fragile for that."

"You're right but I guess too much had happened by then."

"Brooke and Peyton were best friends, I mean closer than close. I hurt both of them and I screwed up their friendship. It was hard to have that on my conscience. At that point, we all just needed to chill. I realized it was best to be just friends with both of them and after everything that happened, even that seemed like a long shot then. With Peyton, the whole friendship thing seemed to be a little easier."

"Probably because Brooke hated both your guts."

"Probably", he chuckled.

"But is that why you left or tried to leave with Keith when you guys went to Charleston."

"I was running away, Hales, plain and simple. But when we came back, everything had changed. Dan's heart attack…your marriage. I realized I had to face everything head on and deal with it like a man. So I took a good, long look in the mirror and decided to make some personal changes. I worked on getting closer with my brother and trying to understand my father. And I got to be friends, real friends with Brooke and Peyton. That was great. Life was finally feeling like how it was supposed to. We were all being teenagers and just having fun."

"Yeah", Haley remembered. "We did have some good times. Dare Night? It all felt so good, felt so right. I thought with Anna you had finally moved on."

"So did I and she was an awesome girl. It probably could have happened but Brooke…"

"Why? What's with the yo yo effect? Did you really love Brooke or just hate Felix?"

Lucas made a face.

"Both. But my feelings for Brooke were real. That's the funny thing about friendship. I was able to see Brooke in a different light. She had changed and matured so much. I fell hard for her."

"Do you regret it now? The second go round?"

"Hell no. Live and learn, right? Besides, Brooke and I have some beautiful memories and I know Jake and Peyton do, too. I'd never want to take that away. My feelings for Brooke were very real but she did leave that summer before senior year and I didn't hear a peep out of her for three whole months."

"That was a trying summer for us all. The fire, Nathan and me estranged…him at High Flyers, me on the road with my parents in an RV trying to figure out how to save what was left of my marriage. It was just you and Peyton."

"It was. I don't think there was a single day that passed that summer where we didn't see or at least talk to each other. With Ellie showing up and dropping the birth mother bomb and Jake taking off, it was a pretty low time for Peyton. With Brooke gone and Nathan mad at me and pulling Dan from a fire I watched Deb set…hell, I wasn't in a much better place."

"Misery loves company."

"Pretty much or at least that's what they say. But all I know is if it weren't for Peyt, I would have gone insane."

"I'm sure the feeling is mutual."

"We really became close. We really got each other. I felt really understood by her. It was like this unbreakable bond of trust and loyalty. We were each other's only confidant for a while. Then summer ended and it was back to school. You and Nathan sorted through your troubles, Brooke and I became a couple and Peyton lost another mom."

"I felt so horrible for her. And then Jimmy Edwards…"

"That was a crazy day. You get up in the morning and you feel good and it's a day like any other day and your biggest worry is a Calculus test. Then somebody pulls a gun and the whole world changes."

"Peyton and I talked about that day. I don't know if you know it or not, but you really saved her that day and I'm not just talking about rescuing her out of the library. That's heroic enough but it's more than that. Trapped in the Tutor Center, I can't begin to tell you how terrified I was. Lucas, I would have completely lost it but you know why I didn't? Because Nathan was right there by my side. And you just being there for Peyton, being with her in the library definitely saved her sanity before you saved her life. You're a hero."

He shook his head.

"Everybody keeps saying that but I'm not. I did what anybody in my shoes would have done. Besides, I couldn't just leave her. She was so scared. I was scared."

"It's not brave if you're not scared."

"We talked. We talked a lot about everything. I just didn't want her to go to sleep on me. There was so much blood. So I just held her and kept talking to her and promising her everything would be alright and she…Peyton kissed me. At that point, I knew I couldn't let her down. I had to help her."

"You did more than help her. You risked your life to save hers."

"And I'd do it again."

"I know you would", she rubbed his arm.

"She was really there for me with the whole Keith thing. It's been hard without him and Peyton has been a good friend. Unfortunately, she knows a lot about loss."

"Look at how much we've all been through, you and Peyton in particularly. There is a connection there, a bond. I know you're a good guy, Lucas and I know you really were in love with Brooke at a time just like I know what Jake and Peyton had was real."

"What are you saying?"

She gave a small smile as she punched his arm.

"What the hell have we been talking about the last half hour? Lucas, it's Peyton and it's always been Peyton. She is your soul mate and you love her. You two were meant to be, can't you see that? And it bewilders me that you can sit here and actually claim to be surprised about that recording. I knew her true feelings all along and that was before she even told me."

"Wait…Haley, you knew?"

"And so did you. Fate gave you guys time to grow and be apart and do other things but when it comes down to it, where do you always end up?"

Tears filled Lucas' eyes. Haley was exactly right and why had it taken him so long to see it? He had been a fool. He had just relived the last two years of his life and finally there was the plain and simple truth as to where his heart belonged.

"I love Peyton."

"Duh", Haley grinned.

"No, I mean it. Haley, I am in love with Peyton."

"Took you long enough."

"Oh my God. All this time…it was always there."

"For both of you."

"I've been so stupid. Look at how much time we've, I've wasted. Peyt and I belong together. I love her. She loves me."

"Exactly."

A wave of sadness washed over him.

"Hales…what if, what if I don't get to tell her?"

Haley blinked away tears.

"Don't think like that. You and Peyton will get your shot. God knows you both deserve it. But you have to have faith and I know you do, Lucas. You're my rock, all of our rocks. When we lose our faith, it's you that restores it."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"I do because you are. You have to be for Peyton. You have saved her so many times before, please don't stop now because she needs you more than ever."

Lucas closed his eyes. He thought about that smile, that goofy laugh…those incredible green eyes. She was his heart and once again she needed him. He had to find her so they could make things right. And more than ever, Lucas Scott was determined. He summoned all his strength. After all, he was going to need it.


	22. Death Becomes Her

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Pictures added on my homepage here from the 4th annual James Lafferty charity game**

Death. It was such a dreary subject. So dark. So permanent. But what was it really? The end of a life? Cessation of brain and heart activity? And why were people so afraid of it, afraid of the unknown? Was it like the Bible said? If you're good then you go the garden of many colors and the streets of gold in Heaven and if you're bad then you get to rot for eternity in the fiery pits of Hell. Death. Whatever it was, whatever it meant, the subject had certainly been on Peyton Sawyer's mind.

She was already more than familiar with it. In nine years, it had claimed two mothers. Peyton closed her eyes. What must it have been like for Anna? Rushing to the elementary school to pick up Peyton. She ran a red light and just like that, in an instant, it was over. She had died days later in the local hospital due to the injuries she received on impact. She had drifted in and out of consciousness during those days but Peyton, too young to even comprehend the situation at the time, had always wondered what those final seconds were like in that car. Had it been quick? Did Anna even know what hit her? Or had she seen the truck barreling her way? In those few seconds, did time stand still? Was she afraid?

And Ellie. Free spirited Ellie. What was it like to be diagnosed with cancer in your early thirties? What kind of strength did it take to fight it and win? And what was it like when you were in remission for almost five years, coming so close to hitting that supposed "safe" mark, all to find not only another lump, but that the vicious beast had spread? Incurable. How do you feel when a doctor tells you that? What was going through Ellie's mind those last weeks when she and Peyton got to know each other while working on the charity CD? And what was going through her mind when she passed away all alone?

Death. So horrible. The one thing people feared the most. The thing people tried to avoid. The inevitable. It would finally be over. No matter Heaven, Hell, or just a long, peaceful sleep, Peyton had become resigned. She had thought about it over and over. She had battled a lot in her life. Losing Anna and Ellie, losing Jake and Jenny, her father being gone often, losing Brooke, dabbling with cocaine, being harassed at school, being shot at school. Her sad story never seemed to end. She thought she could make it through everything, through anything but Derek Helm had tested her in a way life hadn't. Physically, mentally, emotionally Peyton had been put through the ringer.

Physical pain was one thing. You could actually learn to control it. Peyton had to in order to survive the brutal beatings and rapes. But fear was something completely different. It could drive a sane person mad. The anxiety, the anticipation, the sick feeling of constantly being on edge every second was simply too much. She'd had enough. Peyton couldn't take it anymore if she tried. The pretty blonde who once had finally had so much to look forward to was now a distraught, broken shell of a human being. She didn't have an ounce of fight left. Derek had won. It was over. Death, whatever it was like, whatever it would bring had to be better than being held captive.

She sat up looking for something, for anything. The small space was so barren. Frantically searching, Peyton looked for a belt, a string to hang herself with. But there was nothing. She searched for a sharp object, a knife, an ink pen to slit her wrists. Again nothing. Putting her head in her hands, she wanted to cry but there were no tears left. Encased in a hysteria of depression, she hadn't been eating but starving herself was taking too long. Then she heard it.

It was a soft sizzling sound coming from near the bathroom. Peyton stumbled over to it. As she put her hands on the rusted handle she began to laugh, softly at first then downright hysterically. At least one prayer had been answered. It was an old propane water heater. With no ventilation, it was a perfect, painless plan. Using all her might Peyton struggled to turn it. Slowly it did, making more noise with each pull. When it would not go any further she stepped away. Within minutes, she began to feel groggy as she lay down to sleep for the final time…

"_Brooke! Brooke! Over here!" the cute blonde ten year old child beckoned._

_It was a hot summer day by the Tree Hill docks and Peyton Sawyer wanted nothing more than to ride bikes and play. As usual, her best friend had other ideas._

"_P. Sawyer, I thought you'd never get here. Let's go shopping."_

_Mini Peyton frowned._

"_But we went shopping yesterday. Didn't you spend all your allowance on clothes then?"_

_Little Brooke grinned._

"_Daddy gave me some more", she said, pulling out her make up kit and applying eye shadow and gloss to her friend's face._

"_But…"_

"_We'll play later. Come on. We can even go to that stupid record store and you can buy some of that loser rock you like so much."_

_Peyton couldn't help but smile. That changed everything._

"_I'll race you", she yelled, hopping on her bike, Brooke hot on her tail._

_Together the girls giggled and squealed even as they rode through the sprinklers. It was a happy time, a time of pure innocence…_

Peyton's eyes tried to flutter open but the lids were too heavy.

"Brooke…" she called out in a whisper.

But no one answered as a single tear fell. Soon it would all be over. She'd be with her mothers again. Or she'd be in purgatory with her Dark Angel. Or she'd be asleep. Either way, Derek wouldn't be there and that was enough for Peyton. Her eyes closed again and she saw a vision of blonde hair and blue eyes. She couldn't help but smile.

"Good bye, Lucas…"

_The blood dripped from Peyton's leg down to her Converse sneakers as beads of sweat trickled from her pale face. Lucas tried to hide his worry as he held her closer._

"_I'm tired, Luke? Are you tired?"_

"_Yeah but you gotta stay awake", he spoke, watching with concern as she nodded a little too slowly. "Tell me about…tell me about a good day."_

_Peyton swallowed hard._

"_We had a snow day…sixth grade. Do you remember? It was like this whole other world just came in overnight and took ours away. And Brooke, she came over. We made a snow fort…with a tunnel. And we stayed inside there all day…and it seemed so safe, like…everything was okay. Like everything our world was about to become, maybe we could just stop it. And stay little kids for one more day. But then it got cold…kinda like now. They're gonna come now."_

"_Who?"_

_Tears fell._

"_All of them…the reporters and the psychologists and the analysts and the so called experts. And they're gonna try to make sense of this. But they're not gonna be able to. And even if we do make it outta here, we're always gonna carry it with us…it's never gonna be the same", she tried to breathe before looking up at him. "It's not glass is it? In my leg?"_

_Lucas felt his heart sank._

"_No, it's a bullet", he answered truthfully. "Now I may have to get you out of here, okay? But nothing will happen to you. I promise."_

_And Lucas Scott never broke a promise. Everybody knew that._

"_You're always saving me."_

"_Somebody's got to."_

_Peyton looked away._

"_If I say…I love you, right now, will you hold it against me? Cause I've lost a lot of blood", they both smiled at each other. "Come here."_

_Lucas moved closer and she kissed him. _

"_Just in case you can't keep your promise…" she whispered._

"Peyton! Peyton! Wake up!"

She heard the frantic screams. They were high pitched yells but in her state they sounded more like far away whispers.

"Open your eyes, Peyton! Open your eyes!"

She tried but it was too hard.

"Oh God! What happened? What did you do?"

Blonde hair. Blue eyes. He…he was always saving her.

"Lucas…"

"I should have known!" a now angry voice spat.

It was not Lucas. Peyton's eyes opened even though she tried hard to keep them shut. He got up and turned off the propane before opening the door and dragging her outside. It was just before dusk and she noticed the sun setting before drifting off again. But he wouldn't let her. Peyton felt herself being shaken violently.

"Wake up, Peyton! I'm not fucking around with you!"

That's exactly what the fresh air was doing to her. It was waking her up.

"No", she pleaded.

Her head pounded and she felt slightly dizzy. The silent, odorless, colorless poison was slowly working its way though her system. It was causing fatigue, shortness of breath, hallucinations and everything else that was to occur before death. But Derek had gotten there in time.

"Open your eyes!" he commanded, roughly turning her to the side as he forced his dirty fingers down her throat.

She gagged and vomited, coughing as tears fell.

"That was a stupid move. Peyton, I swear you're really starting to piss me off. Thanks to that little stunt, now we're gonna have to sleep in the car tonight until this place airs out. Nice going. What the hell were you trying to do, kill yourself?"

Still groggy, still weak, still sick, Peyton gradually nodded.

"That's exactly what I was trying to do…get away, get from…you."

Derek only laughed as he lit a cigarette.

"You'll never get away from me, Peyton. We belong together. And am I gonna have to start tying you up when I'm gone? Huh? Try a trick like that again and I'll kill you myself."

Peyton cried as her eyes closed. She could only be so lucky.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Dialogue from the second flashback sequence was taken from One Tree Hill, Episode 3-16, _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept _written by Mark Schwahn**


	23. A Little Cat And Mouse

Tree Hill's summer heat was brutal, especially mid afternoon, a lesson Lucas Scott was learning all too well. The back of his tee shirt, soaked with sweat, pressed against his body but he trucked on down the sidewalk, hands shoved in his pockets, frown etched across his worried but handsome face. What was supposed to be a summer of fun had been anything but. It had turned out to be a never ending nightmare. Peyton was still missing and none of their many combined efforts had been successful in finding her. Added to the stress, Lucas was consumed by guilt and thoughts of what might have been. It was all too much and the entire situation had begun to take an obvious toll on the young man.

"Hey."

He turned around to see Brooke quickening her pace to catch up with him.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing much. You look like crap."

He gave a little smile.

"Thanks."

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just that you look really tired."

His face was pale and gaunt, traces of bags loomed underneath exhausted blue eyes.

"I'm alright", he shrugged.

"You always were a bad liar."

"Well, maybe I'm a little tired but it's okay. I'll manage."

Brooke bit her lip.

"No news, huh?"

He sadly shook his head.

"No. Not yet."

"I'm sorry. I mean, this just really sucks."

"Tell me about it."

"I just don't understand how someone can just disappear without anyone seeing or hearing or knowing anything. It doesn't make sense."

"I know", he sighed.

Brooke looked away for a moment.

"And I feel bad", she began quietly. "You know I was really mad at Peyton and at you about what happened before but now…I don't know. I guess it seems kind of silly. I mean, I forgave you but I was too petty to talk to her. I, I regret that now because who knows if I'll get that chance again?"

"Don't even think like that, Brooke. You're gonna get the chance to make it right. You'll see Peyton again."

"For what it's worth, I know she really loves you."

He nodded.

"I, I know. I love her, too."

The conversation fell silent as they approached Karen's Café.

"Hey, isn't that Derek's car?" Brooke frowned, looking over at the light blue Chevy beater.

"Yeah, that's him. What the hell is he doing around here?"

"Judging from the looks of things, he's grabbing something to eat."

Lucas' eyes narrowed as he looked inside his mother's restaurant. Sure enough, at the counter stood Derek.

"He's got a nerve."

"Weirdos need to eat, too."

"He's more than weird. He's…"

"Don't tell me you still really think he's involved with what happened to Peyton, do you?"

"Come on", Lucas grabbed Brooke's hand before she could protest. "Sit at the counter and look through a menu like you're going to order something."

They walked through the doors and took a seat close to where Derek was standing. Brooke grabbed a menu, as instructed, her eyes pretending to search the contents as her ears strained to hear the conversation.

"Hey, honey", Karen looked up and smiled as she saw her son.

"Hey, Mom", he kissed her cheek and patted her belly, aware of the steely stare focused on them. "Need some help?"

"Sure", she shrugged. "Derek's order is almost ready. Would you mind ringing it up for me?"

Lucas turned right to Derek, their eyes locking.

"Gladly", he replied coolly.

"How's it going?" Derek mumbled, trying to sound casual.

"Pretty good. And you, man?"

"I can't complain", he smirked.

Lucas studied him hard, never peeling his eyes away.

"So. What are you having?" he asked as he prepared to tally the order.

"Two cheeseburgers, two fries, two teas, oh and a side of egg salad."

Lucas felt a distinct chill on his spine.

"Um, that'll, um, come to 14 even", he cleared his throat as Derek paid with a twenty and Lucas gave him his change.

"Can I get a lemon in one of those teas, man?" Derek asked.

Lucas again nodded as he went about preparing the drinks.

"No problem. So….you working tonight?"

"Nah."

"Hot date?"

Derek made a face before his lips curled into a smile.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Two of everything, the food order, I mean."

"Just a little takeout between friends. Besides, Karen's Café has the best food in town. Everybody knows that."

Lucas inconspicuously glanced over at Brooke, whose eyes briefly met his. Derek was smirking, cocky almost. Maybe he was aware that Lucas was trying to test him. If so, he was seeming to enjoy every second of the cat and mouse game. Lucas decided to turn it up a notch.

"Anyone I know?"

"Maybe", he teased. "Anyway, how is the search for Peyton going and everything?"

"Great. We've got a lot of new leads the cops are following up on, you know with the new tip line and all."

Derek swallowed hard.

"Tip line?"

"Oh yeah, we have a tip line installed now, you know, for concerned citizens to call in with any leads. I got the hook up on that one, one of the perks when your old man is the mayor."

"Yeah", Derek muttered.

"Whether it's a runaway or kidnapping, people don't just disappear into thin air. I mean, somebody has to know something, right? Somebody's bound to slip up, make a mistake. People are watching. This is pretty big news for a little place like Tree Hill. The reward money has been raised so it's only a matter of time before we find Peyton."

"You really think so?"

"Oh I know so. I have faith."

Derek nodded as his face began to relax again.

"That's good, man. Confidence is good."

"Oh yeah."

"I hope you do find her but if she did run away she's probably gonna be pissed."

"No she won't."

"Why wouldn't she? She takes off and you go through hoops to find her like this? No way. Peyton wouldn't be happy with that at all, especially if she doesn't want to be found."

"That's the thing, man. I think she does want to be found. I think some twisted sicko has her against her will and that's she waiting to be rescued and I'm gonna be the one to save her."

"That's noble of you, playing the hero, I mean."

Lucas grinned.

"That's what I do. In fact, you could say I'm Peyton's white knight."

"You really like her, don't you?"

"I did. I mean, Peyt is a cool girl. We're friends, we always have a blast hanging out but I've been doing some thinking lately and I figured out it's more than that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I love Peyton. I always have. We're soul mates and unfortunately I never got the chance to tell her that. But all that's gonna change. I know in my heart I'll see her again soon and when I do, it's gonna be one hell of a reunion. I'm gonna swoop her up in my arms and tell her exactly how I feel. And it'll be great, I'm telling you. It's just the beginning of forever for us."

"What makes you so sure Peyton wants that? What if she's way over you?"

"Are you kidding? Peyton is just is in love with me as I am with her."

"How do you know that?"

"It's kind of personal but the last time I saw her at my house, she left something behind for me. Let's just say it explained everything. Before there was always something in the way to keep us apart but not this time. No more."

"Yeah…"

Lucas looked Derek right in the eye.

"I'm gonna find her. I promise you that."

Derek stared him down, face red, nervous as anything.

"There you go, Derek", Karen walked up and handed him his bag. "Hope you enjoy."

"Thanks", he mumbled, gathering everything.

He walked to the exit, Lucas' eyes never leaving him.

"Hey Derek?"

Derek turned around.

"What?"

Lucas just gave him a big smile.

"I'll be seeing you."

He left without another word and as soon as he was out of sight, Brooke jumped up and ran over to Lucas.

"Holy shit."

"Brooke, I'm sorry about all that", he sympathetically turned to her. "All that stuff I was saying about Peyton…"

"I know you were just trying to get under his skin but I also know you did mean it, right?"

"Yes", he whispered honestly.

"I know. It's okay."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"It's fine. Really."

Lucas took a deep breath.

"So what do you think?"

Brooke rolled her eyes.

"That guy is officially beyond creepy."

"Did you notice anything? About his order?"

"A cheeseburger with egg salad on the side? Kind of sounds familiar doesn't it?"

Lucas sighed, his worst suspicions confirmed. It was something Peyton had always ordered regularly from the café.

"Brooke, I know you think I'm crazy but I have a feeling about this."

"Not anymore. Now I have a feeling, too."

"Derek did something. He knows something."

"Should we go to the cops?"

He shook his head.

"A burger and a cup of egg salad is not enough for probable cause. They're not going to do anything now. We need more."

"Like what?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, how are we gonna get it?"

Lucas bit his lip, still staring out the door.

"I don't know but I'm gonna figure it out."


	24. Peyton's Tears

Peyton inched further into the corner. Damp hair rested against her face as the oversized tee shirt and workout shorts seemed to engulf her small frame. She had just finished a bath, if one could even call it that. The shower was a small and narrow open way in the already undersized bathroom. The showerhead was rusted and disgusting, with equally sickening patches of colorful mold all around. The water pressure was low and often turned cold in a matter of minutes but that wasn't the worst part, far from it. The worst was the fact that Derek insisted on watching her. He said it was for her own good, so she wouldn't try to escape or hurt herself like before. For Peyton it was just one more demeaning, humiliating evil of her capture. She had tried to hurry up and ignore the fact that his blue eyes, so wide with interest and lust, had remained fixated upon her. Afterwards, she quickly dried and changed into whatever he had provided for her. Silently she reclaimed her place in the corner.

"Feel better?" he asked.

As usual she ignored him.

"Peyton…"

"Leave me alone", came a whisper when he didn't get the hint.

Derek looked over at her and just shook his head.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

Peyton hugged her knees to her chest.

"Why do you think?"

"I know you'll come around eventually."

"No, I won't."

"Yes. Yes, you will. Remember all that stuff with Ellie? Remember how you treated her at first? You hated her, or at least you pretended to. But you got over it. I know, Peyton, I know it can be that way for us."

"It's different. Don't talk about her."

He took a seat close to her.

"You used to talk about her all the time to me. Remember those days? We talked about everything. We talked about music and art. We talked about Ellie and your dad. You told me how betrayed you felt by Larry for never being there for you and for not telling you that you were adopted. You said you got so angry at him sometimes. And you said you hated Ellie at first. You hated her for not wanting you and giving you away, you hated her for lying and being a druggie and then just when you got to know her, just when you got to love her, she left you. A part of you hated her for that, even."

Peyton fought back tears.

"People always leave…"

"That's what made me fall in love with you."

"What?" she looked up.

"People always leave. I remember watching your web cam when you first talked about it. I remember that picture you drew. It was like you somehow got inside my head and you knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling. Peyton, that was the moment I knew we were meant to be. You never got over the loneliness from childhood. It's like we were one in the same."

"How can you say that? You grew up near Charlotte with your parents and your brother and sister. You had a lot of friends and girlfriends, you were happy…"

He shook his head and laughed bitterly.

"That's what you think. That's what everybody thinks because that's what I told them but it was all a lie."

"What are you talking about?"

"When I came to Tree Hill, I told you I was raised in a middle class neighborhood with two awesome parents, Carl and Donna and a brother and a sister. I told you I had a happy childhood, I was good in school, I had lots of friends and a big old, loving extended family. Guess what, Peyton? It was a lie. All of it was a lie."

He shuffled in his seat, red faced, hands shaking. As always, it was hard to know just what he would do next.

"Why, why'd you lie to me?" she asked softly.

"Because I was ashamed. Because I had come to Tree Hill to start fresh. I, I had too many things to hide."

"Like what?"

"I don't know who my parents are, Peyton. Rumor has it my old lady was a trick who got knocked up by her pimp."

"You…you were adopted?"

Derek sneered.

"Not like you. No, I didn't have some pretty, well to do, blonde couple come to the hospital, pick me out like I was a Cabbage Patch Kid and save the day. No, I got passed around from crappy orphanage to even worse foster homes. Most of the time I was ignored and that was a good thing, trust me. Because sometimes it was a whole lot worse. I'd get beat, beat with anything those motherfuckers could get their hands on…leather belts, wet washcloths, extension cord, butcher knife, you name it. When I was really bad, some of them would lock me away in closets or cages. I didn't eat for days and they'd put cigarettes out all over me…"

His voice trailed off, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes scared as if he was reliving it all as he spoke.

"Oh my God…"

"You get used to it. You know, you deal with it. I'd just, I don't know, I guess I just blocked it all out like it wasn't there, like it didn't happen. But uh, I couldn't", his muscles tensed as he struggled to continue. "I could not deal with it when they touched me."

"Derek…"

"The beatings, you just kind of become numb to the pain. You close your eyes and you're not there anymore. But I couldn't do that when they touched me. I tried. I'd try to make them stop and they'd just beat me and do it anyway. And I'd try to go to another place mentally but…but it wouldn't happen."

Peyton's voice began to quiver.

"What, do you mean touched? What…"

He looked at her and smirked, even though tears rolled down his cheeks.

"You know what I mean, Peyton. They would touch me where adults aren't supposed to touch little children…and they'd get off on it."

"Derek…"

"When I was about 13 I got fed up with the whole system so I started running away a lot. I was on the streets for a while."

"Were, were you scared?"

He shook his head.

"Not me. Besides, it was a lot better than some of the places I had been before. I was used to fending for myself and there were other kids on the street, too. You sort of have to stick together, take care of each other. There was this one girl, Becky. She, uh, she was really special and beautiful, too. Curly, blonde hair, big, pretty eyes. She became my best friend out there. I would have done anything for her, anything in the world. I loved Becky so much."

"What happened to her?"

"She left. She left me for someone else."

Peyton swallowed hard. It was starting to come together, to make some kind of sense for the first time. Derek, as much as she loathed him and despised what he had done to her, was simply a reactor, a product of his own fucked up upbringing. His only solace, only escape had been in a girl…a curly haired blonde who had eventually chosen someone over him. It was a classic case of projection.

"That must have made you mad. It must have hurt you."

"It did", he stated quietly.

"I, I'm sorry it happened, Derek."

"Don't you feel sorry for me."

"It's not pity but everything that was done to you, it…it was wrong."

"Tell me about it."

"All that stuff that happened…it wasn't your fault. You couldn't help it. You didn't deserve it. You were just a little kid."

"Yeah…"

"And Becky…well, sometimes things happen. We fall for people who don't love us back. It hurts and it sucks but there's nothing to do but let it hurt and let it suck for a time, then move on. Derek…"

"What?"

Trembling, she tried to choose her words carefully.

"I'm not her."

His eyes darkened as his head quickly turned.

"What did you just say?"

"Becky. I mean, the way you describe her…well, she sounds like she could kind of look like me or at least the way I used to look when you first started checking out my web cam. I know she hurt you and I know you must have loved her very much and I'm sure you miss her but Derek, I, I'm not her. We aren't the same person. You can't kidnap me and hold me here and punish me to get back at her for not loving you. And I can't take her place."

Derek's face finally relaxed as he began to laugh.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Derek…"

"Don't play that psychology shit on me, Peyton. I'm not stupid and I'm not crazy either."

"I didn't say that. I…"

"Shut up! Just shut up! I know what you're trying to do and it's not gonna work. Just forget all that shit I just told you, okay? None of it matters. Don't worry about Becky or anyone else."

For the first time since the kidnapping, he had opened up to her. There was insight and a possible reason why. He was calm and for a minute, sane. If she could just break through, somehow use his imagined love and tortured obsession for her, maybe she could talk some sense into him. Maybe he would realize what he was doing was wrong and free her.

"I'm sorry I didn't love you back."

He stood up and began to pace. Peyton closed her eyes. She had triggered exactly the response she was hoping to avoid.

"You mean like the way you love Lucas?"

"Please don't", she begged.

"What? You must really think I'm an idiot now. Like all of a sudden you just stopped loving your precious Lucas."

"It, it's not about him."

"Damn right! Glad you finally realize that, Peyton. It's not about him, it's just about you and me. Lucas is so far out of the picture, it isn't even funny. Know why? I saw him the other night."

Peyton felt her heart drop.

"You did?"

"Sure did. I saw him at the café when I brought back the dinner you, of course refused to eat."

"What did he say? What did he do? What…"

"You mean did he ask about you?"

"Yes."

"Come on. You're old news, babe. Tree Hill forgot about you a long time ago. Besides, Lucas has moved on."

"What?"

"Don't act surprised, Peyton. True love always prevails in the end, right? Well, I saw your boy all cozy and hot and heavy in a booth snuggled up to Brooke Davis. Looks like they forgot you ever existed."

Peyton looked away and began to sob. She cried because she was being held in captivity. She cried because she felt sorry for Derek but at the same time hated him. She cried because they had all forgot about her. She cried because she had lost Lucas' love and Brooke's friendship. She cried because they were obviously back together. She cried because the world was still turning without her.


	25. Too Close For Comfort

Slowly Lucas walked over to his car and opened the door. He winced when it opened a little too loudly as he climbed in the driver's seat, careful not to make any extra noise. His breathing was rapid and heavy as he nervously tapped his long fingers against the wheel. Deliberately he had parked his vehicle in that very spot. It was perfect for surveillance. On the other side of the street sat Derek's Chevy. Lucas checked his watch. It was a little after three in the morning. Soon the bartender would be leaving TRIC and when he did, Lucas would secretly be watching. The plan had been to follow him wherever he was going. Lucas had no idea where that was but hopefully, somehow, it would lead to Peyton.

The seconds ticked away. They became minutes and Lucas was growing impatient. His mind was all over the place? Where the hell was Derek? Had he noticed Lucas' car? He shook his head. That couldn't be it. Besides, the guy wasn't that smart, not nearly half as smart as he thought he was. Obviously Derek was hiding something and Lucas was more determined than ever to get to the bottom of it.

It had been a plan he had kept secret. There was no need to let Larry or the others in on it just yet. He wasn't even sure what he would find. But he had to try. So he had found out when Derek would be working that night. In the middle of the evening, he had moved his own car in a spot where he could inconspicuously watch everything. He would wait quietly for the moment when Derek would make his exit. Lucas would tail the car to wherever he was going. He'd had a feeling about it, like it was the right thing to do even though the planning stopped there. He had no idea what he would do once they reached the final destination but he was prepared for anything.

Resting his head against the back of the seat, Lucas yawned. Mentally, emotionally and physically, he was exhausted beyond belief, far more tired than he had let his friends and family onto. Peyton's disappearance had taken a toll. It was all he thought about. Morning, noon and night, one half of his mind was focusing on clues and leads, taking the next steps to finding her. The other half of his mind was tormented with loneliness, grief and guilt. He missed her horribly. Even though he had no idea where she was, somehow he still felt incredibly connected to her energy. Sometimes it was as if he could still hear her, still feel her. He closed his eyes as the lids began to grow heavier and heavier…

_Lucas ran as fast as his feet could carry him. When he made it to her front door, all he could do was literally collapse after knocking several times. He heard the footsteps and she opened it, shock on her face as she knealt down beside._

"_Lucas! Oh my God! What, what happened to you?"_

_He could barely catch his breath as Peyton helped him stand and ushered him into the house. They made their way up the stairs and to her bedroom where she got him a glass of water and waited for him to speak. What a difference a couple of hours made. Earlier in the evening, they had been commiserating at Wrightsville Beach. It was supposed to be the fun summer before senior year, when everyone would be together having fun. But it wasn't to be. Brooke was away in California, but not before she had rebuffed Lucas' romantic advances. Haley was supposedly still on tour with Chris Keller, Gavin DeGraw and The Wreckers. A surly Nathan was on his way to High Flyers camp. Jenny was missing, kidnapped by a vengeful Nikki, and Jake had run off to find them. In an instant it was just the two of them. _

_To complicate matters even further, Ellie, the woman Peyton thought was stalking her had showed up at her doorstep claiming to be her birth mother. Peyton had phoned her father, Larry, immediately where he was out to sea. He was supposed to deny the tale and calm her fears. Instead he seemed stunned, speechless, promising to explain everything the very next day when he'd hop the next flight back to Tree Hill. She'd had no one to turn to, to cry to…except Lucas. It would be just the two of them that summer and a special bond had formed that night on the sand underneath the moonlight as the waves crashed in. Peyton told him everything and he listened intently and without judgment, holding her as she cried. It would always be their special moment. He drove her home that night to make sure she arrived safely. Now hours later he was back, anxious, scared and covered in black soot._

"_Fire", he managed to spit out._

"_Fire?"_

"_There, there was a fire at the dealership. Dan's dealership."_

"_What happened? Lucas! Did you see the fire? Is anybody hurt?"_

"_It wasn't an accident", he blurted out._

_Peyton's green eyes narrowed._

"_What do you mean not an accident?"_

_Tears clouded his eyes as he looked away._

"_You know how he is. Everybody does. It's like all he does is hurt people, intentionally make lives worse. How can somebody do that? Peyt, I ask myself that question everyday. Then I realize, whether I like it or not, he…he's my father. We're flesh and blood and that makes me sick. It hurts when I think of the things he has done and what he's capable of. I, I used to wish he was dead."_

_Peyton swallowed hard, fearing what might come out of his mouth next. Then she relaxed. She knew Lucas and she knew he was a good guy. He'd never hurt anyone._

"_What happened?" she asked softly._

"_Somebody, somebody tried to kill him. Dan was working late and he was alone. They set the place on fire and left him there. I, I went in. I smelled the smoke and it was so hard to breathe and I saw these flames, these raging flames and it felt so hot…"_

"_Slow down", she rubbed his arm. "It's okay."_

"_I couldn't leave him there. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't walk away. He was unconscious in his office when I found him so I pulled him out."_

"_You did the right thing."_

"_Did I? He opened his eyes just as I dragged him out to safety. Why now does it feel like I should have let him burn?"_

_Peyton sighed._

"_Are you hurt? Are you burned? Do you want to go to the hospital?"_

_He shook his head._

"_I'm okay. I got a few blisters on my fingers and a cough and my clothes are dirty but it's alright. I'm fine. I'm gonna be fine."_

"_Okay. Um, you can stay here as long as you need to, you know that."_

"_Thanks", Lucas nodded before pausing for a bit. "Peyton?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_It was Deb?"_

"_What?"_

"_She did it. She set the fire. I didn't see her do it but we were the only three people there. I went to the dealership to spy on him and I saw her go in. She was wearing all black and a hood. Deb came back out a few minutes later and she looked really upset. Next thing you know, the place is on fire and she just calmly drives away like nothing happened. She tried to kill him, Peyton and even if she didn't, she knew the building was burning and she just left him there to die."_

_It was a hard pill to swallow. Peyton didn't know what to do or say or think?_

"_What are you gonna do about it?" she finally asked._

"_Nothing. I, I can't tell anybody. I mean, hopefully he'll be okay but this has got to be a secret. I can never let anyone know. Never."_

"_You just told me. Why?"_

_He looked right at her._

"_Because I trust you."_

Lucas sat straight up with a jolt. He rubbed his eyes and cursed out loud, realizing that he had dozed off. Focusing ahead, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it wasn't too late. Casually strolling to his car was Derek. Lucas gripped the steering wheel with one hand, the other firmly on the ignition. It was time.

"Lucas don't!"

He screamed out loud. Turning around quickly, he saw Brooke crawling beside him from the back seat.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Trying to stop you from doing something incredibly stupid."

"Brooke! I don't get it. What, what the hell? I mean, where did you come from?"

"I've only been hiding in your backseat for like the last hour, hel-lo."

"How did you get back there?"

She gave him a look.

"Is that question really necessary? Not to bring up the past but um, the first time you and I were formally introduced was when I hid in the backseat of your car. At least I'm dressed this time."

"What are you doing back there besides trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Lucas, I know what you're up to and I can't let you do it. I know you plan on following Derek tonight."

"I didn't tell anyone. How did you know?"

She shrugged.

"Because I know you. I know you'd do anything to help Peyton right about now. I understand that and I'm with you on it but not this way. I mean, we're dealing with Derek here. It isn't safe and it isn't smart. You're by yourself presumably unarmed, no telling where he's going."

"I don't care about that", Lucas responded stubbornly. "I have to know."

"Please."

"I'm sorry, Brooke. You might think this is stupid and it probably is. You might think it's a little dangerous and yeah, it's probably that too but it's a chance I'm just gonna have to take."

"But Lucas…"

"It's Peyton, Brooke. It's Peyton. What if he has done something to her? What if she's hurt or scared? What if he knows something? Yeah, it's a lot of what ifs but I won't be able to live with myself if I don't at least check things out. Time is running out. The longer she's gone, the better chance we have of bad news. I have to go tonight, right now."

"Fine but I'm going with you."

"Brooke, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

"It's not safe."

"It's safe enough for you."

"Brooke…"

"There he is", she pointed ahead. "Go! He's leaving."

Without further hesitation, Lucas cranked the car and slowly pulled out after Derek. With an anxious Brooke by his side, they tailed behind in the moderate late night after club traffic, careful to keep a safe and subtle distance.

"Where the hell is he going?" Lucas questioned out loud as they left the city limits.

"Do you even know where he lives?"

"Who the hell really knows anything about this Derek character?"

They continued driving for miles. Lucas tried to stay far enough behind but as the number of cars on the road late night began to dwindle, it became more and more noticeable. Out of nowhere, Derek braked to almost a complete stop in the middle of the road before screeching off at record speed.

"Oh shit, I think he saw us", Brooke gripped her seat.

Lucas could not speak. He tried to keep up but was unsuccessful as Derek lost him on a dark, country road.

"Fuck!" he pounded the dashboard.

"What now?" Brooke asked softly.

He thought for a minute.

"I don't know. I'll try this road to the right and if we don't see him, we'll head back."

She nodded, both dejected. He was beginning to lose hope until Brooke whipped her head around.

"Look! Over there in all those bushes! It looks like his car. Kill the lights."

He did as he was told, pulling over on the dirt and gravel shoulder.

"It's him", he took a deep breath, opening his door.

Brooke followed suit.

"What are we gonna say?"

"We are not gonna say anything", he looked right at her. "It's dark as hell and we're in the middle of nowhere. It's too dangerous for you to be out here and I mean it. Brooke, get back in the car. Lock the doors and keep your hand on the ignition. If I'm not back in twenty minutes, drive to Larry's."

"No. No way. We shouldn't split up."

"Brooke, this is not up for discussion. Just do what I told you to, okay? You shouldn't be out here."

"Neither one of your asses should be out here", said a third, unknown voice.

Lucas and Brooke gasped and jumped as they saw a figure approaching them. He pulled Brooke to safety behind him, picking up a tree branch that had been blown down by the wind.

"Stop where you are", he commanded.

The person kept coming and when Lucas finally saw who it was, he breathed a sigh of relief and dropped the branch.

"How are you gonna defend yourself with that flimsy thing? It would probably break before you finished swinging."

Brooke marched up and smacked him.

"Nathan Scott!"

"Ouch. That hurt."

"Good."

"What the hell was that for?"

"For scaring the holy hell out of us, you moron."

Then she hugged him.

"Now what was that for?"

"Because I've never been so glad to see you."

"What the hell is going on?" Lucas asked. "Dude, how'd you find us?"

"I followed you. You were so busy tracking Derek you weren't even paying attention to who was tailing you."

"I kind of told him what you were up to earlier", Brooke admitted.

"I thought it was stupid and dangerous so I kept my eyes on you all night. I was hoping Brooke could talk some sense into you, then I see both of you peel off after Derek. It's dumb but nobody could stop you. I guess I can't blame you either. If it was Hales we were talking about…man, I don't even want to think about it. So I'm here and I've got your back, both of you."

Lucas nodded and they bumped fists.

"Okay. Here we are. We know that jackhole is somewhere around here. I'll stay in front. Nate, you get behind, Brooke, walk in the middle."

They crept into the grass, not making a sound as they tried to find their way around in the unfamiliar darkness. Soon they came to what looked like an old abandoned house.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Nathan asked.

"Hell no", Brooke put her hands on her hips. "There's no way anyone lives there. The place looks condemned. It's too creepy, even for someone like Derek."

They walked around the perimeter, trying every which way to open doors. It was impossible. The old house had been boarded and pad locked. There was seemingly no way in or out.

"Let's check the back", Lucas suggested as the others followed.

It was the same. There was a door and they tugged on it but it was no use. There were no signs of anyone, Derek included. Dejected, the three headed back towards the road. It was dark and not even the moon could cast light on the soft dirt in front of the back door, the dirt that yielded two sets of footprints…a larger and a smaller pair.

"That was useless", Brooke muttered when they were back at the cars.

"So he just disappeared, too?" Lucas kicked at the tire, frustrated.

"It's definitely his car. I checked inside and around but he's gone, man", Nathan said.

"I'm gonna sit out here all night."

"The hell you are, Luke. Come on, bro", Nathan pleaded.

Brooke put a sympathetic hand on her ex's shoulder.

"Lucas, let's go home. Come on. We'll look tomorrow."

He stared up at the full moon and he wanted to scream, to cry, to tear his hair out. He felt so close.

"Yeah", he finally sighed. "Tomorrow."

The three drove off in their two cars and when it was quiet again and the headlights had disappeared, only then did Derek emerge from the shadows. The whole time he had hidden in the brush he knew like the back of his hand. It was his territory, his secret hiding place and they'd never get in. They'd never get to her. But those nosy, meddling assholes with their sidekick Barbie bitch had come a little too close for Derek's comfort.


	26. Romeo And Juliet

Peyton whimpered as she tried to move yet again but it was simply too hard. She tried to let out a scream but it was impossible for the gag tied securely around her mouth. There was nothing to do and nowhere to go and it had started hours before in the late night presumably when Derek had gotten off from TRIC. She had been asleep as usual, anything to avoid contact with him. But she thought she had heard something like a pulling at the door. By the time she got up to investigate, Derek was inside, angry and antsy as ever…

_In his many moods during the month and a half of her capture, she had never quite seen him like that. He had paced the small perimeter for hours, nervously talking to himself, hands fidgeting as he took turns between chain smoking cigarettes and drinking shots of whiskey straight from the bottle. He had ignored her for the most part, barely even acknowledging her presence until he gave her a scary look and said, "We've got to get the hell out of here."_

_Peyton's heart had pounded. In a way, it was good news and bad news. She hated the place where he had her. It was dirty and too small. She had prayed every day and night to leave it. Now they were. All of a sudden, they were and Derek seemed none too pleased about it. Then came the other side of the story. No matter what, unfortunately, she would still be with Derek. At least at that house, she had grown somewhat accustomed to her surroundings. Although dismal, they were at least familiar. Unexpectedly, Peyton felt frightened at the thought of a move._

"_Where are we going? Derek, what are we doing? Why? What happened?"_

_The questions tumbled out of her mouth all at once._

"_You saw them, didn't you?" he turned to her with a sinister look and growl._

"_Saw who? What's going on? What are you talking about?"_

_She appeared genuinely surprised but Derek had bigger plans to make, ones that did not include deciphering whether or not Peyton was trying to trick him at the moment._

"_Nothing. Just, just go over in the corner and sit down and shut up for now. I need to think and you're not helping."_

_At first Peyton did as she was told but she stopped dead in her tracks as she felt her heart drop. It was all coming together. The pulling at the door, Derek's nerves on edge, him accusing her of seeing "them"._

"_Somebody was out there, wasn't it?" she asked softly._

"_Not now, Peyton," he lit another cigarette._

_No. She couldn't let that one go. Not even if he yelled or God forbid, started beating her._

"_It was. Oh my God. Somebody was here. They found us. They found me."_

"_You don't know what you're saying."_

"_Was it Lucas?"_

_There it was, just like that. She'd had to know._

"_What?"_

_She had uttered the magic word, the one that could and would surely set him off._

"_Derek…"_

"_What did you say?" his eyes darkened._

"_I have to know. You, you have to tell me the truth. It was him, wasn't it?"_

"_Shut up, Peyton! Just shut up!"_

"_No!" she yelled stubbornly._

_Derek, now in a rage, marched right up to her._

"_Fine. Have it your way, Peyton. I'll gladly shut you up."_

_He reached out for her and she tried to squirm away but the place was too small and cramped. When she realized running was no good, she tried to fight back. It was a valiant effort, shaking him as she took a bite out of his right wrist. But her victory would be temporary at best. He put her in a choke hold, laughing as she desperately tried to get away with no success. And then to punish her, to add insult to injury, he snuffed out the burning cherry of his cigarette right on her exposed shoulder. Peyton screamed out in pain, sinking to the floor._

"_Why?" she cried. "Why do you do this to me?"_

_Her cries went unheard. Grabbing a few pieces of rope and improvising by tearing the shirt that covered his wife beater, he neatly laid each piece beside her as he knelt down._

"_You talk way too much, Peyton," he calmly reprimanded her. "Sometimes I just don't know what to do with you. First of all, I don't want to hear Lucas' name again or anymore about that nonsense that he somehow came here to rescue you. I mean, fat chance! But since you won't be quiet and leave me alone, I'm afraid you leave me no choice. I have to plan some very important stuff out right now. Then I'm gonna go out for a while and make sure we have everything we need. When I get back, you and I will leave. Now that's the plan and it's my decision and that's final! Obviously, I can't trust you to behave so I'm gonna have to tie you up."_

_She had begged and pleaded but it was of no use. Brutally he had hogtied her hands behind her back, linked to her ankles. The rope was so tight it had immediately torn at her tender flesh. When she yelped, he had cruelly used his shirt as a gag, stuffing it in her mouth leaving little room for breathing and no room for noise making. He used the other piece of fabric to cover her eyes. Finally, he had dragged her into the corner, face down with a blanket callously thrown over her. She had lain there quiet and frightened out of her mind for what seemed like forever. Time ticked away and then, he was gone…_

It was a tough feat, but she had managed to roll out from under the blanket. She had tried to loosen her arms and legs, somehow remove the gag and blindfold but it was of no use. Every part of her body ached and she felt sick to her stomach. Those were the desperate times she actually prayed for his return. But it would be a while longer. The eerie silence was deafening. Bleeding, crying, and all alone, her worst fears began to consume her. How much could one person take? And just when she felt like she might lose it, she heard the door swing open. After a few minutes, footsteps bounded towards her, methodically releasing her from her animal like captivity.

"Hey beautiful," he leaned in giving her a sweet kiss like nothing had ever happened.

Peyton gasped for breath, clutching at her throat, feeling the still painful burn on her shoulder as she massaged the broken parts of skin that bore ugly ligature marks.

"Derek…" she called out.

"I'm sorry about that, Peyton. I know you don't like being tied up but I had no choice."

"If you…if you, really loved me you wouldn't do this to me."

"If I loved you? That's crazy talk. Of course I love you. You have no idea just how much. That's why I'm doing this, for us. Today is a new beginning. We're going to leave this dump and everything will be better, I promise."

"Where are we going?" she inquired cautiously.

Derek handed her a bag. Inside were jeans that actually fit and a Led Zepplin tee shirt, also her size, along with a pair of brand new Converse and a female hair tie.

"See all the cool stuff I bought for you? Let's go in the shower and get cleaned up. When we're changed, I'll explain everything."

Peyton reluctantly nodded. She longed for a bath but at the same time she dreaded it. Usually he watched her but it would be much worse. He disrobed and actually joined her. Peyton never turned around, tears spilling down her cheeks as she felt his calloused hands rubbing all over her. When it was done, they stepped away from the freezing stream of water and toweled off before changing into fresh, clean, new clothing.

"Are you gonna tell me now?" Peyton looked away.

"A promise is a promise, right?" he sat close beside her. "Alright. We're not in Tree Hill now but we're still pretty close by. Today we're leaving, headed west. I saved up enough money and I figured we can drive through the night until we get to Tennessee. We can't stay too long, though. I did find us a nice little low key place in Arkansas, right off the 40. There we can get jobs. It'll be cool, like our own little family. I mean, you might have to cut off your hair and dye it a darker color…"

"Derek…"

"Relax, sweetheart. I'll probably have to do the same thing, you know, in case those meddling assholes still keep bothering us. Don't worry, it's just hair. It'll grow back. Besides, you'll still be beautiful to me. Nothing will ever change that."

"I don't want to go," she shook her head, emphatically.

"Peyton, please don't start. Please. Why are you deliberately trying to start a fight at this very moment and ruin our romantic road trip?"

"You said we'll have to disguise ourselves in case the meddling assholes keep bothering us."

"Yeah. So?"

"So just who are these meddling assholes? My dad? The police? Lucas?"

"Peyton…"

"You told me the other day that my story was old news, that people in Tree Hill had stopped looking for me because they thought I ran away. That was a lie, wasn't it?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"They are still looking for me. Everyone is, aren't they? And last night? That was them. I know it was. They closed in on you and you panicked. That's why we have to take off today."

He smirked at her.

"Smart girl. Congratulations."

"They found me," she smiled with elated relief.

"Not so fast. We're leaving soon and that's the end of it so don't start your whining or your fighting. You're going."

Peyton sucked in a breath. It was hard to contain her joy. They had never stopped looking for and look how close they had come. They would never give up and she had been a fool to believe Derek's pathetic lies. Besides, he was being so paranoid, maybe there was other stuff he wasn't telling her. It had to be something that had lit such a fire under his tail. Maybe her best bet was to calmly go with him. Maybe her only chance at escape, at survival lie outside that house, if she played her cards right. There would be a time when he wouldn't be watching, when he would slip up. Then Peyton could make her move.

"Fine," she looked right at him, resigned. "I will go with you."

Derek shot her a skeptical look.

"We're gonna get some last minute stuff together and then we'll go soon."

"Okay."

Her mood had drastically changed but Derek wasn't a complete fool.

"I'm not stupid, Peyton. Listen to me and you better listen good. I won't let them take us. I won't let them keep us apart. I love you. You better not try to get away because I won't let you. And if anything happens, if we get caught, if _they _find us…I will kill you, then I'll kill myself."

The words were meant to intimidate her but at the same time she knew they rang true inside his twisted mind. Derek had meant every word he had said.

"Sort of like Romeo and Juliet?"

Derek smiled.

"Not exactly but close enough. Two star crossed lovers, that's perfect. Romeo and Juliet."

Peyton nodded. She knew she would only have one shot and she would have to make it work.


	27. Closing In

Karen dimmed the lights inside the café, turning the ones outside completely off. She flipped the sign from OPEN to CLOSED as she made her way back behind the counter. She gave a worried look as her only son emerged from behind the counter. He walked over to a booth where Larry Sawyer was waiting for him and he took a seat.

"Thanks for doing this, Luke," the older man acknowledged. "Thank you for helping me."

Lucas nodded.

"We're doing it for Peyton."

Larry looked around. They were doing it for Peyton but so far it was just the two of them.

"Anybody else coming?"

"I guess it's just you and me," Lucas shook his head.

"And me," came a voice from the back.

The two looked up to see Nathan joining them. He walked over to the booth as a worried Haley joined Karen at the counter.

"I can't believe they're gonna go through with this," she whispered. "It's crazy."

Karen nodded in agreement.

"I know but Lucas is convinced and you know how stubborn he is. He really feels Derek is responsible and this is the only way."

Lucas bumped fists with his brother and Larry gave Nathan a nod as well as he sat down.

"So my wife thinks I'm crazy and that's about the only thing we agree on these days. What's the plan?"

Lucas took a deep breath, pulling out a note pad he had been writing on.

"You guys tell me what you think. Basically the plan is to go after Derek."

"If that creepy son of a bitch is the one who took my daughter then I'm all for it but really, Lucas. What proof do you have? The kid is acting strange and he got mouthy with you. So what? It doesn't make him guilty of anything."

"Larry…"

"Don't get me wrong. I'm on your side. No one wants to find Peyton more than me but I need something more than a hunch."

"I understand that but truthfully, that's about all I've got."

"Lucas…"

"Just hear me out. Think of this as a puzzle. The main goal is to solve it and find Peyton alive and well. In order to do that, we have to fit together every piece. Right now all my leads point straight to Derek. I know he's involved somehow."

"What do you have?" Nathan sighed.

"Derek has Peyton. He kidnapped her."

Haley rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Buddy, are you even listening to yourself?" she asked gently. "You don't have any proof and it doesn't make sense. I mean, why? What's the motive?"

Lucas swallowed hard.

"Love. Obsession."

"I don't get it."

"Think back to all the times we were hanging out, especially at TRIC whenever Derek was around. At the time it didn't seem like much but now I can't stop thinking about it. Did you ever see the way he looked at her? Derek never just looked at Peyton, he kind of stared. No matter what she was saying he always seemed to hang on every word like a lovesick puppy. He was always messing with her, trying to get her attention. And when he hugged her, it was like he would smell her hair. It was kind of weird."

"So he's a little strange and he had a crush," Haley pointed out. "Big deal. You need something more than that before you go out here and do God knows what, risking your life, Larry's life and my husband's life and possibly accusing an innocent man."

"After we realized Peyt was missing, I made it a point to contact everybody she may have been in contact with. Hell, I even went downtown to that vintage music store she likes so much and talked to the clerk that sold her some CDs the day she left. I was desperate, grasping at any straw I could. Naturally, I wanted to talk to Derek. He and Peyton were friends. So I tried to get a hold of him. I called his cell and left about a dozen voicemails. I left messages at TRIC. He never called back."

"Okay…"

"I finally talk to him in person and he seems non chalant, like it's no nig deal. He completely blows me off, no emotion whatsoever until I mention that I moved Peyton's car. That got his attention. Why? Why would he care? Then I told him we had the cops involved. I can't explain it but the look on his face said everything. He even had the nerve to say we were overreacting and doing too much to try to find her."

"What if he legitimately thought she had taken off on her own?" Karen posed.

"Maybe in the beginning but by the time we had the vigil for her, everybody knew what was up. I mean, come on. And even then he was carefree and cool as a freaking cucumber. I didn't say anything but during the moment of silence he was drinking from his flask and acting like we were getting together for a party or something. Think about it. How did you all feel that night? Weren't you scared? Upset? Sad?"

"Because we love Peyton," Larry answered. "We were worried about her."

"Not everybody. This person that is your good friend, that you have a crush on is missing for weeks and you're not even concerned? We were all fearing the worst, that something really bad might have happened to her. Maybe Derek was acting like everything was okay because he already knew what happened to her. If he has her somewhere and he knows she's fine, then there is no need to be upset."

"I don't know," Nathan leaned back. "Maybe he's on to something."

"Brooke and I were in here a couple of weeks ago. Derek was picking up a to go order. Two cheeseburgers, two fries, two teas and a side of egg salad."

"Oh my God," Karen put her hand over her chest. "I, I didn't put two and two together that night."

"That was what Peyton always ordered here," Lucas continued. "When he wasn't being weird, he was being cocky. It was sick. Brooke was there, she noticed it too. And when we followed him the other night, he knew what we were doing."

"I got that feeling, too," Nathan played with the wedding band on his finger. "He knew what was going on. I think it might have freaked him out."

"Exactly," Haley pointed out. "The guy is a loose cannon. We don't know what he's capable of. Luke, if he is truly guilty of what you're saying, if Derek kidnapped Peyton, then what the hell else will he do? I love Peyton just like everybody else here but I also love you guys. Be smart, don't try to be the hero. Talk to Detective Shelton. Maybe she can help."

"She won't, Hales," Lucas bit his lip. "She won't. Look, I already tried that route and either the cops don't have the time or they don't give a damn. They need hard evidence to go after Derek and I don't have that. All I have is my gut and my love for Peyton and my desire to find her. I have to do this. I know you and Mom are scared and worried and if it's too risky for Nate and Larry to get involved, then I understand that but this is something I have to do."

"I understand," Larry spoke up. "Luke, you have been by my side on this since day one. I couldn't have made it this far without you. She is my daughter and it's my responsibility more than anyone else's. You're a good man and I know how you feel about Peyton. If your instincts are screaming at you this much, maybe they shouldn't be ignored. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I'm in, son."

"Thanks, Larry."

Nathan looked over at his wife.

"What do you want to do?" she asked, rubbing her growing belly.

"I want to help Peyton."

"She deserves a chance," Lucas interrupted. "Just like the two of us ran back in the school that day of the shooting for you two. No regrets, right? Everything turned out okay but I was prepared if it didn't. But there's no way I'd be able to sleep at night knowing I didn't do everything in my power to make it right."

Haley wiped away a tear.

"Then go for it. All three of you."

"You mean that?" Nathan asked.

"I do. I'm not happy about it but do what you have to do. If it is true what Lucas says, I just want Peyt out of there. I want her home with us. Just please, please promise me you'll all be careful."

"You heard my wife. I'm in. Tell us what to do, man."

"Okay. We go back to that abandoned house and find a way to get it. I don't care if we have to use a putty knife or a blow torch but we have to get that door open. There are a couple different scenarios. If we find Peyton and Derek is not there, we take her and call the police. If he is there…well, it's three against one and we're gonna take his psycho ass down."

"What if she's not there?" Nathan looked right at him.

"We wait. Look for signs if she was there. Confront Derek."

"What if…I'm sorry to say this Luke and especially in front of you Larry but what if we, what happens if Peyton is dead?"

"She's not," Lucas quickly cut him off. "Don't say that. Don't even think like that."

"Luke…"

"I mean it. Peyton isn't dead. If she was…I would know it. I'd feel it."

"Alright," Larry tapped his fingers against the table. "We're all in agreement on this. When is it gonna go down?"

"Probably soon," Nathan said. "We freaked Derek out pretty bad. If he thinks we're onto him and he does have Peyton, he might try to move, take her somewhere else."

"Good point, son. So when?"

Lucas looked at everyone as he felt his heart pounding in his chest.

"Tonight," he said emphatically. "Right now."


	28. The Last Time

The blue 1980 Chevy Caprice moved along Interstate 40 headed west. Peyton, riding shotgun, was securely fastened in her seatbelt. Just as Derek had promised, they had left that same day, shortly after packing a few belongings and essentials. He had been anxious at first, insisting that Peyton ride tied in the trunk for fear she would try to escape. Calmly she had eased his fears and gave him her word that she would be good. Indeed she had been. She had something to prove to him. When they stopped for gas and food, she put on a thin jacket with a hood to mask her identity. She was quiet and cooperative, keeping close to Derek at all times. He had even trusted her to go the bathroom alone, while he waited outside the door. It had been a quiet trip as the minutes turned into several hours. Peyton sat with her body turned slightly away from him facing the door. Her head rested on her arm as if she had been sleeping for most of the seven hours but she had been doing anything but. Peyton was awake and alert, silently making a plan.

"We're coming into Knoxville," Derek yawned, speaking of the city in Tennessee. "Maybe we should stop and get a motel."

Peyton felt her heart thump.

"That's fine."

"We'll get something right off the 40 and rest, then we'll get back on the road tomorrow."

She shifted nervously in her seat.

"Can we stop at a store?"

"No."

"Please."

Derek exhaled loudly.

"Why do we need to stop at a store?"

"Because, because, um I wanted some snacks, you know, for, for later."

"We already have food packed."

"I…I know but I thought we could get some beef jerky and sunflower seeds so we'd have something to munch on when we're lying in bed watching TV."

He looked right at her and she half smiled at him, a step up from the looks of disdain she usually had for him.

"Alright," he ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay, if that's what you want. I'll buy you some snacks."

"Thank you," she said quietly as he took the next exit.

"The Family Inn, that looks like a good place," he noted the motel as he pulled into a gas station across the street from it.

"It looks nice."

She anxiously waited as he filled up the tank before he led her by the hand inside the store. Out of the corner of her eye, Peyton kept watch on the Ladies' Room.

"Get whatever you want," he instructed.

She went about picking up various snack foods here and there as she piled all of them up on the counter for payment.

"I have to use the bathroom," she announced.

Derek pulled her to the side.

"You just used the bathroom."

"But that was hours ago," she rubbed her middle. "I'm sorry but I don't feel very good."

"Hold on, we'll be at the motel in a few minutes."

"It can't wait that long. I have to go now."

Derek's eyes darted around as he breathed hard.

"I don't know…"

"Please."

"Look, Peyton, I don't know if I believe you. I don't know if I can trust you. What if this is a trick?"

She looked right in his eyes.

"It's not. I promise."

"Peyton…"

"We've been on the road for over seven hours. We've made stops along the way. If I wanted to escape or scream or tell, don't you think I would have done it when we were still in North Carolina?"

"But…"

"I didn't want to at first. I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to be with you but you told me it was our destiny. Together forever, right? Well, that's my life now so I guess I'm just gonna have to get used to it."

He stared into her green eyes. He loved her with all his heart and he desperately wanted to believe her.

"Do you mean that?"

"Yeah."

He pulled her close and kissed her lips.

"Okay. I'm gonna go pay for this stuff. Use the bathroom but make it quick. I'll be waiting for you."

She nodded and slowly walked to the restrooms, disappearing behind the door. Her heart sank. She had eyed a woman around her age headed for the restroom when they first entered. Peyton figured that was her chance. But in the time it had taken her to convince Derek to let her go, the woman had used the facilities and left. Cursing to herself, Peyton had no choice. It would look suspicious if she all of a sudden no longer had to use the bathroom. So she went in and leaned against the sink, trying not to break down. Less than a minute later, the door swung open again and in walked a younger girl who appeared to be around 11 or 12. She went inside the private compartment and closed the stall door as Peyton's heart began to race. Patiently she waited for the girl to finish, hoping someone else would walk through those doors but it was of no use. It was just the two of them and time was running out. If Peyton wanted to make her move, she'd have to do it quick.

"Hi," she tried to smile.

The girl made a face as she washed her hands.

"Hi."

"Um, my name is Peyton. What's yours?"

"My mom told me not to talk to strangers," she tore off a piece of paper towel and tried to brush by Peyton.

Peyton grabbed her arm.

"Please listen to me…"

"Ow, lady! You're crazy! That hurts! Get off of me or I'm gonna tell my dad!"

"No, no, no", Peyton knelt down. "Please don't do that. I didn't mean to scare you, I just need your help. This is so, so important."

The girl saw tears forming in Peyton's eyes as she softened and backed away.

"What, what do you want?"

"Do you have a cell phone?"

"Outside in our van, why?"

Peyton closed her eyes, trying not to cry. More than anything she needed a phone but the little girl did not have one. She desperately needed to make a phone call. In the car, she had already decided not to call 911. If police converged on them, Derek would no doubt panic and all hell would break loose. He'd surely try to make good on his murder suicide plan. It was too risky but she was in serious trouble. In a bind, there was only one other person who had been there for Peyton and never let her down.

"Please listen to me. I am not crazy even though it probably looks that way. I'm just in a lot of trouble and I need help. I need you to send a message for me. Can you do that? Please."

"I, I don't know. You're weird."

"Here," Peyton reached in her jeans and handed the child a wadded up 20 dollar bill. "It's all I have. This is so important. Please."

"20 bucks to send one text message?" the girl asked. "Easy money. What do you want me to say and who do I send it to?"

She reached in her tiny pink purse and pulled out a pen and mini notepad.

"Oh God, thank you. Thank you so much."

"No offense, but if you don't hurry it up, my mom will be in here looking for me."

And Derek would soon be looking for her.

"Okay. Text these words. Peyton, Knoxville, first exit, Family Inn, Derek. You got that?"

"I guess. Peyton, Knoxville, first exit, Family Inn, Derek."

"Alright. The number is 910-555-1161."

"Got it," she finished scribbling it down.

"Please don't forget."

"Relax, lady, I won't."

"Thank you. Thank you so much. You don't know it but you're saving my life."

She shrugged.

"Whatever. 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

"You can't tell anyone," Peyton warned her. "Not anybody in the store, not even your parents. Don't say anything about talking to me. Just send that message as soon as you can."

"Okay," the girl nodded as she walked out.

As soon as she exited the rest room she ran into a cute, tall, blonde guy wearing a wife beater.

"Hey, kid, is someone in that bathroom? A tall, pretty blonde with green eyes wearing a Led Zepplin shirt."

"Yeah, I saw her."

He leaned in closer. He was cute but there was something dangerous about his eyes.

"What was she doing?"

The girl didn't miss a beat.

"Washing her hands."

Derek nodded and let her go and a few seconds later Peyton emerged.

"About time," he grumbled. "I thought I was gonna have to come in there after you."

"Sorry," she forced a smile. "You, um, ready to go?"

He put his arm around her.

"Let's get out of here."

They walked to the car, bags in hand and a few minutes later they were at the Family Inn. Derek paid for the room in cash and Peyton thought she would lose it when he registered them for a single room with a king size bed, under an assumed name. Taking only the bare minimum from the car, they headed up to the second floor, room 206.

"It's um, it's a nice room," she offered.

"You like it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Oh Peyton," he hugged her. "See how great this is? See how much better things are when you aren't pouting and starting fights? We're happy, baby and it could be like this all the time. Think about it."

The only thing she was thinking about was the fact she had left her fate in the hands of a 12 year old girl.

"Yeah…"

"I love you, Peyton Sawyer. I've always loved you. Do you love me? Huh? Do you, Peyton?"

She closed her eyes as she felt his lips on her. She knew what was coming next and she dreaded it more than ever. She didn't know if she could do it again, handle him on top of her, touching her, forcing himself inside her. But she had to. Peyton had to be strong and get through it. _It's the last time_, she kept telling herself over and over again.

"Yes," she looked up, avoiding his eyes as she lied and told him exactly what he wanted to hear.

"Then show me," he seductively whispered. "Show me how much you love me, Peyton."

She closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry, not to throw up.

_It's the last time…_


	29. Waking Up With A Bang

The speed limit on the Interstate was 75 miles per hours but Lucas Scott wouldn't have given a damn if it read 7 or 175. He drove with the gas pedal pressed to the floor with the cool night air seeping in through the windows onto his passengers, Larry and Nathan. He glanced at the clock again for the hundredth time. It was a little after five in the morning. The sun would be rising soon and he could only pray that it would not be too late…

_The three men quietly crept around to the back of the house. When they approached the door, all took a deep breath knowing the time had come. There was no turning back. It was what they had come for._

"_Larry, where the hell did you get this thing?" Nathan nervously whispered._

_Lucas had mentioned before the trouble of trying to open that door. He had been willing to use a putty knife or blowtorch as he had put it but Larry Sawyer had another idea altogether. It was a 35 pound, 32 inch __Blackhawk Thunderbolt Monoshock, the kind used by the police officers on TV to bust down the bad guys' door._

"_Let's just say I like to be prepared, son. Never know when you're going to need one of these bad boys."_

"_Are you going to do the honors or should I?" Lucas offered._

"_If that son of a bitch has my little girl, I want my face to be the first thing they both see."_

_Nathan and Lucas nodded and stood back, whispering the three count Larry needed. On three, he ran with full force, ramming the object as hard as he could into the door. It popped open like a champagne cork as the three men converged._

"_Peyton!" Larry screamed, flicking on the light._

_The place was empty but it was obvious it hadn't been that way for long._

"_Damn," Lucas muttered. "Looks like we just missed somebody."_

_They walked around as Nathan stopped dead in his tracks._

"_Come here!"_

_The other two stopped what they were doing. Nathan had kneeled down and picked up a picture. It was of Peyton, seemingly strolling in downtown Tree Hill by the Market Street Docks. On the wall above, dozens of pieces of tape had been left behind, tape presumably holding up more pictures._

"_I knew it!" Lucas grabbed it._

"_It proves Derek is a psycho, it doesn't prove she was here, man," Nathan reminded his brother._

"_But this does…" a lump formed in Larry's throat as he picked up the familiar bracelet he had given to his daughter years earlier. "Lucas…that, that night…think real hard, son. Did Peyt have this on her arm when you saw her when she came to say good bye?"_

_Lucas closed his eyes. He was back in his room. They were talking. Skills interrupted them on the phone. Then she said good bye. There was a lingering hug and Peyton looked around the room as it were her last time. A resigned smile spread across her face as she raised her arm to push a lock of hair behind her ear. The bracelet her father had given her, the bracelet that had brought her and Lucas together in a motel room a year and a half before, dangled from her arm and sparkled in the light._

"_It was there. I, I remember. I saw it on her," he said with assurance._

"_Peyton! Peyton!" Larry began frantically calling her name._

_There wasn't much space to cover but the three made a thorough and desperate search for her. There was nothing._

"_What if they come back?" Nathan asked._

_Lucas shook his head. He had a feeling and his feelings hadn't failed him yet._

"_They're gone," he answered quietly. "They're not coming back."_

"_Well, we're not just gonna give up," Larry declared. "Let's go to the cops. If this isn't evidence, I don't know what the hell is."_

_Not knowing what else to do, the others followed him. Lucas climbed back behind the wheel of his car, silent as they headed back to town. No one spoke but many thoughts raced through their minds. Lucas felt intense anger. The entire time she had been right there, right on the outskirts of Tree Hill, right under their noses. If he had just tried a little bit harder that night, he could have saved her. Now she was gone and he didn't know if he'd get the second chance._

_Lucas let out a breath as his car came to a stop at the red light before the turn to the police station. Once again his hopes and fears and Peyton's fate would be left in the hands of police who so far had not taken her disappearance seriously. He was on edge, on the verge of losing it, proving it by jumping and screaming out loud when the shrill ring and vibration of his cell phone nearly scared him half to death. He looked down and it was an incoming text message from a number he didn't recognize. Reading it, he frowned, rubbing his tired eyes. _**_Peyton, Knoxville, first exit, Family Inn, Derek_**. _Lucas did a double take looking at it as he read it again. Scaring the hell out of Larry and Nathan, he quickly pulled over with an exaggerated screech, his fingers trembling as he dialed the number._

"_Hello?"_

"_Who is this?"_

"_What?"_

"_My name is Lucas Scott and someone just sent me a text from this number."_

"_Yeah. Um, that was me."_

"_Who are you? Do you know Peyton Sawyer? Did you see her? How did you get my number? Where is she?"_

"_Slow down. Look, I was just using the bathroom at a gas station and this weird blonde girl paid me 20 bucks and begged me to send that text to your phone."_

_Lucas felt his heart drop as he shushed an anxious and confused, inquiring Larry and Nathan._

"_This girl, what did she look like?"_

"_Tall, really thin, blonde hair that was kind of short. She looked tired but she was pretty. She had on a Led Zepplin tee shirt and Converse sneakers, I think."_

_Lucas's head rested against the back of the seat as he tried not to cry out._

"_Did she say anything?"_

"_Not really. Just not to tell anybody what we talked about."_

"_Was she with anyone?"_

"_I'm not sure. There was this cute blonde haired guy that was asking about her. He was waiting outside the bathroom."_

"_Were you in Knoxville, Tennessee?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Where is she now? Did you see where they went?"_

"_No. We pulled out first."_

_Lucas sighed._

"_Thank you. I mean that. You have no idea what you've done but thank you."_

_He hung up, still clutching the cell at his chest._

"_Dude, what the hell is going on?" Nathan asked._

"_Peyton had someone text me. I, I think I know where she is."_

"_Spit it out!" Larry demanded. "Wherever she is, we need to get there. Now!"_

"_Damn right," Lucas agreed. "We're going to Tennessee."_

With a tired mind, tired eyes and a tired soul, he pressed on. He had immediately begun his destination to Knoxville the moment Peyton's message was confirmed but it was still a near 7 hour drive. Would it be too late? He couldn't think of the what ifs anymore. Peyton used to say Lucas was always saving her. This would be his most important rescue mission yet. Feeling the determination rise up in him, he continued the white knuckle drive and within the hour, he came to the first exit for Knoxville.

"This is it!" he exclaimed as a wide eyed Nathan and Larry sat straight up.

He bore right and a mile or so down the road, he came to a Family Inn motel. With bated breath, he made the turn and they circled the parking lot. Lucas came to a complete stop and the three men looked at each other. There it was in plain sight…the light blue Chevrolet with North Carolina tags. The three got out and immediately headed to the front desk. Sitting behind the counter was a young, long haired guy wearing a Fall Out Boy tee shirt, smoking a cigarette and reading a comic book.

"Excuse me!" an impatient Larry bellowed after a few seconds of being ignored.

The clerk rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Can I help you?"

"What room are Derek Helm and Peyton Sawyer in?"

The guy thought for a minute.

"Sir, I'm not allowed to, to, um release that sort of information," he recited the privacy policy.

"Look, this is an emergency! My daughter is Peyton Sawyer. She's only 16 years old. I have reason to believe she is being held in this motel against her will. These are her two brothers, my sons and we are very upset. Now she's a minor. You have to tell us," he fibbed.

"Dude, I don't know what to tell you. I could lose my job. Rules are rules. If it's that important to you, call the cops. If they tell me to look it up, then I can. Until then, my hands are tied. Sorry."

Larry rolled his eyes and reached in his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and a crisp 100 dollar bill.

"Will this untie your hands?"

The clerk reached for it with a grin.

"Derek what?"

"Derek Helm and or Peyton Sawyer."

He searched the records.

"Sorry, bro. No one here registered under that name. Maybe you got the wrong place."

"This is definitely the right place. The car is outside."

"What do they look like?"

"The guy is blonde. Tall, blue eyes," he pulled out a recent picture of Peyton, handing it over. "This is my girl. She might have been wearing a Led Zepplin tee shirt."

"Oh yeah. I remember them. They checked in last night."

"What room?"

He clicked a few keys on the computer.

"206 but you didn't hear it from me."

Before he could finish the last part, the three of them had already run off. Nathan slowed down only to answer his phone.

"Baby, it's me. Karen and I couldn't sleep. Where are you guys? Any luck?"

"No time to talk now, Hales," he panted. "I think we found Peyton."

"Oh my God! Nathan, that's great! Where are you? Where is she?"

"Family Inn motel in Knoxville, Tennessee."

"Tennessee? What? You're in Tennessee."

"I'll explain later. I don't have time to talk…"

"Where exactly are you? I'm calling the police."

"I don't know. Some motel called the Family Inn, I think. It's right off the first Knoxville exit from the 40."

"Nathan…"

"I'll call you back, Haley. I love you," he hung up as they approached the room.

"Peyton!" Lucas screamed, banging away on the door.

Inside, Derek sat straight up. He thought it was a nightmare but he knew it wasn't. Peyton was up as well.

"What the fuck is that shit?" he angrily growled at her.

"I, I don't know," she stammered.

"Liar! It's Lucas! You fucking tipped him off, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't. Derek, I swear."

"Shut up!" he slapped her hard against the side of the face. "I knew I should have never trusted you! Come on! Get up!"

He quickly slipped on boxers and jeans.

Peyton glanced at the door. Her plan had worked after all. She had made Derek trust her and he had. Peyton took full advantage. She developed a plan. And when he wasn't looking, she swiped a 20 dollar bill from the wadded up stash he was using to finance their trip. Her mother, Anna, had always told a young Peyton and Brooke to never leave home without at least a dollar in your pocket. You never knew when it might come in handy. And now 20 had quite possibly just saved Peyton's life. Freedom and her love were on the other side of that door. Lucas was always there to rescue her. He had never failed.

"Lucas!" she yelled as loud as she could.

Lucas, Larry and Nathan looked at each other.

"Baby!" Larry yelled as all three began kicking at it.

Peyton felt her heart drop as tears sprang to her eyes.

"Daddy!"

Losing it, an irate Derek reached in his bag by the bed and grabbed the .38 revolver, pointing it right at Peyton's head.

"Put your clothes on, come with me and don't say another word or I swear to God I'm just gonna start shooting and I don't care if the bullets hit you, your precious daddy or your little lover boy."

Whimpering, Peyton pulled on her jeans and tee shirt as the door that separated them was dangerously giving way. Derek grabbed her hand and pushed her out of the open window as they left via the fire escape. She ran just a few inches ahead, the gun now buried in her side. Back upstairs, the door crumbled under the force and pressure of six angry feet.

"Peyton! Peyton!" Lucas yelled.

"Look!" Nathan pointed to the window.

They quickly followed suit just in time to see Derek forcing Peyton inside his car. He cranked it and put it in reverse, cursing when he noticed Lucas had blocked him in. He gunned it with all his might, bumping the smaller car out of the way but at the same time, causing him to stall. Seizing the perfect opportunity, Nathan pulled off his shirt, wrapped it around his hand and put it through the passenger window, grabbing Peyton's shoulder, amidst the shattering glass. She screamed as Derek put the car in park and pulled her from the other side, causing a painful tug of war. With his left hand, he used the butt of the gun to strike Nathan on the side of his head, a powerful blow that knocked him off his feet. Seeing Lucas and Larry coming from the corner of his eye, Derek pushed Peyton out on the passenger side, running backwards with the gun pointed at her temple.

"Let her go, man," Lucas warned. "It's over, Derek."

"Back off!" he snorted. "It'll never be over!"

"Derek!"

"You had to ruin it, man! Peyton loves me, don't you, baby? We were about to start our new lives together and you three had to come and fuck it up!"

"Don't do anything stupid, son," Larry pleaded.

"Shut up! You, too!" he turned the gun on Larry, tightening his grip around Peyton's neck.

"No!" she cried. "Derek, stop it! Don't hurt them! Please!"

"Just let her go," Larry tried once more. "Come on, Derek before this gets out of hand anymore than it already is. You have the power to make this right."

"Everybody back up and shut up!" Derek fired a warning shot in the air.

The loud blast of the gun shook them all. Lucas looked at the terrified expression on Peyton's face. She was so afraid and vulnerable in his arms. God knows what had happened to her in those missing weeks. She had already been through so much, she was already in such pain and Lucas couldn't take another second. Running as fast as he could, he charged right at Derek, startling him and knocking Peyton down in the process. In the background, the sirens of police cars could be heard as they closed in on the parking lot. Lucas pulled back his right hand and let his fist crash into Derek's nose, bloodying it. The gun fell by the wayside as the two men struggled, blows flying back and forth. A concerned Larry ran for Peyton, pulling her and the still injured and shaken Nathan to safety.

"Lucas!" Peyton wailed as Derek grabbed the gun.

There was a struggle as hoards of policemen approached the scene, running on foot.

"Drop your weapon!" one of them commanded.

Derek's finger was dangerously close to the trigger as Lucas tried to push it away. The gun disappeared from sight between them as a single shot fired and one of them dropped to the ground. It was over but it wasn't supposed to end that way. Peyton shook her head. Not like that! Sinking to her knees, she let out a blood curling scream.


	30. One More Favor

_She shifted in bed, caught in between consciousness and a fitful slumber. She moaned out loud, still very much afraid. Then she heard the footsteps come closer towards her. She couldn't see anyone but she heard the voice and the applause. _

_"Congratulations, Sawyer, you did it." _

_It was her. She was always with her, apart of her very being and subconscious. She had always been by Peyton's side, especially in times of need when life was at its hardest. Whether she liked it or not, she had her very own dark angel. _

_"Didn't think you'd pull through, Blondie but congratulations are in order." _

_Peyton struggled to speak but could not. _

_"It's okay, kid. Looks like you win double on this one…you survive and you get rid of me. That's right. You won't be seeing me around because you don't need me anymore. You kept your promise. You were stronger than you thought you could be and you did what you had to do so I guess this is good bye. Oh, I've got a message for you…Anna and Ellie say they're real proud of you. I guess I am too…" _

_Peyton struggled to answer. _

_"But…" _

_"No buts. It's gonna be okay. All you have to do is open your eyes…" _

Peyton turned her head and winced, every inch of her body aching. She could smell the sterility and see all the white walls and its high tech equipment. Immediately she knew she was in the hospital. Hospitals were usually her least favorite place. She'd had a lot of bad experiences in them but for once she could only be grateful. It was a much obliged upgrade from where she had been the last month and a half. It had been an ordeal, perhaps the worst ordeal of her life and now it was finally over.

"Baby?"

In the chair next to her bed, was her father. Removing the blanket and rubbing his tired eyes, he slid over next to her.

"Dad…"

She struggled to sit up, the words trying to escape her throat even though it was sore and dry.

"You're awake. You opened your eyes. It's okay, baby. I missed you so much but Daddy's here now and everything is going to fine."

"Daddy…"

"You look so beautiful, Peyt. I'm so glad to see you."

"But…"

"Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital…Tree Hill…"

"You're in the hospital but we're not in Tree Hill, baby. We're still in Knoxville."

Knoxville. The memories of the last 24 hours began rushing back. Peyton recalled leaving the house. She remembered the long car ride. Derek had been there. And then they had stopped in Knoxville. The store, the bathroom, the little girl, the awful night that followed and then the morning. It had happened all so fast that it felt surreal. The break in, the break out, the struggle. There had been a gun, a gunshot and then it all went blank.

"What happened?" she anxiously asked, sitting straight up, swatting at the various tubes and IVs placed inside her.

"Shhhh. Just calm down, Peyt. No need to get upset, baby."

"Dad, please tell me. I, I don't remember. Derek was holding me and the next thing I know, Lucas charges him and I fell."

Larry bit his lip. It had been surreal for him as well.

"Derek's a very disturbed young man…"

"I didn't run away. That night before California, he, he came to the house. He was being weird but I thought he just wanted to say good bye. He, he took me, Dad. Derek just kidnapped me and held me in this little house and said we were gonna be together forever."

"Don't get so excited. You're safe here. You're with me now. I know Derek did all those awful things to you but he can't hurt you anymore. I promise."

"Where, where is he?"

Larry looked away, uncomfortable. She was demanding answers and he couldn't much blame her. He also knew she wouldn't stop until he told her the truth. She was still fragile from her ordeal, her body still bruised and battered. She needed to rest and take it easy. The last thing he wanted was to upset her.

"Peyt…"

"Is he in jail?"

He took a deep and sorrowful breath.

"There was a gunshot…"

"I, I know."

"Peyton, Derek isn't in jail. He…he's dead, baby."

She closed her eyes. A tragic end. The man who had physically, psychologically, emotionally, mentally, verbally and sexually tortured her for weeks was dead from a wound by his own hand. Peyton closed her eyes. It was so damned unfair, all of it. Why? Why had he done the things he did?

"Are, are you sure?"

He nodded.

"I guess it was all too much for you. You collapsed and blacked out in my arms just before."

She swallowed hard.

"How is Lucas?"

Larry tried to find the words.

"Peyton…"

"It's all my fault," she whispered.

"What?"

"Lucas had to save me…again. He fought with Derek and he shot and killed him trying to protect me. How, how is he gonna live with that?"

Larry reached for his daughter's hand, putting it carefully inside his larger one.

"There, there's something I have to tell you, Peyt."

She looked deep in her father's eyes. There were tears welling inside them. He looked distraught. In fact, she hadn't seen him look like that since the day her first mom had died.

"What happened?"

"There was a fight," he began. "Derek was out of control. He had already hurt Nathan and he had a gun to your head and he shot in the air. As, as you know, Lucas tackled him. I was able to get you and Nate out of the way."

"Is Nathan okay?" she asked in a small voice.

"Other than a nasty bruise on the said of his head, he's just fine."

"Thank God," she sighed with relief. "What about Lucas? Why isn't he here?"

She knew something was wrong. He had rescued her again. His love and determination had found her. Even when Jimmy Edwards had shot her and she had been hospitalized, when she woke up from the surgery that removed bullet fragments from her leg, his beautiful, sleeping face was the first thing she saw.

"Lucas wrestled Derek for the gun. Police came on the scene and there was a shot. Lucas was…Lucas, was, uh hit in the stomach."

Peyton's eyes widened.

"No! But you said Derek…"

"The gun went off and Derek shot Lucas. When Luke hit the ground I guess Derek must have realized it was all over. He, um…he, he pointed the gun at you. Lucas was wounded pretty bad but he saw you blacked out and he managed to get up somehow and get over to where we were. He, he covered your body with his own. I remember screaming. It felt like it was happening in slow motion. I don't know what was going through Derek's mind then. The cops told him to drop his weapon and put his hands up. Instead he…he put the gun to his temple and fired."

"No," Peyton began to whimper.

"I'm sorry, honey."

Another boy. Another fucked up boy with once good intentions who had started out just needing people to love him, to pay attention to him, had shot someone else, then himself. It was shades of Jimmy Edwards all over again but worse.

"He's dead?" she cried.

Larry nodded, his own bottom lip beginning to quiver.

"He's dead. Derek's dead."

"He said, um…Derek told me once he would never surrender. That before it was over, he'd kill me then himself."

"Peyton…"

"Oh my God…"

"Peyt, try not to get too upset. The doctors say it isn't good for you."

"Lucas!" she suddenly blurted.

So much had happened and the shock and horror of Derek's suicide had preoccupied her but there was more to the surgery. Once again her hero had saved her but this time, with a potentially fatal price.

"Baby, just listen to me…"

"No! Where is he? How is he? Is he here? I want to see him, Dad!" she shouted, getting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "I want to see Lucas!"

Gently, he grabbed his daughter's arms, easing her back into bed with Peyton fighting him all the way.

"Peyton, I'm sorry you can't…"

She felt her heart flutter like something wasn't right. It was the exact feeling she got right before Derek kidnapped her at the house, the same feeling she felt when she walked into Ellie's house, right before finding her dead.

"No," she shook her head, pushing her father away. "Not Lucas. No."

"Peyton…"

"Is he…"

She couldn't bring herself to say it.

"No, he's not. Lucas isn't dead."

Peyton closed her eyes and began to sob with relief.

"Where is he? Is he gonna be okay?"

"He's up stairs in the Intensive Care Unit. He had surgery to remove the bullet. They had to take out a small piece of one of his intestines."

"Oh God," she wept. "That sounds so bad. Is he gonna be okay?"

"They have his condition listed as serious but stable. They have to keep extra watch on him because of his heart condition."

"Lucas," she called out.

"It's okay, honey."

"No, it's not. It's not, Dad. This is all my fault. Lucas got hurt because of me."

"It's not your fault, Peyt. Nothing that happened to you was your fault. Those were Derek's decisions and they were wrong. He did a terrible thing and at any time, he could have, he should have stopped and made it right and let you go. I am so sorry it came down to this. Another young life is lost, Nathan and Lucas got hurt, you went through God knows what. But nobody blames you, baby. Certainly not Lucas. That kid is a hell of a man and his love for you…well, I can't even describe it. Not a single moment went by when you were gone that he didn't think of you or do something to try to find you. He did everything in his power and all that ever mattered to him was saving you. We have to hope for the best and think positive but no matter what, Lucas did what he did for you and I know he has no regrets about that."

"I want to see him. I have to see him…"

"I know you do but not now. Your doctors don't think it's a good idea and neither do his. He still hasn't woken up and there is limited visitation for now."

"But…"

"I'll speak to the nurse or someone. I'll see when you can see him, even if only for a little while, okay?"

She nodded and wiped her eyes. It wasn't okay but she didn't have much of a choice. Too much had happened. Her ordeal and the dramatic rescue that followed had been enough. Now Lucas was lying in a hospital bed unconscious after a critical operation. The fact that he had risked himself for her was nothing short of amazing but her father's revelations for the reason why was beyond incredible. She was safe and away from Derek. She had prayed to God so many times that if He would just make that so, she'd never ask for anything again. But she was going to have to renig and she had a feeling God would understand. She had just one more favor to ask.


	31. A Long Time Coming

Peyton slowly and awkwardly maneuvered the wheelchair down the hall. She had complained that it was the last thing she needed but the doctors as well as her father had insisted. If she intended to travel any further than from her hospital bed to the bathroom, she would need the use of a wheelchair. Still hospitalized for observation, she had insisted on making the trek two floors up all by her lonesome. Although she would never admit it, thank God for wheelchairs. It was a dizzying and winding journey but a necessary one as well. She had to do it. She had to go. She had to see him. But she stopped just short of the room. She had already been warned by the nurses. Lucas was still asleep, as they had so gently put it and the most important thing was for Peyton to not get upset. How could she not? He was lying there helpless and no matter what her father said, she couldn't help but think that she was to blame.

"Peyton…"

She turned in the direction of the voice and saw a pregnant and tired looking Karen walking towards her. She leaned down and the two women embraced.

"I am so sorry, Karen…"

"Oh honey, it's so good to see you. Thank God you're safe."

"But..."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong, Peyton. None of this was your fault."

"But Lucas…"

"Lucas is stubborn, you know that. Once that boy makes up his mind, there is no stopping him. And finding you, helping you…well, that was definitely on his mind. He would have done anything to make sure you were safe," her voice sadly trailed off.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, for it to end up like it did. You have been through so much with losing Keith and you already almost lost Lucas once. I'm sorry this happened and he got hurt because of me. If it hadn't been for me…"

"Don't say that. I don't want you to think like that and you know Lucas wouldn't either. He's going to be okay. He's strong and he'll pull through. We have to believe that. But you have to be strong, too, Peyton. We want you to be okay."

Peyton craned her neck to peer in at Lucas in the bed. He was so quiet, so still. The time he had accompanied her to identify what she thought was her father's dead body, they had slept beside each other in the same bed. He had dozed off a few times that night and Peyton remembered watching him. He was so peaceful, so beautiful even in sleep.

"I'm just worried about him."

Karen gave a worn and exhausted smile.

"I am, too. I'm proud of him, though. He's a good kid."

"Yeah," she swallowed hard. "He is."

"Would you like to go in and see him? It's okay."

Peyton thought for a minute, guilt, fear and anxiety temporarily hindering her movements.

"What, what's wrong with him? I mean, I know everything that happened but it's been three days already. Why won't he wake up? Is he in a coma?"

"You could sort of call it that. It's different stages to a coma, not what you might think. Right now Lucas is in a very deep sleep. He is aware and responds to certain things, like pain. He has good reflexes, too. It's very close, too close, to the situation from before with his car accident with Keith. Anyway, he made it through the surgery and he's stable. Basically, we're just waiting for him to wake up."

"Will he? Soon?"

Karen touched her shoulder.

"I hope so but you know Lucas. Just like last time, he'll do it when he's ready. Why don't you go on in and pay him a visit?"

"Do you think he can hear me?"

"I know so," she rubbed Peyton's shoulder

Peyton nodded. She was afraid but suddenly she felt very stupid. She was afraid to go to Lucas because of all those tubes and machines. Yet she had been kidnapped by a sadistic, gun wielding maniac and Lucas hadn't let his fears get in the way. He had gone right to her without hesitation and she knew she had to do the same. She owed him that much. She wheeled herself over to his bedside. He lay flat on his back, dressed in a simple hospital gown with the covers pulled to his chest. Both arms were at his sides, multiple IVs attached to his arms and a tube securely in his nose. The noisy machines beeped steadily as for a few minutes Peyton was content to just sit there and watch the rise and fall of his chest.

"Hey, Lucas. Um, I don't know if you can hear right now but it's me. It's Peyton. I, um…I don't know. I guess I just wanted to see you. You know, I've thought about this day a lot lately. Sometimes, it could get pretty bad and the only thing that got me through it was thinking of the next time I'd see your face. I just, I just never dreamed that it'd be like this.

My dad told me what happened, what you did. That was pretty great. It's really brave, too but I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. That's just the kind of person you are, the kind of man you are. I feel like I should say thank your or something but a word as simple as thanks seems kind of silly and pointless now. How can I thank you for what you've done? You saved my life, Luke…again. You're always saving me. I know I say that a lot but it's so true.

You're a good person, Lucas Scott. I feel so bad for you right now and I wish it was me in that bed, not you. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve to be hurt but I guess there is nothing I can do about it. It's just not fair, you know? You are a good person and I try to be one but it's like no matter what we do, tragedy and bad luck just seem to kind of follow us somehow. I, I don't want it to be that way anymore.

Last time you were in a hospital like this, was when you and Keith got in that wreck. It was pretty bad. We all were so scared. I…I know I wasn't there for you then. It wasn't because I didn't want to be, more like that I didn't know how to be. But that's the difference between you and me. You always know exactly what to do and say. And you're so unselfish and you say you'd do anything for the people you love and, uh, you always do.

I've been hurt a lot. I have been through a lot. And what just happened with Derek…God, it's hard to even think about it. I can't even process that now because if I allow myself to relive it, I just, I can't handle it. I know I'm gonna have to face that one day. I'm prepared for that. Partly, it's because of you. Before we met, I had this wall around myself and I didn't need or want anything but um…you saw right through me and right through that ridiculous wall. You taught me how to feel again. You've taught me so much and you've done so much for me. I, I don't want to waste anymore time. I love you. I am so in love with you for just so many reasons and I wish I'd had the chance to tell you before. I promised myself if I survived that mess with Derek, that I would tell you, that I'd look into your eyes and tell you everything. I still want that. I want that more than you know because you mean the world to me…"

There was a noise at the doorway and a tearful Peyton turned around expecting Karen. It wasn't. Instead, it was Brooke.

"Sorry," she apologized sheepishly, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans as she turned to leave.

"Brooke, wait!"

She stopped and looked right at the young woman who had been her best friend for almost half her life.

"Um, I just wanted to stop by and see how he was doing…and um, how you were doing."

"Come in," Peyton invited her with a soft voice. "He's better. We're just uh, basically waiting now."

"And you?"

Peyton shrugged.

"I'm okay…okay as I can be."

"So is it true?" Brooke carefully asked. "Did Derek really kidnap you and do all those awful things to you?"

Peyton shuddered at the very memories.

"Yeah. Um, I, I don't know what people are saying but it's probably all true. It was pretty bad."

"Jesus. I knew he was weird but I never thought…"

"Me either."

"I'm sorry, Peyton."

"Don't worry about it…"

"I do worry about it. I can't help it. I am sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for what just happened to you. And I'm sorry about the whole Lucas thing, too."

"It's okay. It's over."

"Just let me say this. From the beginning, it was always you. I saw it. But when you didn't go for him, he was such a great guy, I thought I had a chance. No one has ever respected me and treated me like he did. I fell head over heels for him and what girl wouldn't? I know Lucas loved me too but I can't blame either of you anymore for the way things ended. Lucas loved me a lot but never the way he was in love with you. You guys are soul mates and you can't help how you feel. I was angry about a lot of stuff but this puts so much into perspective now. None of that matters anymore. I'm over, Lucas and I know one day I'm gonna meet the man for me. It's not him, because he is the man for you and he always was. I'm not bitter anymore, I know I can be happy for you both because you both deserve it. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on you today but I heard every word you just said to him and it was beautiful. You ever hear Whitey talk about the love he and Camilla shared? Well, that's the kind of love you and Luke have and it's this rare and totally special thing that doesn't happen every day. So...so I hope you do get that second chance because…because he wanted it just as much as you do."

Tears rolled down both their cheeks.

"Brooke…"

"I'm sorry for the hurtful things I said and the mean things I did. I didn't mean them, I was just so mad, you know?"

"And I'm sorry for hurting you, too."

Brooke slowly walked over to her.

"You're my best friend, P. Sawyer and you always will be. I love you."

"I love you, too," Peyton cried as they embraced.

"We've been down this road before and it took some time but I hope we can get back to the way things were."

"Me too," Peyton wiped her eyes.

"I, I'm gonna leave now. You and Lucas need your privacy but I'll stick around and I'll check on you."

"Thanks."

Brooke leaned down and gave Lucas a kiss on the cheek.

"We miss you, Broody. Hurry up and open those eyes."

"I'd like that," Peyton said as Brooke was exiting the door. "If you'd come visit me later."

She looked at the two, the tortured artist and the tortured athlete. It was a love so strong and real yet so tragic, even Shakespeare himself couldn't have written it better.

"Me too," she whispered.

Brooke left and Lucas and Peyton were once again alone. She had been instructed to make her visit short but she couldn't leave him just yet. No way she could leave him alone because he had never left her. Even in the worst of times with Derek, Lucas had been there in spirit doing everything thing in his power to safely bring her back home. Drying her eyes, she lowered the rails on his bed and pulled herself out of the chair. Moving the IV stands to the side, she climbed in his bed, lying beside him, gently placing her tear stained face against his chest. All she could do was be with him, pray for him and wait for him. She'd wait forever if she had to.


	32. Still Not Over

Peyton's arm trembled as she struggled to lift it to feed herself. Although she was due for imminent release from the hospital, they had kept her there to check out her physical injuries from life with Derek. She had been through every kind of test imaginable. Then there had been intense rounds of conversation with the North Carolina and Tennessee police departments trying to put together the details of her kidnapping and a barrage of psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists and counselors to help her deal with the aftermath. Peyton could appreciate their intensions but it was too much.

She checked the clock again. Her father had been gone for almost 20 minutes. It wasn't a long period of time, but she was starting to get antsy. Derek had left her alone in that old abandoned house for hours at a time of nothing but eerie silence that was constantly in combat with the voices inside her head. She hated when Derek was around but it had been awful being so alone. In the hospital she had found herself feeling quite anxious whenever her father or the doctors or nurses left her alone for more than a few minutes. But Larry Sawyer had been by her side from the moment the ambulance had whisked her to the hospital. He deserved a break to go back to his hotel and get a hot shower and a real meal.

She let out a deep breath, her growing frustration getting the best of her. It wasn't brain surgery, it was just lunch. All she had to do was extend her arm so the spoon could scoop up the soup, and bring it to her mouth. A simple task that normally took minimal time and minimal effort. However it was harder for Peyton with her black and blue right arm bruised as a result of her struggle with Nathan and Derek. Bringing the spoon to her lips, she accidentally dropped it, spilling hot soup everywhere as her oversized hospital gown slid off her should yet again.

"Shit!"

"Knock, knock."

Peyton looked in the doorway and saw Nathan and Haley standing there.

"Hey guys," she put the spoon back on the tray. "Um, come in."

The couple approached slowly, pulling up two chairs to the bedside. It was the first time she had seen Haley in almost two months and the first time she had seen Nathan since that fateful night.

"You okay?" Haley asked. "Need some help?"

"Nah," Peyton mumbled, disgusted. "I wasn't really that hungry anyway."

"Let me help you with your gown," Haley stood, bringing the material over her friend's shoulder and tying a knot.

"Thanks."

"You really…"

Haley stopped mid sentence and gasped.

"What's wrong?"

"Your…your shoulder."

There were a couple of marks left from Derek's many cigarettes.

"It's fine," Peyton quickly pulled away.

"Did…"

"Yeah, he did but it's over now."

"Oh my God," Haley put her hands over her face, starting to cry. "I…I had no idea."

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known."

Haley couldn't shake the feeling.

"I just don't know what to say. I feel so awful."

"I know but it's done now, right? I mean, what can you? Besides, my dad told me all the stuff you guys did to find me. The news and the papers and the vigil…that's pretty awesome and I appreciate it. You guys did everything to find me and that means a lot."

"We love you, Peyton. Of course we'd do anything for you but I just want you to know that nobody did more for you than Lucas."

The statement made her want to smile and cry at the same time.

"I know," Peyton nodded.

"Have you seen him yet?"

"Every chance I get."

"He really loves you."

"I love him, too. And I owe him a lot. Just like I owe you, Nathan…"

"It's cool, Peyton."

"Nate, don't downplay what you did for me. Look at your head."

"I'm okay. It looks worse than it feels."

"Well, thank you. Thank you both for everything, all the stuff that you did to help Luke and to help find me. You'll never know how much that means. And Nathan…you put a lot on the line for me out there. I'm sorry you got hurt."

He gave her a small smile.

"It's no big deal. I'm just glad you're safe now," he said.

"Me too," Haley agreed. "It's gonna be okay, Peyton. Look, I can only try to imagine just how horrible this has been for you but it's all over now and you're gonna go home and everything is gonna be alright. Lucas is gonna wake up and you two will be together and it'll be happily ever after this time, you'll see."

Happily ever after. It was something often read about in fairytales, something Peyton had often dreamed about but for 18 years it had proved to be unattainable.

"Speaking of Luke, I'm gonna run down there and check on him, see if Karen needs anything," Nathan stood up.

Haley leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.

"I'll stay here with Peyton a little while longer, then I'll meet you downstairs."

"Alright. Love you."

"You too."

"Later, Peyton," Nathan gave her an awkward hug. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Thanks to you," she said as he left the room.

"So," Haley sighed, rubbing her belly. "They're gonna let you out of this place soon?"

"Yeah. Um, maybe tomorrow or the day after."

"I know you'll be glad to get back to Tree Hill and your own house and your own bed."

Peyton shook her head.

"I'm not going back."

"What?"

"Not now. I can't, Haley. It isn't right. I can't, no, I won't leave Lucas here. I'll stay with him until he's better. We'll go home together."

"That's so sweet."

"I'm just so scared…"

"I know. Sweetie, I am too. We all are. It's just important to stay positive. Lucas is strong. He's going to wake up soon and everything will be just fine. You'll see."

"It's not that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it is that but it's not the only thing. Haley, I'm scared out of my mind."

"Talk to me," she beckoned softly.

Peyton shrugged.

"I am afraid for Lucas. I feel horrible and guilty that he got shot because of me. I just want him to open his eyes right now and be okay and every day that he doesn't really scares the hell out of me. If something happens to him…God, I don't even want to think about it. But I'll never forgive myself."

"Lucas will pull through, Peyton."

"It's other stuff, too."

"Like?"

"Like I've always prided myself on being this independent, ballsy chick. Like this one time, Brooke and me snuck down to a party at this club downtown when we were like 15. We had the fake IDs and everything. We had a blast, danced with some older boys and got drunk off our asses. Anyway, when it was time to go, we couldn't get a cab to save our lives. It's not like we could call our parents or anything. Brooke's were out of town and my dad would have killed us. All these creepy old guys were offering us rides and stuff. Brooke was starting to get freaked out. Know what we did? We walked. That's right. All the way from downtown to her house at like two in the morning in the freezing rain."

"Oh my God. You two were nuts."

"We make it to Old Town, you know, by the cemetery and this guy in his car stops and starts yelling at us. We kept walking, then he got out. Brooke was so creeped out but I wasn't. I just grabbed her hand and told her to keep going and that we were going to be okay. And that's exactly what happened. Looking back, it was totally stupid and extremely dangerous but I had no fear. I guess I've always been that way. Now…it's like he took that away from me."

"Who? Derek?"

Peyton nodded.

"And I hate it. I'm all about living my life and not dwelling too much on the what ifs. Haley, I don't want to be 18 years old, freaked out every time I leave my house, wary of every noise or stranger. I don't want that but he…Derek put that fear in me."

She had a sad, far away look in her eye, a pain so profound and deep that no one would ever be able to understand or relate unless that had experienced the horror firsthand.

"What did he do to you?" Haley wiped a tear from her eye.

Her bottom lip trembled. Peyton wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come.

"Everything," she whispered.

"Oh Peyton…"

"What didn't he do?"

"What now? I mean, I am so worried about you. I, I just want you to be okay but to go through what you just went through, how can you really be okay?"

"I don't know. I won't lie to you, Haley…it changes everything. I don't know how to feel about that, how to deal with it all."

"What about Lucas?"

"I love him. I love him now more than ever but it's so hard. I want to be with him, I need him but it's like, will it ever happen for us? I'm so terrified it won't. And now I'm terrified it will because I don't know if I can handle that either. And…and I don't know if he could even want me now."

"Sweetie, of course he will. Lucas loves you so much. Look what he went through for you and I know he'd do it 100 times over. That's just how strong his feelings are. You'll never have to doubt that."

"There are things that happened…things I have to tell him. I don't know how. I know eventually one day I'll have to be honest and just like it changed everything for me, I know it's gonna change everything for him, for us."

Haley reached out for her hand.

"Listen to me, Peyton. I don't know everything that happened and you only have to tell me, if, when you're ready. I can't put myself in your shoes and I don't even know what to say right now. Part of me wants to keep telling you it'll all work out but maybe that's not fair, it's the last thing you want to hear right now. Whatever happens, whatever you do…just don't shut him out completely. You have a lot of physical and emotional healing to do and yeah you should take as much time as you need but in the end…you still need Lucas. That's okay. He needs you, too."

"It hurts, Haley. It hurts so much. Why? Why did this have to happen to me? It's like God doesn't like me or something."

"God loves you. We all love you. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and it just can't be helped."

Peyton's entire body began to shiver involuntarily.

"Thank you," she looked right at her friend.

"For what?"

"For being you, for being my friend. For letting Nathan come to Tennessee and help. For not giving up and for trying to find me. For…for everything."


	33. It's You

It had been two days since the doctors had discharged Peyton Sawyer from the hospital but still she remained in Knoxville, Tennessee. Her first day out had thrown her into a state of shellshock. She had forgotten what it was like to be free, to be normal, to be without Derek. She and her father had cabbed it back to the hotel where Peyton took her first real shower in days. She closed her eyes as she scrubbed her skin. She could still feel the steely presence of Derek's eyes upon her even though she knew he wasn't really there. It was just one of the ways Derek was and possibly always would be with her. In a short period of time her physical injuries would heal but the psychological scars would likely remain. Peyton had been encouraged to have follow up sessions with various doctors back in North Carolina but her mind was no longer on that. Her primary focus was Lucas. She would not rest until she was sure he was okay.

Sleep had not come easily in the hotel bed. Even with her father just a few feet away in the next bed, Peyton didn't feel completely safe. In sleep she was haunted in her dreams. While awake, she was racked with guilt. Returning to Tree Hill was not an option so she returned to the one place her heart was leading her. She returned to Lucas' bedside. For hours she would sit, watching him and holding his hand. And when she grew so tired she could no longer stand it, she would lower the side rails and crawl in bed beside him, careful not to mess up his IVs and tubings. The nurses and Karen thought it was sweet and chose not to disturb the two. For Peyton she had to be close to him and it was the only place she felt truly safe, the only time she didn't have nightmares was in his arms.

Tenderly Peyton cared for Lucas. She washed his face and combed his hair before kicking off her shoes and climbing into bed. She buried her face in his chest and closed her eyes. His body felt so warm. It always felt good in his arms. Even that night at the motel when they had gone to see if her father was dead. They had slept side by side all night and talked. He had comforted her in a way she couldn't explain. Once she found out everything was okay and they had returned to look for her bracelet, only then could she let her emotions go. She broke down and just like usual, when Peyton Sawyer fell, Lucas Scott was there to catch her. They had kissed and she needed his lips on hers like she needed air to breathe. Their bodies were like magnets. It had felt so right but they had stopped just short of consummating the deed because in their hearts they knew it was wrong. They just couldn't do that to Brooke.

Another time he had held her had been that night on the beach when she told him the truth about Ellie being her birth mother. She had cried to him for hours and he had taken her in his strong arms, stroking her hair and telling her it was going to be okay. His words and actions had given her hope. Lucas Scott just had that effect on people. He had the ability to make you believe it was really going to be okay. When she had originally tracked down Ellie, it was Lucas she had asked to accompany her to River City. They had just been friends then but she knew somehow he would furnish her the strength she needed. It was an important event in her life and when it came down to it, he was the only one she wanted beside him.

Lying next to him, she wondered if, how things could have been different? What if she had just given in to her true feelings that night at Dan Scott's party almost two years before? What if she hadn't been so afraid? Would it have changed everything? Anything? Would it have been okay? Would they have lived happily ever after and avoided all the bad things like the accident, like hurting Brooke, like Jimmy Edwards. Peyton closed her eyes. She couldn't go back. She couldn't change the past. And she'd never know if she could have made it all different. That was the past. All she had now was the present and one possible, hopeful future.

Her eyelids began to grow heavy and Peyton was too weary to try to fight off sleep. So she closed her eyes, her head buried in his chest. In Lucas' arms, dream land was a happy place. There was no Derek or no death or sorrow, just peace. Lucas was awake and they were together and all was right with the world. She could just take one look in those blue eyes and melt away. The way he touched her, the way he held her, the way he looked at her…smiled at her.

"_It's you, Peyton," he stroked her cheek. "It's always been you."_

_And it had always been him. The joy could not be contained. Neither could her smile._

"_All the things you want…I want them, too. And I want them with you."_

"_I love you, Peyton."_

"_I love you, too."_

In a state between sleep and wake, Peyton stirred as she smiled. It was like she could feel his touch at that moment. Then everything went blank and eerily quiet as she sucked in a breath. Both of her eyes flipped wide open. She was awake and alert staring around the room. It was the hospital and all the tubes and IVs and machines were still there. She was still in Knoxville and Lucas was still unconscious. Then she felt it again and she knew she wasn't dreaming. The fingertips that moved ever so slightly across her back.

"Lucas!" she rolled over and sat up, breathless.

Peyton closed her eyes. She prayed her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. After a summer of hell, it had come to be quite the regular occurrence. Sometimes she had trouble knowing what was real and what wasn't. But when she opened her eyes, she saw the blue ones blinking back at her and she knew this time it was real.

"Peyton…"

He tried to speak but his dry and scratchy throat made it almost hard to understand but Peyton didn't care. It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. His eyes blinked again several times as his head turned.

"Lucas," she spoke softly and tearfully. "You…you're awake?"

He swallowed hard and craned his neck as if he was stretching from a long sleep like the one he had just woken up from. Their eyes finally met and for a few quiet, lingering seconds, the two just stared at one another.

"I'm sorry," he finally mouthed.

Tears of joy and relief spilled down her cheeks as she frantically wiped at them.

"Sorry? Why? Sorry for what? Luke…"

He opened his mouth but it would take a while for his thoughts to form into words.

"Derek."

"It's okay."

"Is…is, is he…"

She nodded.

"He um, he, he shot you and I guess he was going to try to shoot me too but you…you protected me. He killed himself before the cops could arrest him."

He closed his eyes.

"Are, are you alright?"

"Now I am," she spoke through tears.

"Is my brother okay?"

"Nathan is fine. He and Haley are both fine. They've been here visiting with both of us the whole time. Do, do you know where you are?"

His eyes searched around.

"Hospital."

"You're in the hospital in Knoxville."

"I'm sorry," he repeated again.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about."

"I tried, Peyt. I, I really tried…"

"It's okay. Rest your voice. You don't have to talk right now."

He wouldn't be deterred.

"I knew…I just felt it the whole time. Derek. I, I wanted to save you but, but I couldn't find you. I'm so sorry, Peyton."

She couldn't believe it. After every heroic, beautiful, wonderful thing he had ever done for her, lying in a hospital bed, weak and barely out of a coma, he was apologizing to her as if risking his life several times for her hadn't been enough.

"You don't have to be sorry, Luke," she whispered. "You're a hero. You're my hero. You did everything to find me and you did. I can't thank you enough."

"Your text message…"

"It's okay. Everything's alright now. We don't have to talk about that stuff right now."

She reached down and took his hand in her own. For a while, there were no words. She was simply overwrought with emotion. All she could do was hold onto him for dear life and cry.

"Peyton," he called out, holding her as his tired fingers played with her hair.

"I'm so glad you're alright," she sobbed. "I, I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you…"

"Why aren't you home?" he asked.

She looked right at him.

"Not without you. We leave here together."

"You were here the whole time…"

Peyton nodded, smiling through her tears.

"We all were. Nathan and Haley and my dad and your mom…oh my God! I have to get your mom. Karen is gonna be so excited and happy now that you're awake. I need to tell her…"

She sat up but he mustered his strength and grabbed her arm.

"I did it for you, Peyton."

Her lip trembled.

"Why?"

Why was he always saving her? She felt so unworthy. And it was a question she had been longing to ask him since the beginning.

"Because it's you."

"What?"

"It's you, Peyton. It's you. It's always been you. You're the one. You're the one for me. You're the one I want standing next to me when all my dreams come true."

Her entire body shivered uncontrollably. In the midst and aftermath of unspeakable horror and tragedy, her biggest dream was coming true. Peyton didn't know what to say and for that one moment, she didn't have to say a word. She could just look at him and be thankful, enjoy their time together.

"I'm gonna get your mom," she leaned down and gave him a kiss on his lips.

Walking to the door, she stopped and turned, giving him a lingering look as he gave her a tired smile. Wiping her eyes, she walked out to the family waiting area where Karen had dozed off on a couch in front of the television set. Peyton gently nudged her. Waking up and taking one look at the blonde's tear stained face, Karen immediately sat up.

"Peyton, what happened? What's wrong? Is it Lucas?"

"He's awake."

"He's awake?" the mother choked, tears springing to her eyes as she stood.

The two women embraced.

"I can't believe it myself…"

"How is he? Is he talking? Does he know where he is? How does he look?" the questions tumbled out of Karen's mouth as they hurried to Lucas' room.

Peyton gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"He looks beautiful," she stated.

Finally they made it back and after a few minutes of hugs, kisses and tears, Karen was fussing about, fluffing her son's pillow and refilling his ice pitcher of water. Sitting nearby, Peyton latched onto his hand as he rubbed it with his fingers.

"It's good to have you back," she whispered to him.

Lucas gave her a smile with their entire future in it.

"Yeah…you too."


	34. Peyton's Secret

Lucas smiled to himself as he caught her again out of the corner of his eye. She was staring at him and been for hours, literally watching his every move.

"I get it," he said, putting down his fork. "I know what this is all about."

"What?" a confused Peyton asked.

Lucas motioned towards his lunch tray and gave a dramatic sigh.

"You want my jello, don't you?"

Peyton frowned.

"Your jello?"

"Yep. I see you. I feel the stare. You'd think you'd have enough of this stuff being in here yourself but it's kind of addicting, right? So go ahead," he slid the container over. "I'm a good guy. I'm willing to share."

Peyton looked at him like he was crazy until she realized he was just teasing her. They both burst out laughing.

"I wasn't staring."

"Oh yes you were."

"Okay. Maybe I was a little."

"A little?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Okay. Maybe I was staring because you eat your jello with a fork. That's kind of weird, right?"

"You use a spoon," he answered softly.

"How do you know?"

Lucas shrugged.

"Unfortunately, you and I have a tendency to hang out in hospital rooms."

Peyton nodded. He was trying to make a joke but it was the honest truth. When she had been recovering after Jimmy Edwards shot her, Lucas had spent as much time as possible in the hospital with her. Even dealing with his own and his mother's grief over Keith's death, Lucas had managed to make time to be by her side. That was just the kind of person he was.

"Yeah," she shifted uncomfortably. "I guess we do. But sorry about the whole staring thing."

"It's cool. I was just messing with you."

"I know but…I, I can't help it. I'm just worried about you."

"I'm gonna be fine," he tried to reassure her.

"I know. And I'm so happy about that, it's just that you've been through a lot and you gave us a pretty bad scare. I just get nervous, that's all. I just want you to be okay, Luke."

He looked right at her.

"Everything is fine now, Peyton. We're all gonna be okay. It was a tough and traumatic experience for everybody but we're gonna get past this."

She gave an uneasy smile.

"I know."

Lucas pushed away the dining cart and reached for her hand, stroking it gently with his own.

"Look, I know we haven't had a chance to talk about things, about what happened with Derek…"

"What do you mean?"

"That night you left my house. What happened? I mean, I spent practically every waking minute trying to piece those few hours back together."

"Are you up to this? I mean, you're still recovering and all. We could talk about it later, when you're feeling better."

Lucas shook his head.

"I feel fine and I want to know. I want to talk about it, I think we should. If you don't want to, I understand…"

"It's fine," she cut him off, even though it really wasn't. "Um, I left your house and I drove straight home. I called Haley and we talked for a few minutes, then I hung up. I guess my bag fell off the front seat or something because I remember leaning down to pick it up but as I came back up, I saw this flash of something and then there was loud banging on my window."

"It was him, wasn't it?"

Peyton nodded, swallowing hard. Even safe next to Lucas with Derek dead, it still was hard to tell the story. The fear welled inside her but she did not stop. She may as well let some of the horror out. It would always be with her, no matter what.

"Yeah. I mean, at first I wasn't scared. He was acting a little strange but I didn't read too much into it. It was Derek, we were good friends…or at least that's what I thought. It turns out I didn't know anything about him at all."

"Do you remember much of that night?"

"Bits and pieces. For a while I didn't remember anything, then it all started coming back to me. That night at the car…Derek just kept acting weirder and weirder and then I just got…I don't know. Scared isn't the word but I just knew something was up, something was wrong…I could just feel it. I remember trying to get out of the car. I looked over at my front door and I thought if I could just make it there, if I could get inside, everything would be okay."

"Did you get out?"

"No. He, um, that's when it really got crazy. He pushed his weight against the car door and I couldn't open it. So I picked up my phone to call you and…"

"You called me?" he asked with side, surprised eyes.

"Yeah. Pretty stupid, huh? I probably should have been dialing 911 in that situation but I was so freaked out. I never thought it would go as far as it did. It sounds silly now but at that point, I still didn't want to get Derek in any trouble. I just wanted him to stop. And I guess I knew if I called you, you would be there, you would have helped."

Lucas closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "God, I wish I would have gotten that call. You have no idea, Peyt."

"It didn't matter. Before I could send it, he jumped in the car and he was so furious that I called you. I wanted to get away from him so bad and I was so scared and then he pulled a knife and things went blank. The next thing I know, I woke up in that house."

"What then?"

"I was terrified and confused and everything else you could think of. Then I saw it. Oh my God, it was…I can't even describe it. Wall to wall photos of me. It was crazy. I mean, pictures of me at school and walking down the street, at TRIC, hell even through the windows of my own house."

"I know. Larry and Nate and me found what was left of that. It was crazy."

"When I saw that I was so panicked by then, I didn't know what the hell to think. I started remembering being at my car and then I realized that Derek had been there so for a while I was actually happy because at least I wouldn't be alone and you know, he was my friend so he would help. I didn't get it then that he was the one that had acutally done that to me."

"When did you finally see him again?"

"I don't know. It was so hard to keep track of time and it turns out he drugged me with something. He put a rag over my face and left me with this…" she pointed.

Lucas cringed. It was small and virtually unnoticeable but there were the faded remnants of a chemical burn on the lower side of her face.

"That son of a bitch!"

"Basically he went into this ridiculous rant that lasted the entire time I was with him. Something about loving me and us meant to be together. He really believed that. He'd also go into these insane raged anytime your name came up. And I was stunned. It was like he was a different person. I knew this really cool, really sweet, fun, awesome guy and it's like that's never who he was. It was just one big front to cover up a demented psycho."

"He, he hurt you a lot…didn't he?"

Peyton shuddered.

"Sometimes," she answered honestly with a quiver in her voice. "Any little thing could set him off and you never quite knew when it was gonna happen. He beat me up sometimes, a lot of times, actually. He burned me with his cigarettes."

"I swear to God if he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him. Dammitt! I wish I had known. I wish I had paid more attention. We always knew he was a little weird, I'm sure there were signs before."

"How could anybody have known?"

"I hate him. I fucking hate him. I'm glad he's dead and I hope he burns in hell."

"I can't."

"Can't what?"

Peyton let out a breath.

"Hate him."

"Peyt?"

"You probably think I'm crazy. Don't get me wrong. Being with him was pure hell. I hate what he did and I'd love nothing more than to hate him but I can't. I just can't. And I get mad at myself because I wish I could because he's ruined my life but it's so complicated."

"Forgive me but I just don't get it. The guy was a monster. Look what he did to you."

"Sometimes he was a monster. And he did a very terrible thing but…I don't know. You once told me that you believe everything happens for a reason."

"Yeah? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything happens for a reason, everything. People are the way they are for a reason, Like you? You're a good person and you're strong because of the way Karen raised you and also because of all the hurt you went through growing up with the Dan situation. That made you the man you are today. The events that happened in my life with my moms…that affects who I am now."

"So?"

"So there were times when Derek was actually calm enough to talk. He, he told me some things, awful things about his childhood. It was really sad, it was horrible. I know it's no excuse and I'll be the last person in the world to try to give him one but he was the way that he was for a reason. I don't know why but it stuck with me."

"We all go through a lot, Peyton. I went through a lot with Dan and you went through a lot as well. That's just life. Hell, everybody has problems, some kind of issues. People get abused and picked on and hurt and yeah it's sad but that doesn't give you the right to go out and hurt other people. An excuse is exactly what it is and I think it's bullshit. I don't know what happened to Derek when he was younger or whatever and frankly, I don't care. All I know is what he did to you. That's all I need to know."

"I know but look how you feel about Jimmy Edwards. You grew up with him on that River Court and he was one of your best friends. Did you ever think he would do what he did? He shot me and he killed your uncle. I know a part of you hates him for that but a part of you feels bad, a part of you struggles to want to understand all that."

Lucas glanced away. She was right. That was exactly how he felt and he'd had his own issues with dealing with those feelings.

"I know but what they did, Jimmy and Derek, no matter what drove them to it…it was still wrong."

"I know. I, I just wish it would all just go away. The memories…everything. I know that won't happen but I still pray every day that is does."

"You don't deserve this, any of this, Peyt."

"I know," she smiled and relaxed a little as he rubbed her hand.

"Can, can I ask you something else?"

"What?"

Lucas let out a breath.

"I know he was in love or obsessed with you and stuff. Did he try…I mean, did you, did he hurt you in _that _way? Did he rape you?"

Peyton felt all the breath leave her body. There was something about that word rape. The label made what had happened to her ever the more tangible. She'd heard it from all the doctors and nurses and psychiatrists. They had seen the evidence of sexual brutality Derek had forced upon her helpless body over and over again. She couldn't deny it to them. But she could deny it to Lucas.

"No," she answered abruptly. "It never went there."

"Thank God," Lucas sighed with relief as he pulled her towards him, holding her. "Thank God. At least that's one nightmare you don't have to live with."

She buried herself in him and for a moment again, she was safe. But the minute she opened her eyes, all of it would come flooding back. Lucas was wrong. She'd have to deal with that nightmare for the rest of her life.


	35. Slow Heal

Lucas slowly turned his head from side to side, stirring in his restless sleep until his blue eyes finally fluttered open. The room was quiet, lit with the sun's afternoon rays that peeked through the curtain and blinds. For a second he thought he was alone but he quickly saw he wasn't. As always Peyton was right there. She had barely left his side and for that, he had been grateful. She worried about him and he worried about her as well but as long as they were together, they could and would overcome anything. A smile crept to his lips as he watched her looking so beautiful standing by the window.

"Looks like the clouds have disappeared," he noticed. "Maybe it won't rain today."

Peyton turned and looked over towards him.

"You're awake."

"It's after eleven," Lucas noted. "It's about time. I practically slept the whole morning away."

"It's alright. You looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you up. Besides, you need your rest."

"It's the medicine that makes me really tired."

She walked over to him and took a seat in the chair directly beside his bed.

"You feeling okay?"

"I feel fine, much better now that you're here. You remember what the doctor said?"

"That if everything goes okay, you'll be ready for discharge in a couple of days."

"That's right. I can't wait. I've seen enough of this place. I'm ready to go home, get back to Tree Hill."

"Yeah."

"What about you?" he asked. "Are you ready, Peyt?"

She sighed, a barrel of mixed emotions.

"I don't know. I mean, we can't stay here forever. Knoxville isn't home. I have a lot of bad memories here but this hospital is the one place I've felt safe in the last two months. Of course I want to go back to North Carolina but a part of me is scared. That's where everything happened, that's where it started. Derek kidnapped me from my own house."

"Are you gonna be okay? Are you gonna be able to handle going back?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I guess. It's not like I have a choice. Tree Hill is where I live. Derek has already taken so much from me. I can't let him have that, too."

"Maybe you should talk to someone. Maybe a counselor or someone like that could help…"

"I don't know," Peyton quickly interrupted him. "I mean, I guess. They gave me some numbers of people to talk to in Tree Hill and stuff."

"And? You think that will be a good idea?"

"I don't know. I might give it a try. We'll see."

Her eyes nervously darted around the room and Lucas could sense her apprehension so he decided to drop it for the moment. He cared deeply for Peyton and her well being was his number one priority. She had suffered through and survived a traumatic experience. She would need a lot of help to get through it all and he intended to be there for her every step of the way.

"Okay. Whatever you want, whenever you're ready."

"Thanks…"

"What about your dad? Is Larry gonna be hanging around for a while?"

Peyton nodded.

"Yeah. He's on a leave of absence from work. He isn't planning on taking any jobs anytime soon."

"That's good. I'm glad he'll be around. You have a lot of people around who care and want to help take care of you. Your dad, me, my mom, Nathan, Haley, Brooke…"

Peyton smiled a real smile.

"Yeah, Brooke. I've seen her a few times."

"Me too. She visited for a while yesterday when you were gone. It was nice to have her around. Brooke really cares about you. She misses you, too. Maybe now your friendship can get back on the right track."

"I hope so."

He scooted himself up in bed wincing a little bit.

"Peyton, can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Help me get up. I want to get out of bed for a while."

"Are you sure? Are you up to it?"

He smiled.

"I survived our little walk down the hall last night, didn't I?"

Peyton returned his grin.

"Yes, you did. You were amazing. You made it halfway back down without holding onto me or the rails."

"That's right. Tomorrow I'll be ready for the Boston Marathon. For now I could settle for going outside for some fresh air."

"I don't know, Luke. I know you're tired of lying around in bed and I know you're anxious to move around and get better but I want to make sure you're ready. You just had serious surgery. I don't want you overdoing things."

"Peyt…"

"What happens if you fall, huh? All that's gonna do is push back your rehab and discharge."

He sighed. She was right and he knew it.

"You sound like my mom. You two have been hanging out way too much."

"Your mom is a great lady and she's smart and she really cares about you. So do I, Lucas. I just want you to be alright."

"I'm gonna be," he pulled her close. "We all are."

They were face to face, blue eyes staring passionately into green ones. He lovingly stroked the side of her face, pulling her in for a kiss but Peyton quickly turned her head.

"I'm sorry…" she looked away.

"Don't apologize. It's okay."

"Lucas…"

"Listen, I'll make you a deal. We can compromise, right?"

She gave him a small smile.

"Uh oh. What do you have in mind?"

"I want out of bed and you don't want me to walk so how about going for a spin in my wheelchair? It'll be fun. We can even get creative with it, you know, pop a couple of wheelies, hey, I'll even let you sit on my lap," he suggestively raised his eyebrows.

"You're too much, you know that?"

"Yeah but I'm cute."

"You are cute."

"Does that mean I win?"

She stood and sighed, hands on her hips.

"This time."

She carefully leaned over to help him out of the bed.

"Whoa," he joked. "I feel a draft somewhere. Damn these backless hospital gowns. Don't peek."

"I'm not peeking."

He frowned.

"Why aren't you peeking?"

She helped him up as he placed one arm around her and one hand on the surface of the bed for support.

"You okay?" she asked softly.

"You got me?"

She smiled and nodded, looking right at him.

"I've got you."

"Then I'm okay," he answered before letting out a little yelp.

"Oh my God! Lucas, are you alright? What just happened?"

He gave her a devilish grin.

"I'm good. Just checking to see if you were paying attention."

"Lucas Eugene Scott!"

"Yikes, breaking out all three names. That cannot be good. Sorry, just a little ICU humor."

"Ha ha. You are so not funny," she grumbled.

They were in the middle of making the transition from bed to chair when a cheery nurse knocked and entered the room.

"Good morning. Off so soon, Mr. Scott?"

"You caught us in the middle of going for the big escape."

She wheeled over a cart filled with sterile medical supplies.

"Not until we complete you're a.m. dressing change," she replied, assisting him in the proper position to clean and bandage his surgical scar.

"Um, I could wait outside…" Peyton volunteered.

"No need, dear. You're not in the way. As long as Mr. Scott says it's alright for you to stay."

Lucas grabbed Peyton's hand.

"It's okay. I want you here."

She nervously shifted her weight, squeezing Lucas' hand hard as the nurse gently opened the front of Lucas' gown. Peyton closed her eyes immediately, knowing she shouldn't look but curiosity got the best of her. And the sight before her literally took her breath away. The sutures still remained in the one inch scar from the surgeon's scalpel and near it was the opening through which the near fatal bullet had entered.

"You're healing well," the nurse commented.

Tears filled Peyton's eyes as she suddenly felt the urge to be sick.

"Does it hurt?" she asked Lucas.

"It can get pretty sore. The pain meds help. But I'm okay. I don't want you worrying about me."

"Will his scars ever heal?" she asked the nurse.

"Eventually."

Lucas looked up and saw the pained look on Peyton's face. He winked at her, rubbing the palm of her hand.

"What's the matter? You act like you've never seen a gunshot wound before. Look at it this way, now we have matching bullet holes."

Peyton jerked away her hand and fled the room, making up some excuse about needing to use the restroom all the while ignoring Lucas' apologies saying he was just trying to lighten the mood. She ran all the way to the end of the hall where she practically collided with Nathan, Haley and Dan Scott, who had just arrived.

"Is everything okay?" a concerned Haley asked.

Peyton struggled to catch her breath.

"It's fine. He's fine. He's just getting a dressing change. You guys can wait by the door and the nurse will let you in. She's almost done."

"Are you feeling better, Peyton?" Dan inquired.

"Yeah. Um, thanks for asking."

He nodded.

"I'm glad to hear that. I, I'm very sorry about everything that happened to you and I'm glad you're safe now. I wish you a full and speedy recovery."

"Thank you."

It was a much different Dan Scott post his brother's murder and Karen's pregnancy. The difference was like night and day from the selfish, ruthless man Peyton had known only two years prior when she had dated Nathan.

"Haley…" he put his arm around his daughter in law and let her lead the way.

"You coming?" Haley asked Peyton.

"What? Oh yeah. Um, yeah. I, I'll be there in a minute."

Dan and Haley proceeded down the hall as Nathan looked back to see Peyton shaking.

"You two go in. I'll catch up in a second," he nodded towards his father and wife.

"I'm fine," Peyton said when he walked back towards her.

"You don't look fine."

"Well, I am."

He chuckled in spite of the situation.

"All these years later and I can still tell when you're lying. What's up, Peyton? You know you can talk to me."

She exhaled, wiping at her eyes.

"I don't know. I guess I kind of got freaked out in there. I, um, I saw the nurse take care of Luke's wounds and it really got to me."

"I know what you mean. Not everybody can handle that kind of stuff. After my car accident when they did my surgery it was weeks before I could look at the scar. It grossed me out."

Peyton shook her head.

"It was more than that."

"What do you mean?"

She couldn't stop the tears.

"It just hit me all of a sudden. I thought back to that night at the motel. I sent Lucas that text because I knew that if he got it, he would come. I mean, that's just what he does, right? Derek used to call him the hero, the savior, the white knight in shining armor. He was right. Lucas is a good guy and he always does the right thing. He always saves me and I knew in my heart he would that night."

"Okay. What's wrong with that?"

"It was selfish, so incredibly selfish and stupid of me. I was afraid to call the police because I knew Derek was a walking time bomb and I was so scared of this massive shoot out or whatever but it was just as dangerous to call Lucas. I did and he came and he showed up with my father and you. Derek had a gun and he was crazy. You nearly got your brains bashed in and Luke took a bullet for me. All three of you risked your life to save mine. That wasn't fair."

"Peyton…"

"No! Don't try to make me feel better because you can't. I am racked with guilt, okay? I put you all in a horrible position. What if something had happened to my dad? Or you? What if Derek had killed you? How in the hell would I explain that to Haley? You're her husband and you're about to be a father. I already lost two moms and I almost caused that little boy Haley is carrying to be born without a dad."

"Peyt, slow down. Look, all that stuff you just said? Yeah, you're right. You're exactly right. It was dangerous and it could have been a lot worse. But it wasn't. I don't know if that is luck or fate or God or whatever but for some reason, it turned out the way it did. I'm glad I was able to walk away and I'm glad Larry wasn't hurt and I'm glad my brother is going to be okay. But I'm also glad you're alright."

"But…"

"Listen, we all came after you because you were in need of saving. Derek kidnapped you and beat you and was planning to take you God knows where. All summer we looked for you, putting up fliers and talking to the papers and the news. We just wanted you home safe. When we got that text, it was like some kind of miracle. Time was running out and we did what we had to do. We knew it was dangerous but at the time, nobody really gave a shit either. And nobody twisted my arm or Lucas'. We just wanted to do the right thing. Thank God, we're all alive to talk about it because yeah, it could have been a hell of a lot worse. But it wasn't. You can't spend the rest of your life feeling guilty about that. You've got enough to deal with."

"When Jimmy brought the gun to school that day and you ran back into the building, you did it because your wife was inside. That's understandable. Lucas was just my friend and look what he did to find me. It's the same thing."

"It's like you said. That's just the kind of guy he is."

"I don't get it. I don't deserve it."

"I'm always telling Haley to quit playing match maker and stay out of other people's business but I have to say this. You're not stupid, Peyt. Lucas loves you. He always has. The reason I ran into that school for Hales is the same reason he did it for you and the same reason he came here to Knoxville. He did it for you. He had too because if he didn't and something had happened to you, that would have been on his conscience for the rest of his life. I don't think his heart could stand that. I know mine couldn't."

She shook her head.

"I saw that nasty scar where that bullet ripped into his stomach and it I knew it was all because of me."

"I know how you feel. I know you're scared. You were with that psycho for over a month and a half. I was only there that last night and I still have nightmares. It's probably gonna bother me for a long time but we're all just gonna learn how to deal with it, live with it. I know I can't tell you what to do and I know the last thing you want to hear is that it's gonna be alright. All I can do is be here for you and be your friend. All our wounds are gonna heal and eventually so will our hearts."

Peyton began to sob.

"I don't know how to handle this," she cried, collapsing in Nathan's arms as he held her close.

"Neither do I," he sighed. "We just do it the best way we know how. We just try to do it together."


	36. A Hero's Welcome

**_Author's Note: I wrote it first..._**

Less than one hour after Lucas Scott had been formally released from Baptist Hospital in Knoxville, Tennessee, he, Karen, Dan, Larry, Peyton, Nathan and Haley had all boarded a chartered eight passenger van, courtesy of the Tree Hill mayor's office, that would drive them the long distance back to North Carolina. Sitting in the rear, Peyton kept her eyes on the road as the world whizzed by them. Just weeks before, she had been on the opposite side of that same interstate with Derek at the wheel. Her future had looked bleak as her weary mind had raced to hatch the one shot plan that would possibly save her.

How the tables had turned. Derek was dead and Peyton was free…supposedly. She was on her way back home with her father and friends and the man that had risked his life and everything else to rescue her. When her eyelids began to grow heavy, she had closed them and tried to settle into sleep. Peyton had dreamt of basketball courts by the river and quaint little cafes that served the best coffee and desserts in town. When she finally opened her eyes, she realized her dream was about to become a reality. They were only a few miles from Tree Hill.

"Did you sleep okay?"

She looked up into Lucas' smiling blue eyes. Her head had come to rest on his shoulder during her nap.

"Sorry…"

"It's okay," he said as she noticed his arm around her. "Actually, it was kind of nice."

She returned his smile as she looked around. Nathan and Haley were asleep, cuddled up together as his hand gently rested on her very pregnant belly. Near the front, the three adults talked in hushed voices.

"We're almost here," she thought out loud.

"Home sweet home," Lucas sighed. "How do you feel about that?"

Peyton shrugged.

"It feels kind of weird, I guess. I don't know, maybe I never thought it would happen. Sometimes it felt like I'd never see Tree Hill again but it feels good."

He reached over and squeezed her hand.

"I'm here for you, Peyton. I mean that and I just wanted you to know. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I'm here and I'm gonna be here. You can always count on that."

And she knew she could.

"Thanks. I'm just ready to move on, you know? I want to take back my life."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to put all this behind me. I don't want to be afraid of anything anymore. I don't want to be a victim anymore, Luke. I just want to live my life. I don't want to spend the rest of the summer hiding out in my house. And in August, I want to go to UNC just like I planned."

"But Peyt…"

"Please don't tell me I'm moving too fast and please don't tell me it's a bad idea. I know what's best for me and I know what I need to do."

"I don't doubt that, Peyton. You're a strong woman. God knows you are. I know you're going to be fine and believe me, that's what I want for you more than anything. But you went through a hell of an ordeal. In fact, this has been a hell of a year for you. Ellie, Jimmy Edwards and now this. You're a survivor and if anybody can bounce back, I know it's you but I can't help but worry. I just don't want you doing too much too fast."

"I know. And it's okay. I plan on taking it easy but at the same time I'm not gonna let every bad thing that has happened to me this year dictate the rest of my life."

He nodded, rubbing her shoulder.

"That's a good idea and I agree with you but can I just say one thing?"

Peyton raised an eyebrow.

"Like I have a choice to say no?"

"Just promise me and you don't have to do it right away but promise me you'll at least think about seeing somebody."

She narrowed her eyes.

"You mean like a shrink?"

"It doesn't have to a shrink. I mean, I'm sure a counselor would be okay. Look, Peyt, whatever it is, I just want you to have someone to talk to. You know you have me and your dad and all your friends but it might actually help, it might be better for you if, you know, you saw a professional."

"Yeah, alright," she answered quickly and coldly. "I'll think about it."

"Promise?"

She let out a deep breath.

"I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it but it's okay. I'm okay."

"But if you talk about it…"

"Talk about what? My moms dying, Jimmy shooting up the school, psycho Derek kidnapping me? Lucas, my life sounds like some teeny bopper drama, okay? Yeah, I've been through a lot and I've learned how to handle things, how to get over them. This is no different. I don't need a shrink or a counselor or a priest."

"I just want you to feel better."

"Well talking about things makes them worse."

She realized she had raised her voice a little too loudly when all the others stared back at them.

"I'm sorry," Lucas whispered. "I don't want to fight with you, Peyton."

"I know. I don't want to fight with you either. I know you want the best thing for me and right now, I know what that is so I just really need you to trust me on this one, okay? Please."

He looked into those pleading eyes and conceded, against his better judgment. But fighting with her and getting her all riled up wouldn't help things and he knew it. All he could do for the moment was just be there for her, be with her and love her like he always had.

"Okay, we are in Tree Hill as you can see, and I'll just have the driver drop you and Peyton off first, Larry and then you and Lucas, Karen, if that's okay with everyone," Dan spoke to nods of confirmation.

Peyton's heart began to race as the van made its way onto the familiar streets that led to her own address.

"You gonna be okay?" Lucas asked. "Do you need me to stay with you for a little while?"

She shook her head.

"I'm okay. Dad's gonna be with me and we're gonna be fine. Um, I'll call you later on."

Holding on a little tighter to his hand for support, she waited with bated breath as they approached the Sawyer driveway. But a few yards short, the van came to a stop.

"What the hell?" Larry muttered.

Lucas and Peyton took a look out the window. The entire street was lined with people, crowds on either side that had moved out to the middle of the street blocking traffic both ways. Some were just curious onlookers while others held signs that read, "Welcome home, Peyton!" Peering further towards the house, reporters and camera crews were camped out on the Sawyer's lawn.

"I'll call for backup security for crowd control," Dan said as his fingers began dialing away on the cell phone.

Peyton was in awe. People held signs with her name on it. They were screaming her name. It was an incredible sight and it was all for her. They were there for her homecoming and she couldn't believe it.

"Who are these people?" she asked Lucas. "I, I don't know any of them."

"I don't either. There are a lot of good people in this town. They did a lot to try to help find you. They're just glad you're safe now."

She continued to look on, still amazed as the group patiently waited for the reserve Mayor Scott had called upon to help escort them. Peyton was still in shock but her heart was warmed by the sweetness of their gestures. But it was unnerving when an overzealous onlooker broke from the crowd, through the police officers and banged on the window of the van. Peyton, startled and frightened out of her mind, let out a scream as Lucas held her close while the cops subdued the man.

"It's okay, honey," Larry tried to comfort her from the front. "People are just getting a little too excited, that's all. We're fine."

But the small action had terrified her. Every loud noise, every sudden movement, reminded her of Derek and it was a sigh of relief when the private security detail arrived in calvary type fashion. The mass of spectators were quickly contained and held off in an orderly manner to allow the van entry onto the Sawyer property. A path was cleared to the front door but the media was still everywhere.

"Lucas?" she looked up, confused and afraid.

He helped her up and draped his arm securely and protectively around her.

"I'll be with you every step of the way," he looked right in her eyes.

Grabbing onto him with all her might, she slowly, reluctantly followed him off of the van, Dan and Larry leading the way.

"Mayor Scott, can we get a statement?"

"Lucas, is it true you rescued Miss Sawyer?"

"How did you know where to find her?"

"Peyton, what can you tell us about the story of you getting a young girl in a Knoxville convenience store to send an SOS? Is there any truth to that and if so, what did the message say and have you had contact with the girl and her family since?"

There were dozens of people all around shouting questions, shoving microphones in her face. The flashes from the cameras were blinding as they went off one right after another. All the commotion and the bodies around was an unsettling experience from an unprepared and unsuspecting Peyton.

"Come on," Lucas guided her to the door that was quickly opened and closed behind them.

"What the hell was all that?" a disbelieving Larry Sawyer asked again.

"It's a huge story and everyone is interested in Peyton and her miraculous rescue. I will do what I can but I'm afraid the press just isn't going to go away so easily," Dan explained."

"We appreciate everyone's help and support but this is a little overwhelming. And this is private property, Dan. I mean, you're the mayor. Do something about this. We just arrived back in town and look at Peyton. She isn't up to this."

Dan nodded.

"I'll see what I can do. Removing them from your property is one thing but getting them off the street in general won't be so easy, I'm afraid. The only way to deal with this situation, unfortunately, is to play their game. You are going to have to talk to them, at least give a brief statement for now to hold them at bay."

"I don't know. What would we say?"

"Say what's in your heart, man," Lucas spoke up. "Yeah, it's a little crazy out there right now but the media was pretty good to us through all this. When the cops wouldn't pay attention, we were able to use the local news and the papers and stuff. We at least owe them a statement."

"You're right, son," Larry agreed. "You're absolutely right. I'll go take care of it."

"I'll go with you," Lucas volunteered.

"I can't go back out there," Peyton said. "I know I should and I know everybody is concerned and stuff…just tell them I'm okay and that I said thanks but I can't. I'm sorry. Not right now. I, I just can't have them take my picture."

Larry and Lucas looked right at each other, remembering instantly Derek's freaky collage of stalker like photos. Who could blame Peyton? But she closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She felt like a walking contradiction. In the van she had told Lucas she wouldn't let Derek have control over the rest of her life. But from beyond the grave, he still had power over her whether she admitted it or not. And she hated it.

"It's okay, baby," Larry assured her. "You're home now and you're safe. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

Lucas stroked her hand before returning outside.

"I'll be back," he told her as she nodded and went over by the window to listen.

As soon as the door opened, the frenzy continued with camera bulbs flashing and the reporters shouting out question after question.

"If I could everyone's attention, please," Dan began. "Larry Sawyer, would like to address everyone at this time. He will make a brief statement, with no questions at this time. I only ask that you the wonderful citizens of Tree Hill and visitors alike, remain sensitive and respectful. Thank you. Larry…"

Larry stepped forward.

"Good afternoon, everybody. I'd like to take this time today to say thanks. Peyton is home, as you saw. She is safe, alive and well and that's what we've all been praying for these last two months. Um, it was a difficult time for everyone involved and during Peyton's disappearance, you, the press, treated our friends and family well. You were all instrumental in getting the story and Peyton's picture out there. Words cannot express my gratitude. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all your help, your kind words, and your support. Peyton thanks you as well. Everyone has been so concerned about her wellbeing and I am pleased to announce that my daughter is resting comfortably and we expect a full and speedy recovery. I know there have been lots of rumors and speculation about how the rescue went down and hopefully in the near future in a more controlled setting, our family will be able to comment on that and clear everything up but for now I respectfully and sincerely ask that you respect all of our privacy, especially Peyton's. It has been and continues to be an extremely stressful process and we want to get through this the best way we can as a family. Thank you."

He turned to leave, the unrelenting media hounds still trying their best to ask more questions and gain information.

"How are you Lucas? It was released by the Knoxville Police Department that you were indeed shot by the kidnapper, Derek Helm. What are your thoughts on this experience, sir, as you have gone through so much to ensure the safety of Peyton Sawyer?"

Lucas knew he wasn't supposed to address the reporters but he couldn't help it. He had one thing to say.

"Thanks for the concern. I am recovering and doing well and so is Peyton. As far as my thoughts on the experience…needless to say I wish the whole thing had never happened but it did. Um, Peyton is still with us and she's back home and she's gonna be okay and that's all I ever wanted anyway so it was the best outcome out of a really bad situation."

"You have been portrayed as the hero in this situation, some saying you took a bullet for the woman you love. Any regrets?"

Lucas turned to face the window which he knew Peyton was watching from. He already knew the answer without hesitation and with the utmost sincerity.

"Peyton is home. I have zero regrets."

And gunshot or no gunshot, in a heartbeat he wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again.


	37. Two Years In The Making

Opening the front door, Peyton stood outside the home she had grown up in, surrounded by 18 years worth of memories. The happy and normal sounds of summer could be heard all around as children laughed and played and fathers in the neighborhood mowed the lawns. She was back in Tree Hill. After two of the worst months of her life, Peyton Sawyer had finally returned home. Taking a seat on the front steps, she sighed as she hugged her knees to her chest. It was supposed to be a time of joy and excitement. The freedom and simplicity of being away from Derek and back home had been the one dream that had sustained her through the entire ordeal. Sometimes she never thought it actually would have happened but it finally had and days later, Peyton still had no idea how to feel about that.

"Everything okay, kiddo?" the front door opened and out stepped her father, Larry.

She looked up and smiled as he wrapped his arm around her.

"I'm fine, Dad," she tried to reassure him and herself at the same time.

He hugged her close.

"I know I must have said it a hundred times already but I'm gonna make it a hundred and one anyway. I'm so glad to have you home, Peyt. I mean that with all my heart."

"It's good to be back."

It had been almost a week since they had all returned and life had been in full swing ever since. Their story had been number one for local news and had even managed to makes its way to headlines outside of North Carolina. The reporters camped out in the yard, the phone ringing non stop and Dan's plans to hold a parade in Peyton's honor had come as a shock to the young woman. It was amazing to know they all knew her name and her story and that they cared. Strangers knocked on the door with tears in their eyes and homemade pies in their hands, always with a kind word of encouragement. For Peyton, it was hard to handle.

Ungrateful, she was not. The support from everyone had been nothing but incredible. And she was nothing but appreciative and thankful for the wonderful and thoughtful actions of so many. But it was still baffling being an overnight celebrity, especially in which the twisted way she had achieved the status. Her father and Lucas had stepped up several times to grant various interviews on her behalf as a way to keep the relentless press at bay. The plan had worked and at least the media had packed up their trailers on the street and given the Sawyer family some sense of normalcy and privacy for the time being.

"I made lunch. You want to come inside and eat?

Peyton shook her head.

"No thanks. I'm not hungry right now."

Larry frowned. She had always been a thin girl but had lost a significant amount of weight while being held captive by Derek. Slowly she was coming around but at times, she appeared weak and frail. Often she had skipped meals, instead sitting quiet and alone staring into space.

"I don't mean to be a nag, Peyt, but you know you have to eat, honey."

She sighed, noting the worried look on his face.

"Maybe later."

Kissing the top of her head, he held Peyton close. It felt surreally wonderful to have his little girl safe, back in his arms. The entire time she had been missing, he had been praying for moments just like those. Never had he lost his faith but he had been naïve enough to think the ordeal would be over once Peyton was home. In truth, it was anything but over. The nightmare lived on and she had a long way to go before she healed completely. As a father, he only wanted to help, to protect her. Larry longed for a way inside her head but it was impossible. All he could do was offer love, encouragement and support along with a close and watchful eye.

"I'll be inside if you need me, baby," he gave her one last hug and kiss, the door closing a little too loudly behind him.

Peyton jumped, her eyes glimpsing over to the curb in front of her house. She blinked her eyes and when they opened again, it was night. Her car was there and she was inside. There was a flash of someone whizzing by, then the loud bang at the window. Fear welled inside Peyton as she saw that face, his face, those rage filled, wide blue eyes staring right at her.

"Peyton!"

"No!" she screamed.

She felt a hand on her own and opened her eyes. It was daytime again. Her car was parked, untouched in the driveway as it had been ever since Lucas had moved it almost two months before. Peyton was still sitting on the porch and at the curb was Lucas' car and he was standing there in front of her with a concerned look on his face. Before either one could speak, the house door opened again and it was Larry.

"Everything okay?"

Breath puffed out of Peyton in radical, anxiety filled spurts.

"I, I'm fine, Dad. Sorry. Um, I, I guess I just got a little spooked."

With a worried expression, he nodded a greeting to Lucas before returning inside the house. Lucas took a seat beside her.

"I didn't mean to scare you, Peyt. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm good. Sorry about that, I guess I must have zoned off or something."

"You sure?"

She gave him a nervous smile and nod.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"Alright," he answered, still not completely convinced as he noticed her gaze returning again and again towards the direction of his parked car. "Peyton?"

"Huh?" she asked after a few seconds of distraction.

It didn't take long for Lucas to figure it out.

"That's where it happened, didn't it?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," she answered, desperately wanting the memory to just go away.

"Do you want me to move or…"

"No. Uh, you're fine. Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"So you drove here all by yourself?" she quickly changed the subject.

"Yeah. I felt up to it. I'm tired of bothering Mom or Nathan and Haley every time I need something. I was ready to get behind the wheel again. What about you?"

"Not yet. I mean, I guess I'm ready and everything but I, um, I haven't really got in my car just yet."

It was a simple action but still the scene of where the horrible crime began. Like everything else, it would take time.

"That's cool. Take your time. Do everything at your own pace."

"How do you feel?"

"Better. A lot better. You?"

"I'm okay."

"That's good but I had to see you. There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What's up?"

"The night you came over, right before…"

"Yeah?"

"You came over to say more than good bye, didn't you? I, um, I was waiting for the right time to tell you that I found this," he dug in his pocket, producing the digital recorder.

Peyton had forgotten all about it.

"Oh my God…"

"Peyton…"

"Did you, did you listen to it?"

"Every last word."

She looked away, crimson faced.

"This is…embarrassing," she chuckled.

Lucas was not smiling.

"Why?"

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"Those things you said…were they true? I, I need to know, Peyt. I need to know if you meant them…if you still mean them."

Peyton exhaled a nervous breath.

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Luke. I guess we all have. But the biggest regret for me is that night Dan and Deb had the party for the team at their house. Brooke dared me to tell everyone how I really felt about you. And when you and I were alone and I had the chance, I blew it. I, I was an idiot. It's because I was afraid."

"Of what?"

She looked him in the eye.

"Afraid of you and how you made me feel. Afraid of letting my guard down and giving someone my heart again. Afraid to trust, afraid you would leave. I don't know. But I was wrong, Lucas. I was so wrong and so stupid and I've had to live with it ever since. That night I showed up at your house and Brooke was there. God, that hurt so damned bad. I can't even explain it. I knew I was too late. I knew I had lost you and that killed me. I knew when I left you were going to hold her and make love to her and that tore me up inside."

He closed his eyes.

"Brooke is a great person. I don't have to tell you that. I liked her, Peyton and the time I had with her was nice but it never was meant to last. I didn't feel for her the way I felt for you. I wanted you, I wanted to be with you and when you shut me down, and maybe this makes me the biggest jackhole on the planet, I kind of settled for Brooke. I don't want to be mean saying that and in no way is it disrespect to her. I just shouldn't have done it. That night at the party when you walked away…it broke my heart. That night when you came to my room and said all those things, all those things I felt about you and had been waiting for you to say…I can't describe it."

"But Brooke was already there."

"She was. I should have just come clean then but I didn't. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to hurt her and I was a coward. When you left, it broke my heart again. And when I made love to Brooke that night…I, I wished it was you."

"Lucas…"

"Every day you were gone with Derek and we didn't know what happened to you, I was scared out of mind. Peyton, I would have done anything to save you. I didn't know why at first. I didn't know why I was so driven. Then I found the recorder and I listened to it. The next day I went over to see Haley and we talked. All of a sudden it hit me like somebody had just punched me in the gut. Everything started to make sense and for the first time, I could admit how I really felt."

"How do you feel?" she asked nervously.

"When I woke up in that hospital bed after my surgery and I saw you sitting there, I was probably the happiest guy on the planet. I told you that I did it for you. I told you you're the one. I mean that, Peyton. I still mean it. It wasn't the morphine talking or anything. It's you. You are the one. You're my soul mate. You are everything I've ever wanted. You…"

"I love you, Lucas," she blurted out, tears in her eyes. "I do. I have loved you, I have been in love with you, I have wanted you for two whole years. I was scared then and I'm still scared now but I can't hold that in anymore. So there it is. I love you, Lucas Scott."

Tears trickled down her face and he lovingly wiped them away with his thumb. Wrapping his arm around her, he held her while she cried. He felt the urge to cry himself but there would be no tears of sadness, only joy and relief. After two years of everything, the truth was finally out and Peyton was in his arms.

"I want to be with you, Peyt. We've wasted enough time already. I know Derek put you through a lot and it's gonna take a while for you to heal, but I promise you, if you let me, I will be here for you every second of every step of the way. I just want to take care of you and protect you. That's all I've ever wanted."

"I, I have a lot of problems, Luke," she answered tearfully. "Sometimes, sometimes I'm not that easy to love. I just want you to know that, what you're getting yourself into…"

"Do you love me?"

"Yeah but…"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes, Lucas…"

"I don't care about any of that other stuff. All I care about, all I've ever cared about is you. You once said, people always leave. Well, not me. I'm that guy you can count on. I'll never leave you, Peyton, never. I'll never leave you because I love you."

He leaned in and tilted her chin to meet his soft, waiting lips. They kissed gently and sweetly with Lucas pulling away.

"Luke…"

"Shhh. We can take it slow. I don't want to push anything. I want you to be ready."

He was so gentle, so tender, so wonderful. And finally, he was hers.


	38. Bringing Normal Back

The door bell rang and Peyton jumped. Even the smallest of sounds took getting used to. Before her Derek ordeal, she had hardly ever locked the doors to her house. Why? It was Tree Hill. It was a safe community where nothing bad ever happened. Post Derek, many things had changed in Peyton's life, including the front door's new double bolt lock and the home security system Larry Sawyer had installed. Tipping quietly to the door, Peyton peered outside. She relaxed and smiled as she saw who it was and opened the door.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he grinned broadly as he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Wow. That's quite a way to announce yourself."

Lucas shrugged.

"Well, I like making an impression. I also love kissing beautiful green eyed blondes so you're just gonna have to get used to that."

"I'll think about it," she teased, opening the door wider to let him. "So what's up?"

"It's getting late. Have you eaten yet?"

Peyton shook her head.

"Nah. Dad and I were about to whip something up in a few minutes. You staying?"

"Nope and neither are you."

"What?"

"Peyt, I want you to come somewhere with me."

"Where?"

"It's a surprise."

Peyton's eyes darted around nervously.

"Lucas…look, I know you're up to something and whatever it is, I'm sure it's nice and you're trying to do something sweet but no thanks."

A sad look washed over her face as she turned from him and sat back down on the couch.

"What's the matter?" he asked softly, as he followed her.

"I don't feel like going anywhere."

"Peyton…"

"I know I've been home almost three weeks and yeah, I know I should be making bigger steps to get out of the house and all but I'm really not up to it yet. I know you want to do stuff but I'm sorry that I can't go out with you yet. Having lots of people, lots of strangers around…it kind of bothers me. I don't know how to handle it. I guess I'm just not ready."

"Okay," he replied.

Peyton frowned.

"Okay?"

"I said okay."

"Just okay? I mean, you're not gonna push the issue? You're not gonna use this to try to talk me into seeing some shrink?"

He shook his head.

"No. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I respect that. I told you we didn't have to do anything you didn't want to do."

"Wow," Peyton looked around. "That's pretty cool of you."

"That's just the kind of guy I am," he winked.

Initially a worried Lucas had practically begged her to seek professional help. She had always declined and just when her boyfriend laid off and gave her the space she wanted, her father had been pushing the subject matter even harder ever since.

"So what do you want to do?" she leaned back in his arms.

"Watch TV, listen to music, get some food, spend time with you. Whatever you want to do, Peyton."

It sounded like a plan, at least their normal routine as of late. Peyton had grown comfortable with it but despite her fears, she had also grown bored.

"So," she began after a few quiet minutes. "What was it that you wanted to do? I mean, where did you want to take me?"

He shrugged.

"Well, the sun will be setting soon and I thought we could take a romantic walk down by the docks and take in the view. Then I thought we could drop by the record store and just see what we find. Afterwards, I had a nice dinner for two planned for us."

Peyton swallowed hard. That didn't sound bad at all.

"Why?" she asked. "What's the occasion?"

"Us," Lucas answered. "I mean, why does there have to be an occasion, Peyt? We're here and we're together and we're in love. Why not make the most of it? Have fun, go on a real date, do what couples do."

She closed her eyes. It was simple enough and it sounded like heaven. But the actual courage it took to leave the house, the sheer hassle of it all, the fear of constantly looking over your shoulder and just feeling afraid, the thought of all those strangers gawking at her and wanting to talk to her…sometimes it was just too much.

"I'm scared, Luke…"

"I know you are. It's okay."

"But I want to," she finished.

His eyes lit up as he rubbed her arm.

"Talk to me."

"I'm ready to live a normal life again. That's what I've been wanting. And now that we're together, you know I want that with you. I just don't know if I'm ready, if I really can handle it."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Sometimes it's like I'm afraid of everything and I hate that."

Lucas nodded.

"If you still want to go out tonight, we can. I think it will be fun and we'll have a great time. As far as your fears? Babe, they're gonna be there for a while until you start to face them. I know that's easier said than done but you're gonna have to do it one day. And when you do, I'll be right there by your side. I promised you that and that is one promise I intend on keeping."

Peyton looked over at Lucas. She had the best boyfriend in the world. She took his hand in hers.

"Let's go."

"You don't have to…"

"I know but I, I want to. I'm scared but you're right, Luke. I know I can do this. And with you by my side, I feel safe."

It was the truth and words he had been dying to hear. He gave her another kiss as they made Larry aware of their plans and headed out in Lucas' car. It had been a while since she had driven downtown, too long in fact. It looked oddly familiar and Peyton had missed it. Lucas parked on the curb in front of his mother's café and the two, hand in hand, began their walk to the docks. The evening weather, though warm, was perfect. It felt nice to walk around, quiet and unbothered, two lovers enjoying a stroll.

"So it should be interesting tonight at the record store," Lucas commented.

"Why do you say that?"

"Sprung Monkey has a new CD and so does Kill Hannah. Oh and I hear if you look really hard there is this kick ass limited edition NOFX on vinyl."

Peyton gave him a smile.

"Is it just me or has someone's musical taste gotten better?" she joked.

"Maybe a little bit of both. Let's just say I have decided to expand my already broadened musical horizons."

"So it should be a fun night."

"Yeah as long as you don't flirt with Mark."

"Who the hell is Mark? You mean the record store dude?" she couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah. He has a thing for you and besides, he could probably get you tickets to the Forty Foot Echo concert."

"Really?" Peyton's eyes lit up. "Forty Foot Echo? Do you think he could score front row?"

"Peyt!"

"Gotcha," she pinched his arm and gave him a kiss as they continued to walk.

"Good because my ego was beginning to bruise a little bit," he reached in his pockets. "Because I only got third row."

Peyton stared in awe at the two concert tickets for one of her favorite bands in the hands of her boyfriend.

"Are you serious?"

"The show is still a few months away but I couldn't resist when they went on sale. They're a good band but I hadn't paid much attention to them before. When you were gone, I started listening to the music I know you like and it really made me feel closer to you."

"That's sweet."

"So I know it's a long time away and we're taking it one day at a time, but I was hoping you'd go see Forty Foot Echo with me in Raleigh."

"Try and go without me," she teased.

"Score one for Haley. It was her idea."

"She came over earlier today."

"Hales?"

"Yeah."

"She really missed you."

Peyton sighed.

"I missed her too. Haley's a great friend, she's a great person. I mean, I've always known that but I guess I really see it now more than ever."

"Yeah…"

"I can't believe she and Nathan are gonna be parents soon. That is so wild."

"I know but I'm excited. And not only do I get a new nephew, I get a new baby brother or sister. That's pretty cool. Weird but cool," Lucas chuckled. "I guess it's double diaper duty for me."

"Nathan and Haley are gonna be great parents."

"I know. It's funny because Nathan is kind of nervous about being a dad and my mom is being nervous about starting all over being a new mom again but the thing is, they're both gonna be great at it. It kind of makes you think, though. I know I'm young and marriage and babies are kind of far off for me right now but when the time comes, I know it's gonna be good. I mean, do you ever think of stuff like that?"

Peyton shrugged.

"I don't know. Sometimes I guess. The thought of that kind of commitment, marriage and kids is kind of scary. But taking care of Jenny changed my mind. She is like the coolest little kid ever. Babies are awesome so yeah, maybe one day, who knows?"

"And marriage?"

"I was never big on that either. Trusting in the fact that you can love someone for the rest of your life and that he'll love you back. I kind of had a hard time with the true love thing but um, somebody else sort of changed my mind about that one," she looked coyly up at him.

Lucas held her close, after kissing her forehead.

"Look," he pointed.

The sun was setting and the view with all its beautiful colors was incredible.

"This is nice," she leaned into his body. "It's really nice out here, Luke."

He motioned across the street to the quaint little downtown bistro that served candlelit dinners on the second and third story balconies.

"What do you say we hit up the record store, then go have some dinner up there?"

Peyton could only hug him.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" he asked.

"For bringing me back to normal."


	39. Just Like Old Times

Peyton glanced across the room and grinned as she turned back the covers to her bed. It had been a great day, the best day she had had in a long time. Slowly and surely, the days were becoming easier. It felt truly liberating to be able to leave the house and just enjoy the summer like a normal teenager. But that's what Peyton Sawyer had been doing for a solid week and a half, ever since she had first joined Lucas for their downtown date. And she was loving every minute of it.

"Wait a sec, P. Sawyer. Before I get all comfy on this side of the bed, tell me you and Lucas haven't been, you know," Brooke frowned with a shudder.

Peyton just rolled her eyes and laughed.

"No, we haven't. The bed is safe, my covers are clean, thank you very much."

"On that note…"

The happy, pretty brunette hopped in bed as Peyton got in on the other side. It had been a while since they'd had a sleepover. Over the course of their many years of friendship, it had been a regular occurrence. Whether at the Davis house or the Sawyer home, two giggly girls, the best of friends would crawl in bed beside one another and laugh and talk and share secrets until the wee morning hours. But so much had happened since then. Lucas had happened and those days and nights had been a thing of the past. The Brooke and Peyton friendship had been broken. Although both missed each other terribly, events had happened that had threatened forever the possibility of a reconciliation. Now it was over and they were back, better than ever.

"This is…weird," Peyton giggled.

"The fact that we're cuddled up like two long lost lesbian lovers?" Brooke raised an eyebrow.

"No. We always sleep like this. It's just that, well, it's been so long, you know? I, I don't know about you but after everything that happened between us, well, I didn't know if we'd ever be friends again, especially like this."

Brooke shrugged.

"I was angry, I was hurt…I've said all I needed to say on the situation. As far as I'm concerned, it's water under the bridge. I mean, I'm glad we're friends again. I really missed you. I missed us. Now that you're back and safe and away from Psycho Derek, I just want to start all over again."

And start over again, they had. Upon hearing the news in Knoxville, Brooke had immediately driven to Tennessee to check on her friends and she had remained there well past Peyton's hospital discharge. She had also been a regular fixture at the Sawyer home once everyone turned to Tree Hill. Brooke had been a constant source of support for Peyton. When the blonde needed her space, Brooke made it a point to make herself scarce. When Peyton needed to talk, hers was the ear that listened. When she needed someone to laugh with or cry with, it was Brooke who was there making up for precious time lost during their petty spat.

In the process, the girls had rediscovered each other. At first it had been hard. The fragile, nervous, frightened Peyton was someone Brooke almost hadn't recognized. It had been hard seeing her in such a state and Brooke and Lucas had talked and worried about it together. Initially it seemed impossible Peyton would get better without professional guidance but with time and the love of her friends and family, she had been making a gradual yet nonetheless miraculous recovery. For Brooke it was just nice to have her good friend, the old P. Sawyer back.

A surprised Brooke had been game when Peyton had called and suggested a girl's day out. With the mood light hearted, they had set off to enjoy all the fun things they used to do. A few hours in the spa had been just the trick to set the day off right. A manicure, pedicure, facial and massage had been just what they needed. After lunch, they had shopped until they dropped before taking in a movie, then dinner. Back at the house, they had gossiped, flipped through trashy tabloid magazines and done each other's hair and make up. All in all it had been a terrific day and Brooke, though pleased with Peyton's complete turnaround, couldn't help but be skeptical.

"Yeah, it was pretty fun," Peyton nodded.

"It's good seeing you like this. You've come a long way. I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks," Peyton said as the phone rang and she quickly answered it.

It was Lucas.

"Don't want to interrupt your girl time but I was just checking to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. We're both fine, actually."

"Brooke still there?"

Peyton nodded.

"Yeah. She's spending the night. We had a lot of fun today. It was great."

He loved hearing the happiness in her voice.

"That's awesome, babe. I mean that. Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked you had such a good time, Peyt but I have to admit I was a little worried at first."

"Why?"

"I didn't want you overdoing it. Going out and being normal…that's still a big step for you."

"I know and I appreciate you and Dad and Brooke and everybody else worrying about me but I'm okay, Luke. Really. This is all I've wanted. It feels so good just to get out of the house and be with friends and be carefree and not have to look over my shoulder every five seconds. It's like I'm free again."

"But…"

"I know you're still going to worry but I am okay. My days are so much better now and I owe that to you."

Lucas closed his eyes. It felt good to hear her say that.

"Well, it sounds like you had a big day and I don't want to keep you from Brooke any longer."

"Yeah," Peyton looked over into the smiling face of her best friend. "It's been pretty cool. Just like old times."

"I'm glad. Have fun, sleep well, call me tomorrow."

"I will. I love you, Lucas."

"I love you too, Peyton."

She hung up the phone.

"Well, aren't you two cuter than a couple of newborn Cocker Spaniels?" Brooke teased.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I, I didn't realize. Does that bother you?"

Brooke dismissed it with the wave of her hand.

"I was just messing with you. You and Lucas are together now. I get that and I accept it. We're all friends again now anyway, there's no way I expect you to hide your relationship…and you shouldn't have to. He's a good guy and you make each other happy. I'm all for that."

"Thanks," Peyton smiled.

"So all that stuff you said on the phone to Luke…did you mean it? Are the days really that much better?"

Peyton nodded.

"I'm fine. I'm much better. You guys don't have to worry about me so much."

"Look what you've been through. We can't help it."

"I know and I love you all for it but it's okay. Seriously. I have to put the past behind me. I have to move on. Derek is dead, I'm not."

"Thank God for that one," Brooke said in a whisper.

"Poor Lucas has been so worried about me."

"That's what good boyfriends do, Friend."

"I know but this whole situation that happened has taken enough out of everyone's life. I just want to live again and be normal and that's what I want for everybody around me, especially Lucas."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Lucas loves me a lot and he has really stood by me and he's so good to me on so many levels. I imagine being my boyfriend sometimes feels like a 24 hour job. That's not fair to him. He deserves a real relationship that's normal and drama and angst free."

"Um, that's all fine and good but you just survived a way traumatic life changing kidnapping. That will take a lot of time, if not the rest of your life, to get over. We all get that, especially Lucas and no one is rushing you. So if you need help or you're still feeling bad or whatever, that's okay. I mean, it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you're not alright, don't pretend to be alright for Lucas' sake."

"No, I get what you're saying, Brooke and it's not like that. I still have my moments but for the most part I'm fine. I'm just facing my fears, you know? Like in a few weeks, I finally gave in and decided to let Dan throw that stupid parade for me he's been dying to have ever since we got back."

"I heard about that. So he's really serious, huh?"

"Yeah."

"And you're cool with that?"

Peyton shrugged.

"I'm not exactly looking forward to it but I am gonna go through with it. Dealing with all the attention, all the crowd staring at me, all those damned camera flashes…that's stuff I'm gonna have to get over. What better way to do it? I'll be in public with my dad on one side and Lucas on the other, police and private security all around. Plus I really owe all those volunteers who helped searched for me. This is just one more way to take back my life."

"Sure if you're up to it."

"I am. Just like I'm up to college. I turned in my papers yesterday to UNC. Next month I'm gonna go to school and live in the dorms just like planned."

"Whoa, Peyton. That's kind of major. Are you sure you're ready? I mean, can't they put you on an online schedule first semester to see how it goes, then if you're up to it, you can move up there second semester?"

"They offered it but I turned it down. I'm sticking with the original plan, B. Davis. I'm ready now."

"I know but Peyton…"

Peyton cut her off with a smile.

"It's late and we need to get some sleep. I'm gonna need it if we're going to the salon so early in the morning. You're getting bangs and convincing me to keep the short cut instead of growing it out. We'll need all the beauty rest we can get."

Brooke reluctantly and uneasily returned her friend's smile. The lights were turned off and after a few minutes, Brooke was fast asleep. Peyton watched her nod off, tossing and turning on her own. She had only been half truthful with Brooke and Lucas. Indeed the days had gotten better but the nights were a much different story. She had neglected to disclose that part. Her nights were restless and scary. Usually she was afraid to go to sleep. When she did, he was waiting for her in her dreams like a made up monster hiding in a small child's closet.

When she had invited Brooke to sleep over, Peyton had been confident another "episode" would not happen. Most of the time, they occurred when she was alone. Sometimes to alleviate the terror, she would go sleep with her father. If someone else was there with her, she was safe. So like a little kid at a sleepover praying they wouldn't wet the bed, Peyton prayed for something else. After a fidgety hour, her eyes soon grew heavier and heavier…

_She tossed and turned on the cold, hard mattress. Her side ached from the loose spring poking into it. All she wanted was to go to sleep. All she wanted was to be lest alone._

"_Peyton…"_

_She could feel his breath hot on her neck._

"_Noooo," she murmured, eyes still closed._

_But he would not be so easily deterred._

"_Come here, baby," he beckoned._

_She tried to fight but it was useless. Pretty soon his hands, his mouth was all over her. Peyton cringed. Feeling the sliminess of his tongue leaving a wet trail down her neck was enough to make her gag. Why didn't he just stop? Why couldn't he realize she would never want him in that way?_

"_Stop," she begged._

"_I love you. I love you so much, Peyton. We're meant to be, baby, don't you see? You have to stop fighting me."_

_But she would never stop._

"_Please!"_

_He continued to kiss her, his hands roaming in places they shouldn't as she felt a cool breeze across her skin. Not again! She couldn't take it another night. When he tried to take her clothes off again, she smacked him hard across the face. He looked at her, rage darkening his eyes. The fury was evident as he hauled off and hit her back. Her fear and whimpers were his turn on. A sickening smile spread across his face as he pried her knees apart._

"_You know you love it," he sneered…_

"Nooooooooooooo!"

Peyton sat up so fast that she knocked Brooke right out of bed.

"Peyton…"

But it was no use. The blonde was practically hyperventilating, her teary eyes wide with fear.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…"

She ran to a corner and collapsed, hugging her knees to her chest as she rocked back and forth.

"Peyton, what is going on? What happened?" Brooke asked frantically.

"No more," Peyton cried over and over again. "No more. Please."

Brooke was horrified. She had never seen anything like that in her life.

"I'm gonna get your dad," Brooke began to cry.

"No!" Peyton grabbed her roughly by the arm. "No!"

"Peyton!"

"Please, please don't. I, I, I'm okay…it's okay."

"This is not okay."

"No! Just…please. Promise, promise you won't tell my dad or Lucas."

"Peyton…"

"Promise, Brooke!"

The desperation in her eyes was heartbreaking. Brooke could almost feel her fear.

"Okay," she held her, trying to get her friend to stop shaking. "Okay."

Peyton cried softly into Brooke's shoulder. Derek was still with her. Just like old times.


	40. Everybody Loves Peyton

Laughter filled the small café as the intimate group had gathered to celebrate. When Lucas snaked his arm around Peyton, she entangled her fingers with his and gave him a sweet smile. They were ever the picture of the happy couple, blonde and beautiful seemingly without a care in the world. From across the room Brooke sat, watching them uncomfortably. To the world and especially to their inner circle, Peyton Sawyer was some super strong, unaffected miracle of human nature. But only the brunette could look past her best friend's happy façade. Only she knew the real truth.

"Here we are," Karen grinned, walking slowly and carefully as she rejoined the others, birthday cake in tow. "One yellow lemon cake with buttercream icing and double chocolate cream filling coming up for the birthday boy. Now the only question is, how many candles should I light?"

Everyone erupted with laughter as Larry just grinned at her.

"You better play it safe and stick to one, Karen. You use the real number and it just might burn the place down."

It was a joyous gathering. It was Larry Sawyer's 43rd birthday. His daughter had insisted they throw him a party and Lucas had suggested his mother's café for the perfect location. Closing one hour early on a quiet and warm weeknight, the gang had come together once again, this time for a happy occasion. Lucas, Peyton, Brooke, Nathan, Haley, Karen, Dan and of course a few of the guys from Sawyer Dredging. The mood for the evening had been lighthearted and fun. After a delicious dinner, it was time for one of Karen's infamous homemade desserts as Haley led the group in a rendition of Happy Birthday.

"Blow out your candle and make a wish, Dad," Peyton prodded.

Father and daughter looked at one another. They had spent so many happy birthdays together. With tears of fondness in his eyes, Larry could almost see the beautiful little blonde girl, already covered in chocolate frosting, sitting on Anna's lap just waiting to open her presents. And Peyton could remember the quiet, private dinners at home she had been cooking for her father since the death of her first mother. Over the years, her attempts at cake baking had vastly improved but the best memories were just sitting so close to her dad, watching his face light up as he opened the present from her, no matter if it was an expensive watch from the store or a drawing she had scribbled on a blank piece of paper. It had been those two against the world then and Peyton had never felt so safe. She grinned as with one big puff of breath, the candle's light turned in a lingering trail of smoke.

"What did you wish for, Larry?" Lucas asked.

"He can't tell you," Haley said. "You guys know the superstition. If he reveals the wish, then it won't come true."

"It's okay, Haley," Larry looked up. "My wish already came true. All I wanted was to be able to celebrate this birthday with my little girl safe and happy by my side. And here she is. I couldn't dare ask for anything more."

Peyton grinned.

"Happy Birthday, Dad," she hugged him as she gave him his gift. "I love you."

It was large and carefully wrapped, obviously a painting of some sort.

"Peyt, you know you didn't have to do this. Having you here is present enough, honey."

"Just open it, Dad. I wanted to do something extra special for you."

And extra special it was. Beneath the paper wrapping, was an exquisite hand oil painted portrait of Larry out to sea standing command on his dredging boat.

"Oh my God…when, when did you have time to do this?"

Peyton shrugged.

"Here and there. Do you like it?"

"I love it, baby. And I love you, too. Thank you. It's so beautiful."

He gave Peyton another hug and opened a few more presents as everyone continued to chat and Karen went about cutting the cake. Lucas politely excused himself from the main table to use the restroom. On the way in, he noticed Brooke off to herself with a worried look upon her face. He decided he would talk to her if she was still there when he came out and sure enough she was. Leaned against the counter, playing with her hands, her normally pretty face seemed so troubled.

"All partied out?" Lucas joked as he took a place next to her.

"Huh?" she asked, distracted. "No, um, I'm fine."

"You sure? Because you don't look fine."

"It's nothing."

Lucas sighed.

"You know, I could always see right through you. We're friends now, Brooke. I'm still here for you. If something is on your mind, you can talk to me."

Something was on her mind and Brooke had been debating whether to say anything for days. Glancing over, she saw Peyton oblivious to her and Lucas' absence as she was smiling, talking, eating cake and participating in the festive activities.

"Can we go somewhere private?" she asked after a few seconds.

Sensing the serious nature, Lucas nodded, ushering her to the back in Karen's private business office.

"What's going on, Brooke?"

She took a deep breath.

"It's about Peyton."

"What about her?"

"Have you noticed how she's acting out there?"

Lucas grinned.

"Yeah. It's great. I mean, I can't believe it myself but it's like we got the old Peyton back. She likes to do stuff and she makes jokes. She's slowly getting back in the swing of things."

"And you buy all that?"

He looked away.

"I'm not stupid, Brooke. I know Peyton. I know her just like you do. I also know she just went through a very traumatic experience that capped off an already emotional and life changing year. It's hard for her and she's doing the best she can. I'm sure she's doing her best to make us all think she's handling it better than she is. I wish she would see a counselor or someone but I know I can't force her. So all I can do is watch her and be there for her and try to protect her."

Brooke nodded.

"Okay."

"You still look upset. What's wrong?"

"I, I don't know…"

"Is it something about Peyton?" he wrinkled his eyebrow. "Do you know something?"

Guilty as charged.

"Maybe but I don't know if it's a big deal."

"Does it feel like one?"

"Yes," she whispered honestly.

"Talk to me."

She exhaled.

"I don't know if I should. I mean, I promised Peyton. I gave her my word. Our friendship is finally back on and things are so great between us again after it being so bad and weird for a long time. I don't want to risk that."

"You scaring me, Brooke. Please."

Wrestling with her decision one last time, Brooke closed her eyes.

"Peyton is not okay."

"What do you mean not okay?"

"She's acting all happy and normal now and yeah it may seem that way but she is not over this Psycho Derek situation, far from it."

"Of course. That's gonna take time."

"That's not what I mean, Luke. I spent the night with Peyton the other night and we had like the best day ever. Back at her house that night, we slept in her room and she starts talking about being okay and being normal again and taking her life back. She even still plans on going to college away at UNC."

"So I heard. That still kind of worries me."

"And it should. Peyton is not ready. No way can she handle it. She had this, I guess it was a nightmare, when I was at her house. But it was more than just some random bad dream. It was so real. She was terrified. Peyton was crying and shaking and sweating and hyperventilating. Afterwards, she couldn't get back to sleep. I stayed up with her and she made me promise not to say anything to you or Larry but Lucas this is pretty bad. We talked about it a little bit and she has these terrible lifelike dreams where Psycho Derek comes to her at night. And she can't deal with it. She's afraid, she doesn't sleep...take her dad's birthday present. I mean, Peyt is a good artist and all, but you saw how detailed that painting was. How long would it take her to get that done? She's been working on it because she doesn't sleep at night. She's not sleeping because she's scared. And she's walking around pretending trying to convince everyone else, including herself, that everything is okay when it really is anything but. I'm afraid for her. I'm afraid one day she's just gonna crack up."

Lucas sat silently trying to take it all in. He'd had his own fears and suspicions but obviously, it was worse than he thought.

"I'm afraid of that too," he agreed in a soft voice. "I, Brooke, I just don't know what to do."

"She needs help, real professional help."

"I know."

"Maybe forcing her won't be so bad if in the end it's what is really gonna help her."

He shook his head.

"That's no good. Believe me, I've thought about it but you know Peyton. If she's forced, she'll just shut down. She won't participate and then she'll no longer trust us, the ones that made her go. And if it's bad enough and they commit her…God, I don't even want to think about that. That would definitely be way too traumatic and that would probably be the thing that would send her over the edge."

Brooke hated it but he was right. Still there had to be another answer.

"So what do we do? This isn't just gonna go away."

"No, it won't. And neither can we. All we can do is be there. I know it might not seem like enough now, but what can we really do? I'm still working on it, getting her to see someone but she's stubborn as hell so it's not easy. So to answer your question, in the meantime, we tackle one problem at a time. I'll start hanging out at her house later and later, staying with her until she falls asleep. I'll talk to Larry about it, too. I'm also looking around at different programs and stuff. I mean, maybe it's that whole stigma of being labeled and of lying on some quack's couch. Maybe it's actually facing her true fears but whatever it is, we have to fix it and fix it fast. I know that. I'm hoping to get her some programs in the local community like peer counseling or something like that."

"I know you're doing your best, Luke."

He looked away sadly.

"It just doesn't feel like enough sometimes."

"She's gonna be okay. We love Peyton and we're going to take care of her, everybody."

"I don't want to lose her, I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to make things worse for her. I just wish she would let me all the way in."

"Me too," Brooke thought out loud. "One day, Lucas."

"It kills me that she's so scared and not sleeping and I can't do a damned thing about it."

The concern was so real written all over his handsome, worried face.

"You're a good person, Lucas Scott. And a really great boyfriend. You really love her, don't you?"

"With all my heart."

Brooke nodded. At least they both had that in common, she thought as she reached out and gave him a hug.

"Come on. We have to get back."

"Yeah…" he wiped at his eyes.

"Lucas, do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Don't tell her what I told you. I…"

"I get it. I won't say a word, Brooke but thank you for telling me. You definitely did the right thing," he said as they rejoined the group.

"Hey," Peyton looked up with a grin. "I missed you. Thought you had skipped out on the cake."

Lucas leaned down and kissed her.

"With my mom's classic double filling? Not a chance," he forced a returned smile.

"Brooke?" Peyton handed her a saucer.

"Thanks."

"You okay? You look kind of down."

Brooke looked over at Lucas and then back at her blonde friend, fighting back tears as she gave her a hug.

"I'm fine, P. Sawyer," she hung on for dear life. "Everything is gonna be just fine."


	41. Cuts Both Ways

Peyton stared aimlessly at the television set. Music videos, again. She had been sitting on the couch in front of it for hours. In fact, she had fallen asleep in that very spot the night before. It had been getting late and Lucas had been over. That was their usual routine. He had begun keeping later hours at her house, often until she fell asleep. Not that Peyton would complain. She hated being alone, especially at night. And she loved Lucas Scott. It was a comfort knowing he was the last face she would see before drifting off into slumber, no matter how restless it often turned out to be.

But that wasn't the problem. The real predicament came into play late at night long after Lucas had gone home, long after her own father would go to sleep. And Peyton was no longer alone. She was haunted by the memories and the sheer terror of her ordeal. Once again, she found herself trapped with Derek Helm. He once told her she would never get rid of him. Slowly she was beginning to understand what he meant. Physically, he was gone, dead, out of her life. But he was still in her head.

"Breakfast was delicious, baby," Larry smiled at his daughter as he carried his plate to the kitchen sink.

"Thanks, Dad. And don't worry about those dishes, I'll get them."

"It's fine, Peyt. You cooked, the least I can do is clean up."

Peyton stood, smiling as she walked over to him.

"Why do you always have to be so stubborn?"

"At least now you know where you got it from," he winked.

"Don't you have enough stuff to get done today?"

He looked out the window. True enough, a heap of outside chores awaited him.

"Well, the lawn definitely needs to be mowed and while I'm at it, those hedges could stand a decent trimming."

"You better get started before it gets too hot. The weather guy says it's gonna be another scorcher today."

Larry nodded as Peyton gave him a quick hug and kiss. He took his time gathering his tools and belongings before heading outside. Peyton exhaled when the back door closed behind him. It was a complicated situation. Most of the time, she was afraid and hated being left alone. Then there were times when being amongst people, especially in a crowd was suffocating. Peyton was damned if she did, damned if she didn't. With her father outside, at least she could breathe. But at the same time, he wasn't too far away. Unfortunately neither was Derek.

She saw him all the time. She saw him when she was asleep. Sometimes she even thought she saw him when she was awake. Peyton was smart enough to know it was a mirage of sorts. She knew he was nothing more than a sick figure of her already twisted and tormented imagination. Still it did nothing to make him go away. And she had tried everything. She had wished for it, prayed about it, tried to mentally manipulate him but it was no use. The image was seemingly permanently fixated in her mind.

"_I love you, Peyton. I love you and I know you love me, too. We belong together."_

She closed her eyes. That voice was so real. She hated it. She hated him. Look at everything he had done to her. The kidnap, the mind games, the torture, the beatings, the rapes, the forced isolation. Derek had ruined a part of her life and she'd never be able to get it back. Her physical marks had healed but the ones he had left on her life and well being would be there forever.

But there was something else as well. Peyton could not get that day out of her head, the day towards the end when Derek had opened up to her about his tragic and abusive childhood. It had been a terrible story and the fear and horror was still so visible on his face as he recounted the dreadful events. For a moment, for a brief and fleeting moment, she had seen him in a different light. No longer was he her captor and tormentor. For a moment he was just a sad, pathetic, wounded, scared little boy.

Peyton closed her eyes. She hated that as well. After all the awful, unspeakable acts Derek had committed upon her, why did a tiny piece of her, underneath all the hate and fear, still feel sorry for him? Damn him! Damn Derek! He was a monster! He was the monster who had brutalized her unmercifully time and time again. He didn't deserve her sympathy. He didn't deserve for his memory to live on inside her. He didn't have the right to keep ruining her life. All he warranted was his rightful place in hell.

She leaned against the counter for support. She hated whenever that debate began inside her brain. No matter what, it was a no win situation. How she wanted peace and tranquility but it would never come. The agitation, the visions, the voices began to build and build as Peyton stumbled to the sink. She just wanted to make it stop. In fact, she'd do anything to make it stop. And there was only one way.

The lawnmower started loudly and Peyton knew there was no way her father would hear her. She picked up his beverage glass and slammed it against the side of the stainless steel sink. It cracked, breaking into several jagged pieces. She picked up the sharpest one and held it in her hand, just staring at it. The commotion in her head was still swirling, still churning. Peyton just wanted it to all go away. Squeezing her eyes shut, she let the edges of the broken glass cut into her hands. Red blood trickled out as she gasped out in pain. Seconds later, it was over.

Pain was her only outlet. Before her nightmare with Derek, physical pain had been one of the worst things imaginable. But being with Derek had taught her valuable lessons when it came to survival. Physical pain could be controlled. She had learned to block it out. She had even gotten used to it. Now it no longer phased her. Now it was her only release from the inner demons.

She held inside the immense feelings of intense anger and shame. There was no one person she could truly express herself to. Not her father, not Brooke, not Nathan, not Haley, not some shrink and especially not Lucas. It was too much, it was all too appalling. They'd never understand, hell, she didn't even understand it herself. And they would look at her differently, even worse than they already did. The only relief was the pain.

Peyton stared down at her bleeding hands. Finally the unbearable anxiety was gone. And for the moment, Derek was gone as well. When the tension was there, when her mind and emotions were in such disarray, the fear, the surrealness of it all made her feel numb. It made her feel scared. It made her feel like a victim. The cutting gave control back. Only then could Peyton feel alive again.

The calm washed over her like a shower. Slowly her breathing pattern and heart rate returned to normal. Everything would be okay, at least for the time being. Standing there, almost trance like, she didn't hear the car pull up outside. She didn't hear his conversation with her father as the lawnmower shut off for a few minutes. And she didn't hear the door open or the footsteps walking towards her.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispered, snaking his arms around her waist and placing a soft kiss on the side of her neck. "How is the prettiest girl in Tree Hill?"

She jumped in his embrace, startled at first.

"Lucas!"

His smile quickly faded to confusion, then a horrified frown as he took a look at her bloody hands.

"Peyton! What, what happened?"

"It's fine," she shook her head. "I guess I've got butter fingers or something this morning. The glass slipped and I was trying to get all the pieces out the sink. I must have cut myself…"

"Babe, you're bleeding pretty bad."

He released her hands so that the broken glass fell onto one side of the sink as they moved to the opposite half. Lucas went right to work, running cold water over her hands, disappearing only for a second to return with a towel. He applied gentle pressure that stopped the flow of blood. Peyton was silent as her boyfriend used mild soap and water to cleanse the wounds.

"I'm okay, Luke. It was a stupid accident. It's fine now."

"I don't know. The right hand isn't so bad, it's just a scratch but that cut on your left one doesn't look so hot."

"I'll just bandage it up."

"Let me," he suggested, taking over and tenderly caring for her injuries.

Peyton smiled at him, seeing that he was still visibly worried.

"You gonna kiss it and make it better?" she teased.

He pulled her close.

"That's not funny. You scare the hell out of me sometimes, Peyt."

"Don't be scared and don't worry. I'm okay. Klutzy as hell, yeah maybe, but I'll be fine. Really."

He placed a kiss on her forehead before gazing deeply into her eyes.

"I love you so much," Lucas whispered.

"I love you, too."

"Call me paranoid but I woke up this morning with this weird feeling like you weren't alright. That's why I came over so early. I just had to check on you. I saw Larry outside and he said you were fine and you guys had just finished breakfast, then I come in here and I see you hurt…"

"It looks worse than it is. I made a mistake and I'm okay. I didn't tell my dad because I was just gonna banadage it up anyway and I didn't want him to freak out like you're freaking out right now."

"Come on," he pulled her away, back towards the living room. "Leave that glass for later. I'll get some gloves and get it out. Just sit and relax with me."

"Do I have a choice?" she smiled.

"Not really. Look, I'm gonna hang out for a while. I know you don't need a babysitter and I know you don't want me to worry but I can't help it. Besides, I miss you. I'll just feel better if I can stay here for a little bit."

"I don't mind the company."

"Good," he put his arm around her. "I, um, I talked to my dad this morning. He left a message on my voicemail."

"Is everything okay?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. He got called out of town on business to Charlotte for the rest of the week but uh, the parade and ceremony and all that stuff, he's gonna have to postpone it for a while."

"Really?"

"He was pretty upset. You know he's really been wanting to get this done for you and he told me to assure you that it wasn't cancelled and that it would happen."

"It's cool."

"Don't tell me you're actually looking forward to it?"

"I wouldn't say that but I'm ready to face it, ready to deal with it. Besides, Dan Scott has turned over a new leaf and he's actually trying to be genuine and nice for once."

"Scary, isn't it?" Lucas rolled his eyes.

"I don't care about any of that stuff. It's another lazy summer day and all I care about is being with my boyfriend."

"That sounds like heaven, babe," he kissed her, gently handling her hand that had been hurt. "Are you, Peyton, are you sure you're okay?"

She looked right at Lucas. He was there and more importantly, Derek was not.

"Everything's fine," she cuddled up close to him, closing her eyes. "It's fine now."


	42. Too Much

It was another warm and balmy North Carolina summer night. The overhead street lights lit the way through the quiet neighborhood as two giggling teenagers playfully disturbed the peace.

"Lucas!" she squealed as he chased after her.

It was a lovely scene, especially for anyone who knew the couple. Throughout the small community, Peyton Sawyer had always been known as a sullen, serious and often troubled girl. She had a gorgeous smile and a happy, wonderful laugh. And finally people were beginning to see and hear it. After years of teenage angst and a year of unspeakable terror, a joyful, smiling blonde beauty was beginning to emerge. By her side, the reason for all those smiles and laughter was her boyfriend, Lucas Scott. A strong, fine young man, he had been by her side always, whether as a significant other or friend, at times whether she wanted him there or not. His persistence had paid off and after two years of loving each other from afar, finally they were together.

"Come here," Luke teased, leaning down as he cornered her.

She tried to run but he took one lunge forward and grabbed her, picking up her tiny frame and tossing it over his shoulder. Laughing, they played all the way up the block until they arrived at the house Lucas shared with his mother.

"Where's Karen?" Peyton asked, out of breath.

"She said she was gonna be a little late tonight," he answered. "Something about audits and an inventory at the café. Anyway, you want to come in?"

Peyton looked down at her own hand nestled snuggly and safely inside Lucas' larger one as she nodded at him. It had been a good day and night so far. She had spent some time earlier with Haley and Brooke. Afterwards, she had met Lucas downtown for dinner and they had taken in a magic show at one of the all ages clubs. Then they had walked around hand in hand, seemingly for hours, just talking and enjoying being with one another. Finally they had made their way home and Lucas led the way through the side entrance that pointed directly towards his bedroom. He picked up the remote and turned on the television as they took off their shoes and collapsed on his bed.

"What are watching?" she yawned.

Lucas flipped through the channels.

"Whatever you want to watch. Let's see, we've got music videos, the cooking channel, wild animals attacking people, the news, and here we go. The Three Stooges."

Peyton raised an eyebrow.

"Wait, you actually watch this?"

Lucas shook his head, giving a dramatic sigh.

"I love The Three Stooges. In fact, growing up, I wanted to be the fourth stooge. You know how some people are Trekkies? Well, I'm a Stoogie, die hard, and I hate to say it but if you don't learn to like them, I am definitely gonna have to break up with you."

Peyton smiled.

"No, I love the Three Stooges. I grew up watching this show with my parents. It's pretty cool. I just never pegged you to be a fan."

"Well I am so I guess you learn something different about your boyfriend every day. And how cool is that? We even think alike."

She got comfortable, cuddling up in his arms as he dimmed the lights and they focused all their attention on the TV set.

"I've never seen this one," she commented.

"It's hilarious," Lucas laughed. "Larry, Moe and Curly have to go to court for a murder trial. A nightclub dancer gets accused of killing her boyfriend so the three have to testify for the defense."

Lucas and Peyton watched on in each other's arms, laughing at the brilliantly crazy antics of their favorite characters as Moe and Larry played a game of Tic, Tac, Toe on the back of the defense attorney and as Curly attempted to swear in, then later struggled with a gun. It was 16 minutes of fun and lightheartedness, something the two desperately needed.

"Those guys are nuts" she giggled as it went off.

"Want to watch another one?"

Peyton nodded as another comical short began. She adored the Stooges but she adored her boyfriend more. It was something about lying so close to him, relaxed on his bed in the dimly lit room. Her head had rested against his chest and she turned it so that her lips pointed directly to him. He shuddered unexpectedly as he felt the hot, moist kiss graze across his Adam's Apple. Her hand found its way underneath his shirt slowly rubbing up his hard, flat stomach as her lips expertly continued the gentle gnawing on his flesh.

"I love you," she took the time to whisper.

And he loved her. He loved what she was doing to him. Physical intimacy had been something their relationship had lacked for two years. The first time they had ever kissed or made out had been at his father's party for the team during junior year. Fresh from her breakup with Nathan, weeks of sexual tension and friendly flirting had nearly exploded as they tore at each other's clothing. But when he told her he wanted more, that he wanted it all, a nervous and insecure Peyton had clammed up and ran away. Many stolen kisses later, they had almost ended up in bed at the motel after finding out her father was in fact still alive. Then there had been the kiss in the library during the school shooting. Timing and circumstance had never been on their side. Once they finally had committed to an exclusive relationship, things had been going slowly due to the physical and psychological trauma bestowed upon Peyton during her kidnapping ordeal. The pair had never had the chance to just be normal and date. Lucas had missed the feeling of being touched and kissed in a sexual way. Apparently Peyton had missed it as well.

"Peyt," he moaned breathlessly finally garnering the will power to pull away.

"What's the matter?" she asked. "Don't you like it?"

Like it? Of course he liked it. In fact, he liked it a little too much.

"Sweetie, I love it. I love you. I mean, it's okay but I, I just want you to be sure. We agreed to take it slow. I just don't want to rush things. I don't want you doing something you're not ready for."

"I am ready," she looked him right in the eye.

"But Peyton…"

"I love you. I want to show you how much I love you. It's time, Luke. I want it and I know you want it too. I'm ready."

Before he could say another word, she leaned back and pulled her shirt over her head, exposing her bra. Lucas swallowed hard as she crawled over to him, her lips capturing his once again. She pulled his shirt over his head as well, frustrated when it temporarily was hung up around his neck, therefore hindering her access to his kisses. Seconds later, the hot skin of their torsos touching, they were back at it. Her hands began to explore every inch of his body, each stroke bolder than the one before it as Lucas moaned out loud. As he felt her fingers tugging at his belt, he gasped. She had said she wanted it and she sounded sure but he wanted to be absolutely certain.

"Peyt…Peyton, I, I want you to be sure."

She did not answer with words. Instead, she chose to answer with actions. She guided his hand onto her leg and up her thigh that was covered by denim. The chill of the air conditioner and of the touch of her lover made her shiver as Lucas' own hands trembled when he found the area between her jeans and the elastic of her panties. In a move that surprised them both, she forcefully rolled him over so that she was straddling him. She leaned down and kissed him hard, tearing at the tender part of his lip. Lucas pulled away as a speck of blood trickled out but she just half smiled at him.

"It's okay," she whispered.

He nodded. Not that he was a prude or anything. He wasn't necessarily opposed to rough sex but he did prefer it in a more gentle manner. Besides, it was their first time together. Lucas and Peyton had been waiting for that night, that moment for two whole years. He had wanted it to be right. He had wanted it to be special. The whole nine cliché yards of silk sheets, rose petals and candles. He had dreamed of holding her in his arms and making slow, sweet tender love to her as he whispered into her ear.

"Slow down," Luke spoke softly to her as she began feverishly kissing and stroking him again.

The last thing he wanted was to rush the moment. But his girlfriend seemed to be in another world. She ignored his pleas. Instead she began kissing him all over that much faster and harder. Lucas winced as he felt her nails rake against his bare chest. He tried to move his arms but she grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the bed, removing her force just long enough to give a command.

"Take my clothes off."

She rolled over again, jerking at his pants. Suddenly it was too much. Lucas sat up and pulled away, reaching over and turning on the lights.

"Peyton, stop."

He looked her in the eye and tilted her chin so that their eyes met.

"Luke…"

"Talk to me, babe. What's going on?"

She leaned in to kiss him again but he turned his head, instead wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. Peyton looked around the room. She looked at herself, half naked, before taking a closer look at her boyfriend. Bright red scratches marred his chest and there was a small bruise across his lip.

"Do you want me?" she asked again in a childlike voice that was barely audible.

"Not like this," he answered, pulling her closer as he held her. "I love you, Peyton. And I want to make love to you. I want our first time, every time together, to be nice."

Lovingly he caressed her bare skin. Looking right in her eyes, he whispered to her just how much he loved her. Then he showered her with sweet, gentle kisses.

"Lucas…"

"You're so beautiful," he said. "And I want you so bad. Peyton Sawyer, I am so in love with you right now."

He said it and she knew he meant every single word. All he wanted was to make the experience romantic and magical for her. He wanted to treat her like a princess. Sex with Lucas was caring and fun and loving. Not only did he want her to feel like a woman, he wanted to make her feel like a lady. And for Peyton, that was too much. She didn't deserve it. Not that way. Not with him.

"I can't," she pulled away and sat up, tears in her eyes that streamed down her face.

"It's okay."

She shook her head.

"It's not okay."

Lucas used the sheet to wrap around her as he soothingly rubbed her arms.

"It's not about sex with me, Peyt. We don't even have to think about that now. I know you love me and you want to please me…I want to be with you, too but we don't have to be in any big rush. If you're not ready, it's okay. I'll be ready when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere. Hell, we have the rest of our lives for this."

She closed her eyes. He was such a wonderful guy. Lucas Scott was one of the best things to ever happen to her. She did love him. She wanted to be with him but it was hard. How could she lay there and enjoy that moment of lovemaking when she was living a lie? Peyton had been keeping a horrible secret from him and if he ever found out, it would surely destroy their relationship. Then he would never want to make love to her again and he would regret the times he already had. She was dirty. Used. Spoiled. Tainted. Derek had violated her and humiliated her body in the worst way. After all that, how could she just give herself to Lucas? And how could she ever bring herself to tell him? She was unworthy of his love and his tenderness.

"I, I'm sorry," she cried. "Lucas, I'm sorry for everything."

"Come here," he kissed her forehead. "You don't have to be sorry for anything. This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I love you, Peyton."

"I should go…"

"Can I just hold you for a little while?" he asked.

She could only nod and relax a little in his arms. She felt so safe and happy there but the feeling wouldn't last. It never did. And it never would as long as there continued to be three people in that relationship. Nothing would ever last until the demon that was Derek Helm, was finally exorcised.


	43. Love Shack

Peyton stood in front of the shelves that housed the classic vinyl record collection she had inherited from her dead biological mother, Ellie. Styx, The Beatles, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and The Ramones just to name a few. At least the woman had had taste. In fact, mother and daughter had similar tastes. Sadly and strangely, it had taken Peyton Sawyer 17 years to realize it all. Then fate had cruelly only allowed them a few short but precious moments together. Then it was all over. All that was left, was a record collection, a picture, a leather jacket and hosts of memories and questions.

Peyton had been so angry at Ellie at first. She had been angry for so many reasons. How could this woman just give up her child and walk away? And what gave her the nerve to come calmly cruising back as if it was okay? But when Ellie's cancer status had been revealed, it had changed everything. It had opened both Peyton's mind as well as her heart. She had let her birth mother back in and given her a second chance. In a short time, she had grown to love her, to admire her almost like a real daughter. Then it was over and in the blink of an eye, Peyton had lost two moms in less than ten years.

She sighed as she ran her fingers over the edges of the records' covers. She had been through so much over the last year but life in general had been tumultuous in itself from the moment her first mother, her adopted mother, Anna Sawyer had died. Peyton closed her eyes, wondering just how different life would have been had her mom not ran that one red light. Just a few seconds could have and would have changed everything. Would she even be the same Peyton, sullen and closed off to the world, at times so angry and lonely with her dark music and even darker art. Or if she'd had a woman to talk to, to be guided by during those important adolescent years, would it have made a difference? Would she have been a lighter, happier Peyton? Sadly, there was no way to find out.

Not that she'd had a terrible childhood. Larry Sawyer was a terrific father. He had always loved her with all his heart and Peyton could testify without a doubt that never a day had passed that she didn't feel loved. But being loved and feeling lonely were two separate entities. He owned his own dredging company and he worked hard. Working, often included long trips away from home out to sea. Peyton had understood. From the time she was 13 years old, she had learned to take care of herself and be independent those days, weeks and sometimes months she was left alone. At first he had hired sitters to watch over her but Peyton was too stubborn and too self sufficient for that. Bottom line, she was a good kid and a smart one and Larry had nothing but faith in the daughter he loved and trusted so much. Those lost years had been regrettable for both but it was simply a part of life and their mutual understanding.

"Hey," came the soft knock at the door.

Peyton turned around and saw Lucas waiting for.

"Hey," she replied nervously.

He had been a real sweetheart about it but for Peyton, their time together still harbored a small level of underlining awkwardness ever since that night they had almost had sex for the first time at his mother's house.

"Everything going good this morning?" he asked, walking up to her and giving her a hug.

She closed her eyes and relaxed in his strong, warm embrace. He always smelled and felt so good.

"I'm okay. How did it go?" she asked.

Lucas grinned as he answered.

"It was great, amazing. You should have been there, Peyt. We heard the heartbeat again and we got to look at it move around on the monitor. You know, every time I look at those ultrasounds, I still can't believe that's my little brother or sister in there."

Since Keith's untimely death, once again Lucas Scott was the only man in his mother's life. He had been her rock, her support system, her confidante and best friend. He was also the one that dutifully accompanied her to every obstetrics appointment.

"That's cool. I'm glad everything is okay."

Tree Hill was eagerly awaiting the birth of two Scott's.

"So you want to go grab some lunch by the docks? I'm starving. Nathan and Hales had their appointment a little earlier, in fact, they should be getting out just about now," he glanced down at his watch. "They asked if we wanted to meet them there so I said it was cool but I'd run it by you first."

Peyton nodded.

"That's fine. I'm pretty hungry myself."

She grabbed her bag and slipped on a pair of shoes, flinching as Lucas eased up behind her, rubbing her bare arms with his hands. He lovingly placed a kiss on the side of her neck.

"You look sad," he had noted her staring at her album collection and probably missing one or both moms. "You sure you feel alright?"

She turned around and smiled at him as she reached out for his hand.

"I'm fine."

They walked quietly down the stairs.

"Think your dad will want anything?" Lucas asked.

Peyton shrugged.

"I'll find out. I need to tell him we're leaving anyway."

Hand in hand, the two younger lovers turned the corner towards the kitchen. The long cord from the telephone extended from sight, disappearing into the hallway. As they came closer towards Larry and his hushed, muffled tone, they overheard the nature of his end of the conversation.

"Carl, can't you just take care of it? No…I…yes…yes…I'm not sure…listen, I'm going to need your help on this, man. I understand the predicament we're all in. I understand how important this particular job is but you, we're going to have to find someone else to go, short handed or not…of course I understand how serious this is and what the consequences may be. It's my name on this company. It took years to build Sawyer Dredging but there is absolutely no way possible I can sail to Baja, Hungary for two and a half weeks. My daughter needs me and that is more important than any gig and for that matter, the future of this company."

Peyton stopped dead in her tracks, staring up at Lucas. She hadn't heard her father that upset in a long time. He had worked his way up from the bottom at other companies before starting his own dredging company. He had worked to keep his successful business afloat for well over 20 years. Extensive travel had always been the main part of the job but he had taken a prolonged leave of absence when his daughter had been kidnapped and it had been extended after her rescue. The attention and comfort her father's continued presence had brought Peyton had been one of the few sustaining factors in her life, post Psycho Derek. It hadn't even crossed her mind there would be a time when he would have to return to work again full time and possibly take another long trip.

"Dad…what, what's going on?" she asked carefully.

Larry turned around to see Peyton and Lucas staring at him with concerned looks on their faces.

"Carl, let me get back to you," he hung up. "Hi, honey. Hey, Luke."

"Hey, Larry."

"Dad, what happened? What was Carl saying?"

He chuckled but the worry was still apparent on his face.

"It's nothing…"

"Didn't sound like nothing. What's wrong?"

The older man sighed.

"We got a big contract for this job in Hungary and our team is two men short, including a supervisor. Anyway, there was a small problem but it's okay now. I don't want you worrying about that stuff, Peyt. I talked to Carl and we got it all worked out."

Peyton frowned.

"It doesn't sound like it's worked out to me, Dad. I heard you tell him you're not going."

"I'm not."

"Why?"

He turned to his daughter and rubbed her shoulders soothingly.

"Because it's time I started getting my priorities straight. For years I put Sawyer Dredging first, in the name of making a better life for you. All it did was keep us apart. I realize now that even though I meant well, my place was home with my little girl. I refuse to make those same mistakes again. My main responsibility is to you now. You need me and this is where I plan to be."

"But I'm okay."

"I know you are, Baby Girl, and I intend to keep it that way."

"What happens if you don't go?"

"I, I don't know. The job will probably get cancelled."

"Canceling a job this close to taking off? Won't that terminate the contract?"

"Most likely," he said, regret and worry hidden deep in his voice.

"Dad, are you crazy? You can't do that. You can't do it to the company you worked so hard to build and what about the people that work for you?"

"I will deal with it, Peyton. It's alright, honey."

"But it's not alright. This is your entire business on the line. I appreciate what you're trying to do for me but it's not right. I don't want you to stay. It's only for a few weeks and I've been alright here by myself for longer than that. You should go."

"The circumstances are much different this time. I can't just leave you here by yourself. Peyton, I'll work something out with the contractors."

"Your team needs you, Dad. This job needs you. I will be fine. Go."

"That's not a good idea. Honestly, I don't think you're ready to be alone like that."

Peyton bit her lip. He was right but that was beside the point. The point was, her father's life work was possibly about to go up in smoke all because of her and her fears. It was too big of a sacrifice, one she couldn't let him make, no matter how scared she was.

"Dad…"

"I could stay," Lucas chimed in, volunteering.

Both Larry and Peyton turned to him.

"What?" Larry asked.

"I could move in, you know, temporarily. I'd take care of things around the house, most especially Peyton. I could stay over here most nights and a few times a week we could crash at Mom's so I can keep an eye on her too. That way you could go on your job and you won't lose the contract. It would probably be good for you to get away for a while, anyway. And you can do it all without having to worry about what's going on here."

Larry frowned.

"I don't know, son. I mean, I couldn't ask you to do that, besides…"

Lucas was a fine young man with his adult daughter's best interests at heart but Larry Sawyer was still a father first. He wasn't exactly comfortable leaving his house and giving the young lovers permission to shack up for the rest of the summer.

"I get it," Lucas chuckled. "Listen, Larry, I know what you're thinking but it's not about that. Yes, Peyton and I are together but I'd only be here because of what has happened. I just want to keep her safe and make sure she's not afraid."

"But…"

"Guys, um, hello. I'm standing right here, you know. I get that you're both concerned but it's me we're talking about and I do have a say."

"Alright," Larry nodded. "And how do you feel about it?"

"I think it's a great idea. I think you should go. I want you to go. I know how much you want to go. And Lucas will take good care of me. I don't need a babysitter but I know how worried you both are. He will be here and in a few weeks you'll come back and the house will still be standing and I won't be pregnant."

"Peyton!" Larry narrowed his eyes.

"It was a joke, Dad. Okay, a bad joke…a totally inappropriate joke. Sorry."

"I still don't know…"

"Larry, it's okay," Lucas reassured him. "I know this is your daughter we're talking about. I know how much you love her. Well, I love her, too."

He put his arm around his girlfriend and Larry instantly relaxed. Standing before him was the young man who had risked everything to find and rescue Peyton, including his own life. Teenagers would be teenagers but if he couldn't trust Lucas Scott, who could he trust?

"Okay," he finally exhaled.

Peyton squealed and hugged him.

"You won't regret it, Dad. Besides, you're gonna have a blast. I know how much you miss being out to sea."

"I do miss it."

"Everything here is going to be fine. You'll see."

"This isn't a love shack. No sleeping in the same bed, you two."

Lucas and Peyton looked at each other coyly and tried not to laugh.

"Okay," they both lied.

Larry gave them a skeptical glance but what could he do? The last thing he needed or wanted was for his dredging business and professional reputation to go belly up. He would worry about Peyton constantly but he knew he could rest a little easier with Lucas on the scene.

"Thank you for doing this," he turned to Luke.

"You don't have to thank me. It's a favor to you and you know I'd do anything for Peyton. Everything will be okay. I won't let you down, man."

Larry smiled. He knew he wouldn't.


	44. Chasing Cars

Peyton felt the pair of eyes beseeching her from across the room. Instantly she looked up and couldn't help but smile. He was only a few feet away but it felt like there might have been an ocean between them. Peyton Sawyer had never felt that way about another human being. Not always by choice, she had been the quintessential loner type, a tough, Miss Independent, if you will. But Lucas Scott and the unconditional love he had brought into her life had somehow changed all that. At the most vulnerable time in her life, never had she needed another human being so much. It felt scary but at the same time, all her fears were washed away. She felt safe with Lucas. They had always been friends and he had always been there to protect her. Now after two troublesome, angst filled years, he was finally her boyfriend. He was still loving, still protecting her. And after a nightmarish beginning to the summer, still in recovery with her father away on business, once again, her blue eyed, blonde haired angel had been a godsend.

"You okay?" he mouthed.

She returned his smile and motioned a makeshift yawn to let him know it was time for bed. Their eyes met and for a beautiful, fleeting moment, they were the only two in the world. They could do it all. They could do any and everything. They didn't need anything or anyone. They could just lie in each other's arms and forget the world.

"You owe me, Dawg!"

Lucas and Peyton both jumped, startled as a pair of fists belonging to their good friend, Skills Taylor, slammed against the table.

"Skills…"

"Pay up, baby! You landed on Park Place and I got a hotel on that piece so your ass owes me…"

Nathan looked at Haley and grinned.

"I don't owe you nothing, dude."

"The hell you don't."

"Actually, he's right, Skills."

Skills frowned at the pregnant beauty.

"You just saying that cause you married to him."

"I resent that. Every man for himself, right? But I'm saying it because, well, look where you are."

Skills glanced at his wheelbarrow player's piece and groaned out loud.

"Damn! Ain't that a bitch! My ass is in jail."

"That's right and you know you can't collect rent in jail. Sorry."

"That's cool," he gathered his best game face.

"The night is still young, eh, Skills?" a dimpled Brooke giggled.

Larry Sawyer had been gone for little over 48 hours and so far the Lucas/Peyton living arrangement had been working out blissfully. On a whim, Lucas had thrown hamburgers and hot dogs on the outside grill and the couple had invited over some of their friends for a low key hangout. Brooke had arrived, along with Nathan and Haley and Skills. A small, intimate gathering with the usual suspects but for Peyton it was exactly what the doctor had ordered. She was among friends, her real friends. Their company meant the world to her and for a few horrid weeks, she had wondered if she would ever be with them all again. But fate had given her a second chance and for a night, the group could have fun and just be teenagers without a worry in the world. But a little before midnight and a game of Monopoly going on its fourth hour was beginning to take its toll. Nathan, Haley and Skills could have sat there all night and so could Brooke until she caught the longing, loving looks between the hosts. It had been a good time, one sure to continue but for the time, the gang had worn out its welcome. Lucas and Peyton were obviously ready for a little alone time.

"Your turn, Luke," Nathan nodded at his brother.

Brooke cleared her throat.

"Guys, it's getting kind of late…"

"Brooke, don't be spoiling my flow. As soon as I get out of lockdown, it's gonna be on. Hell, I'm nasty at this game, baby girl. I could play all night."

She motioned at Lucas and Peyton and it didn't take long for the others to take a hint.

"I guess it is kind of late, right babe?" Haley faked yawned.

"Huh?" Nathan asked, confused until his wife gave him a not so gently nudge. "Oh yeah. We should be going."

"Oh," Skills looked around. "I get it. We cock blocking, Luke? Playa hating?"

"Skills, I just love your subtlety," Brooke stuck out her tongue. "I'll give you a ride."

"Whatever you say, but for the record, I was kicking all y'all's asses and I am still the Pimp Daddy King of Monopoly."

They all laughed and said their good nights, Peyton looked on as Lucas exchanged a few words and bumped fists with the guys.

"So?" Brooke approached her.

"So?"

"How is it? How are things?"

Peyton shrugged with a light hearted smile.

"Things are good."

"Good?" the brunette questioned. "How good?"

Peyton opened her mouth but she wasn't quite sure what to say. The feelings were there but it was hard to express them into words.

"Good," she finally sighed. "Great actually."

Brooke gave her a worried look. She wanted things to be fine with and for Peyton. In fact, she wanted nothing more. Moving on was the desired end result but Brooke knew of the secret demons her best friend still wrestled with. As strong as Peyton Sawyer was, even she couldn't just walk away from Derek's terror without emotional scarring. The smile on her face was of little convincing. Brooke could only hope and pray Lucas could and would somehow fix it. If anyone could, it was him.

"Alright. That's good, P. Sawyer. I'm glad to hear it."

"Really?" Peyton asked softly.

"Yeah," Brooke briefly brushed her hand. "I only want the best for you, you know that. I've been really worried about you. I know you say you're gonna be okay and I hope so but I can't help it. So don't get pissed off if I keep asking."

"I am okay," Peyton reassured her, grateful to have the spunky and caring brunette back in her life, as she glanced over at Lucas. "Or at least I'm gonna be."

Brooke nodded.

"Then we'll get out of here," she winked. "You crazy kids have a good night."

They all filed out of the Sawyer home until there were just two left.

"What is that I hear?" Luke dramatically put a hand to his ear. "Could that be the sweet sound of silence? Is it really all quiet."

"All quiet," Peyton reiterated as she responded to his beckoning for a hug.

In his strong, warm embrace, she melted, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his cologne.

"How was your night?" he asked, kissing the top of her head. "Did you have a good time?"

She looked up at him.

"I had a great time. It was fun everybody being together like that without all the drama. I love hanging out with Nathan and Haley and it's so good to have Brooke back in my life. And Skills? He's cool. Dangerous with a board game but nevertheless, lovable."

"Why don't you get ready for bed? It's late and I know you're tired. Go upstairs and I'll be up in a bit. I just want to clean up."

She clung to his hand. For so long her feelings for him had been suppressed. Now he'd be in her bed, holding her throughout the night. He was her love, her protector, the last face she saw before bed and the first one there when she woke up. They had been through hell to get together and now it seemed too good to be true. She loved him with all her heart and she knew he loved her. The words, as sacred, strong and beautiful as they were, could never be enough to quite capture exactly what they felt. All she wanted was to lie on that bed with him, in his arms. Only then was everything truly right with the world.

"That can wait. I'll help you tomorrow but for now, could we just…"

She had to say no more. Lucas thought his heart might burst as he held her smaller hand in his and together they slowly climbed the stairs. He wasn't naïve, just in love. He knew the future posed a long battle ahead. He knew she still needed more time to heal. But he had vowed to be there for every step of the way. He knew he was supposed to be the strength of the relationship but when he lost his, Peyton's, along with her grace, was a beautiful reminder to show him the way.

"I love you, Peyt."

"Lie with me," she breathed.

In his eyes, in his mind, she was perfect, flaws and all.

"This is nice," he sighed, in the quiet darkness. "I could lie here forever."

And so could she. Peyton closed her eyes. She felt his calloused fingertips ever so lightly stroke the small of her back. It was like becoming lost, lost in his arms, lost in the feeling, lost in the moment. Then with everything right, it would happen. A sudden unexpected jolt. A sound, a memory. For a split second she would go back, spiraling through time back to that cold floor in that empty house. Back to Derek.

"Lucas…" she called out.

"I'm right here."

And so he was. That gentle voice, a special reminder of what reality and safety was.

"I know," she whispered.

"You okay?"

What was she supposed to say? Yes? That would be a complete lie and she hated lying to Lucas especially when she was already keeping quiet about so many things. But could she say no? That wasn't completely true either. The battles, the fears, the insecurities, the shame, the flashbacks would always be there. Somehow Lucas just seemed to make it all better.

"Don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm always here for you, Peyton."

She lifted her head and looked up at him.

"I know."

"Want to talk?"

She thought for a minute. Some things were just better off left unsaid, she thought as she shook her head.

"I just want to lay here and be still and quiet and happy and forget about everything. Will you lay with me?"

Lucas answered by pulling her close. Whatever she needed and for the moment, nothing sounded better.

_**Author's Note: Chapter loosely based on concept of song, **_**Chasing Cars**_** by **_**Snow Patrol**


	45. No Way Out

Lucas blushed as he unbuckled his jeans. He pulled them down, letting them sink to the floor in a heap. From across the way, Peyton glanced over and shot him a shy smile. It had been over a week since their new living arrangements and so far, so good. The two teenagers had settled into domestic bliss, happily playing house. Lucas was there to watch over her, the ever loving and loyal protective boyfriend. In Lucas' arms was the one place she felt out of harm's way but even in the crook of his embrace, the pretty blonde was quickly finding out that even the safest of havens still couldn't completely protect her from the demons that haunted her. A chill rushed over her spine, leaving a trail of fine goose bumps that covered her bare arms.

"What?"

His voice brought her back to reality.

"What do you mean what?"

"You know what I mean. I see you looking, checking out the goods. Sizing up the merchandise," he teased.

Peyton playfully rolled her eyes, picking up a pillow and tossing it at him.

"Whatever," she mouthed.

Standing in his black Calvin Klein boxer briefs, he turned back the cover to her, now their bed. He crawled inside, clutching a tattered copy of one of one of his favorite books from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle collection of Sherlock Holmes stories. He adored the tale of the heroic sleuth who had eventually sacrificed himself to bring down the bad guy.

"I'll turn the light off in a minute. I'm just gonna read a few pages. You coming to bed soon?" he asked, not even bothering to look up from his reading.

Peyton cleared her throat.

"Yeah, um, in a minute."

She disappeared into the bathroom that adjoined to her bedroom. Glancing from the corner of her eye, she made sure he was still engrossed in his book. In the medicine cabinet she fumbled behind the box that contained tampons, searching for the small bottle. Peyton took a quick look at the prescription pills. The physicians at the hospital in Tennessee had treated her with Ambien for sleep disturbances following her horrific ordeal. She had been told to use them as needed, but truth be told, she hadn't needed them at all. Lately her nerves had been on edge. Sleep was the last thing she wanted. Life with Lucas had been wonderful but still Peyton couldn't shake that uneasy feeling. The later at night it became, the worse the feeling was like something was after her. It couldn't be controlled and even in Lucas' arms, she felt for the first time she couldn't be protected. Sleep had become less and less easy as the nights went on. She could run but she could no longer hide. Something, some one was out to get her, catching up with her. Pushing past the Ambien, she reached for a bottle of NoDoz and popped a handful in her mouth.

"Hey you," he smiled as she finally crawled into bed with him. "You tired?"

"Yeah," Peyton lied.

He put his book away and shut off the beside lamp, pulling his petite girlfriend's body closer to him.

"I'm pretty beat," Lucas sighed in the darkness. "Oh, I forgot…I have to get up pretty early in the morning. Mom is short handed and I promised I'd open up the café and supervise the a.m. shift. I won't be gone too long. Maybe you could stop by for breakfast after you wake up."

"Yeah, um, that's cool. I, I'll give you a call."

He gave her a peck on the forehead, wrapping his arms around her. Lucas was exhausted but fighting sleep, he waited for her to go first. Holding her in his arms he felt the need to safeguard her from the world and all that was wrong with it. She'd had such a hard time. He could only rest when he knew she was comfortable and at peace beside him. After a few minutes, he could feel the stillness of her body in his arms. He smiled and whispered aloud that he loved her before letting his eyes, already so heavy with fatigue, finally give way to sleep.

Peyton lay perfectly still. She was hip to the game. She knew what he was doing. And every night, she had played along. Soon Lucas was snoring softly beside her. And her heart began to pound. She could feel it coming. The physical, emotional and mental exhaustion within was too much, almost too powerful for the pills she had just swallowed. She felt her eyes and her body giving way several times but just the moment before it happened, she would catch herself.

She slowly wriggled from Lucas' embrace. He stirred in his sleep but simply turned over. Peyton held her breath, making sure indeed he was out like a light. Giving it a few minutes, she rolled onto her side, desperately fighting the sleep. She counted, recited her ABCs, tried to will her mind to busy itself with something, anything other than sleep. But it was no use. Eventually it, like everything else, got the best of her…

_Peyton opened her eyes. She wanted to close them tight again. She knew where she was. She could see it. She could smell it. She could even feel it deep in her bones. It was a suffocating existence. The darkness was like a thick cloud sucking the life out of her, making it difficult to breathe. It was hell, her own private hell, a place she had fought desperately to get away from but no matter what, it always had a way of bringing her back. When she lost her battles at night, she would be taken there and the horror would begin all over again._

"_Peyton…"_

_His voice. God, his voice! How she hated the way he called her name. It made her sick to her stomach. It made her blood run cold._

"_No," she shook her head._

_He flashed a sinister grin._

"_You've come back to me."_

"_No…"_

"_You always come back."_

_He walked towards her, his footsteps slow and deliberate, hypnotizing her as she stood frozen with fear._

"_Leave me alone."_

_But he would never leave her alone. He approached her and she shuddered where she stood. There was no way out, nowhere to go, nowhere to run. His hands touched her, rubbing all over her and she could feel his breath against her neck._

"_You belong to me, Peyton. We belong together. Always."_

"_Stop it! Don't!"_

_His hands traveled up her flat stomach, over the soft material of her bra and finally to her neck._

"_Come with me, Peyt. It's so much better over here. We can be together forever. Nothing can stop me, stop us, don't you see that?"_

_Tears slid down her face but she stood steadfast and defiant._

"_I will never be with you. I will never love you. Go back to hell where you belong, Derek!"_

"_I belong with you."_

_His eyes were so dark, so frightening._

"_This isn't real," she shook her head. "You're not real."_

_He whispered in her ear, kissing the lobe in between words._

"_I am very real. I am apart of you that you cannot escape, Peyton. Every time you come to me at night, you leave another sweet piece of yourself. Pretty soon you will be mine, all mine."_

"_No! It's over, Derek! It's over!"_

"_It'll never be over."_

"_This isn't happening! You're dead!"_

_With his arms around her, she could feel the impending doom enveloping her. She was too weak for his fight and she knew it. He had her right where he wanted her, bleeding her very soul._

"_Death is better."_

Lucas yawned and rubbed his eyes. It was after two in the morning. Restless, he sat up, looking over at his girlfriend who had rolled onto her side. Placing a quick kiss on the part of her arm exposed by the short sleeved tee shirt, he swung his long legs over the bed and stood. Careful not to wake her, he walked through the dark and down the stairs. He poured himself a glass of ice water in the kitchen and quickly downed it. Stretching his arms, he turned off the light and headed back for the bedroom. He climbed back in bed beside her, on his side facing away. It was hard to get back to sleep and Lucas hated sleep interruptions. He didn't really have the urge but at the same time, debated whether or not to get up once more and use the restroom. Instead he rolled onto his back, extending the arm closest to Peyton.

And then it happened.

She sat straight up so fast, so hard that she almost knocked herself onto the floor.

"Peyton…"

"_Nooooooo!_"

It was the longest, shrillest scream he had ever heard. He felt it to his core, her fear, her terror.

"Peyt!"

He reached out to her but it was too late. She dove in a downward motion underneath her side of the bed. He could see something in her hand, something shiny but before he could figure out what it was, she spun around to face him. Her movements were quick and sharp, almost animalistic. He watched in shock and disbelief as she drew back her right hand high and let it come crashing down with surreal force. Their eyes met and it wasn't the loving, happy, sexy green eyes of his girlfriend, Peyton Sawyer. Her eyes were scared, wild. It was like she was a different person. At the last moment, instinct broke him from his trance and cued Lucas to quickly grab her wrist and when he did, only then did he see exactly what she was holding. His breath caught in his throat. His actions had come in the nick of time. He had missed the tip of a six inch butcher's knife by half a second.


	46. About Last Night

Lucas stood behind the counter of the café, his mind a million miles away as he rung up the ticket from yet another customer. Missing was his normal friendly smile and joking demeanor that endeared the patrons. In its place, was a sullen, dazed young man lost in a sea of his own worried thought process.

"Thanks, have a nice day", he recited without an ounce of feeling.

The last place he wanted to be was at the café. In fact, he had no idea where he wanted to be but he knew it didn't involve being around a bunch of people. He needed to go someplace where he could be alone, wrap his head around the events that had unexpectedly plagued him just a few hours before in the still of the night. Lucas closed his eyes for a brief second. He could still see the shiny and sharp tip of the knife's blade barreling toward his Adam's Apple. And he could still see that look in her eye. An animalistic look that was hard to even describe. He had never seen Peyton like that.

He had grabbed her wrist and after a few seconds, it was like she slowly came back into her own body. He felt her arm loosen its grip in his. Her eyes retreated back to their normal selves. With her breathing coming in radical spurts, Peyton let go completely, letting the knife drop on the bed in the space between them. Lucas had carefully remained still for a few minutes before getting up, knife in tow, and walking around towards her side of the bed. He searched in silence for more weapons but found none. His girlfriend sat up, long tanned legs hanging over the edge of the bed, head down.

"_Peyton," _he had whispered.

But she had said nothing, instead shaking her head, tears slipping from her eyes. He gently touched her knees with his hands, moving them up her thighs until he could hold her smaller hands in his. But he stopped short. He caught a glimpse from the inside of her thigh as he moved his hand to separate her legs. Lucas gasped in horror at the ghastly sight. There were marks, dozens of them, some superficial, some deep. All self inflicted wounds.

"_My God, Peyt! What is going on with you? Babe…baby, wh…what are you doing? Please. Talk to me," _he practically begged.

It was of no use. She simply brushed him away, standing and pushing past him, running over to a corner in the room where she curled up in the fetal position and wept. And that is how they had remained. Lucas hadn't slept a wink since. All he could do was sit on the floor beside her bed in sorrow and disbelief. All he could do was watch her cry and drift off into short fits of restless slumber. When it had been time to leave for the early shift, he had debated whether or not to leave her there at all. But what could he do? She wouldn't even talk to him. And apparently it was not something that had just started. Despite the smiles and assurances that she was okay and ready to move on, it was now crystal clear that Peyton Sawyer was anything but okay.

"Lucas, can I get another cup of coffee, son?" Earl one of Karen's morning regulars asked from his counter seat.

"Huh?" Lucas asked distracted. "Oh. Um, yeah. Sure man."

He took the mug and turned to fill it from the steaming coffee pot but with an unsteady gait and zero concentration, the piping hot liquid spilled all over his bare hand.

"Lucas, are you okay?" Dottie, one of the waitresses rushed to his aid.

"Shit!" Lucas screamed out loud in pain. "I'm okay, it's okay. Earl, sorry about that. I'll get you another cup…"

"It's okay," Dottie nodded. "I'll get it. Why don't you take a break, honey? Go in the back and take care of that."

Lucas sighed without argument. The pain only registered for a few minutes. Collapsing in a chair in his mother's cramped office space, he once again tried to gather his thoughts. He sat there for what felt like forever until there was a knock on the door before the person on the other side invited themselves in.

"Dottie, I'm fine. I'll be back out there in a minute."

"Hey," a voice spoke softly.

It wasn't Dottie.

"Peyton…"

She took a seat in the chair beside him, gently touching his shoulder.

"Are you alright? Dottie said you burned your hand."

"It's nothing," he mumbled.

"Let me see it."

"Peyton!" he raised his voice angrily jerking away.

She recoiled, not used to seeing that side of her boyfriend.

"I, I just came down to see if you needed any help. Then I thought maybe we could have some lunch, you know, hit up the record store later."

Lucas stared up at her in disbelief.

"Are you serious right now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is that what you really came here for? Did you really want to help out this morning and spend the rest of the day just hanging out?"

Peyton shrugged and smiled.

"Yeah…um, what's wrong with that?"

Lucas laughed out loud. He couldn't help it. He laughed in spite of himself, in spite of the situation. He had to laugh at her.

"I can't believe it," he shook his head. "I can't believe you."

"What?"

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised, huh? I guess I should have known."

"Luke, what are you talking about?"

"Look at you. You know what, Peyton? I don't get it. I don't get you. And I don't even know if I should keep trying to figure it out anymore."

"Lucas…"

"I get that you have been through a lot. It was hell for you, a living nightmare. I won't even pretend to know how horrible that was for you. God, Peyt, you're only human. I mean, who could go through that sort of thing and not come out messed up?"

"Luke…"

"It's normal," he ignored her. "You're not okay. How could anyone expect you to be okay. This is all my fault. I failed you."

"What are you saying?" she asked softly.

"You need help, Peyton. You need real help, not the kind I, we've been giving you. I believed you. I believed it when you said you were fine. I, I thought it was over. I guess I wanted it to be. It would be easier for you that way, hell as selfish as it sounds, easier for me too, I guess…"

"About last night…"

He looked her in the eye.

"Yeah Peyton. What about it? Because we seriously need to talk about it."

"I'm sorry," she looked away.

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm not mad at you but you do need help."

"It's not what you think."

"Then what the hell is it? I mean, please explain it to me."

"I had a stupid nightmare."

"Nightmares are one thing. I've had them before, we all have but I have never woken up with a butcher's knife in my hand ready to slit someone's throat."

"You're making a big deal about nothing. Why are you being so dramatic?" Peyton muttered defensively.

"Peyton, you had a knife under your bed! You didn't say a word, you didn't even look! If I had not grabbed your wrist…God knows what would have happened. You, you could have killed me. You could have hurt yourself and judging by those marks on your legs, it looks like you've already been doing that…on purpose."

"It's not what you think."

"Then what is it? Huh? Tell me, Peyton, please because I would really like to know!"

"Don't yell at me."

He bit his lip, his growing frustration getting the better of him. He didn't want to yell at her, he didn't mean to. It was only because he loved her so much and at that moment he had realized just how vulnerable she truly was.

"How long, Peyt? You have to be honest with me. I want the truth. How long have you been sleeping with the knife? How long have you been hurting yourself?"

"You don't understand."

"Then make me understand. You keep saying that. I am here and I have always been here. Talk to me. Whatever it is, whatever you have to say, no matter how horrible it might sound, I promise you, Peyton, I swear to God there is nothing you could ever say or do that could make me stop loving you."

She fidgeted nervously in her seat before standing and pacing around the small room.

"It's not all the time. Some days, some nights are harder than others. I, I just got freaked out."

"You need help."

"I'm not crazy!" she angrily spat.

"No one is saying you're crazy but these things that are happening to you…obviously it's messing with your head a lot. Unless you confront it, unless you let me in, unless you let me help you, it's not gonna go away, Peyton. _He's _not gonna go away. Let me help you get through this, baby."

He extended his hand but she shook her head and slowly backed away.

"You can't just fix everything, Lucas! I can do this, I have to deal with it in my own way, on my own."

"What kind of person would I be? What kind of man, boyfriend, friend would I be to walk away when you're in so much pain? I can't let you keep doing this to yourself."

"Let it go, Lucas," she mouthed tersely.

"You told me once that by moving on and taking back your life was the only way Derek didn't get to win. Don't you see? He's still winning. He's still in there and in there," Lucas pointed to her head and heart. "Maybe I can't fix this one but I can find people that can."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you talking about one of those hospitals?"

"Babe, I don't know. There are lots of options, okay? Yes, there are hospitals but there is also a lot of outpatient treatment as well. Whatever you want, alright? Just as long as you agree to some kind of professional help."

"Yeah right. So they can lock my crazy ass away in a padded room."

"That's not gonna happen. I won't let that happen."

"Having second thoughts yet, Luke?"

"What?"

"Maybe now you realize you made a big mistake, that you chose the wrong friend."

"Peyton…"

"Brooke with her cute one liners and care free, party girl attitude. Issue free, huh? I just bet you're longing for those days. Well, I'm not standing in your way. There's the door. You don't have to have me committed to the psych ward just to have an easy out."

"Don't turn this around on me. Look, I don't want to fight with you."

"I don't want to fight with you either."

"Then can we just talk about it?"

"I'm done talking, okay? I don't have anything else to say, Luke. Just let it go."

"Excuse me, guys," came a knock at the door from Dottie. "I…I don't mean to interrupt but I'm having a problem with the credit card machine…"

"No interruption at all, Dottie," Peyton said. "I was just leaving."

"Peyton," Lucas called out.

"I'll be at home waiting but I've said everything I have to say about it. If you can't accept that, then maybe you shouldn't come back."

With that, she walked off without another word. Leaving Lucas stunned and heartbroken.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It wasn't you, Dottie," Lucas sighed. "Trust me, it's much bigger than that. Much bigger."


	47. And The Band Played On

Water Street, given its name due to its picturesque and idyllic location right next to the Cape Fear River, was lined on both sides. It appeared as if every citizen in the township of Tree Hill had come out for the celebration parade. Children waved brightly colored balloons as vendors cheerily sold cotton candy and fresh squeezed lemonade. It was a bright and sunny summer day as the Tree Hill High School band played on. The main attraction was the beautifully decorated float that carried the town's most famous resident. Wearing a khaki skirt and tank top with a pretty matching blouse, she rode atop a classic cherry red 1965 Ford Mustang convertible. Her lips curved into the smile that was so absent from her green eyes that harbored a certain aloofness. The crowd screamed her name and threw rose petals as her right hand mechanically waved every few minutes.

Nearby, just a block away in front of the Hilton Hotel, a podium had been set up. It was the place where the mayor would introduce her and she would then be expected to give a speech. An elaborate reception would await inside the hotel's luxurious Grand Ballroom for everyone to enjoy. It was a celebration Dan Scott had pushed for ever since the dramatic rescue of Peyton Sawyer. And on a warm Sunday afternoon weeks later, he would finally get his wish, a hero's welcome for the most unlikely of heroines.

A few feet away, an uneasy Lucas stood nearby, keeping a careful and watchful eye on the day's events. It was a bad idea, the last thing Peyton needed but his pleas and outcries had fallen on deaf ears. No one knew the truth, the depths of Peyton's pain, the dark and disturbing reality that haunted her. Only Lucas was aware and his soul had been in torment ever since. More than anything he wanted to give her the help she so desperately needed but that was easier said than done. When he had realized just how troubled she was, he had confronted her in his mother's office and she had gone through the motions of indifference then denial then outright anger. Her ultimatum had been simple…drop it or get lost. But he could do neither. He had gone back to her house but the relationship hadn't been the same. He hadn't breathed a word about the incidents to another living being, torn between fear mixed with uncertainty and loyalty to his girlfriend and her privacy. Still he knew he had to act and act fast before it was too late.

"Why the long face, Cowboy?"

He looked up to see the half smile of Brooke Davis.

"Hey. Um, what's up?"

"Nothing much," she shrugged. "Just thought I'd come and check out Papa Dan's celebration. I'll admit the guy really knows how to throw a party."

"Yeah," Lucas muttered. "Some party."

"You okay?" she asked, noticing just how bothered he actually was.

He looked over at Peyton then again right at Brooke. There was no more denying it.

"No. No, Brooke. I am not okay. Peyton is not okay. In fact, none of this is okay."

"What's going on?"

Before he could answer her, he saw his brother and a very pregnant Haley walking towards them. Trailing closely behind was Larry Sawyer.

"Look who we found," Haley grinned, rubbing her swollen belly.

"Larry," Lucas seemed surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"The job finished up a few days early and face it, I just couldn't stay away a minute longer. How's our girl?"

Lucas hesitated for a moment, staring at Larry, Brooke, Nathan and Haley.

"You alright, man?" Nathan frowned.

Lucas exhaled, shifting his weight nervously.

"No. Look, guys we need to talk. There is something I need to tell you…something I've been keeping from you all. I guess in a way, I was trying to protect Peyton but this isn't helping her."

"Did something happen while I was away?" Larry narrowed his eyebrows.

"Peyton is in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

Lucas shook his head.

"It's not good, not good at all. She's really messed up from what happened with Derek. Peyton keeps telling us that everything is okay with her. We all believed that. I really wanted to believe that but it's just not the case, it's anything but."

"What happened?"

"Peyton isn't sleeping at night. I think she's afraid to go, I think she has these terrible nightmares. She won't talk about it but whatever has her so afraid, it has her freaked out enough to carry a knife."

"A knife?" Brooke made a face. "What the hell is she gonna do with a knife?"

"Besides almost take my head off?" Lucas asked rhetorically.

A silence fell among the small crowd as their eyes widened, trying to take in and process what Lucas had just said.

"What are you talking about, Luke?" Haley questioned. "What do you mean Peyton tried to take your head off with a knife?"

He sighed.

"She was sleeping. I got out of bed for some water and when I came back…I don't know. It happened so fast. I thought she was still sleeping, maybe she was having a bad dream. Whatever the hell it was, she reached under her bed and pulled out a knife. The look in her eyes…I can't explain it. It was weird, like it wasn't even Peyton. Anyway, if I hadn't grabbed that blade, let's just say I wouldn't be here now to tell the story."

"Wait a minute," Larry began. "Are you sure? I know everything Peyton went through with the school shooting and with Derek but I also know my little girl. Peyt is not a violent person. I just can't believe she would do something like that."

"Larry, it was hard for me to believe it too and I probably wouldn't have had I not seen it with my own eyes."

"Peyton wouldn't do something like that."

"Maybe because it's not Peyton," Brooke spoke up.

"What do you mean?" Haley asked.

"Lucas is right," she continued, glancing over at her friend who in the midst of the adoring crowd, seemed to be in a fog. "Just look at her. That's not out P. Sawyer and how could she be? Yeah, she's strong but she's not Superwoman. Peyton has some serious issues. The girl is really messed up and who could blame her. I didn't know about the knife but I did know she was afraid to go to sleep. I also know she needs help, real help."

"It's more than that," Lucas added. "She, um…Peyt has been hurting herself."

"Hurting herself?" Larry repeated with disbelief.

"A while ago I noticed she cut her hand. I thought it was some random accident washing dishes and breaking a glass or something. But it's more than that. A whole hell of a lot more. Peyt cuts herself on purpose. She does it in places that are hard to see but I saw the wounds with my own eyes and it was bad."

Haley closed her eyes leaning against her husband for support.

"This is so horrible. God, I feel so responsible. I mean, what were we thinking? Were we actually naïve enough to believe she could get through all this on her own?"

"We weren't naïve," Brooke answered softly. "We were just hopeful."

"What do we do now?" Nathan sighed.

"We get her help," Lucas said emphatically. "We owe Peyt that. Look, I know it won't be easy and I know she's gonna be pretty pissed at all of us but believe me, this is for the best."

Larry took a deep breath. His heart was breaking into a million pieces all over again. It killed him to know what his child was dealing with in secret. He wished he could take away all her pain. He loved Peyton more than anything. All he had ever wanted to do was help her. All he had ever seemed to do was fail her.

"Okay," he started to march off.

"Larry, what are you doing?" Lucas grabbed his arm.

"This stops now. It never should have gotten this far. My daughter is in real trouble."

"I know. I feel the same way you do but we can't do it like this. Just wait until all this is over. We'll talk to her tonight at home after the event."

A reluctant Larry finally agreed just as they watched an exuberant Dan take center stage.

"Good afternoon, my fellow citizens. Oh please, enough applause. You're too kind," Dan grinned soaking up every ounce of fanfare. "I welcome you downtown in the heart of Tree Hill for this very special event. As you all know, a tragic and unfortunate circumstance happened to one of our very own at the beginning of this summer. Peyton Sawyer was kidnapped from her home. Thankfully, a few weeks later, she was rescued and returned to us safely. During the time of Miss Sawyer's disappearance, our tight knit community pulled together, working feverishly to bring our girl home. And now here she is. Peyton Sawyer is a heroine, a survivor. We are blessed and beyond thrilled to have her back. This parade and the reception that follows is in her honor. So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, the star of today's show…Peyton Sawyer."

The crowd erupted into thunderous applause and the band played as a nervous young woman took her place at the podium with hesitation. She stood, looking at the sea of people gathered just to get a glimpse at her. She felt a chill creep across her body. Suddenly her stomach felt very unsettled, her knees were a little wobbly and her palms were sticky with sweat. She didn't know what to do or say. Getting the crowd pumped at Tric all those nights had come so naturally, then again that felt like a lifetime ago. She stared down at the prepared speech she had tired to write out on some note cards but it suddenly began to feel useless and stupid.

"Um, hi, everybody. I…I guess I just want to say thanks for coming out. All this for me…I mean, it's really cool and I'm grateful but somehow it doesn't make a lot of sense. I really don't know what to say right now except to thank all of you for what you did back when you tried to find me. Mayor Scott says I'm your hero. I, I don't think that's entirely true. I don't really feel like a hero or anything. I…I'm just a girl. An incredibly unlucky girl who really doesn't deserve any of this. I, uh…I'm sorry. I, I, I don't think I can do this. I…"

Her eyes darted around as her heart began to race. Peyton felt like she was about to have a panic attack. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to go. But in a few seconds, there he was, just like always. Lucas Scott was there to protect her, right by her side.

"It's okay, Peyt."

"Lucas…" she whimpered.

He covered the microphone and put a loving arm around her, shielding her from the crowd. He ignored the murmurs and the look on Dan's face as he guided her to the exit that led to the alley where his car was parked. In the background, in an effort to stall and save face, a Tree Hill High music teacher directed the band to play. Thousands of people stood stunned even as the trumpets and clarinets blared. The incident that had just happened before them was further evidence of a drastic mental and emotional decline, a desperate young woman crying out for help. But for a few fleeting seconds, it didn't matter. He held her in his arms as she cried. All he wanted to do was love her and protect her. Nothing else mattered.


	48. Much Ado About Nothing

Larry glanced over to the passenger side of his car. The sun's reflection cast a beautiful, almost angelic like glow across the face of his only daughter. It was hard to peel his eyes away and keep them on the road. She actually had a smile on her face and at that one moment, despite the tragedy and turmoil of the past, Peyton Sawyer looked so innocent and at peace.

"What?"

He shook his head.

"Nothing. I, I was just thinking back to when you were little. On Sundays when it was hot, you, me and Mom would go out for ice cream, then we'd take long rides along the coast," he sighed with fond remembrance of happy family times from long ago.

Peyton closed her eyes.

"I remember," she said softly. "Butter pecan was her favorite. We'd um, we'd have the best times, the three of us."

It was a lifetime ago when they had a family and they were normal. Since Anna's death, it seemed like little had been normal. Staring absently out the window as the car maneuvered slowly down the residential street, Peyton finished the rest of her double chocolate chip ice cream cone. She was tired, exhausted even, feeling like the weight of the world rested on her tiny shoulders. After all the drama and heartache of the last year…the school shooting, the ordeal with Derek…the aftermath had now proven to be the hardest part. Peyton was tired of not being herself anymore, tired of fighting with Lucas, tired of struggling to prove a mute point to all her friends. A quiet Sunday alone with her dad, walking by the docks, driving on the coast and eating ice cream had been exactly what she needed.

"Come on, honey," Larry said as he parked and stepped out of the car.

He offered his hand to his daughter and she gladly accepted it. They slowly walked to the door of their house but Larry stopped them two steps short of entering. Tears filled his eyes and he desperately, gallantly fought them back.

"Dad, what's wrong?" she asked, confused.

He said nothing. All he did, all he could do was hold her tight. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity, his baffled daughter locked inside his strong death grip of an embrace. Finally they walked inside to a not so empty house.

"Peyt…"

Peyton looked around the living room. Karen, Lucas, Nathan, Haley and Brooke were sitting before her, along with a strange bearded man, whom she had never seen before.

"What's all this?" she eyed the small crowd skeptically. "What's going on?"

"Hello, Peyton," smiled the bearded man as he approached her, extending his hand.

"Who are you? How do you know my name? How did you get in my house?"

The questions seemed to tumble out of her mouth. She was apprehensive and rightfully so, considering everything she had been through.

"It's okay. My name is Dr. Henry Pelsinger. I work at a wonderful hospital just about an hour from here. Your friends and your father asked me to come down here today to be with them when they talked to you."

Peyton shook her head. Something didn't feel right.

"Look, everything is okay. And even if it wasn't, I don't need to talk to you. You shouldn't have come."

"Peyton…"

"Dad?" she backed away, her eyes staring helplessly at her father.

Larry looked at Peyton, then at Dr. Pelsinger. Suddenly pangs of doubt and guilt swept over him. Maybe they were doing the wrong thing, or at least going about it the wrong way. How could he ever go through with it, with her looking at him like that? Glancing over at the mantle was a smiling, beautiful picture of his late wife, Anna. She was his, their, special guardian angel. Through that picture she was willing him strength and so was Lucas who gave him a nod of encouragement.

"It's okay, honey. Dr. Pelsinger is only here because we called him. He is here to help you."

"But I don't need any help."

"Yes, Peyt. Yes, baby, you do. It took me a while to finally realize that. I'm your father and I love you. It's my job to protect you. I think this is best."

"What the hell are you trying to do?" she asked defensively. "I mean, what is this? Are, are you trying to put me away?"

"Peyton, let everyone go around the room and have a chance to say something to you. Then we will discuss our plan," Dr. Pelsinger gently suggested.

"Screw that," Peyton furiously shook her head. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear from any of you. How could you do this to me? Lucas?"

Lucas took a deep breath as he looked up.

"I love you, Peyt. You know that. You've got to know that by now. And I want to be with you. I want us. You are a wonderful friend and a wonderful girlfriend. You complete me, you make me happier than you'll ever know. But this…whatever is going on with you…it isn't you, Peyton. And you know what? That's not your fault. It still doesn't take away the fact that you need help, real help. More help than me or Larry or space has been able to give you. I want you to be happy, I want you to get better. Babe, I want you to be okay again."

"No, Lucas!" tears streamed from her eyes. "You don't get it. I'm sorry, okay? It was an accident. It was a mistake. It…"

"It was a cry for help," he finished softly. "I'd do anything in the world for you. Your safety, your happiness, your well being means more to me than my own. I'd risk any and everything for you and right now I'm willing to risk you being mad at me, if it means helping you out in the long run."

"You're full of it, you know that? You make me sick, Lucas. I'm not listening to you. All you've done since the moment I met you is complicate my life more."

She was crying but her growing anger was more than evident. The harsh words tore at his heartstrings much like the knife she had attempted to stab him with. For a split second he began to second guess himself as well but the doctor was right there for backup. He had warned them all that she would most likely react by crying, yelling, accusing, manipulating.

"Karen…" Dr. Pelsinger nodded.

"What the hell are you even doing here?" Peyton spat. "This is none of your damned business. Don't you have cakes to bake or something? Just take your son and both of you get the hell out of my house!"

Karen swallowed hard.

"Peyton, I know you are very angry. You have the right to be upset, sweetie. I'm only here for two reasons. I care about you and I care about Lucas. You have been through a lot and it has taken a devastating toll on you. I want you to get better. Lucas wants that, too. I am also here in support of my son, the son that loves you more than anything. We are only doing this because we care."

Peyton crossed her arms. She couldn't believe it.

"Not you too," she motioned over at Nathan.

He shrugged and sighed.

"I guess I'm kind of like the last person you'd expect to be a part of something like this."

"Yeah because it's total bullshit," she rolled her eyes.

"You need help, Peyton. A lot of bad stuff has happened to you. It's really messed you up. So what if you don't have all the answers? It's okay. But there are a lot of people here who care about you, including me. You don't have to go through this alone."

"I can't believe you. I can't believe any of you…"

"Look, it won't hurt to at least talk to someone, get your feelings out. Peyton, this isn't an ambush or an attack against you," Haley began. "We're on your side."

"Sure feels like it," the blonde muttered sarcastically.

"We are," Brooke finished. "I can't pretend to know how bad this must be for you but it is bad. It's really bad. I totally get that. But you can beat this thing. If anyone can, it's you. You can take your life back from losing both your moms, from losing Jake and Jenny, from Jimmy Edwards, from Psycho Derek, and from everything that has ever hurt you. This might seem like a sucky way to do things but right now, it's the only way. You might not understand it now, but one day you will and one day you'll really appreciate it. You're gonna be fine, Friend, just fine. I know it and I'll be here for you. Team Sawyer all the way, right?"

"Screw you, Brooke. I don't need your lame ass pep talks. You probably want to get rid of me so you can have Lucas back."

"Peyton…"

"Whatever. I don't care. You can have him right now in fact because at this moment, I am officially through with all of you. You suck. You are like the worst friends and the worst boyfriend and the worst father ever!"

Dr. Peslinger took his cue.

"Everyone has had the opportunity to voice their opinions. You in turn, Peyton, have responded. It is quite obvious and understandable that you are feeling very emotional and vulnerable at this time. Some of your experiences have traumatized you. Pretending it never happened and trying to deal with it on your own doesn't work. It never works, Peyton, but I don't have to tell you that. Only you know what's going on in your life, what you're dealing with, what you're feeling. I have no ulterior motives…I am a doctor. I help people. It's what I do and it's what I love. The people in this room love you and they only want what is best for you."

"Yeah? And what's that?"

"A 30 day inpatient treatment program at my facility for starters. It is a safe and clean place. The staff is very knowledgeable, very personable, very friendly. In no way do I want you to associate it with your experience being kidnapped when you were locked away. I give you my word it will not be like that. You will receive the initial psychiatric evaluation which will tell us where you, we, stand. After that, the appropriate treatment regimen will begin. We focus on a lot of group therapy, occupational therapy, individual counseling. It would be beneficial for you. I think you should give it a chance."

"No way. Look, I don't blame you and if you're trying to help, then that's fine but I don't need you. I guess nobody here believes that but I don't care anymore. I don't want you. I'm an adult, okay? I am 18. I don't have to do this, I don't have to stand here and listen to any of you. And I'm not a little kid so I damn sure don't have to go with you to your stupid hospital just because my dad says so. You guys have a choice…you can leave or I can leave right now because as far as I'm concerned, this conversation is over."

"Actually, baby, you can't do that," Larry said in a flat voice.

"Dad, what are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, honey. We figured you would do this. There was no other way."

Peyton felt her heart begin to race as she turned to the doctor.

"What does that mean? What did you guys go and do? What are you talking about 'no other way'? What the hell are you up to?"

Dr. Peslinger pulled out a form and handed over to Peyton.

"This is what we call an involuntary admission. A petition to the court was made by your father, Larry Sawyer, a few days ago. The county magistrate signed this adult custody form this morning. It allows us to commit you up to 24 hours against your will. Pending the first evaluation, you can be released. Since honesty and open communication is the basis of our course of therapy, I will tell you that the chances of that happening are very unlikely. After 48 hours, you can receive the services of an attorney if you so choose to go to court to overturn the ruling."

"What? You're locking me away? You went to court behind my back?"

"Peyton, I…" Larry rushed towards her.

"Lucas," she had tears in her eyes and voice. "No! Don't! Baby, please! I love you, Lucas! You said you love me too!"

"I do love you, Peyt."

"No! If you loved me, if you really loved me, you would protect me! You wouldn't let them do this to me! Please! I can't go there!"

They all cared about her and it tore them up to see the fear in her eyes, hear the desperation and pain in her voice.

"Peyton, please come with me. I am here to help you, not hurt you. Let's make this as easy as possible," Dr. Pelsinger said in a gently yet firm voice.

She wanted to run, to scream, to throw everything in the goddamned house. But in the end, all she could do was go with him. It was a conspiracy. They had all plotted against "crazy Peyton" and won. They watched in silence as she followed the physician out to his car. Larry, overwrought with emotion, went upstairs alone but Lucas couldn't just let her go, not like that. He took off in a sprint, headed towards the cream colored sedan before it took off.

"You're gonna be fine, baby. You'll see. It's gonna be okay. You'll get help and you'll get better. I'll always be here for you. As soon as I'm allowed, I, we'll all be up there in a couple of days to visit you."

Peyton gave him an icy stare, eerily resembling that inhuman look in her eyes the night she almost killed him.

"Don't bother. You've done enough, trust me."

"Peyton, I…"

"What you love me? You're doing this for me?"

"Well, yes."

She smirked shaking her head as the car slowly pulled away from the curb.

"I will never forgive you for this. I will never forgive any of you."


	49. The Four Letter Word

The door opened dramatically and in huffed the sullen, tight lipped blonde. She entered without a word, instead plopping down on her bed, reaching underneath for a pencil and sketchpad. She drew absent lines on the paper, nothing of any importance or significance. But it was something to do, perhaps the only thing she could do. The past 96 hours had been surreal. Her mind had been angrily reeling the entire hour or so drive it took to arrive at the treatment center. At least it didn't look like a psycho ward for loony bins. In fact, it was a rather nice establishment, that on the outside resembled more of a country club. The inside was nice as well, a welcome contrast to the normal smells and sights one would find in a hospital. Still to Peyton Sawyer looks could be very deceiving and it was what it was. She had been committed against her will by the people she trusted the most.

The first 24 hours had been non stop psychiatric evaluations from various staff members. Afterwards, she had been confined to the holding room, which resembled more of a jail cell. It was a small room with a single bed in the corner and not much else designed to detain involuntary admissions. She had waited for the results of the mental and emotional assessment to come back and when they had, the outcome at least for Peyton, had not been good. Dr. Pelsinger had refused to release her, even for outpatient therapy. And thus the battle for freedom had begun. She had been appointed an attorney who had gallantly escorted her to court to plead her side of the case. She was a regular 18 year old girl who had suffered through some rather traumatic life experiences. She was doing the best she could, sometimes stumbling along the way on that road to recovery. Overbearing and overzealous friends and family had crossed boundaries and the whole thing had been a very unnecessary misunderstanding. It was a good argument, but the judge was not buying it. The court order remained intact and Peyton had been released alright, right back into the custody of Dr. Henry Pelsinger and his facility.

She had been moved to another room that included a roommate and looked more like a hotel suite than a holding cell. None of it mattered though. It didn't change anything. Rebellion and defiance marked her stay. Hell would have to freeze over and thaw out five more times before she would cooperate. After all, they couldn't keep her there forever. Eventually they would see she did not pose a danger to herself or anyone else. Then they would have to let her go and leave her alone. Peyton had no idea what she would do or where she go but she knew exactly what she wouldn't do and where she wouldn't go. Returning to Tree Hill would not be an option and neither would contact with her supposed loved ones. Sighing heavily from her bed, she paid no attention to the young blonde sitting on the other bed just a few feet away.

"Peyton," came a voice and a knock at the door.

"What?" she muttered, not even bothering to look up.

It was Dinah, one of the staff counselors.

"Could I speak with you for a minute?"

"Sure. You can speak all you want. Doesn't mean I have to listen…or respond," she retorted.

Dinah, cleared her throat, ignoring Peyton's snide remark, used to insolence from the newer admits that did not want to be there.

"I was just stopping by to remind you that your group therapy session begins in 15 minutes."

"So…"

"So I was hoping that you would attend. It is part of your required schedule, besides, I was really looking forward to seeing you."

"Thanks but no thanks," a stubborn Peyton mumbled.

"And you had an individual session with Dr. Pelsinger earlier this morning. How did that go?"

Peyton shot her an icy glare.

"You know how it went. I showed up, he talked, I kept my mouth shut and it was over. Just the way I like it."

Dinah sighed.

"Dear, I understand your frustration but we are here to help you, believe it or not. I think if you participated every now and then, you'd see that it would really benefit you."

"Whatever."

"I see. That's your prerogative. If you choose not to come to group, I respect that."

"Close the door on your way out," Peyton instructed.

"Just one more thing…"

"What?" an exasperated Peyton snapped.

"You have a phone call. Someone named Lucas Scott is holding on the line to speak with you."

"Tell him I died."

"Peyton…"

"What?" the angry blonde looked right at her. "I don't care what you tell him but there's no way I am talking to him today or any other day. I won't go to the phone and you can't make me. You may as well tell him I'm dead because as far as I'm concerned, he's dead to me."

The door quietly closed and Peyton cursed to herself. He had some nerve. In fact, Lucas had no right. None of them did. They had done this to her, committed her against her will to some crazy farm. She didn't deserve to be there, she didn't want to be there and when she said she would never forgive them, she meant it.

"Refusing to speak to the family, huh?"

Peyton looked over at the petite and pretty blonde sitting on the opposite bed.

"That's none of your business."

"No, it's not, I guess. Just an observation. You're Peyton, right?"

"Yeah."

"Sydney Preston. We're roommates so I figured I'd introduce myself."

"Don't bother."

Sydney chuckled.

"You're pissed off. I get that. Let me guess. Some emotional crisis made you all mental and your friends and family freaked and had you sent here as an involuntary admit, right?"

Peyton frowned.

"Who told you?"

"Nobody had to tell me anything. Actually, I saw it on the news. You're kind of famous, dude. But even if I hadn't have seen it, I would have figured it out. You hang around one of these places long enough and you get a sixth sense about things."

"How long have you been here?"

"This time? Almost a month."

"How many times have you been here?"

"Third time's a charm, or at least that's what they say. Anyway, this place isn't so bad."

"Speak for yourself."

"It could be a lot worse, trust me."

Peyton nervously tapped her pencil against her sketch pad.

"Did they do the same thing to you? Make you come here when you didn't want to."

"Not this time. I came on my own but yeah before they did. The first time I was ever here they brought me to this place kicking and screaming."

"Who? Your lame ass parents or your lame ass boyfriend or both?"

"None of the above. Yeah, my parents are pretty lame but I haven't seen them in like ten years. When I was five my dad took off and five years after that my mom turned me over to the state. I was a ward of the court and that's who sent me here."

"Why?"

"Why not? I was really screwed up. I knew it, I just didn't care. It was a suicide attempt, see?" she flashed horrifically scarred wrists. "A pretty bad one at that but whatever."

Peyton swallowed hard, trying not to think about her own self inflicted wounds.

"What about now? You tried to kill yourself again?"

Sydney shook her head.

"I have an eating disorder. I binge eat and then I throw it up. Been doing it for years."

"You look okay to me," Peyton said out loud.

When she thought of severe bulimics she thought of grotesquely skinny girls with their ribs poking out. Sydney was thin but she did look healthy.

"Yeah, I got help for it and for a while it was pretty much under control but I had a couple of relapses. Anyway, I'm almost at my goal weight but the bulimia is catching up with me. It kind of destroys your body after a while. It really messed with my electrolytes and stuff. My potassium got so low it could have killed me. I'm 5'7'' and I was down to like 87 pounds not too long ago."

"Oh my God."

"Pretty scary, you should have seen me. I looked like the freaking Crypt Keeper but the whole time I actually thought I was fat. I weigh about 120 now and I haven't puked since I've been here. A few more therapy sessions and maybe Dr. Pelsinger will release me."

"Good luck," Peyton rolled her eyes. "I think keeping people prisoner is sort of his thing."

"It's not like that. He's a good guy and a good doctor. He just wants to help."

"If he helped you, that's great but I don't need his help."

"You could talk to him."

"For what? I have nothing to say."

Sydney shrugged.

"You could tell him about your nightmares."

Peyton's head spun around.

"What did you say?"

"Dude, I sleep right next to you. You moan and cry and scream in your sleep. I can't help but hear it. Anyway, it sounds pretty scary. Maybe he could help you. Maybe if you talked about it…"

"No!"

"Talking about stuff gets it out there, it gets your feelings out so you can deal with it."

"Talking about stuff makes it happen."

"You mean that Derek guy?"

Peyton bit at her lip.

"What do you know about it?"

"I know what I saw on the news. I know one of your friends turned out to be a psycho and kidnapped you and stuff. Your dad and your boyfriend had to rescue you."

"Shit happens. It's over now."

"Is it? Because it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you're pretty messed up still. I mean, I don't blame you. What happened sucks but you still have to face it. That must be pretty scary but at least you don't have to face it alone. There are people here and that Lucas guy that just called? He's your boyfriend, right?"

"Ex. It's over."

"Too bad. Sounds like a good guy."

"He's too good. He thinks he knows everything but he doesn't. Anyway, this is all his fault. Obviously I can't trust him so why be with someone you can't trust?"

"It is your business but I think you've got it all wrong. Yeah, our problems are different but in the end when it is something that is eating at you, hurting you, and destroying your life, it's all kind of the same. I used to be like you. I was so mad I couldn't see straight. But being angry all the time doesn't solve anything. Look, I don't know exactly what's going on inside your head but it seems pretty screwed up. You keep saying it's gonna be okay, it's gonna get better and that you can do it on your own. Think about it, Peyton. Has any of that happened yet? No. So my thing is, don't knock it until you try it. I mean, you've got nothing to lose."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Maybe so and I will leave you alone just promise me you'll think about what I said. It's not coming from some fancy doctor or some after school special. It's coming from someone who's kind of been where you are now…lonely, angry, confused and afraid. And whatever happens, just don't turn your back on the people that love you like your friends and your dad and Lucas. Hell, at least you've got people that care. Some of us don't even have that. And some of us would do anything to get better and it's like we still can't but you have a shot, Peyton. Don't walk away from all that. Don't let your fear get the best of you. Don't let _him _get the best of you. You don't have to be afraid anymore, Fear is just a four letter word."

With that, Sydney stopped talking and put her earphones back on, leaving Peyton all alone with her sketchpad and a lot to think about. Taking a deep breath, she lay down, back to Sydney as tears trickled down her face. Never had she felt so alone or so frightened. Nobody understood, how could they? How would they know how it felt like to lose two moms? To always have your father gone? To be depressed? To be an outcast? To be called a dyke and have to deal with harassment and backlash? To lose friend after friend, loved one after loved one? To be trapped in a school, terrified out of your mind, bleeding to death with a mad gunman on the loose? To be kidnapped, beat, raped and tortured by someone you thought you could trust? How would anyone who went through all that open up and deal with it? How could anyone understand?


	50. I'll Show You My Pain

Peyton stared absently into the distance as the others around her carried on with their conversations. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It had almost been two hours in that room with all those people. Two counselors, one nurse, Dr. Pelsinger, Peyton and seven fellow patients. It was the clinic's inpatient group therapy, sessions Peyton had been trying her best to avoid it since her arrival. But something inside her had changed even though she couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was. Maybe it was the presence and influence of her roommate, Sydney. Maybe it was part of the plan of giving them a little bit of what they wanted in order to speed up her release. Maybe it was the sheer curiosity of what went on in those closed door meetings. Maybe it was the overwhelming fatigue wearing her down. Maybe it was a combination of all four. But whatever it was, Peyton Sawyer sat quietly chewing on a piece of gum half heartedly listening as the others went on.

"My, my name is Connie," said the girl sitting closest to Peyton on the end.

"Hi, Connie," the group chimed in.

Peyton rolled her eyes. It was just like it was on TV in those stupid meetings.

"I, um, I'm here because I have a lot of psychological and emotional issues going on, I guess. It was kind of hard to deal with it, to admit it at first but with Dr. Pelsinger's help, I'm finally getting at the place where I can talk about it."

"What do you want to share with the group today, Connie?" Dr. Pelsinger asked.

Connie shrugged and took a deep breath before continuing.

"I was a carefree college student, going to class, partying all the time with my friends, you know, just enjoying life and all. One night…one night I went out with this guy who I thought I really liked but he turned out to be a real jerk. I was stranded in town at this bar so I called one of my friends, Danny, to come get me. We weren't like the best of friends or anything but we hung out sometimes and he was a really cool guy. I thought I could trust him."

"What happened?"

"Danny came and picked me and we were headed back to campus but he stopped the car just before we got there. Said he wanted to talk. Then…then he started acting all weird. I kind of got freaked out. He started saying how much he loved me and how he always had. Then he started touching me. I, I told him no. I screamed, God, I begged but, but…it didn't matter. He forced himself on me. It was the most horrifying night of my life."

"Did you tell anyone?"

"Not for a long time," she shook her head sadly. "I felt so dirty and it was so scary I just decided to put it out of my mind, pretend it never happened. On the outside it seemed like I was okay. On the inside I was a mess. Eventually I couldn't hide it anymore….the shame, the fear. It ate me alive. I became withdrawn from everyone. I even started hurting myself."

"What changed? How did you end up here, Connie?"

"I hit rock bottom. I felt like I was dying and I didn't even care at the time. One day I just looked in the mirror and knew something had to give. I couldn't go on living with the terror. It was driving me crazy. So I got help. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It's a slow, hard process but I'm getting better. It's so hard to talk about but these sessions make it easier. Plus, maybe I'm helping someone else, you never know."

Peyton chewed and chewed on the gum, not even realizing that the strands had worn thin and she was now munching on the inside of her lip.

"Very well. Thank you for sharing. Actively participating in these sessions is a huge step. We are quite proud of your progress. Not only are you helping yourself, you are helping others with their healing process as well."

"Thanks."

"Now moving right along. Last but certainly not least."

Dr. Pelsinger nodded towards Peyton. She looked around and sure enough she was the last person left. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, feeling like some kind of freak put on display.

"My name is Peyton," she began in a quiet voice.

"Hi, Peyton," the group recited.

"Peyton, would you like to share with the group today?"

"Not really," she shrugged. "I don't have much to say."

"Would you like to talk a little about your story?"

"Everyone pretty much knows my story," she avoided eye contact. "There was this guy who was supposed to be my friend but I guess he really wasn't. He was screwed up in the head. He had it in his mind that we were supposed to be together so he one night he kidnapped me. My dad and my boyfriend, well, my ex boyfriend and his brother found us in Tennessee. There was a shoot out, the guy got killed, it was all over the news."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Which part?"

"All of it."

"I don't know. I mean, how is it supposed to make me feel? It's weird. It sucks."

"Does talking about it make you feel any better? Months of bottling up feelings must have made the situation even more difficult."

"I'm fine. It's no big deal. It's nobody's business anyway."

"Why are you here?"

"You mean besides the fact that I was forced?" she shot him an icy glare. "I don't know. Look, it happened and I have to live with it so I might as well start learning how."

"That's a step. Anything else you want to add?"

She simply shook her head.

"Okay," Dinah, one of the two counselors spoke up. "Great session today, guys. You are all doing really well and it has been so wonderful to see everyone's progress. For now you are dismissed. Everyone have a good day and we'll see you tomorrow."

Peyton stood to leave but was stopped at the door by Connie. Just a few feet away in earshot, Dr. Pelsinger listened.

"Peyton, right? Um, hi, I'm Connie."

"I know."

"I just wanted to say that I heard about what happened to you on TV. It must have been so horrible for you to have to endure that for months. I mean, for me it was just one night and it really messed me up. I still think about it all the time."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, all of it, I guess but especially the rape."

Peyton immediately tensed.

"I wasn't raped," she stated adamantly.

"Oh. Oh. I, I'm sorry. I just thought…"

"Well, you thought wrong."

"Please don't be offended. I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted to say I was sorry for everything that you went through and that if you needed someone to talk to…I'm here."

"That's nice of you but it's plenty of people to talk to around here. Too many. I'm kind of tired of talking about things all the time."

"I felt like that too at first. Anyway, if you ever need anything…"

Peyton nodded, letting her leave first as the doctor carefully approached.

"Hello, Peyton. It's great seeing you again."

"Whatever," she mumbled.

"You've been coming to group, showing more interest in your recovery. I am very proud of you. These sessions are very therapeutic."

Peyton smirked.

"I'll show you my pain, you show me yours."

"That's one way of looking at it, I suppose," he smiled. "I just wanted to touch on something you said today."

"What?"

"The traumatic aftermath of everything you have been through, you said you have to live with it. That is a very true statement and you said you're here to learn how to deal with that. That is a huge step in itself, Peyton. Let's talk."

"Look, I want to learn how to deal with all this on my own. I don't need doctors and shrinks and my so called loved ones all in the way."

"Okay."

"And I don't want to talk about Derek."

"Fine. We don't have to."

"We don't?"

"No. Let's talk about some other stuff."

Peyton crossed her arms.

"If I talk to you, does that count towards my release? I mean, I am cooperating, right? Will that help get me out of here sooner?"

"Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. Everything that happens here is for your benefit, Peyton. If we help you, if you help yourself, yes that, combined with a host of other factors is considered when evaluating your discharge. I'll tell you what. See those flash cards over there on the table? Pick one and hold it. I pick a subject and we talk about it. If it gets to be too much, hold up the card. We stop and move on to something else, I give you my word."

"Fine," Peyton grabbed a card. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Your mothers."

"What about them?"

"Tell me about Anna Sawyer. What are your strongest and most consistent memories of her?"

Peyton exhaled as Dr. Pelsinger ushered her into a nearby chair.

"I don't know. I mean, she was my mom, you know? She was…she was a really nice person. To me, she seemed like an angel but I guess everybody feels that way about their mom when they're a little kid. She was very warm and funny and beautiful. She really loved me and she really loved my dad. We did a lot of things together. We were a family."

"How did she die?"

Peyton rolled her eyes.

"You know how she died. It was a car accident."

"Where was she going?"

"She was on her way to pick me up from school. She didn't want to be late. She ran a red light."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Sad. Alone. Guilty."

"You blamed yourself?"

"I don't know."

"Later on when you got your own driver's license, did you act out by purposely running red lights?"

"Look, it was a long time ago and…" Peyton cut herself off by abruptly holding up the card.

In accordance with their prior arrangement, Dr. Pelsinger nodded and moved on to another subject.

"You are adopted?"

"Yeah."

"How old were you when you found out?"

"17."

"That was just last year. How did you find out?"

Peyton shrugged.

"Ellie Harp just kind of showed up in my life. For a long time she pretended to be someone else. I got sketched out when I found out she was lying so I told her to back off. Later on she told me she was my birth mom."

"Did you believe her?"

"Hell no, not at first. I never had any idea. People always told me how much I looked like my mom, Anna. My dad was out to sea and I called him hysterical. I was expecting him to say Ellie was crazy but he didn't. He just confirmed her story and it turned my whole life upside down."

"What emotions did you experience?"

"Outrage. Betrayal. Confusion. Sadness. Anger."

"At whom?"

"Everyone."

"Did you get over it?"

"A lot of stuff happened but I don't feel like talking about it now. Ellie and I did start a relationship. We both like music and we both like art. We worked on a project together. For a few weeks we really got close."

"Then what happened?"

"She had to leave. She, um…she had terminal cancer and she had decided to stop treatment. That's why I went back to find her when I realized she was checking out."

"After those weeks?"

"It was fun. It was great. The project was a benefit album for breast cancer research. We were supposed to listen to the finished product together."

"Did you?"

Peyton sadly shook her head.

"I took it to her house and I was so excited but um, I found, I found her there. She had been dead for a couple of days…" her voice trailed off.

The doctor, knowing his limitations, automatically moved on to another subject.

"Who is Jake Jagielski?"

"Somebody I used to know."

"What happened to him?"

"He was a boyfriend, alright? We were friends first. He had a daughter named Jenny. Her mom, his ex, Nikki was a complete psycho. She abandoned them, then she kept coming back into the picture demanding custody and threatening to kidnap the baby. She was really jealous of what the three of us had. Nikki was an evil, spiteful bitch. Jake never would have had any peace in Tree Hill and Jenny wouldn't have been safe so they had to leave."

"How did that make you feel?"

"God, you really like asking that question, huh? I don't know. I loved him and I loved Jen and it sucked they had to leave. It wasn't fair."

"Do you still keep in touch?"

"They're in Savannah. I visited once. We talked about getting back together, getting married even."

"What happened?"

"Next subject," Peyton held up her card.

"Anna Taggaro?"

"Wow, you went way back. What does she have to do with anything?"

"You tell me. You were friends. There were problems with the friendship."

"She was a transfer student from private school. We started hanging out. I thought she was cool. We were friends. It always felt like she was hiding something. Later on I found out she was a lesbian. People at her old school had found out about her girlfriend and the rumors got to her."

"Did that revelation bother you?"

"No. I don't care about that. I mean, you are who you are and you shouldn't have to be ashamed of that. The fact that Anna was bi or a lesbian or whatever did not bother me. It didn't even bother me when she kissed me. I was shocked. I didn't feel for her in that way but we still could have been friends. Anna had a lot of personal issues. She eventually came out to her friends and family and she moved on. Wherever she is, I hope she has peace and happiness."

"It didn't bother you that Anna was gay but it did bother you when others thought it was you that was gay."

"I didn't like the stares or the whispers or the gossip. It hurt. It pissed me off for so many reasons. It hurt because they were looking at me in _that _way but then I thought about it and the millions of people that are gay and they have to go through all the crap I went through for a few weeks everyday of their lives. I mean, how fair is that? There are tons of worst things out there you could be doing besides loving another human being."

"Can we talk about drugs?"

Peyton raised her card.

"I hooked up with the wrong people a while back and I was into coke for a little while. It was stupid, I was stupid and I am totally clean now and have been for a long time. Piss me if you want. Next question, please."

"Jimmy Edwards."

"Look…"

"How do you feel about him?"

She took her time.

"I feel like he was a sad, lonely, confused, scared, alienated kid who got backed into a corner, took things too far and he couldn't walk away and because of that I got a bullet in my leg and Keith Scott got one in his heart."

"Now onto…"

"Look, that's enough for now, okay? I've answered your questions and I don't really feel like talking anymore."

"If that's what you want. You did well, Peyton. Thank you."

"See? I'm not the nutcase you guys think I am. I'm not suicidal or homicidal. I just want to deal with this in my own way. I just want to be left alone."

"Can we talk again soon?"

"Whatever."

He nodded, packing up his belongings as Dinah entered the room again.

"Peyton, you know one of the reasons you were committed was because of self inflicted injuries. That is a very dangerous practice."

"I just did it a couple of times and it wasn't that bad. I haven't done it since I've been here and it won't happen again."

Dinah nodded.

"I believe you but I need to see. I'm sorry but it is policy," she said, closing the door.

Peyton fought back tears as she unbuttoned her jeans and let them slide down her legs. Scars marred the inside her thighs but just as she had spoken, the wounds were old. Closing her eyes, she let out a sigh. She hated being vulnerable. She hated being exposed. More than anything, she hated sharing her pain.


	51. What Hurts The Most

The raindrops sprinkled against the roof of Karen's Café. The pregnant owner, tired and troubled, glanced out the window at the dreary clouds. The darkness and dullness of the weather seemed to perfectly capture the ill mood that had engulfed their small community as of late. She was worried but she was a mom and after all, that's what they did. But it was more than that. It was concern for the distraught friend who had just left her place of business. It was concern for his daughter, the one they had all helped to put away for her own good. And it was concern for her son, the good son she had sacrificed everything to raise, the good son who was now sacrificing everything for the one he loved. She closed her eyes as a chill swept over the nearly empty café. How Karen wished her boy was safe, safe from the storm brewing outside, safe from the storm brewing in his heart. She wished he was right there with her and a few seconds later when she opened her eyes, there he was entering through the door soaking wet.

"Lucas…"

She immediately greeted him with warm, dry towels.

"Thanks, Mom," he bent down and gave her a quick kiss.

She studied him with her eyes. He didn't look right.

"Are you okay? It's beginning to pour. You'll catch pneumonia for sure out in weather like that."

He shrugged.

"It's just a little rain, Mom," he quietly tried to assure her.

Her hands traced the tearstains underneath his weary blue eyes.

"Is it?"

Lucas sighed, taking a seat at the counter.

"When I was little and something happened and I would cry, you would always take me in your arms. You'd hold me and ask what was wrong and no matter what it was, you'd talk me through it and kiss me and tell me everything was gonna be alright."

Karen smiled at the fond memory. She took his hand in hers and rubbed it.

"What's the matter?"

"I just went to see Peyton."

"Peyton?" Karen's eyes widened. "Lucas, why didn't you tell me? What happened? Did you talk? Is she okay? Was…"

"She refused to see me," he shook his head. "I got no further than the front door."

"I'm sorry…"

"I guess I should have expected it. The same thing happened when Haley and Brooke tried to visit her a few days ago."

"Larry as well," Karen added. "You just missed him."

"She hates me. She hates all of us."

"Peyton hates herself. She is a very sweet girl trying to battle a whole lot of demons. It was all too much and it finally caught up with her. She needs help, real help and she is in the best place that can give it to her."

"My head knows that. I just wish someone would try explaining it to my heart."

"Peyton is a strong girl. She's going to get better and once she does, she'll realize we all were just looking out for her best interests. She will forgive everyone, including you."

"I hope so," he whispered.

He was worn and devastated.

"It breaks my heart to see you like this, son."

He was a strong boy but through the years, every once in a while, he hadn't been afraid to cry. Whether it was loneliness, a spat with Haley, a physical injury or the pain of an absentee Dan, the young mother had always been there for comfort.

"Mom…"

"Lucas, I know how much you love Peyton, how much you've always loved her. I understand that. I respect it. She does love you but she's just in a lot of pain right now. We don't know how long it will take to fix this. You can still love her and support her but you have a life to live too, you know."

"It's funny, that's what everyone said when she was missing."

"Honey…"

"I have to go on even though she's gone. I have to do that for the second time. I get that. "

"I know it hurts. I know that upsets you but you're gonna be okay."

"Mom, I am sorry but I am not okay. Alright? I am anything but okay and it kills me to sit here and pretend I am in front of everybody. It hurts. I was close, so close."

"You mean almost seeing her today?"

"That too. It's everything. It's the story of our lives practically. Today I was close, just a few feet away from seeing her, holding her in my arms. Before when that psycho kidnapped her, how many times was I just a fingertip away from rescuing her and didn't even realize it? And all that time, all those years wasted loving her from afar…how close were we then?"

"You'll get your chance one day."

"Will I? Will we? Because sometimes I don't know."

"Maybe you should try to get your mind off of it."

"How Mom?"

"I don't know. What about your friends? Call Nathan and Haley or Skills or Brooke. Maybe you all could do something later. You're all pretty much in this together. I'm sure you'd feel much better."

His mother did have a point and he knew she was only trying to help but it was much easier said than done.

"She'll still be there, Mom. Peyton lives in here and in here," he pointed to his head and heart. "I deal with the pain of losing her wherever I go, wherever I am."

Why couldn't she just understand that? The pain, the frustration, the anger couldn't be flipped on and off like a light switch. He loved Peyton. He missed Peyton. He worried about Peyton. She was the love of his life and going through a very difficult time. He wanted nothing more than to see her, help her, protect her. He had acted out of love and sheer desperation doing only what they thought was right. But it had backfired and her fury was showing no signs of relinquishing in the near future. Now he was stuck with the worst feeling in the world…regret. He had failed and it was a terrible thing to live with.

"I know. I, I'm sorry. I just want to help. I…"

It was no use on taking out his exasperation on the one person that had always been in his corner.

"I know, Mom. It's okay. I'm the one that should be apologizing. I know you're just trying to help and I really appreciate that."

"It might not seem like it today, but one day this…all this is going to be okay."

He forced a small smile.

"I hope so."

He turned to leave but she stopped him.

"I'm proud of you, Lucas?"

"Why?"

"Because of the man you have become and because you're my son. I love you. You're a wonderful young man."

"Thanks…"

That's what moms were for, to always say the right things at just the right times.

"You did everything you could, you know."

"If I could do it over, I would."

"What would you do?"

Lucas thought long and hard.

"That night at the River Court, that first night when Nathan challenged me and I beat him for a spot on the Ravens, afterwards Peyton and I were there and it felt like we were the only two people in the world. I looked right in her eyes and I said, 'I'll be seeing you'. That's all I said. If I had one more go at it, I would have taken her in my arms and told her how I really felt, all those unspoken words in my heart. That's what hurts the most, Mom, when you're that close that many times. I had so much I wanted to tell her and she walked away just like today I had so much I wanted to say. It's hard never knowing what could have been."

"You and Peyton will have your chance. One day she'll realize that no matter what happened, you loved her, that you were always loving her."

Lucas nodded.

"Thanks, Mom. Look, if you don't need any help around here or anything, I'm just gonna head home and take a shower, maybe lie down. I'll probably hook up with Nate and Skills and everybody later like you said. That was a good idea."

"I'm fine. Get some rest and I'll see you later."

"Thanks, Mom," he kissed her.

He went to pull away but she wouldn't let him. Nestled in her arms was a full grown man but in her heart he would always be her baby.

"I love you, Lucas. No matter what happens, everything is going to be alright."


	52. It's Not Your Fault

Peyton chewed the wad of gum in her mouth as she stared absently out the window. The clouds were dark and swollen with the rain whose drops were threatening to fall at any given moment. She heard the footsteps enter the room and a door closed leaving them all alone.

"Peyton…you're here."

"Surprised?"

He smiled at her, sarcasm and all.

"Pleasantly. And how are we today?"

Peyton rolled her eyes. She had long grown tired of the dog and pony show.

"Fine, Dr. Pelsinger. Just peachy."

She was still tense and moody among other things but that was to be expected. Even with her cynicism and evasion tactics, attitude and all, she was at least showing up to her sessions and that was an improvement in itself. It was progress. Not that the doctor was a fool. He had been practicing psychiatric medicine for many years and he knew the drill and all the tricks and trades that came with it. His blonde patient was on a mission of her own…getting out of there. Like most of the new and troubled in patient residents, she would say and do almost anything to get discharged.

"What do you say, we get started?"

She shrugged.

"The sooner we start, the sooner it's over."

"That's one way of looking at it."

"Look, I'm here, okay? I'm not happy about it but I'm here. And I've been going to group. I've been following all the rules and doing everything I'm supposed to be doing here."

"Yes. Your behavior has improved."

"So what does that mean? It has to count for something, right?"

"Like?"

"Like my release. You can't hold me here forever, especially now that I'm cooperating."

"That is true, Peyton. No, I cannot hold you forever. And while there has been some improvement, there is certainly room for more."

"Like?"

"Well, Peyton, it is one thing to show up…quite another to participate. I feel this is a helpful environment for you and progress is progress, no matter how small. You've come a long way since you got here but the journey isn't over yet. I feel you haven't gotten the most out of your therapy experiences."

Peyton sighed in exasperation.

"You know that I hate it here. You and everybody else think talking about a bunch of my so called problems is suddenly gonna solve everything. That's not me, okay? It never has been me. It's not how I deal with stuff."

"How do you deal with it?"

"I, I don't know. Look, this isn't fair. Keeping me here is not helping me, it's depressing me."

Dr. Pelsinger nodded.

"I know you don't like it here, Peyton but is your being here really the root of your depression? Think about it."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Would it be safe and honest to say that your depression, your feelings stem from much more than this hospital?"

"Whatever. People live with depression everyday. I mean, who is happy all the time?"

"You're right."

"So you're taking something that's normal and making a way bigger deal out of it."

"Would you say it's normal to feel sad some of the time?"

"Yes."

"Would you say it's normal to have stress and anxiety sometimes?"

"Yes."

"Would you say it's normal to hurt oneself, perhaps through cutting?"

She bit her lip, angrily looking away.

"It's not a big deal, I told you already."

"Do you honestly believe that? Peyton, you were hurting yourself. You were inflicting harm to yourself…"

"Okay! It's over now. Look, I don't know why I did it, okay?"

"I think you do."

"Well, I say I don't," her voice rose. "If we don't move on like right now, I'm gonna walk out. I don't have to sit here and take this from you."

He raised an eyebrow, noting her defensive and emotional reaction. For the time being, it was best to move on to another subject.

"Peyton, what do you think happens when those stress and anxiety levels along with feelings of sadness and low self worth are not dealt with? A lot of times things happen in childhood. When little kids don't get help, those problems, those emotions go with them into adolescence. And sometimes for whatever reasons, a series of bad things happen to good people. What I'm saying is, when issues that need to be addressed are not addressed, all those pent up feelings transform into an internal beast. The depression, the confusion, the pain, the fear, the abandonment, the rage…"

"Look…"

"It won't go away, Peyton, not on its own. I know you don't want to be here. I know you'll say or do whatever it takes for me to let you out. But that is not helping you, it's not in your best interest."

"I come to your stupid appointments and I talk to a million counselors…what more do you want from me? I am doing the best I can! I am trying to cooperate…look," she pointed to the table. "I even did that homework assignment you asked me to do a couple of days ago."

Dr. Pelsinger eyed the stack of white envelopes neatly stacked on top of each other. He picked them up, one by one. On the front, a single name had been penned. _Mom. Dad. Lucas. Brooke. Nathan. Jake. Nikki. Anna. Felix. Rick. Ellie. Jimmy. Derek._

"I see," he replied quietly. "The assignment was for you to write a letter to everyone in your life who had ever left you, ever hurt you, ever wronged you. You were to get your emotions out, say everything you needed to say."

"I know what the assignment was," she curtly cut him off mid sentence.

Dr. Peslinger nodded, holding the 13 envelopes.

"These are awfully light, Peyton."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Very well. Let's explore."

"Explore what?"

He took a seat.

"Your feelings. Your inner most emotions."

Peyton laughed in spite of herself.

"This is bullshit."

"Is it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, as a matter of fact, I kind of think it is."

"Why?"

"You told me to write that crap down and I did. You said we didn't have to talk about it, at least not yet."

"That's correct, Peyton. You see the point of this therapy, is to let it all out. The things we keep repressed and bottled up inside eat away at our souls. This exercise was the first step in acknowledging the pain."

"That's what I did."

"Then let's see what you wrote. Who shall I open first?"

A fire flashed in Peyton's green eyes.

"No!"

"Peyton…"

"I'm not ready. I…"

"You didn't do the assignment, did you? These envelopes are empty."

She shook her head.

"This is crap. It's a waste of time. I don't believe in any of this anyway. I just show up so you'll let me go but we both know that's never gonna happen, at least not anytime soon. It's stupid and I'm tired of it and I'm out of here."

She stood to leave and made it all the way to the door.

"Peyton…"

"Leave me alone. You can't make me stay in this room with you."

"That's true. That is your choice. Of that, you have free will. The question is, what will you choose?"

She smirked.

"I choose to say screw it. I'm going back to my room."

"You choose to run away."

"Whatever. Call it what you want."

"That's the learned behavior you have adapted in order to cope with life. You have a deep rooted fear of abandonment. You have suffered from depression most of your life. You have trust issues, relationship issues…"

"They pay you the big bucks for that?"

"You're hurting, Peyton," he handed her the envelope that said _Mom. _"You have something to say to your mother, Anna. She hurt you. She left you. She turned your whole world upside down when she died. And she died on her way to pick you up from school."

"Stop it."

"Your father. He's a good man, a good dad. He loves you very much. All he wanted was to make a comfortable life for you. To do that, he had to concentrate on his business. He was away at sea a lot, working, consumed in his own grief. He wasn't there. He wasn't home. How many times, how many nights did you come home to an empty house?"

"You're insane…"

"Lucas. You love Lucas very much, you always have. He's a good kid and he loves you, too, but it's hard. His unconditional love, his unwavering loyalty…he's the guy every girl wants and you have him. It's a dream come true, or at least it's supposed to be, right? Then why does it feel like a nightmare? Why can't you handle it?"

"I don't want to do this, Dr. Pelsinger."

"Brooke Davis, she's your best friend in the whole world. She's like the sister you never had. Nothing could ever break that bond until a boy came between you. Brooke did that, she let it happen. And she was too full of herself to get over it, to accept your sincerest apology. She took it far, too far, didn't she?"

Peyton's bottom lip began to quiver uncontrollably.

"She…she made fun of Ellie's death…"

"Ellie was the first person to abandon you. She just gave you away. Then she came back. It took so long for you to reach within to allow yourself to feel for her. When you finally did, she died."

Peyton refused to cry.

"She, she just gave up. It's like she didn't even want to fight the cancer anymore. She didn't go for the surgery or the chemo or anything. She just gave up."

"Who else? Who's next, Peyton? What about Nathan?"

"We were just kids. It was a long time ago."

"Mental, emotional and verbal abuse is what it is…it's still abuse. How did that make you feel? How did it make you feel? The put downs, the lies, the cheating?"

"I don't care."

"Oh I think you do. Just like you cared about Jake. And Jenny. You gave your heart to him again, which was the hardest thing in the world to do. He knew that and he broke it anyway. He left just like everybody else. Did he really care about you or did he just appreciate everything you did for him? Or maybe it was just to get in your pants."

"Jake left to protect Jenny! He had to because of Nikki."

"Nikki. How selfish was she? How much did she hurt Jake and Jenny? How much did she hurt you? It's all her fault. Her jealousy, her vindictiveness ruined the only shot you had at a loving, stable family."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you saying these things to me?"

"They all hurt you, didn't they? Anna? You were there for her. You were willing to take a stand for her when no one else would but she sold you out. The she left too. It was a low point in your life. You didn't know what to do anymore. You felt like you had no one. And what did Felix do? He spray painted that hateful word on your locker. He tried to humiliate you, strip you of any dignity you had left."

"Felix was a jerk."

"He was a jerk. When that happened, you had nowhere to turn, no one to turn to…but Rick."

"Rick was a mistake," she looked away.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No."

"Did you have sex with him for the coke?"

"No! No! I, I never did that. Yeah, I did the coke with him so he'd help me get bands for the club. The high felt good so I did it some more."

"But the crash made you feel even worse."

She nodded.

"That's why I quit. I didn't want the drugs in my life anymore."

"That gave you back some control, didn't it? Leaving the cocaine alone. But you still had other issues. Depression, rage, confusion, loneliness, grief…it was all there. Sometimes you felt like dying yourself and Jimmy almost made that wish come true. Once again, you were helpless."

She closed her eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about Jimmy Edwards or the school shooting."

"Things were coming around, finally looking up. You had the internship to look forward to. You had college. You had a chance to get away, to escape because face it, we all know that's what Peyton Sawyer does best. You had come to terms with Brooke being out of your life, of never being in a relationship with Lucas. You were numb. You put up a wall of armor so nothing or no one could hurt you."

"So? What's so wrong with that? You sit here and play your psychiatric games and try to analyze my life? You don't know. You think you do. Everyone thinks they know Peyton but the truth is, none of you do. You don't know shit! People hurt you. People disappoint you. People lie and leave and cheat. And I was always the one hurt, always the one left behind and it's like no one even cared. Poor Peyton brooding again. Well, I got tired of it. I got tired of feeling like that. So I decided to protect myself because who else was going to?"

"You trusted a few people still. You had an inner circle, a clique."

"Whatever."

Dr. Pelsinger took a deep breath. It was part of his method. He wanted desperately to help her, save her from herself. She was hard to reach, harder than most. The years of anguish and trauma had taken their toll on the sad teenager. In order to get her, he would have to take everything away. He'd have to completely break her down in order to build her back up.

"Derek was a part of that circle…wasn't he?"

"This conversation is over."

"You were his friend and he was supposed to be yours. You trusted him, he was one of the few people you could. Because of that trust and friendship, your guard was down. You couldn't see through him and when the time was right, he made his move. He kidnapped you. He tortured you in every way possible. He played sick mind games."

Peyton began to tremble. Beads of sweat covered her forehead. Her limbs suddenly felt like jelly as she felt the familiar tightness in her throat and stomach.

"It…it, it's over now. He, Derek's gone. He's dead. He can't hurt me anymore."

"Do you really believe that, Peyton? Derek may be physically gone but he lives on in your head and inside your heart. The memories are there, haunting you in sleep. He had complete control over you. You feared him like you never feared anyone."

"Don't…"

"He beat you, Peyton. He kidnapped and tortured you. Those weeks were hell on earth."

"Shut up!"

"It's still there. You think about it all the time. He is always with you, even in death. You hate it. You hate that he has that control over you. You hate that you're 18 years old and it feels like you have to live in fear for the rest of your life. The horror, the pain, the shame…it was too much. It is too much. What did he do to you, Peyton?"

"I can't!" she screamed.

"Yes, you can. You have to. This is the only way you'll ever be free. You have to acknowledge it. You have to talk about it. Pretending it didn't happen doesn't work and you know that. He hurt you, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"He beat you, physically tortured you."

She felt numb again.

"Yes."

"He instilled within you fear by placing you in the most horrific, unimaginable situation. He got in your head and he's still there, isn't he?"

Peyton nodded with a whisper.

"Yes."

"Congratulations, Peyton."

"What?"

"This is an important step in recovery. Finally you can exorcise all your demons. This is the first day of the rest of your life."

"Dr. Pelsinger…"

"You're a good person, Peyton. Do you know that? You're a beautiful girl, a loving daughter, a caring friend and girlfriend. You're strong and intelligent and talented. You have so much going for you. Everyone can see that but you. Why? I'll tell you. A lifetime of hiding problems and repressing feelings has caught up with you. Your running away and putting up walls has caught up with you. Today it all stops. Today you get to see what everyone else sees. Come here," he motioned for her.

Reluctantly she followed him to the back of the room where there was a large mirror.

"What is this? What are you doing?"

"Look in that mirror. Look at that girl, Peyton. Who is she? Tell me…who is staring back at you?"

"I don't want to do this."

"There's a little girl in there that has a hole missing from her soul because she misses her mothers…both of them. They went away and you feel guilty for it. A car accident killed Anna Sawyer. She ran a red light and she died tragically. You were just a child. And cancer killed Ellie. You feel guilty for the time you rebuffed her. Now the agony of missing them both, especially when you need them the most, is almost unbearable. It's okay to miss them, Peyton. It hurts, it's supposed to hurt. But you have a life to live, you have to move on. You have to find ways to channel all that grief and let the guilt go. You didn't kill either of your mothers. You have nothing to feel bad for. What happened to them…it wasn't your fault."

"I know," she looked away.

"Has anyone ever told you that? Your mothers loved you just like your father loves you. All that time he was gone and you needed him. That hurt you very much. It made you angry. Did anyone ever tell you it's okay to feel that way? You should tell your father how you feel so you can deal with it together. It wasn't fair that he abandoned you but it's not your fault."

"This is stupid," she said in a faint voice barely above a whisper.

"Sometimes the ones we care for the most hurt us. Jake loved you but he did what he felt he had to do to protect his child. He was just a scared child himself. But he loved you and Jenny loved you and what the three of you had was real. It was beautiful. Cherish those times but let it go because it wasn't meant to be. And someone like Nikki? Well, everyone has a story, Peyton. She has her own regrets and fears and demons to deal with. I know it angered you because she hurt you and those you loved but you have to let that anger go as well. You have to release and forgive. Felix and Anna? It's in the past. It's over now. Acknowledge that it hurt, cry if you have to, write them a letter, scream at the top of your lungs…then let it go and move on. The same thing with Brooke and Nathan. Tell them they hurt you. Hear if you hurt them. Try to deal but no matter what, walk away with all that negative energy away from you. Anna leaving, Felix being ignorant, the estrangement with Brooke and Nathan treating you like garbage was not your fault."

"You don't understand…"

"I understand more than you think. Everything you need to be okay is already inside you, Peyton. You just have to find it and use it and believe in yourself. You know that, that's why you got rid of that sleazy Rick character. You didn't need a drug to make you okay, you're better than that and you know it. All you need is love and inner peace. You need yourself."

She defiantly shook her head.

"Easier said than done."

"Perhaps so but let me ask you…are you ready for it to end? Are you ready to get better, to truly begin the healing process? Are you ready to put Derek to rest?"

"How?" she mouthed.

"I asked if you're ready. Is it what you want?"

She meekly nodded.

"I…I don't know how."

"You've already started. You're talking about it. You're getting help. You're taking action. You're taking your life back. Recognize your mistakes. Take responsibility for your own actions. Break down that wall. Don't push people away that love you the most."

Peyton stared at the floor, a lump forming in her already dry throat.

"Like Lucas…"

"Yes. Like Lucas. He is a fine young man who loves you very much. You love him as well. You don't have to be afraid of that. Peyton, you should embrace it. You are worthy of it. Not everyone leaves. Your friends and your family and your boyfriend are in this journey with you for the long haul. Let them be there. Let me be there. Let us help you with support and compassion and understanding. You're a survivor. You have to face the reality of what happened to you but you don't have to face it alone. Ignoring Derek, cutting yourself, pushing loved ones away, pretending like everything is okay when it isn't won't make the situation go away."

"I don't know what you want from me…"

"How do you feel about him? Tell me how you feel about what Derek did to you."

Anger filled tears flooded Peyton's eyes.

"What the hell kind of question is that? I mean, how am I supposed to feel?"

"He was your friend."

"Friend? He was supposed to be. No! Friends…friends don't do that. Friends don't hurt other friends, not like that."

"What did he do? No one is going to hurt you again. No one is going to blame you or judge you or be angry with you."

"I can't," she shook her head.

"Yes, you can."

Peyton nervously played with her hands.

"He…he was my friend. You know? There, there was never that drama with him. I could talk about stuff with him but at the same time, we just had fun. It was like having a big brother around. I, I felt…protected."

"Because you trusted Derek."

She nodded.

"I never knew that he felt that way about me. I never knew he was crazy."

"How could you have known all that?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know but I feel like I should, like I should have paid more attention. When it finally happened…it was so surreal. It was a horror movie that I was watching only I wasn't watching…I was the star."

"He hurt you very badly."

"I was so scared. Sometimes, sometimes he would beat me until I passed out. He put cigarettes out on me. He'd get inches from my face and his eyes would get all black and he'd start saying these things, these terrible things."

She was almost there but it was a tricky approach with victims suffering posttraumatic stress disorder like Peyton.

"Did he rape you?"

"No."

He knew she wasn't being truthful. The medical records told the real story but so did her eyes.

"Did he rape you, Peyton?" he asked again in a softer tone.

She looked away, anywhere but his eyes, as if she was leaving her own body.

"I hate him. I hate him for everything he did…what he said, what he put me through. I hate him for making me pity him."

"Did he rape you, Peyton?"

She felt nothing.

"Yes."

There it was. She had said it aloud. She had only admitted it to one other person, Haley, and whenever possible had managed to block out the repeated, terrifying experiences. Now she had said it after denying it so many times.

"It's not your fault."

"I know."

"I mean it, Peyton. Do you hear me? The kidnapping, the beatings, the torture, the rape…especially the rapes. None of it is your fault."

"That's what they say," she never made eye contact. "It's never the victim's fault."

"That's correct. And you are a victim. You're also a survivor. That's a powerful thing."

"I don't feel so powerful…"

"Say it. Say it out loud that it isn't your fault."

"Okay. Okay, I get it, Dr. Pelsinger. Now this is just weird. You keep repeating that. It's not my fault. Okay."

"You don't have to afraid anymore and you don't have to be ashamed."

"I know that…"

"No one will blame you. No one will judge you."

"Okay."

"Your father won't look at you any differently."

"Stop it. Okay? I get what you're trying to do but don't. Don't bring my father into this!"

"Rape isn't about sex. It's about power and control and violence. What happened to you wasn't your fault. It's Derek's fault."

A tear slid down her cheek, followed by several more.

"I…I couldn't stop him…" she began to sob.

"It's not your fault. I am repeating that over and over because you need to hear it. Peyton, none of this was your fault."

"I felt so dirty, so ashamed, like, like I wanted to die. I still see him. I close my eyes and I can see Derek. I…see him, I smell him, I feel him. How could anybody ever know? How could my dad look at me again, how could Lucas ever love me if they knew the disgusting things he made me do?"

"It's not your fault."

"I let him!"

"He forced you. There's a difference."

She stood and stumbled, the tears flowing as pain filled wails escaped her throat.

"Oh my God! What am I gonna do? I feel like my life is over!"

"It's okay."

He approached her slowly with tissues that she gratefully accepted. She was a weeping, blubbering, hysterical mess but it was a major step up from the angry, detached girl that had felt nothing so far.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry…"

"What are you sorry for, Peyton?"

She looked him right in the eye.

"For all sorts of things," she replied softly.

He reached out and she accepted, whimpering helplessly in his arms. His mission had been accomplished…the wall had been broken.


	53. The Long Road Ahead

Peyton let out a sigh as she took a long look at the scenery around her. It was a beautiful day, complete with the crystal blue sky and beaming sun. The country air smelled fresh and inviting as she wrapped her arms around herself. Peyton Sawyer had a feeling. That in itself wasn't necessarily unusual. Peyton always seemed to have a feeling about something or the other but normally it was dark and ominous. The proverbial black cloud appeared to have followed the blonde around her entire life. She had endured more misfortune in 18 years, than most had in a lifetime. She had tried her best to adapt to the pain. Only releasing through her art and her love for music, mostly the sad blonde kept the feelings bottled up inside.

People left and people disappointed…that's just the way things were. Nothing and no one could help her. Peyton had always thought that way. Never before had there been a hint of light at the end of the tunnel…until now. It felt good. All of a sudden she could breathe. It felt like someone had literally lifted a ton off of her small, fragile frame. For the first time, there was hope and there was light. The road ahead would be long and tiresome but for the first time in a long time, she felt truly free.

She smiled as she turned and headed back inside the building. Just 24 hours before, it had felt like prison. She had been one giant ball of negative energy, a sullen, angry, confused young woman lost in a sea of her own misery. Who knew that one session, just a couple of hours had the power to change everything? It was true although she wouldn't have believed it had she not witnessed it with her own eyes. And Peyton wasn't the only witness to the drastic turnaround. The staff couldn't help but grin as they watched her enter through the door. It was a different Peyton, one with hope that radiated through beautiful green eyes. She waved and nodded to some of them as she returned to her room but the smile quickly faded from her lips.

"Sydney…"

Her roommate looked up and grinned at her. A suitcase and clothes lay across her bed.

"There you are. I didn't think you'd get back in time. I'm almost out of here."

Peyton swallowed hard.

"I…I didn't know you were leaving today."

"I didn't either. I just found out actually but Dr. Pelsinger finally signed off on my outpatient treatment."

"Are you gonna be okay?" Peyton asked. "Do you have somewhere to go?"

Sydney nodded.

"Yeah. I talked to one of my aunts. She's pretty cool, supportive and stuff. She says I can stay with her for a while."

"Good. I'm glad. I mean, I'll miss you and stuff but I know you wanted to get out of this place so I'm happy for you."

"I'm better now and that's all that matters. I feel like things are gonna be different this time, like I can control it. I haven't felt that way in a long time."

"Good for you."

"What about you?" Sydney continued packing.

Peyton managed a small smile.

"I, I don't know. This is gonna sound so corny but I feel…it almost feels like I've been born again."

"That doesn't sound corny at all, Peyton. You talked to Dr. Pelsinger, didn't you?"

She nodded.

"I didn't want to. I didn't plan on it. I was just gonna do whatever, say whatever to make him back off and leave me alone. I just wanted out of this place."

"What happened?"

Peyton shrugged.

"He had this thing he wanted me to do to help open up. I was supposed to make a list of everyone that had ever hurt me or left me and write them a letter."

"Did you do it?"

"Hell no. He said we wouldn't have to open them right away so I figured I could scam him. He'd think I was participating and maybe think about letting me go but meanwhile, I left the envelopes blank. He totally caught me and he started talking and I just couldn't get away. It was so intense. I can't explain it. It's like everything I ever felt or feared…it's like he knew, like he was there. And he wouldn't let me go. He wouldn't let me run. For the first time ever, I had to face it all."

"And it was the scariest thing you've ever done, right?"

"Yeah."

"But also the best."

"Yeah…yeah, I guess it is. I let go. I let it all out. And it was scary and powerful and intense and liberating all at the same time. When it was over, I felt lighter, like a different person."

"I noticed. You look different. You look better. Besides, last night was the first time I didn't hear you moaning and crying in your sleep."

"Because it's the first time it didn't happen. For the first time since everything that happened with…Derek, I slept through the night, no more nightmares. I wasn't afraid to go to sleep last night."

"That's awesome but what now?" Sydney took a seat beside her.

"I don't know. More therapy, I guess. I didn't want to admit but I guess this stuff really works. I know I have a long way to go and it's gonna be hard. Maybe staying here for a little while trying to figure all that out is for the best. I've been through a lot. I know one therapy session isn't gonna fix all that. It's going to take a lifetime to get through everything, especially what Derek did to me. But at least I can face it now. I'm still afraid but I'm not gonna let that fear hold me hostage the rest of my life."

"You've come a long way from that terrified, pissed off chick I met here almost a month ago."

"I want to try to come to terms with everything. That chick you met had no hope. A part of me was so empty and lost, I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die. Sometimes I felt like I was already dead inside. Now I know it doesn't have to be that way anymore."

"That's pretty damned brave of you, Peyton."

"I think you know a little something about being brave, Sydney."

"What are you talking about?"

"Things were going pretty bad for me and a lot of people were trying to help and talk me through it. I didn't want to listen to anyone. That day we first met, I was pretty far gone. You were the first person I really talked to and that helped. It wasn't like you were plotting against me or ganging up on me. You were a real person with a real story and you shared that with me. I know it's not always easy talking about your problems but you did and I really appreciate that. For what's it worth, it opened up something inside me. Your words…well, they mattered."

Sydney fought back tears.

"It's worth a lot, Peyton," she said quietly. "Thank you."

"I'm gonna miss you," they hugged. "Whatever happens, I know you're gonna be okay but I'll always be here for you if you need me."

"Thanks," Sydney replied. "But can you do me just one favor?"

"What's up?"

"You said the road ahead is a long one but just remember you don't have to travel it by yourself. There's still so much you have to work through with yourself but once that's over, just don't forget about the people that love you. I mean, you may not get it, you may not agree with what they did or how they did it, but the bottom line is your friends and family care about you very much. They just wanted to help you be okay again."

"I know."

"Let them back in. Let them help you."

"I will."

"And Lucas too."

Peyton closed her eyes. Lucas Scott was a whole other subject, one that touched her deeply. Her anger and demons from the past had nearly torn them apart. She knew he still loved her, evident by his many attempts to call and visit her at the institution. He was a wonderful and caring man and they had shared a beautiful relationship. It had taken them two years to be able to come together and love each other but even then the sacredness had been tainted by the aftermath of Derek Helm's heinous actions. In order for them to move on and have any chance at happiness and a real future, they would have to delve back into a painful past. Peyton knew in her heart his love was pure and real but would it remain unconditional once he knew the whole truth? After everything, would he still be able to love her? Would he still be able to travel with her down that long, tiresome and unpredictable road?


	54. The Birth Of A New Day

Karen rubbed her burgeoning belly with both hands and a smile. In less than a month, her new baby would be due and she was ecstatic. The newest addition to their family hopefully would bring joy to a family desperately and eagerly trying to forget all the sadness that had happened to them. Particularly Karen hoped it would be a source of cheer for her son. God knows he needed some happiness in his life. He was a good person and he had been through a lot. He deserved a break but deep in her heart the mother knew only one thing could erase the darkness seeming to loom over him. Sighing, she warmed the first pot of coffee, as the morning sun peeked in. Soon the breakfast rush would be filling the small café. Arranging the condiments and floral arrangements neatly placed on each table, she jumped a bit when a knock at the window scared her. Turning around, she saw the familiar face of Larry Sawyer.

"Hey," he managed a smile as she let him. "Sorry I scared you. I figured you would be open by now."

"It's fine," she said, flipping the "closed" sign on the door to "open". "You're just in time. What can I get you?"

"Just coffee for now, thanks."

She nodded, pouring him a mug of the first fresh brew. He gratefully accepted it, taking a slow sip of the piping hot liquid.

"How are you?" Karen asked quietly, handing him a napkin.

Larry shrugged. He had definitely been better.

"Hanging in there," he sighed.

As a friend and especially as a parent, she couldn't help but empathize. It was a tough, unimaginable situation for everyone involved.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she tried to lend a sympathetic ear.

Before Larry could respond, the front door opened and in trickled the first small batch of customers. He nodded knowingly as Karen politely excused herself. Sipping on his coffee, he stared out into space, as Karen moved about taking orders. A few minutes later, the doors opened again, this time with more familiar faces.

"Hey, kids," Larry waved as Nathan and Haley took a seat at the counter.

"What brings you guys by so early?" Karen asked, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Breakfast," Nathan sighed.

Haley rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah. And the fact that this kid was due like yesterday."

Karen glanced up at the calendar. Her own bundle of joy had been scheduled to follow Nathan and Haley's but as Karen already knew, babies liked to make their debut into the world at their own pace.

"You two must be so excited."

"Excited and ready to get it over with," Haley agreed. "I was so uncomfortable last night I didn't sleep at all. We were starving this morning and I read that walking a lot can help induce labor. So we thought we'd give it a shot."

Karen grinned as she prepared to take their food orders.

"As long as you don't have your baby here," she joked with a wink.

She took their order and they turned their attention to Larry, who understandably had been quiet the whole time.

"How are you?" Haley asked softly.

Larry nodded. It wasn't easy by any means. His whole world had been turned upside down.

"Hanging in there, taking it one day at a time."

"How's Peyton?" Nathan treaded carefully.

Larry bit his lip.

"I really don't know, son. I haven't heard from her."

The pain was etched all over his worried face.

"We're so sorry," Haley said in a quiet voice. "If there is anything at all we can do…"

"I know. I appreciate it."

She turned back to her husband, neither of them quite sure what to say or do next. Instead they chatted casually amongst themselves until the pancake, omelet, and sausage platters were delivered. Seconds later the door opened again and in breezed Brooke Davis.

"Hey, soon to be Tutor Parents, Papa Sawyer," she said, leaning over and helping herself to a generous bite from Haley's plate.

"Get your own," she smacked her hand, much to Brooke's dismay.

"Brooke," Karen smiled, surprised when she saw her. "What brings you by so early?"

Brooke shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess I had trouble sleeping. Then I had the strangest craving for waffles."

Haley grinned.

"Craving, huh? Sure you're not joining Tree Hill's growing mommy to be club?"

"Puh-leeze," Brooke rolled her eyes. "Unless we're talking about immaculate conception here. Trust me, it's been a while."

The others giggled while Larry made a face. He couldn't help but manage a small smile. Brooke was so…Brooke.

"Parent in the listening area," he warned. "No details, please."

"Sorry," she showed both dimples and taking a seat between everyone. "So this is kind of nice, everybody just showing up here for breakfast. Feels like the gang is all here…"

She stopped short as the solemn looks began to spread.

"Well almost everybody," Nathan pointed out.

Brooke immediately realized she had put her foot in her mouth.

"Where is Lucas?" she cleared her throat.

"Probably still sleeping," Karen answered. "He hasn't been getting out much lately. He's still pretty upset."

"I know," Brooke nodded. "I know that he misses Peyton. I mean, we all miss Peyton. I feel bad everything that happened to her and especially how we left it. Does anybody even know how she's doing?"

"We haven't heard anything," Larry spoke up.

"But it's been over a month already. I don't get it. Can't they tell us anything?"

"It's a process," an uncertain Larry tried to explain. "When Peyton is ready, they will release her. And when she's ready to talk to us again, she'll come around. As hard as it is, it's just one big waiting game. But the whole point is for my little girl to get better. I don't know about you, but I'm willing to wait forever for that."

"She was so angry last time we saw her," Haley shook her head. "I don't know, guys. I'm scared. What if she never wants to see or talk to any of us again?"

"No way," Brooke spoke in a strong voice. "We did the right thing. Peyton was going through a really rough time and we couldn't help her and she was too out of it to try to help herself. I think that place is the best thing that could have happened to her and I know no matter what, we'll have the old P. Sawyer back in no time."

"How can you be so sure?" Nathan looked right at her.

"Because I prayed about it. I mean, I don't ask God for a lot. You know, the occasional awesome pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and maybe the latest handbag to match but other than that. It's not like I've used up a lot of my favors. So I asked the Big Man upstairs to look out for our girl and I have faith that He will."

The others looked stunned. Brooke Davis was the last person any of them expected to have a religious epiphany of any sort.

"Wow," Haley could only mouth.

"Oh shut up and don't look so surprised," Brooke scoffed and quickly swiped some more food from their plates. "I'm not the she devil you all think I am."

They smiled and Larry could only cling to her bit of comfort. Hope was all he had left. He thought about his daughter all the time and wished for her homecoming. But what would happen on that fateful day? What would she say? How would she react? The apprehension consumed him but little did he know he wouldn't have to wait much longer. Apparently Brooke hadn't used up all her favors with God after all…

The car slowly approached the curb and stopped. The passenger let out a deep and anxious sigh.

"You okay, Peyton?"

She nodded.

"I'm good."

"Are you sure he will be here? Wouldn't you rather just wait at home?"

The day had finally come. After weeks of intensive therapy and lots of improvement, Dr. Pelsinger had agreed to release Peyton on the contingency of continued outpatient treatment. It was a day she had looked forward to but once it had arrived, happiness and excitement had been mixed with fear. The drive home was long but when they arrived at her house, no one had been home. Dropping her things off, Peyton had instructed the good doctor to drop her off at Karen's Café. She figured he would probably be there. If not, she knew she was still bound to run into one of her loved ones. After all, it was a small town and there was a lot of love around. Peyton Sawyer was finally home.

"I'll be fine. Dr. Pelsinger?"

"Yes, Peyton?"

She awkwardly reached over and gave him a warm hug. It was a true testament to just how far she had come in such a short amount of time. Physically she was able to be close to a man without feeling dirty and seeing Derek's face. And she was finally learning to open up and trust.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He gave her a smile.

"I just did my job. The hard part was on you and you came through it with flying colors. I'm proud of you, Peyton."

"Thanks."

"Now go see your family and friends. I know they will be thrilled and surprised."

"I hope so."

"I'll see you next Thursday for our appointment."

"One o'clock sharp," she winked, opening the door and stepping out.

It was a new day. The minute her feet touched down on the concrete sidewalk, a feeling of pure goodness rushed over. It felt so nice to be back. She turned and gave her doctor a final wave, watching him drive off and disappear into traffic. Then hands in her pockets, she carefully approached the café's doors. Peering inside brought a smile to her lips. Sure enough her father was there. He was joined by Nathan, a very pregnant Haley, Brooke and of course Karen.

"Karen, your waffles are absolutely to die for," Brooke's eyes rolled back in her head as she chewed the last bites. "I remember Peyton's mom, Anna, made good waffles, too. Whenever I would spend the night, Peyt would serve them for breakfast and claim they were the original recipe but I was so on to her and the Eggo box."

"You never complained before," a voice came from the front of the café.

Brooke playfully rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, P. Sawyer. Who asked you?"

Everyone fell wide eyed and open mouthed as it took Brooke only seconds to register what was happening. They all did double takes but it wasn't a dream or an imaginary product of their wishful thinking. Standing there was Peyton Sawyer in the flesh.

"Hi, guys," she flashed them a nervous, heart pounding smile.

Brooke was the first to rush her, hugging her best friend so hard both girls nearly toppled over.

"Oh my God! It's you! Peyton, it…it's really you."

"It's me."

"You look beautiful," tears filled Brooke's eyes.

She felt beautiful.

"So do you guys."

"You're back," Karen gasped. "Does that mean…"

Peyton nodded.

"I finished my treatment. Dr. Pelsinger signed my discharge forms today."

"Peyton…"

"Don't worry. He dropped me off. I didn't run away or anything. It sucked at first and I was pretty pissed off but once I pulled my head out of my ass and realized I needed help, I started cooperating."

"And?"

She shrugged.

"And it works. I know I have a long way to go and I plan on keeping up with the therapy and stuff but I am a lot better now."

"Get over here," Haley squealed through tears.

Peyton closed her eyes as she shared a group hug with Nathan, Haley and Karen. Then she turned her attention over to the other table. The look on his face touched her deeply inside. She had never seen that look on her father's face. He stood, visibly trembling.

"Daddy," she practically ran over to him.

She threw her arms around his neck just like she used to when she was a little girl. For a few seconds he just stood like a statue before he finally let his shaking arms return her embrace.

"Peyt…" he croaked.

"I'm sorry," she looked in his eyes.

He swallowed hard.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, angel. I feel like I'm the one who should be sorry. We didn't mean to ambush you like that but I knew you were hurting so bad. I just wanted to make the pain stop for you. I'd do anything for you. You're my baby. It killed me because I thought I'd lost you. I thought you'd never want to have anything to do with me again…"

"I love you, Dad," she interrupted him. "I know why you did what you did. I didn't get it at the time but now I do. You just wanted to protect me. That's what fathers do and you're the best father in the world."

They hugged tearfully and happily.

"One heck of a reunion, huh?" Brooke glanced towards the ceiling. "Thank You."

Smiling, Haley reached over and grabbed her husband's hand. Nathan's smile quickly disappeared at the sudden force. It felt like his wife was trying to crack walnuts.

"Hales?"

She gasped and smiled, touching her stomach.

"Nathan, I think it's time."

"Time for what?" he made a face.

She giggled and shook her head.

"Time for your child to be born," she reminded him.

"Oh my God!" Brooke shouted.

"What?" Nathan stood abruptly. "You mean…how do you know?"

"I have a tiny confession to make. I've kind of been having contractions since last night."

"Hales!"

"I knew if we went to the hospital they'd just send us back so I figured I'd try to walk myself into full labor and I felt the baby moving down but I was so hungry I really just wanted to eat first."

"Alright," the scared young man tried to breathe. "Alright. It's cool. We know what to do. We're prepared. We practiced this, right, babe?"

Haley grinned.

"Right babe."

"Okay. Let's get to the hospital. Brooke, go over to our place and get Haley's bag. It's already packed and at the bedroom door. Larry, we walked over here. Can we get a ride?"

"Sure thing," he was already reaching for his keys.

"I'm so happy you're back," Haley hugged Peyton again. "I really wanted to catch up. Sorry about this."

Peyton laughed.

"Dude, are you kidding? Go have your baby. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

They all helped her to the door, noticing Nathan, trying not to hyperventilate, already in Larry's car.

"Nate, you forgetting something?" Karen teased.

"I don't think so," he looked around.

"Your wife, maybe?"

"Holy shit," he shook his head, jumping out of the car. "Hales, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she stroked his face as he helped her inside.

They all stood waving as Larry took off and Brooke headed to retrieve the hospital bag. Karen didn't even hear the footsteps approaching behind her.

"What's going on, Mom?"

"Haley's having the baby."

"What?" his face broke out into a broad grin. "That's awesome!"

Karen stopped dead in her tracks, before moving to let her son get a clear view of the woman in front of her.

"There is something else that's pretty awesome."

Green and blue eyes met as their hearts caught in their throats. It was a moment they had both been waiting for.

"Peyton…"


	55. The Ultimate Sacrifice

"Peyton…"

He couldn't believe it. It had to be a figment of his imagination. It was a scene right out of his dreams. There she was, in the flesh, standing in front of him, looking beautiful and healthy as ever. And she even had a smile on her face like she might just be the happiest bit to see him. That scene had surpassed anything in his wildest dreams, he thought as he blinked. But when his eyes opened, there she was. Still there. Still beautiful. Still smiling.

"Lucas…"

Karen couldn't contain her own smile.

"I have to get back to my customers," she said with a knowing wink. "I'll be inside if you need me."

But neither had heard a word she said, nor had they noticed she had gone back inside.

"What, what are you doing here?" he asked, still in disbelief.

"I, um, I got out. Dr. Pelsinger released me this morning."

"So you're okay?"

"I'm better," she answered. "A few weeks ago, I was a very sick person, heading down a very dangerous road. I needed help, I was just too far in to realize, to afraid to ask for it. Denial is a bitch."

"But now?"

"I broke down, Lucas. I let go of everything and just decided to face it head on. I wanted my life back. The people at that hospital helped me do that. I, I feel like a different person. It's like the old Peyton is back, only this time smarter, healthier, stronger and more in control. I'm also happier."

"Oh Peyton, that's great," he said. "I mean that. You don't know how good it is to hear to that."

"You don't know how good it feels to say it and really mean it this time. I mean, I know I still have a long way to go and it won't be easy. I start outpatient therapy next week and I know there is a lot more to deal with but I'm ready."

"That's good."

She closed her eyes, trying to find the courage and the words to express what she wanted to say next. It had to be said and she had played that moment in her head dozens of times but now that they were face to face, a pounding heart and churning stomach had her at a tragic loss of words.

"Luke, um, we need to talk," she finally just blurted out.

It was an inevitable scenario that was long over due and he knew it. He had both looked forward to it and dreaded it at the same time.

"Yeah, uh, okay. Here? Now?"

Peyton looked around. It was as good a time as any.

"Yeah, if you can. I mean, if you're busy…"

"No, it's fine."

She gave a nervous smile.

"This is kind of hard for me to say this. I really don't know where to even begin."

Lucas opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by the ringing of his cell phone. He glanced down at it, debating whether or not to answer.

"Peyton, it's Nate. I have to…"

"Go ahead," she nodded. "Answer it."

"What's up, dude?" he spoke into the receiver.

Peyton looked away as he continued his brief conversation with his brother. It was surreal, standing out on Front Street in the morning after everything that had happened. It brought Peyton back to another morning that hadn't happened that long ago but after the most tumultuous and unpredictable summer of her young life, somehow a few months felt like a lifetime ago. It had been just a few months before graduation.

After putting in an all nighter studying for a history final, an exhausted Peyton had detoured to Karen's Café before school for some of Tree Hill's most delicious and most potent java. Heading to her car, she had unexpectedly run into Lucas. The conversation on that street corner had been light hearted and uneventful. They had chatted briefly about the future…college and before that, the summer that was supposed to change their lives. They joked about how far they had come since their first encounter, the night she had nearly accidentally run him over. They had come a long way. They had been through a lot and they knew surely there would be more trials and tribulations to come. They had ended the meeting with a hug and the lingering feeling that, at least for a little while, everything was right with the world and whatever wasn't, would eventually work itself out. In a roundabout way, that had turned out to be true though no one could have foreseen the tragedy that had proceeded. In such a such short amount of time, everything had changed but that feeling and another one of hope, still lingered in the air.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just that Nathan wants me to come to the hospital right now."

Peyton's eyes grew wide with concern.

"What's wrong? Did something happen to Haley? Is it the baby?"

"No, they're fine, thank God. It's just that Haley's labor was a lot further along than everybody thought. She's having the kid like right now. Everybody is okay but poor Nathan is kind of freaking out, he's really nervous. Anyway, he asked me to come over."

She cleared her throat, totally understanding the circumstances, but still trying to hide her disappointment.

"Okay. Um, you should go. Nathan and Haley definitely need you right now."

"Come with me, Peyton," he requested quietly.

"What?"

"This is a special moment. It's a beautiful thing. Nathan and Haley's baby is about to be born and I don't want to miss that. I know you don't either. We've been through enough sadness this summer, it's about time we had something happy to celebrate. Besides, we weren't finished with our talk. That's really important, too. I know you have things to say and so do I."

"Okay," she said, joining him as they walked over to where he was parked across the street.

They climbed in and began the short drive to the hospital. There was awkward silence at first and although neither could hardly stand it, it was Lucas who spoke up first.

"Peyt, I owe you an apology."

"What for?" she asked, surprised.

"The intervention, the ambush."

"It's okay. I needed to get help and that was never gonna happen without you guys. I'm glad you did what you did."

"I know you needed help and I'm glad you got it but still I can't help but feel guilty about how it all happened. You trusted me and I know how hard that was for you. Yeah, it might have been for the right reasons or whatever but part of me feels like I sold you out. I just wish it had been done another way."

"I get what you're saying and I appreciate it but I don't want you to feel bad about it. It needed to happen. I didn't know it at the time but you guys were saving my life."

He was relieved to hear her say that.

"I thought you would hate me forever."

"I could never hate you, Lucas," she answered quietly.

"I tried to talk to you and come see you so many times at that place but you didn't want anything to do with me."

"I was angry, Luke. I wasn't ready. I needed space to be able to deal with my issues. A part of me still needs that space…"

Space. Lucas bit his lip. It was the last thing he wanted to hear but as hard as it was, he respected it. He respected her. He loved her with everything he had and was. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her at that moment and never let her go. He wanted to protect her from the world, from herself, from future harm. But he knew he couldn't. He also knew he couldn't smother her. She was much better and improving more everyday. Her health, happiness and safety was all he ever wanted anyway. Though he wanted more than anything to be allowed to travel the hard road with her, if space was what she needed, it was exactly what he was willing to give her.

"I get it, Peyton."

"You do?"

"Look, I'm proud of you. You have no idea. You are the strongest person I know. You've been through hell and back and you're still standing. That says a lot. Most people would have given up a long time ago. When I saw how bad things had gotten for you, all I wanted was to help. Now that you've gotten professional help and it's working…you have no clue how good it makes me feel to see you like this. The last thing I want to do it smother you or be in your way. So you're exactly right."

"Right about what?"

"Before when I was trying to help, when I was trying to show you how much I loved you, maybe it came off as overbearing. Maybe it did more harm than good. So this time around things are gonna be different. I'll back off. I'll give you the space you want, I promise. Whatever it takes, whatever you need me to do, I'll do it."

They arrived at their destination and he parked in the first available spot. Removing the key from the ignition, he tried to ignore that sinking feeling in his heart.

"Do you really mean that?" tears welled up in Peyton's eyes.

"Yeah, I do."

"You'd do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, Peyton."

"Is that what you want?" she asked.

He shook his head. He just couldn't lie to her.

"No," he chuckled sadly. "It's not what I want. But it's what you want. It's what you need so that's what I'm willing to do."

A tear slid down her cheek. All her life she had just wanted to be loved. She had needed that reassurance more than anything. She needed to know not everybody left. She needed to know she didn't drive them away when they did. She had been searching her whole life and all along, at least for the last two years, it had been right in front of her. This wonderful, loving, young man who would do anything for her…love her, protect her, even sacrifice his own happiness for hers.

"The only thing I need you to do is love me, Lucas Scott," she whispered.

"What?"

Smiling through her tears, she wiped them away with her hands.

"I really appreciate what you just said. It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard but um, that was not what I was gonna say. I was saying I need space but I don't want to be alone either. Look, relationships are two way streets. There has to be give and take. I feel like I've been taking from you this whole time. You're a great guy and a great boyfriend and I know I'm pretty lucky…damned lucky. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose you either. All that love and patience and understanding you've always had for me, well, I'm still gonna need it, now probably more than ever. There are things that I still have to tell you, stuff we're gonna have to talk about and work through as a couple when the time is right. It's not easy for me but it's not easy for you either. But I love you. I always have and I always will. I have been through hell and back and I put you through some of that hell. I'm sorry for that but I want to give us another shot. I want that more than anything."

He stared at her in disbelief, a huge lump forming in his throat. Surely he was dreaming and if he was, he prayed no one would ever wake him up.

"Peyton…"

She saw his own tears.

"What do you say?"

"I say you just made me the happiest man in the whole world. I love you, Peyton. I want to be with you more than anything, too."

She reached over and hugged him as they both cried softly. It felt so good.

"I could sit here forever but Nathan is waiting," she finally said after a few minutes. "We should go."

He nodded and hand in hand, they made their way into the hospital to the maternity ward. They passed by the nursery first and stopped as they saw Nathan already there. And he wasn't alone. In his arms was a tiny blue bundle. They tapped on the window glass to get his attention and the proud new father, beaming, walked over to give them a closer look.

"It's a boy," Nathan mouthed. "James Lucas Scott."

The couple peered at a beautiful, innocent pair of blue eyes that practically screamed "Scott".

"James Lucas Scott," a choked up Lucas repeated, pulling Peyton more securely in his arms.

Standing there staring at the new baby in Lucas' arms, it was like she could breathe again. Peyton Sawyer was finally back where she belonged.

"Welcome to the world," she whispered.


	56. TLA

Lucas sighed as he rubbed his head in his hands. It had truly been an exhausting day but a beautiful one at that. In fact, the last few weeks had been nothing short of wonderful. It had started the day when they were all unexpectedly double blessed with the simultaneous arrival of baby James and the return of a happier, healthier Peyton Sawyer. He'd never forget how he felt catching that first glimpse of her outside his mother's café, then of course the subsequent conversation that followed on their drive to the hospital. For the first time in a long time, things were starting to make sense again. Everyone around him was happy and more importantly, he and Peyton were back on track.

"You okay?"

Her voice stirred him out of deep thought as he shot her a tired smile.

"I'm good, I'm great, actually."

"You look so worn out."

"It's been a long day, not that I'm complaining. I mean, it was pretty amazing."

Peyton sat cross legged on his bed.

"Yeah, I guess it was," she repeated.

"In fact," he stripped himself of his shirt and leaned towards her. "It has been a pretty amazing couple of weeks, I'd say. I got my girl back. I have a new little nephew and today a beautiful baby sister."

The memory of it all was incredible. Lucas climbed into his bed and pulled Peyton in his arms. She snuggled deeper inside his strong, warm embrace as they silently reminisced on the day that had just happened. It had started almost 24 hours before. Lucas had awakened in the middle of the night and ventured into the kitchen for a glass of water. In the darkness, he had found his mother crouched down, holding onto a chair for support.

"_Mom, what's wrong?" _he asked, terrified with worry.

"_I…I think it's time," _she simply stated, pain etched on her face.

That was all it took. Within minutes a nervous but proficient Lucas took charge. He retrieved her bag from her bedroom and placed it in the car before tenderly helping her outside. The drive was quick but nevertheless nerve racking as he coached her with the Lamaze breathing techniques. They arrived at the hospital and within a few hours the intensifying contractions had dwindled down to almost nothing. Because of her age and the fact that the child was days overdue, the hospital staff elected to admit Karen and induce birth with the labor stimulating drug, Pitocin. The effects seemed to be working and she was wheeled into the delivery room but halfway through the process, the doctor became alarmed when a problem was noticed with the placenta.

Being there every step of the way for his mother's pregnancy, Lucas had read all the books and pamphlets and he knew the placenta was the unborn baby's life support system, attached to the uterus. He also knew that a problem could be fatal. He held Karen's hand as a nurse briefly explained that the condition could cause dangerous bleeding during a natural birth. A cesarean section delivery was ordered almost immediately as they began preparations. Lucas' heart pounded but he knew it was up to him to be strong for his terrified mom. After all, that's what Keith would have done.

Though everything was moving rapidly, there was still time for a brief phone call. Lucas' fingers trembled as he dialed her number and a still sleeping Peyton answered. He quickly explained the situation. His voice was trying to sound strong but she could hear the undertones of fear and apprehension. Within minutes she was dressed and on her way to them. She watched from a window into the operating room as Lily Roe Scott was safely brought into the world just a few minutes after noon. Karen slept peacefully in the Recovery Room as Lucas and Peyton spent hours in the nursery holding the newborn girl. Afterwards, exhausted they had grabbed a bite to eat and ended up back at the empty house. Not a word had been mentioned of it but it was pretty obvious that Peyton was going to spend the night with him. It only seemed fitting…

"Thank you for calling me," she whispered.

"Thank you for coming."

"I'm really glad I got to see that, Lily being born, I mean."

"That was kind of cool, huh?"

Peyton nodded.

"It was more than cool. It was beautiful, Luke. When I was nine, my mom died at the hospital after her accident right in front of Dad and me. I literally watched her take her last breath. And I found Ellie after she died and I found myself staring at her and she was so still and cold. Then when Jimmy shot me, I thought I was gonna die, too. I was so scared. I never wanted to have that feeling again but I did when everything happened with…with Derek. I'm only 18 and I feel like I've seen so much death and loss. It always left me with this empty, hopeless feeling but today…I mean, I've watched your mom get bigger and bigger. I even felt the baby move inside her. And today I watched Lily take her first breath. Today I saw life and that little girl is so innocent and beautiful. That gave me so much hope."

He planted a kiss on her forehead, touched by the sincerity in her voice.

"Today was one of the most important moments of my life. There's no one else I would have wanted there with me. I love you, Peyton. I always have. I told you. It's you. You're the one for me. You're the one I want next to me when all my dreams come true."

She stroked his jaw line, so defined, so masculine.

"I love you, too, Lucas."

They stared in each other's eyes longingly as he placed a sweet kiss on her lips. It was a physical connection between two people madly in love that deepened with each passionate second. It was Lucas who stopped it and pulled away first.

"Peyton…" he breathed. "I…I, um, I want to. You know that. I know we haven't talked about it but I just want you to be sure. Baby, I want you to be ready."

She bit her lip, looking up at the blue eyes that had been melting her heart for the past two years.

"Luke, you know how much I love you, right?" she licked her lips.

"Yeah," he nodded.

Gently she pushed him away, raising herself to a sitting position.

"Because I do. And I do want to be with you in every way but I can't yet. We can't."

"It's okay. I understand…"

She shook her head.

"I don't think you do."

"Peyt, it's okay…"

"I haven't been honest with you, Luke. It's hard for me to say that to you. It's even harder for me to lie to you. Relationships have to be built on trust. There can't be secrets between people and I have been keeping secrets from you."

"Okay," he swallowed hard, stunned.

"Part of my therapy is learning to face the truth. I admit I had a hard time with that because of what happened with Derek. For so long it's been hard for me to talk about it or even think about it. So I tried to block it all out. I thought pretending it all away would make everything better. But it just made it worse. Working with Dr. Pelsinger, I see that now. I've learned to deal with it but it's not easy. Lucas, you're the one I want next to me, too. But I feel like we can't move forward until I tell you everything."

He appreciated her honesty. He wanted to share everything with her, even if it was pain. They would somehow work through it. That's what couples did. But at the same time, a knot formed in the pit of his stomach. A part of him yearned to know every detail of her troubles but at the same time he didn't know if he could handle it. Quickly he got a hold of himself. He had to be strong for her.

"Whatever you want to tell me, I'm listening."

She took a deep breath.

"Well, what I told you in the hospital was all true. He was horrible to me, you know that. The mind games and the control and the manipulation…it was terrible. I, I thought I was gonna lose my mind at times. And there were beatings and torture and the cigarette burnings…"

Lucas closed his eyes, absolutely sick.

"How could he? How could anyone do that to another human being?"

"I don't know and I can't make excuses for him. You can't try to understand a mind that disturbed because in the end you'll end up crazier than he was. I am in the process of trying to forgive Derek so I can move on with my life. I had such a hard time letting go. He was always with me, inside my head. That's why I nearly stabbed you to death that night. I had to sleep with a knife under my pillow because I was so paranoid and afraid. But the nightmares and the hallucinations have stopped because I am facing it and I am dealing with it. But this is the last part of it, coming clean to you."

"What is it?"

She fought back tears as her heart began to race.

"I, I didn't tell you before, I mean, I couldn't because I was scared to lose you."

"You're never gonna lose me, Peyton. There's nothing you could ever say…"

"I'm not so sure about that," she choked. "This, this is pretty bad. I knew you probably wouldn't leave but I didn't want you to look at me differently."

"Peyton…"

"He raped me," she blurted out. "You, you asked me that point blank in your hospital room. You asked if Derek ever raped me and I lied to you. I told you no. But he did. He did over and over, the whole time. He said we were making love, showing each other how much we cared…but that wasn't true. It was so awful, every day, every single time he looked at me and touched me. I hated it. I hated it so much that I just wanted to die. I'd have to black it out, pretend I wasn't there, that it wasn't happening. But it did. It happened, Luke. So there it is."

She had told the story in one big spill, almost in the same anxious breath with a quaking voice and tears sliding down her face. Never once had she looked Lucas in the eye. She couldn't. It was too much. She was too afraid.

"Peyt…"

"I want you to be honest with me, Lucas. I know that was a lot for you to take. I understand if it changes your feelings but just don't lie to me. If you think different…"

He tried to find his voice. It was all starting to make sense. He should have figured it out months ago. But even though it was the logical theory, it was an indescribably painful one as well, one perhaps he hadn't been ready to face. But the truth was out now.

"Peyton, I think Derek is a sick asshole. I think he was messed up in the head for some reason and he let his crush on you, a sweet, innocent girl who was only ever nice to him, get way out of control. He kidnapped you. He tortured you in every way imaginable. He beat you up and he…he raped you. He violated you, Peyt. He forced himself on you and took something away that you can never get back, something it's gonna take you possibly the rest of your life to get over. So you ask if that changes my feelings? Yeah. Yeah, it does. It makes me hate Derek even more than I already did. If you need to forgive him, if you can, if that's part of your therapy, you know I support you. But I can't. I can't and I won't. Not ever."

"But what about me? I, I need to know how you feel about me."

"I love you, Peyton. All the horrible things Derek did doesn't change that. It wasn't your fault."

She shook her head.

"You don't get it. He, he made me do disgusting things to him. Most of the time I'd just refuse and take the beating but sometimes…sometimes I, I, I'd have to let him. I'd have to play along like I liked it, like I wanted him."

Lucas tried to ignore the lump forming in his own throat.

"You did what you had to do in order to survive."

"I love you," she cried. "I felt so ashamed. I felt so dirty. I thought if you knew, you wouldn't want me anymore."

He cupped her face in his hands, not even wiping at the tear falling down his cheek.

"You are not dirty, you're beautiful, Peyton Sawyer. And you didn't deserve any of the terrible things that happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I wish I had been there to protect you, I'd do anything to make it never happen. But it did. And we have to deal with that but I promise you never have to face it or anything else alone. I hate Derek for hurting you but it doesn't change how I feel about you or how much I love you. There is nothing he or anyone else could do to make me stop loving you. What we have is true love. And true love lasts always."

"I love you," she sobbed as he held her close and they fell back onto the bed. "God, Luke, I love you so much."

"I love you, too, babe," he smoothed her hair.

"I need time, please don't be mad. I promise it won't be long but not tonight. Can you just hold me? Please?"

He placed a kiss on her forehead and sighed. It had been a heavy revelation and one that had hurt him deeply but he had meant every word he had said to her. He loved her. Her problems were his problems. Whatever they had to face, they would always do it together. With the truth out, it was like a weight had been lifted from their hearts. Now they could move on. And as far as an intimate relationship with Peyton, Lucas was in no hurry. They had the rest of their lives for that. Patiently, lovingly he could wait. He'd wait forever if he had to.


	57. Destiny

Lucas made the right turn onto the winding backstretch known as River Road that led to the edge of town. As he came to the biggest curve, he pulled over and smiled…he had definitely been there before. Though it had only been two short years ago, it felt like several lifetimes. So much had happened and time had changed everything. He had gone there before on a routine call that came into his uncle Keith's auto shop. Lucas had been sent out for a tow, one of the many responsibilities bestowed upon the young man at his part time job. When he had arrived, he had seen the infamous black 1963 Mercury Comet convertible stalled on the side of the road. Instantly he felt butterflies, even more so when he saw the blonde waiting for him. Some things never changed…

It felt good to be happy. It felt good to have a sense of hope again. It felt good to just be alive. For Peyton, the pleasure now came from the simple things in life like seeing the wind blow against a tree or feeling the sunshine on her face. She waited by the side of the road patiently until she heard his car coming around the bend. Smiling playfully, she hid behind her own car. Her heart pounded just like it had two years before…

Lucas parked and got out, stretching his long arms. Her car set by idly just a few feet from his but there was no sign of her.

"Peyton!" he called out.

No answer. Shrugging, he popped her hood and took a quick look underneath. Everything appeared to be in order but looks could be deceiving. Two years before she had broken down and had been left stranded. The brooding mysterious blonde, half brother to her then jerk of a boyfriend, Nathan Scott, had been the last face she had wanted or expected to see. But he had shown up and it had resulted in their first real face to face meeting. Even then, the mutual intrigue was apparent. Their very first conversation, he had revealed personal information about the town's worst kept secret…the fact that he was Dan Scott's son. He had opened up to her, shared with her information never before revealed even to those closest to him. It was the first step on a long road to something real and beautiful. Even then, there was a special connection, though neither one knew how powerful. So much had changed since then. Make ups and break ups. Heartache, happiness, lies and betrayal. Keith was gone. Nathan and Haley were married and parents. And none of them were quite the people they once were.

Closing the hood, he jumped, startled. Yes, what a difference two years made. Back then he had been greeted with disdain, attitude and a pout. Now there she was, sitting in the back of the convertible, beaming, a look of pure love etched on her pretty face.

"Peyt, you scared me," he grinned.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to."

"I took a look at the car but I couldn't find anything wrong with it…"

"I know."

"What?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I know there's nothing wrong with my car, at least not this time. But I was driving around and reminiscing and it made me think. Déjà vu, huh? And I just felt like seeing you."

He walked over towards her, feeling nothing but happiness as his smiling girlfriend pulled him into the car by his shirt, attacking him with sweet kisses.

"Well, well, Miss Sawyer. You certainly know how to make a guy's day," he teased, as they finally came up for air.

"You mean, you're not mad?"

He pretended to give her question some thought.

"Just mad about you," he finally answered, pulling her in his arms.

Peyton groaned.

"You know, I could stay right here just like this forever."

"Me too," he agreed.

But forever would have to wait, at least for a little while. The end of the tumultuous summer had finally arrived and it would be off to college. After much deliberation, Peyton had decided to attend college a few hours away from home while Lucas would be sticking close by at Tree Hill University. They'd only be a hop, skip and a jump away, a simple car ride, phone call, e-mail or text message away. Still it wouldn't quite be the same.

"I leave next week," she sighed.

"You ready for that?"

She looked up at him and nodded.

"I feel ready. I know it's one day at a time but I'm really excited about all of it."

"Good for you, Peyton. I'm proud of you, babe."

"It's just one thing," her voice sadly trailed off.

"What's that?"

She looked up at him.

"You. I'm gonna miss you like crazy."

"I'm gonna miss you too. But it's not that far. We'll talk every day and we'll see each other all the time. It won't be so bad."

"But it won't be the same."

"Maybe not but we'll make it work."

She took his hand in hers.

"I know we will but it's still hard. We've been through so much. I feel like I'm making a mistake. Every time we get it together, it always seems like something comes between us."

"It's gonna be okay, Peyt."

She stared into his eyes.

"Tell me not to go," she half pleaded.

"Of course I don't want you to leave but I'd never ask you to stay. I can't do that. I won't do that. This is your dream, your chance for opportunity. I won't stand in the way of that. It isn't fair to either of us."

"I know."

He held her closer.

"You remember that speech Whitey gave at his dedication? You know the one where he was talking about Camilla?"

Peyton nodded.

"How could anybody forget? It was so sweet."

"I heard him describe unconditional love. A love so strong, so powerful nothing or no one could destroy it, not even death. At the time, I wasn't sure it still existed but now I am. You know how I know that? Because it's us, Peyt. Whitey was describing the kind of love we have. And nothing will ever come between us, not again."

"You promise?"

He chuckled.

"Funny, you should mention that…"

"What's so funny?" she demanded to know.

Lucas took a deep breath.

"Do you love me, Peyton? Do you promise that you're gonna love me for the rest of my life?"

She rubbed the blonde stubble on his chin.

"I'm gonna love you for the rest of mine," she whispered.

Satisfied with her response, he dug in his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box.

"Peyton…"

Her heart caught in her throat.

"Lucas, what are you doing?"

"I love you, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer," he began. "I love you more than it's possible, more than you know. It's been a long road to get here and it's so fitting today we end up back where it all started. I know we're young. I know there is so much ahead of us. I'm looking forward to the future and I'm looking forward to us. Maybe it's jumping the gun a bit to be talking about marriage so early but I know deep in my heart you're the only one I ever want to be with. So this ring is a symbol of that promise. Maybe now is not the right time to consider an engagement but I know that day is coming. Until then, this is a sign of our love, of my commitment to you. I will love and protect you always, that's my pledge to you. Will you wear this promise ring?"

Tears formed in her eyes. He opened the box and she stared at the canary yellow heart shaped stone. In white gold, the initials, L and P with TLA had been engraved. It was the perfect moment.

"You know, this probably would have really freaked out the old Peyton Sawyer," she said.

"What about this Peyton?"

She smiled. This new Peyton was happy and confidant. This new Peyton was ready to be loved. The little girl that had once mistrusted the world had blossomed into a healthy, mature woman.

"This Peyton wants the same things you want," she spoke through tears. "And she, I, want them with you."

He smiled and kissed her, pulling away only long enough to slip the ring on the fourth finger of her right hand.

"God, I love you, Peyton."

They had made it. They had gone the unimaginable distance. And they had done it together. The future, so filled with hope and promise was ahead of them, the pain and the demons from the past finally buried. Their love had lasted and now with their fears finally behind them, forever, so long in the making, could now begin.

"I love you, too."

**THE END!**


End file.
